Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

142. Dispositions.

-????, Oleander-

“I will make paper dolls out of you!” This robot that called itself Cut-man wasn’t very bright.

“Fred.” I stated flatly and a large fist of darkness flattened the robot, but didn’t kill him.

“Why does Dr. Wily always reprogram me to be able feel pain when he captures me?” Cut-man stated in a whimpering tone as a sparking mess of agony on the ground. “Is it really too much to ask that Dr. Light gives me a program that stops me from being hacked?”

“The robots in this dimension always have some form of gimmick to them, sometimes its lame.” Fred said lazily as he floated next to me. “THEY SURE ARE FUN TO CRUSH THOUGH!”

“Well at least he’s somewhat more threatening than dust-man, he sucks.” My Pandoran Bicorn friend Buttina stated while point a hoof to a nearby robot. “Horribly!”

“I’m unfortunately programmed to not respond with any form of innuendo, pun or anything close to a dirty joke despite what I’m naturally designed to do. At least Air Man can do what I can’t and does it all the time to no end, it’s gotten to the point it’s hard coded into him and he can’t function without speaking puns every other minute… I’m actually fairly jealous of that commitment, even Dr. Wily can’t get him to stop.” The depressed looking robot with a square hole on his head stated with a somber tone. He didn’t even bother preparing for a fight and was just following Butt Stallion around. “Also, Wily does it because he’s a sadistic old man brother. I am currently still allied with Dr. Light… mostly since Dr. Wily couldn’t be bothered with reprogramming me. I'm moderately insulted when he didn’t even bother with me and told me to do stuff anyway!”

“See what I mean Ollie?” Butt said with a serious tone. “No fun at all!”

Overlord Song Ender was having fun with the robot dogs named Rush and Treble. There was also a robot cat named Tango who had taken a liking to Butt and was currently nuzzled up against her legs.

We ran across an Equestrian Artifact at least, but it held no relevance to finding Pom. It has been a here a while and infected the world with a minimal amount of magic long over millions of years. Which has caused several unusual things to happen in this world.

The existence of a genie, a viral magical lion people plague and the rampant existence of techno-magic which caused robots to gain souls. Eventually said robots were going to be able to beat their programming through sheer force of will, we were going to have to solve the problem with that before things got any worse in this world.

-Earth, China, exiting the Kunlun Mountain Range, Sly-

Our escapades in destroying Panda King’s domain quickly led to fall of his holdings, as much as him falling down himself. I had a single question for Bentley after this.

“Do all our foes have arms longer than their legs?” It has been bothering me somewhat.

Raleigh, animalistic bullfrog that he was, had slightly longer front legs than his powerful hind legs.

Muggshot, the biped bulldog walked around on his fists like a gorilla and his arms were too muscular for their own good.

Mz. Ruby, the gator was almost the least noticeable of the bunch in that respect if I hadn’t seen her waddling around.

Panda King, long arms, short legs and not very good at moving around without jumping.

“Yes, that is a thing, now that you mention it Sly. Now if that clockwork owls legs are shorter than his wings, it’s definitely a trend and could be some kind of ego thing.” Bentley stated as he examined a bit of metal, he turned to me looking a little worried. “Said metal owl that haunts your nightmares is at the Krakarov Volcano in Russia, we’ll be heading there after we get Shanty back with her friends. How are you feeling Sly?”

“I will admit that drop kicking Panda King in the face was pretty cathartic, but the one who had an outright claw in murdering my parents is still at large.” Happier that I shored up some of the weaknesses of the Cooper Clan techniques by studying martial arts with both Murray and Shanty on the way into China. “We still need to get in direct contact with Pom, Ocellus and Smolder for the meet up. Still, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without you or Murray, much less this far. Mopsy and Shanty, also came through for us too.”

“At least the Panda King wasn’t as dangerous as that voodoo gator that almost killed Shanty.” Mopsy stated with relief while shivering a bit.

