Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

207. City Situation.

-Equus, Ponyville, Oleander-

“Is it getting worse, or is it just me that is causing this?” My head was resting on the table and Fred was currently brushing my mane out.

“Pretty sure it’s you, NOT THAT IT’S A BAD THING.” Fred my fiancé was as sweet as any demon could be.

“So we may be causing problems even if dimensional stability isn’t really an issue with us.” That wasn’t comforting in the slightest Buttina. “I still think we’re the best at bucking ass and taking names!”

“I really need to get back to my realm.” The samurai rabbit Usagi Yojimbo stated patiently before taking a sip of tea.

“I want to get back my planet too…” Mona Lisa was an interesting person too. The lizard lady came from a different realm entirely separate from Yojimbo, yet they knew each other by mutual friends that have dealt with other dimensional traveling problems.

“Ooh, a rabbit person!” Oh no, not Jaded, anything but her right now!

“Jaded, I strongly advise you not to do whatever you’re first impulse is, especially with him.” I groused out, especially since he was a samurai that had beaten me in a fair fight.

“I’ll shall go with my second then!” Watching as Jaded reached down, she picked up Isabelle and squeezed her tightly.

“Yay!” The little biped dog Isabelle squeaked excitedly and started hugging her back with a wagging tail.

“I take it she’s the local troublemaker?” Usagi stated bluntly when he opened his eyes and stared at me sharply.

“Yes, but she’s not evil… except when you actually get her angry. I haven’t seen her furious, but nobody wants to test her.” I shook my head sardonically as I watched Jade playfully tussle Isabelle’s fur, then Paprika came in to hug them both and then Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich piled on top of them. This started a chain reaction cuddle pile for all nearby beings to start joining in on. “Trust me, putting a dimension between you and Jade would definitely not be enough to save you, someone’s tried that already. The people who were happily arrested told us to keep her away from them and they’ll serve their full time in jail quietly, so long as Jade doesn’t have visitation rights.”

“Happily arrested?” Yojimbo said with a look of confusion.

“She doesn’t seem that bad to me.” Mona said while taking in some pie with a happy hum.

“That there is Paprika, she is known as the The Demon Alpaca. Sure things may appear cute and innocent in this world, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous.” A wad of Paprika’s fur lashed out and dragged me into the cuddle pile and away from Fred. “No… I don’t want to... agh… help Fred!”

“Evil obligation, I HAVE TO LET HER CUDDLE YOU OLLIE!” Throughout Fred’s unreliable laziness in saving me from Paprika snuggles, I could see Yojimbo was more wary of him than Paprika.

Yojimbo would learn better soon enough that Paprika is not to be ignored. There would be hugs, neither Mona Lisa nor Usagi Yojimbo would escape them.

“Why do I have the sudden impending fear that a bakery is about to be utterly decimated?” Pinkie said with a wide eyed look as I was brought into the snuggles.

-Earth, Saint Canard, Recap-

Last time on Darkwing Duck.

West Side.

“Really now, Bug Master is the name that you chose?” Bentina Beakley stated as she faced off against her erstwhile cousin Bianca as they squared off against one another. “I may have lost Steel Beak, but I’m bringing you in Bianca!”

“You can try, but I bee-lieve you know I majored in entomology!” Bug Master was surrounded by a swarm of bees as she dramatically threw her cape out. “I’ll even show you who the queen around here is.”

Elsewhere Southeast Side.

“Hmph… Bonkers would do his best even if he got beaten by Bushroot, Quackerjack, Liquidator and Megavolt the last time someone somehow brought them into our world.” Skunky stated before spraying a cloud of disabling stink at a number of thugs from under the car, he quickly crawled out and armed his shock pistol. “It’s why I have to pick up the slack!”

