Starlight Glimmer Tries a Dating App

by LuluRainbow

Hoofder

Starlight Glimmer sat in her bed, using her magic to levitate and use her brand new smartphone. She had just finished watching some funny videos on PoneTube before deciding to try out a new app she had downloaded.

"Alrighty, let's try Hoofder! Maybe I'll actually get a date!" she exclaimed. She loaded up the app and set up her profile.

NAME: Starlight Glimmer
GENDER: Female
AGE: 21
TALENTS: Magic, Time-travelling, Leading cults
DESCRIPTION: A smart and funny unicorn looking for a romantic interest! I totally don't have a backstory of leading a brainwashed cult!

She was officially ready to look for a date. The idea was simple: swipe up if they interested her, swipe down if they didn't. She recognized the first pony to appear.

NAME: Twilight Sparkle
GENDER: Female
AGE: 23
TALENTS: Magic, Friendship
DESCRIPTION: I'm Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship! I wouldn't mind having a romantic interest. I'm very friendly!

Starlight Glimmer smiled a bit before speaking to herself.

"Sorry, Twilight, I prefer you as just a friend," she said to herself as she swiped down.

She definitely recognized the next pony.

NAME: (The Great and Powerful) Trixie Lulamoon
GENDER: Female
AGE: 20
TALENTS: Magic shows, Being great and powerful
DESCRIPTION: I am the great and powerful Trixie, and would make a great and powerful partner! Don't argue with Trixie though, Trixie is always right.

Starlight rolled her eyes.

"Eh...maybe someday," she said as she swiped down.

The next result really caught her eye.

NAME: (Queen) Chrysalis
GENDER: Female
AGE: None of your business, I'm legal though
TALENTS: Deceiving ponies, Stealing love
DESCRIPTION: I am the former queen of the changelings and I am looking for your looooveeee! GIMME ALL OF IT!

"This ain't it, chief," Starlight joked as she swiped down.

Just then her door swung over, scaring her and making her drop her phone on her bed.

"Starlight! You won't believe it!" Twilight exclaimed happily as she bounced in place.

"I'm sure I won't," Starlight said, amused by Twilight's actions.

"I got a date! From Hoofder!" Twilight exclaimed, full of glee.

"Who is it?" asked Starlight.

"His name is Rick Roll! He said he will never give me up, and will never let me down! He seems like such a swell stallion, you know? I know! I can't wait to meet him! He lives in TrollVille, he said!" Twilight exclaimed, now panting from all of her excitement and talking.

"TrollVille? I've never heard of it," Starlight responded in a confused tone.

"Well, that doesn't matter! I'm off to go meet him, I'll see you later!" Twilight exclaimed as she gleefully bounced away.

"That bounce reminds me of Pinkie Pie," Starlight giggled as she looked at her next potential date.

"Speak of the devil," she mused to herself.

NAME: Pinkamena Diane Pie
GENDER: Female
AGE: 23
TALENTS: Friendship, Cooking, Making cupcakes, Breaking the fourth wall, Making friends, Being myself, Making sweets, Being friends, Why won't you let me add more talents
DESCRIPTION: I'm Pinkie Pie! I'm so so so excited to potentially go on a date with you! I can make us some cupcakes, and we can PAR-TAY!

Starlight chuckled and rolled her eyes before swiping down. The next result was very amusing.

NAME: Discord
GENDER: Male
AGE: Over 100,000,000,000,000 Years Old
TALENTS: Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos, Chaos
DESCRIPTION: I love chaos!

Starlight chuckled before swiping down.

She heard a poof and a familiar voice.

"How dare you!" exclaimed Discord.

"Oh, hey Discord," Starlight said sheepishly.

"I'll have you know I am the very best on all of Hoofder. All the gentlecolts and mares want to marry me!" Discord stated.

"Are you sure about that?" Starlight questioned.

"Why, you little rascal! You dare doubt me?" Discord questioned.

"Look, can I get back to finding a date now? Starlight asked grumpily.

"Fine, fine. Good luck finding a partner better than me! Not that I wadn't to date you anyway to be fair, I just need that precious ego boost!" Discord exclaimed as he snapped his fingers and teleported away.

Starlight saw her next potential date.

NAME: Derpy Hooves
GENDER: Female
AGE: 19
TALENTS: Doing things right the wrong way
DESCRIPTION: I just don't know what went wrong!

Another swipe down. Starlight sighed and rested her face on her pillow.

"Will I ever find a date? All of these ponies and not one of them has been a good choice!" she exclaimed in frustration. Just then, Twilight entered Starlight's room again, with a disheveled mane.

"You're back quickly," Starlight stated.