I leaned back as Murray started driving us for Hong Kong to take a small vacation while looking over the team.

Murray had handled himself well and Dodo had been helpful with getting him into position, aside from some muscle strain moving powder kegs, he and Dodo were fine.

Shanty grinned showing her slightly blasted form to be of minimal concern, she had had fun while nearly being blown apart by fireworks and even got to blow apart a building full of them. She had a lot of fun watching the fireworks too.

Mopsy was still a bit nervous about her part in the operation, but I think she led the others fairly well while Bentley kept me up to speed on things I needed to know. Certainly helped me with avoiding Carmelita that Bentley didn’t have to worry about the others with Mopsy being a coordinator, I guess that comes with the territory of being a night club dancer.

I’m not going to miss the psychology of things involving my team either, Murray and Shanty were baskets of sunshine, Mopsy and Bentley were still worried about what was to come and as for me…

I needed some time to relax after I took down that big oaf and I was psychologically wary of the next guy I had to face. At least I wouldn’t be facing him alone.

One of my ancestors was a stage magician, so learning some useful sleight of hand was useful in helping me build my combat style if I ever got separated from my cane. The journey through Kazakhstan had been a pleasant stop for that. What I can do wasn’t a full combat style and sure I can only disable legs or arms temporarily, but that would certainly help me get out of a stickier situations.

Shanty said she built her Cut-lash style wholesale from the most basic stuff Pom taught her and Bentley helped me with learning the basics even if he himself couldn’t do anything in a close up fight beside turtle up.

“How did you be holding back on him?” I looked to Shanty as she gazed at me curiously. “He be burning down your home...”

I remembered what shanty told us about growing up homeless, without a good orphanage to watch over her for the last several years of her life until she met Pom on what is probably the greatest adventure of her life. She has a chip in her shoulder about anyone who would make someone else homeless without a good reason.

Shanty wasn’t nearly as lucky as Bentley, Murray and I were to have a nice place to grow up in.

“It wasn’t easy, but there are some lines I’m not willing to cross unless absolutely necessary.” I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly while rubbing at my face. “I might have been enraged by what Panda King was doing and what he has already done, but that doesn’t mean that I will ever go all in on revenge.”

“What about the last of the Fiendish Five?” Posed Shanty with curiosity, I paused in thought.

If there was a guy that deserved an ‘all in’ approach, it would be that mechanical menace.

“That guy is a special case Shanty, every Cooper in the Thievius Raccoonus seems to have depictions of him. All of them the same no less.” Bentley mumbled looking over the book in question, the depictions of mechanical owl were clear from every single one of my ancestors as were the faint warnings he’s been finding throughout our little journey about the mechanical menace. “He’s been alive for a long time from my estimates if all these depictions of his existence are true, it’s going to take a lot to bring him down and we don’t want to leave him in anyone’s custody. I personally think he needs to be fully destroyed or else he’s not going to stop coming after Sly or us with every fiber of his being.”

“Yeah, I really don’t think I want to be near someone who has figured out some form of immortality like that.” Mopsy hugged Shanty to herself and shivered. “He has to be ancient and he still isn’t showing any signs of weakness or wear and tear between depictions of his form… aside from the first depiction of him being flesh and blood.”

“Yeah my family curse needs to be put down or else I’m never going to be able to keep my family safe… much less possibly start one with Carmelita later if the option becomes available.” I looked at Murray and Bentley as I said this.

Bentley got up and moved over to me and put a hand on top of mine with a smile, I gave him a smile back. We were in this together, thick as literal thieves and I doubt anyone could talk us into breaking up our team.

“Well… I’m completely willing to be moral support at least. I really don’t know how useful I’d be against that giant murderous toaster with wings otherwise.” Nobody would expect more than you were willing to give Mopsy, you were a bright lady and wonderful one at that.