“Hey, you are a formidable figure yourself Skunky.” Maui took aim and blasted a thug’s right shin knocking them down and making them shoot a bullet into the ground, then they received a splatter of green gunk to the forehead that knocked them out completely. Maui twirled his Beetle Blaster and then held it firmly. “You’ve been doing a lot of work tonight, your tired, exhausted even… but you are a good person.”

“Yeah, but it still feels like I haven’t done nearly enough!” Skunky Skunk, the lanky skunk biped, stated as he charged in with his shock pistol blazing and he stopped to cuff the thugs who were down while Maui covered him.

Elsewhere South Side.

Stegmutt looked to Launchpad.

“Shouldn’t we be looking for trouble?” They were both quietly eating at a hamburger hippo, it somehow was still open and operating despite the crime sprees still going on around the city.

“Well we need body fuel to keep going and it has been a rather long day, it’s healthy to take a break every once in a while Stegmutt and we both like Hamburger Hippo. So I figured why not stop and have a meal.” Launchpad answered simply. “Also I don’t actually know where we’re needed next.”

“You can try the bakery up the street, I saw a bunch of weasels with guns over there. Those guys didn’t look too friendly at all. One of them was a loudmouth.” The proprietor of the hippo shaped outdoor restaurant stated, the fact that he opened in the middle of a crisis said a lot about how tough he was that his restaurant wasn’t ransacked immediately despite being in the middle of numerous problems. “Always nice to help out one of my favorite customers that have kept me in business. Also you might want to get off those guys, I think you’re crushing them.”

“Huh? Oh, Sorry!” Stegmutt got off the pile of captured criminals and they groaned in relief that he wasn’t sitting on them anymore. “We should call the police to take those guys in right?”

“Yeah, but after we finish our food.” Launchpad nodded, it had been a long day and he liked hanging out with heroes. Stegmutt would be one of the best buddies he would ever have. “All this fighting works up an appetite.”

Elsewhere Northwest Side.

“So paint demons are a thing.” Violet stated as she looked through a book of ‘magical monstrosities’. “Shall we report back to Ocellus at the bridge?”

“Yeah, best we got right now after you were almost eaten by the alligator. Thankfully we managed to stop them before they did any more crazy magic shenanigans or polluted the water!” That and Lena had to watch the Jambalaya melt into puddles of paint and blood, which was really awesome in her opinion. “Also I was quite tired of being half a newt.”

“I thought that that experience built character and the scales looked good on you sister of mine.” Violet said as she was lifted into the air by her sister’s magic.

“Never again Violet!” Lena rolled her eyes and then started flying off with her grinning sister levitating by her side. “It’s weird enough that I’m still biologically a shadow creature despite looking like a normal duck biped, I don’t need any more magical body horror complications on top of it!”

Elsewhere, City Central, on route to hospital.

“Ugh, why do you surface dwellers have to be so complicated!” Neptunia stated to Darkwing as she road on the back of his Rat Catcher motorcycle while glancing at an unconscious gizmo duck. At some point she had found her water gear and could now effectively stay on land again.

“Thanks for the help again Neptunia, we couldn’t have done it without you!” Quiverwing responded before Darkwing said something dumb that might set off the mutant fish biped into even further rants about all the problems the city of Saint Canard generates.

“We still need to find Negaduck and Ocellus has dropped a clue that he’s somewhere southwest section of the city.” Considering that they’ve been everywhere in the city so far, that was just about the last place they had to look. “Once we drop off Gizmo Duck, we can finally start looking for him.”

“Sir, the guns smuggled in through the north dock indicate Negaduck was prepared for his villain maker to fail eventually.” The report was out through and Honker was on top of the information. Ocellus stated that the one making the fake villains had been dealt with, in a semi-permanent fashion given they were definitely magical in nature. Apparently two heroes had been taken out in the name of defeating said villain maker. “I just don’t think he expected it to happen this soon though, so we might be able to actually catch him off guard.”