"Apparently TrollVille...doesn't exist!" Twilight exclaimed.

"I told you I had never heard of it, Starlight replied."

"Worst of all, I tried to ask Rick where it was...but he's gone! How could that be?" Twilight asked in frustration.

"Maybe...he was pulling a joke on you. Maybe Rick wasn't his real na"

Starlight's sentence was cut off abruptly.

"Are you saying ponies would lie on the internet?" Twilight questioned angrily.

"Yes," replied Starlight.

"Never!" Twilight said as she left the room, slamming the door behind her with her magic.

Starlight looked at her phone for the next potential datd.

NAME: Sunburst
GENDER: Male
AGE: 22
TALENTS: Magic, antiquing
DESCRIPTION: Looking for romance, I guess. If you're reading this Starlight, confess your love to me in person.

Starlight swiped down and was met with a message screen she hadn't expected.

Sorry, no other potential dates in our database currently. If you've gone through this many names and haven't decided yet, romance might not be for you. Instead, check out FriendshipBook!

Starlight groaned and closed the app.

"Piece of garbage," she muttered to the app.

A notification popped up.

Please rate our app!

"Oh, I'll rate it alright!" Starlight exclaimed.

USER: Starlight Glimmer
SCORE: 0/5

Horrible. I just wanted an app to find myself a good date. Instead, my date preferences get roasted. I even saw a few weirdos on there. My friend was also lied to by a dude named Rick Roll! Stay away from Hoofder!

Starlight submiyted the review and shut off her phone. It was almost time for her to have dinner, and she had had enough dating excitement for the day.

Author's Note:

A little short, but I hope you all enjoyed it! Might make some sort of sequel if wanted.

Comments

[nagolucky510]

This was a fun read! The character talents and descriptions made me laugh.

[ThePinkedWonder]

Poor Twilight and Starlight, but this was hilarious!

[coto616]

I like it, was fun to read

[Mica]

NAME: Celestia
GENDER: Female
AGE: 1132, but who's keeping track, when you're hot like me?
TALENTS: Ruling Equestria. Being tall and letting everypony else do my dirty work for me.
DESCRIPTION: Retired Princess. Looking for a grown stallion no older than 1/20th my age. I love cake, ziplines, the Sun, and trolling my subjects.

I'd love to see a sequel where Starlight goes on a date with somepony on Hoofder.

Also, I didn't know Starlight was bisexual.

[Starlight Fan]

Name: Spike

Age: 20(Note: This is actually true by the way I checked)

Description: I’m trying to get over an old crush who shall remain unnamed for the sake of her not finding out about it, I’ll date them if I’m close with them and as long as it isn’t a sibling figure like Twilight, Shining Armor, or Cadence.

Name: Rainbow Dash

Age: 22

Description: I’m 100% awesome and attractive.

Name: Sunset Shimmer

Age: I forgot I spent too much time as a human.

Description: I see you’ve all gotten used to the phones I told you guys about. Also word of advice don’t date any of the humans in the other world they’re not exactly the best at romance also there’s the other dimension issue so yeah.

[Starlight Fan]

DESCRIPTION: I am the great and powerful Trixie, and would make a great and powerful partner! Don't argue with Trixie though, Trixie is always right.

And this is one of the reasons why I hate Startrix as a couple.

[Starlight Fan]

NAME: Sunburst

GENDER: Male AGE: 22

TALENTS: Magic, antiquing

DESCRIPTION: Looking for romance, I guess. If you're reading this Starlight, confess your love to me in person.

[HiddenEntity]

Twi got Rickroll'd!

[Shiny Kelp]

His name is Rick Roll! He said he will never give me up, and will never let me down!

Did Starlight accidentally timetravel 10 years into the past?

[TheFlint44]

Sunburst sheds heart-broken tears.

[Twilight sparkle565]

NAME sombra
Gender Male
Talent enslaving crystal pony ruling the crystal empire dark magic and dark crystal
Description I am the former king of the crystal empire I enslaved crystal pony and rule the crystal empire

This is a cool story 20% cooer

[PonyDragon]

"I got a date! From Hoofder!" Twilight exclaimed, full of glee.
"Who is it?" asked Starlight.
"His name is Rick Roll!

Everyone while reading the story:

[Ika Musume]

Lol this was so funny! Also I found it oddly satisfying when she didn't go for Sunburst XD

[PresentPerfect]

23? <.< Now that's a joke if I ever saw one.

[kapoyi2698]

Thank you. I love dating sites because they are an opportunity to meet a guy or a girl for all single people. By the way, I really like the site https://spicydatefinder.com/discover-how-to-enjoy-phone-sex-phone-love/ because you can read a lot of interesting information about dating sites here.