“I’m happy to have met you Mopsy and that we’re friends, though your nightlife activities are not something I’m about to question too deeply.” Honestly, we have a good thing going right now, but it couldn’t last forever… especially not for Shanty and I didn’t want to drag her into meeting the world’s most dangerous villain from my nightmares.

“I’ll try to get in contact Dawkins to tell him we’re ready to meet up with Pom, Cape Suzette is out of the way and nobody will expect us to go there and it’s halfway between us. We’ll wait in Hong Kong for a response.” As Bentley had explained to us, we’re not directly contacting Pom for several reasons. Least of which she was being hunted by several groups. “It won’t be hard to get a plane to head into Russia from there, though we’ll want to avoid crossing into Thembrian territory… those boars are always a bit volatile and overly militaristic. They were always a political powder keg as well, having severe problems with Russia, Alaska and Hawaiin Isles region of the world. Still do come to think of it, it’s surprising they’ve been so quiet for the last five or so years.”

“I don’t know, they seem like they could be fun.” Murray stated from the driver’s seat while keeping his eyes on the road. “If we want to knock around some heads that is, heard they were stubborn about a lot of things.”

“So what are we doing for food?” At least Mopsy knew as well as I did that Shanty was going to need something to eat soon after all the running around the mountainside she did avoiding rockets raining down on her and all those thugs trying to get her in the snow. The lovely sheep, Mopsy, immediately pointed a hoof to Murray as soon as he opened his mouth. “Don’t you dare name a Hippo themed restaurant within the next five miles of us Murray!”

“Can I name one within the next ten?” Murray asked innocently with a big goofy grin.

“Yeah, that’s one conspiracy I’m still working on, it is diabolically mind boggling.” Bentley stated while adjusting his glasses.

“They still have decent fast food.” The Murray definitely had a thing for hippo restaurants, there was no denying it.

It was not just because Murray was a hippo, but because the food was always cheap and it could fill Shanty’s near bottomless stomach, I swear that goat had four hollow legs.

Shanty just started laughing and we all soon joined in, it’s moments like these that we would never be able to forget.

-On a road through Calisota, Pom-

This was a moment I would never forget, if I survived this.

Recently flung from vehicle, Dolly more injured than me. She hit the street pretty hard, at least rolled with it to avoid being injured worse. She was a good dog and was easy to teach when she was interested in something, things like how to take a sudden fall.

My current problem, dog biped, short ears, nice suit and currently holding a gun to my face. Full pull of trigger will result in immediate death.

“Can I say two things to my companions first?” I asked meekly.

He quirked his brow, but said nothing. I’ll just assume that’s a yes, given he’s going to let me talk.

“Ms. Shuttle, I would like to formally apologize for you getting hurt because of me.” The Bunny Battle Bus whined, but after a moment she gave me an upset look.

“It’s okay, I’m more worried about you at the moment.” Ms. Shuttle was stuck on her side and scared. “You’re supposed to be my passenger and I currently can’t do anything to help or protect you in my state… I’m sorry.”

I turned my glance to Dolly who was standing their frozen, he skateboard laying across her back and wearing her helmet slightly askew.

“Dolly… please, let it go.” Imploring her to do so with my eyes, I continued with a weak voice. “If he kills me, you really do not want to know what it feels like.”

“No can do Pom, I don’t care how it will feel.” Dolly managed to find her voice and she never took her eyes off the biped holding me hostage. “I’m with you even to the last moment whether you like it or not. If you die here, then I’m not going let it be alone.”

She was far braver than I am, I could feel nothing but love and compassion through our bond. I sent her feelings to not do anything, an image of being startled into killing me also passed over to her from my mind.

Dolly stayed silent and kept staring at me with a more firm gaze, worry clearly evident on her face. She brought her board around and rested her head and chest on it while staring at the bipeds back with a glare.