“Yeah, not likely Arrow Assistant, Negaduck is always one or more steps ahead of us when he has plans this huge, right up until we catch up to him and inevitably kick his butt anyway!” Quiverwing Quack has had a few close calls, but she was still raring to go despite the exhaustion of being a precision sharp shooter taking its toll on her. Relaxing as they drove to the hospital would give her plenty of time to inventory how many shots she had left for her weapons.

Darkwing still looked fresh, aside from the various bits of damage done to his clothing. Despite the trouble at the arboretum and several other places throughout the city, he has had far more endurance than anyone would ever give him credit for and he was itching to bring Negaduck to justice. Though his gas gun was going to need some real thorough maintenance after all of this, he would persevere through everything.

The only thing on Darkwing’s mind was, where would Negaduck rear his head and would his team and any remaining active heroes be enough for it? They might even require TOON divisions help if it’s as bad as he thinks it’s going to be.

Elsewhere Audubon Bay Bridge.

On the bridge looking at the city and the lights in it under the darkening night sky.

“So… time to go?” Dormarch stated as he walked up next to Pom leaving behind the Banana Brain toy, her wool rippled and she slowly entered glide mode while staring out across the bay from Darkwing’s hideout up in the bridge’s support structure.

“Yes, it is.” Pom wilted and didn’t look happy about ending the small break she got in, Dormarch climbed up onto her back.

“Opening connection to Ms. Shuttle… she says she can spare whatever chemical ammo she has left and is still holding position outside of Saint Canard.” Dormarch stated as he wrapped his paws around Pom’s neck, he shivered as he felt the wool on Pom’s back glued him down to her. “She won’t have as many problems with giving us artillery fire thanks to the canopy being down, she still only has so many salvo’s left though. We should make them count.”

“Remember whenever you need me guys, I will be here!” Ms. Shuttle announced. “I’ve just been sitting outside of the city worrying about you, I’m so glad to hear you’re alright!”

“Good luck.” Ocellus said before going back to the computer and checking in with the various heroes running around.

“Alright… let’s do this…” Pom took a few steps back, before charging forward and leaping into the air to spread her legs out. She had to reach that bakery without getting spotted, once they attacked the bakery they might lose the element of surprise. They did not want Negaduck catching wind of them coming.

This city, like Cape Suzette, wasn’t her own and she had no real reason to fight for it. Pom would most certainly continue to do so.

If she ever made it back to Huoshan alive, nobody would be able to question whether or not she was fit for her job.

Elsewhere at the hospital.

“Banana Boy still hasn’t shown himself.” Glue Girl grumbled as she stared down a number of criminals glued to the ground. “What is that guy doing?”

“I don’t know, but I trust that he still wants to be a hero.” Sneeze Master was sitting next to another batch of thugs that had caught a rather virulent cold and were too ill to fight. “He’s our friend and he must be trying to find a way to help somehow.”

Their pig friend that turned into a giant flying banana was still MIA, but they both had a suspicion that Rubber Chicken was being held by Negaduck personally. They hoped their leader was alright, but since it was Negaduck they were both hoping he just wasn’t dead at this point. Negaduck had a thing about making people suffer for the enjoyment of it.

The hospital was safe and sound, should the two have any problems Fawn Deer of TOON division and any remaining police officers would be decent backup when she wasn’t busy helping people with numerous injuries being brought in. Sadly said people included a number of downed heroes.

Riot gear equipped police were now out in force and they were slowly taking back the city one step at a time. While the cities citizens moved carefully to keep civilization going in the middle of a crisis where you could only get into the city by boat.

Even with one of the major villains defeated there was still a lot left to do.

-Now, Pom-

Swooping down, I landed on top of a skyscraper and looked around, the Bakery was far below and seemed entirely unimposing in its brightly colorful nature.

“Um… excuse me…” I froze, I didn’t see anyone else up here… both Dormarch and I turned to see a giant banana with a blue cape. “Hey there… uh… Leap Lamb… right?”

“Banana Boy, where have you been?” I was more curious than angry as someone else would be in a city wide crisis, has he just been flying around aimlessly above all the trouble this entire time?

I’m actually fairly of jealous of that!

Any lambkin would love to have the power to fly away from problems, even if it requires turning into a giant fruit. I’m still trying to figure out how to fly myself and I can eventually do it with my fluffmancer abilities. I just didn’t have the required talent to pull it off.

“I… know that… I haven’t been very helpful...” The banana looked away as he said this. “I just don’t know how to help, I mean I just turn into a giant flying banana. I’m a punchline waiting to happen… is that a new sidekick?”

“Yeah, I’m Dynamo Dog apparently. I’m one of Caper Canine’s little brothers. Also, yes, unlike Caper Canine, I can talk formally.” As far as Dormarch was concerned, the word Dynamo barely fit his abilities. Sure he might not have electrical powers, but he had the ability to enter any device which I noted to be everywhere on this world. He could even travel between devices easily too, while still being tethered to the PET. His ability to manifest technically transfers energy like a dynamo right? “Still working on the name, but it’s fitting enough as things go. I want to be called Digital-Dog or Digi-Dog, but that’s 'too' on the nose for everyone's tastes.”

“I don’t believe that for a second that you can’t be helpful, some people would love to have the ability to fly like you can… also have you ever really fully tried to figure out everything you can about this weird ability to turn into a banana with a cape?” I had to know what he’s been doing this entire time. “Again, where have you been?”

“All over the city, but apparently other heroes are taking care of things and at best... I can just fling my peel off at people.” Okay, so we have a depressed sidekick that wants to do more, but doesn’t know how to. “I’ve been dithering about... being useless up here.”

“You can at least carry injured people away from incidents to the hospital, I mean how much weight can you carry in your banana form?” His banana form being far bigger than his pig biped form would be good for carrying at least some people to safety. “Have you tried manipulating your peel for extra limbs or something?”

“… It’s amazing that you aren’t angrier at me and are just trying to help me after all the... not helping... I’ve been doing. Like Rubber Chicken, you’re a very nice person.” He looked at me with slightly more life in his eyes. “Also I heard you were dead and I got a bit curious about seeing you.”

“I might be dead on my hooves, and needing a good days sleep after all this, but that was a ruse and I’m about to blow that element of surprise by attacking that bakery down there. It’s where Negaduck is supposedly hiding.” That bakery was what Bushroot told us about, giving it some thought I added. “I would like you on standby to help in case something goes wrong… I can only dodge so many bullets.”

“You also need to keep yourself under control Leap Lamb, so that you can continue to dodge them and not stress your body beyond our ability to save you.” Dormarch was still on me about my health and he has reason to be, he's always worried about my safety.

“Wait, you have a medical problem?!” Banana Boy, you were about to learn a harsh truth about me. “You sure don’t look like you do.”

“PROBLEMS... nearly died multiple times and pushing my body beyond its limits is slowly killing me, now my body is starting to break said limits on its own by me adapting to one of my combat styles and I have very little control over it.” Sighing loudly, I needed to keep calm. “It might go completely terminal if I can’t control it and if it does become uncontrollable my body speeds up until I die. Doesn’t help that I have Arrhythmia, my body is hiding a lot of scars and I haven’t had a good month without trouble to recover fully. Today will be a small victory for me if I can survive the rest of it without automatically sliding into the Dancing Flame.”

“Dancing Flame?” The banana tilted his head curiously.

“Like the dancing flame of a candle, if it burns too strong then it burns down quickly, if it’s too weak then a slight breeze will snuff it out. It’s all about finding balance and I’m having problems with burning too strong at the moment.” What I really needed to do was control that adaptation or it will kill me, Dormarch even warned as much. “It is how I can achieve a burst of temporary super speed and react to things I shouldn’t be able to, it didn't prevent me from getting shot. Also, no, I do not have super strength.”