“Fine… be stubborn.” I sighed while closing my eyes, I opened them and looked up into the cold stony face. He didn’t react to anything I said to my two nearby friends. He wasn’t paying much attention to them either, his focus was mostly on me. “Okay, I’m ready to be questioned now mister…”

“Tobias Rieper.” He said succinctly and pressed the gun against my forehead slightly while placing a foot on me to press me against the ground. “Now… what did you mean when you told Caper Canine, or Dolly as you know her, to let it go?”

“We’re connected to one another. No matter where I am and as long as I live, she can find me and I can find her. We have a two way bond, we can share our feelings or vague ideas… if I die then she’s going to know what dying feels like personally. I wanted her to let go of it, even temporarily… she’s stubbornly refusing to do so. She wants to be with me even to my very last moments.” I answered with every ounce of honesty in my body flowing into my words, I wasn’t paying attention to the gun. I was paying attention to the cold eyes, there was a quiet soul behind them and those windows were open wide. “What did you really want to ask me?”

“Hmm… a loyalty like that is to be commended, not many are willing to stare in the face death for others. As for my next question, if someone were to make a copy your body would it have all of your abilities?” There was something in that question, highly important to Tobias, but why?

I considered my response carefully, the question seemed to be very crucial to me.

“Would it still have my soul as it is now?” I asked as I tried to parse through why Tobias was asking this of me and I think I might have a clue given what I was seeing in his eyes. This was important to him personally.

“No.” Tobias stated bluntly. “Souls are not something that can be copied… as far as I know.”

“Then no, you wouldn’t be able to get the abilities that I have just by making some copies of me. My powers come from within and what makes me who I am, a copy would be completely and utterly different from me and no way nearly as capable as I am in a fight if that’s where this is all going. So no, they wouldn’t be able to do what I can, even with me training them personally.” I had an inkling as to why he was asking this and I decided to broach the topic as bluntly as possible. He might even appreciate this question with all the weight it will bring to him possibly killing me immediately. “How many copies of you were there?”

He froze up, while looking at me with slightly wilder eyes, but he didn’t move or say anything for a solid minute. Dolly was still glaring a hole into his back and Ms. Shuttle was now curiously gazing at the biped.

“There were forty six before me, all made from the genetics of five different canine bipeds put together to create me. I was trained to be the perfect killing machine, an assassin with no equal." He was being fairly quiet as he spoke openly about all this and a little of his underlying personality could be felt bleeding through his outer blank façade. "I’m the forty seventh clone… the others… are dead. Whether by my hands or someone else’s doing.”

“Was each one completely different from you?” Not receiving a confirmation or a denial, I did notice that his eyes look distant for a few seconds.

“Yes.” He finally answered.

“Well you don’t have to worry about anyone copying me to replace you, they wouldn’t be getting what they think they would.” The gun was still pressed to my temple. “Copying Dolly wouldn’t work either, she’s a mostly normal dog and I’m the one that brought the uniqueness to this partnership we have. If she is developing similar powers to what I have, then it’s not possible to be copied either through the method I think you are suggesting.”

“Can you talk to dogs?” Tobias asked suddenly.

“Yes, I’m even pretty fluent in canine.” My answer was immediate, I switched to barking to Dolly. “Wave to the odd dog biped Dolly.”

Dolly waved a paw at the both of us still looking at Tobias, the gun and me. She didn’t bark anything back, but she was sitting up and waiting for me to ask her to attack regardless of whether it would kill me or not.

“Why… do I feel so strange around you?” Tobias actually sounded a little upset as he turned back to me, maybe because my canine magnetism was causing him to feel bad about this?

“It’s a long story, but the short version of it is… I’m a magnet to canids, even bipeds like you. I attract dogs, foxes and anything canid, it’s not something I can control and I have the title ‘The Canine Queen’ because of it from my friends back home.” I sighed, being once again reminded of how my somewhat lonely exile happened. “My presence is very calming to good dogs of all kinds. My life hasn’t exactly been normal, if you can’t already tell from having watching me since New York. Also I’m fairly talented at training dogs because of my abilities, being fluent in canine helps and is something I actually learned.”