“Why did you add that last part about super strength?” Easy answer Banana Boy, I have a problem with people assuming that I’m strong.

I’m simply not strong. Have people really not looked at my scrawny form and thought that the things I’ve done are barely within the realm of even possible for me? That I have to push myself hard or else I wouldn’t have survived the many headaches I have been put through, that I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t?

Being able to dodge bullets comes at a price to me. Sure I’m competent and intelligent, but the things I’ve been doing will kill me eventually even if it’s not from an injury in a fight and me attempting to hide my anxiety problems when Ocellus wasn’t around wasn’t actually helping things either.

The world started to slow down and I started to slowly breathe to put it back to normal.

“It kept coming up.” Dormarch answered for me as he put his ear to my chest, and then carefully wrapped me in a hug and he then quickly kicked me in the chest with his right hind leg below the heart. With a jolt the world started doing the opposite of slow down, it instead sped up faster as I felt slower until things evened out. Dormarch kept hugging me and didn’t let me go, he eventually continued the thought. “Most people don’t understand that Leap Lamb is not actually that physically strong. She actually has more problems physically and mentally than they’ll ever know and she’s still out here to do some good after taking in a meal and a thirty minute break from crossing the entire city, we just did so again to get to where we are now. Ready to take on Negaduck who, from what I’ve researched, has a history of 'lethal' cruelty since he became what he is.”

“Oh, well that makes sense then.” Banana boy floated over to me. “You doing alright? You seemed to look fairly dazed for a moment there.”

“Yeah, I just started to slide into doing my Dancing Flame style unintentionally.” I just needed to seriously ease my nerves. “Dynamo Dog here is kind of my medical assistant animal in making sure I’m healthy… he just did me a favor by kicking me.”

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Asked Dormarch with worry in his eyes.

“I have to be.” Not the comforting words you wanted to hear. “Now get on, we need to go in now!”

“Why are we going in… oh…” Dormarch saw that I was staring at a gang of weird looking armed weasels and a tied up hostage getting out of a van and heading into the bakery. “Well that just confirms it’s shady practices. Can I just say that you have a problem with saving people?”

“Noted!” I kicked off the roof and dove for the bakery. “If we do this quickly enough, we can still catch Negaduck off guard if we don’t let them alert him.”

-Banana Boy-

I just... floated here...

For a bit...

Wow Leap Lamb was a true hero! She kept going in spite of her problems. That took real 'strength', even if it was more in spiritual in nature.

I shot over the side of the roof and dove after her.

There was a hostage that needed to be saved and if I can take a bullet for someone, then my day was better that someone didn’t die because...

I WAS THERE!

-Weasel-

We couldn’t approach the hospital, it was too hot.

That Skunky guy was dangerous with that other guy that took out those FOWL psychics… alone.

The boss would be happy to hear we managed to get at least one, the Tuskernini and Flap gangs were downed pretty fast for not running into Darkwing.

We just found and caught a TOON Division Snooper and after we were done squeezing information out of him, we’d simply ice the guy.

We were smart and managed to do what none other had done so far all day, pick off one of TOON Division's stooges. Not the first time we’ve done that, but also taking them alive without anyone noticing.

This would be a great payout for the weasel gang today!

That thought was a second before something white blurred into landing in front of me and… my whole world was hurting and there was an indistinct white blur in front of me. I tried to find my gun, but a giant banana just knocked it away.

Was I on drugs again? I thought I quit that crap!

Author's Note:

Lore fun: One episode of Darkwing Duck involves Drake Mallard acidentally getting super speed to the extent that it nearly outright kills him.

In a cartoony fashion, he solves the major problem of the super speed by running backwards and then having it quickly cured soon after.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

If the Dip Weasels are here, does that mean Negaduck has the Judge working for him?

Or has he been crossover breaking eveen harder and has a certain temporally enhanced vehicle somewhere with its engine running?

[Fresnor]

Pom Might.