“That is… a very disturbing trait you have Ms. Lambchop…” Tobias said slowly and carefully. “That you affect even me is… not something I want to deal with. Is prolonged exposure dangerous?”

“That’s Mrs. Lambchop actually, I’m married… but I really don’t want to draw attention to that fact. Might make people try to search for someone they will have trouble finding, thankfully she’s safely far away at the moment.” My reason for telling him this was that I hoped he could at least sympathize with me a little, he knows of loss and hardships. “No, exposure to me doesn’t alter your way of thinking, unless it’s you who feels that way. If you were a bad dog, then you would still have evil intentions involving me to the point that you would either be greedy or violently hold me against my will. That has happened to me. My magnetism doesn’t affect personality or your actions, aside from wanting me nearby for this feeling and that’s more harmful to me than it is to you. It certainly didn’t affect Dolly’s personality and she’s getting the strongest version of the magnet possible by bonding with me like she has.”

“Were you the one that began this bond with Caper Canine?” Tobias asked in actual curiosity.

“No… she’s the one that intentionally bonded herself to me, I was actively trying to prevent that from happening.” I sent Dolly a slight glare, but then smiled a little. “She’s the one keeping our bond going, I’m reluctantly happy to have it given I’ve ended up taking her from her family. She’s the one making the choice to stay by me even with things as dangerous as they are.”

Dolly stared at me quietly. I was only receiving determination to see things through from her, but she wasn’t readying to attack or anything.

“One last question, the device you were given, do you know of its importance?” Looking up at Tobias, I blinked a few times in confusion.

“You mean Dormarch? No, all I know is that people are after him and that he was given to me because I would protect him.” The answer made Tobias move the gun and squeeze the trigger tighter. “Do you want him too? Why are there so many people after him?!”

I closed my eyes and heard the sound of the pistol firing.

-Dolly-

I blinked, Pom slowly opened her eyes and looked at the bullet hole in the ground next to her head.

“Please keep him in your hooves Ms. Lambchop, never lose him.” The Tobias Rieper guy turned away from Pom and started walking off. “You’ll find out eventually why this 'Dormarch' of yours is so prized, you will fight all that much harder to protect him. A warning, be constantly wary of my presence.”

“What the dog was that?!” I was confused, he wasn’t going to kill Pom after all?

I was almost sure I was going to feel what it was like to die there for a second. He sent a glance my way and then continued walking to a nearby bush.

The tall suited guy pulled out a comically small wheeled toy and then started to scoot away on it down the road in a slow comical fashion.

“Again… WHAT… THE FREAKING... DOG!” I held my front paws out at the grown biped riding a children’s toy away from us.

Author's Note:

I actually want to know how this ending of this page landed.

Also that exit Tobias does at the end there, that bit of whimsy is actually in the games. To the point that there is something unnatural about Tobias's ability to exit an area in ways so unbelievable, that nobody would actually believe you are telling the truth even if they saw it happen themselves personally.

Things like being able to fly while wearing a flamingo mascot suit, riding a dolphin like a surf board, using an umbrella to simply Mary Poppins his way out of an area or just simply phoning aliens for a ride. Tobias Rieper may be an assassin, but his exits are all ridiculously magical.

Canonically speaking for this story, meeting Pom personally could be the major catalyst for all the overly weird exits from assassinations Tobias 'Agent 47' Rieper is going to do from now on whenever he comes up.

Oleander's current world- Mega Man, specifically the Ruby Spears cartoon.

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

I personally think he needs to be fully destroyed or else he’s not going to stop coming after Sly or us with every fiber of his being.

For those playing at home, his sheer hate makes even this impossible... as long as his hate chip is intact. The rest of it disintegrates when that's destroyed, presumably from all the accumulated wear and tear his hate has been holding off happening at once.

[Shadowshame]

Agent 47’s exit was hilarious

[theblackwolf]

That exit was ridiculous...it's perfect.