Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

200. Museum Massacre.

-Auduban Bridge, Darkwing’s Lair, Ocellus-

I sure hoped Shanty, Dolly, Pom and Dormarch were okay. Pom more importantly, I can’t believe she would let herself be captured just to find one of the major threats… probably for the best because there wasn’t a file on that villain.

If said villain could create replicas of fictional villains with working powers and even a fake Pom, overly heroic personality aside which doesn’t fit with Pom’s high functioning anxiety riddled mind, then we absolutely needed to deal with that major issue first before more problems got created.

“Good job Launchpad, Stegmutt, escort Tanya to the hospital… I shudder to think what Flaps would have done to Tanya had his and Tuskernini’s gangs managed to stop fighting over her.” I had a job to do, Dormarch dropping communication cannot be my main focus or worry at this time. They had to be doing fine, Shanty was a good fighter, Dolly was capable of incredible agility for a dog and had some strange wind based magic, Dormarch could help with anything technological and medical that we might not be able to understand and then there was Pom, she was getting proggessively more ridiculous in her ability to handle things and has been through so much. She needed a big hug after this. “No I have no clue where Maui is. Good question Launchpad… Fawn, how are things at the hospital?”

“Could be better, we’re not as pressured, supplies are a bit low, but we’re good on food here. Fall-apart is currently helping Jitters with something that Pom wanted them to do for her… you know, before she…” She became quite silent after that, we were going to keep the veil that Pom was dead running for as long as possible. Once I can get into contact with Dormarch again, I’ll tell them the results that Jitters and Fall-apart are looking into. “Oh, I have an information that I might be good for you to know.”

“Go ahead.” Because the normal police force and special police Toon Division were currently barely running on fumes as it was. “Also Tanya Trunk Dog has been rescued, she is being escorted there.”

“Jitters is going to be so happy to hear that! We contacted one of our combat specialists, Skunky Skunk, he apparently met up with a detective Maui, they are currently dealing with a criminal mastermind known as Taurus Bulba. They are near the middle of the city, a bit to the south.” Okay, good to know Maui was alright. “Taurus has apparently joined the renewed FOWL and is trying to evacuate Steel Beak, some lady going by ‘Agent 22 of SHUSH’ has managed to pin Steel Beak down according to Jitters.”

“That means the villain Bug Master is currently unaccounted for, so keep Glue Gal and Sneeze Master on standby. The Jambalaya Gang are currently being handled by the heroes known as the Sensational Sabrewing Siblings…” My eyes stared at the screens and all the information on them, multitasking was getting kind of hard to do with even more emergencies popping up. “We have several more villainous movements that are being taken care of, but no information on what Negaduck is doing or has planned.”

-Saint Canard Museum, Dormarch-

Something drew my eyes to a portion of the ceiling, I felt… something strange? It was like an open connection to the internet, has that always been there? I might have felt something like this before, but muted. It has become incredibly pronounced to me now. I couldn’t even understand what this was, but I also felt something else that drew my attention towards Dolly.

Dolly looked towards me when I looked at her and something strange understanding passed between us… then a mild sense of panic from her.

In my distraction I had almost got a bunch of teeth to my neck by a sheep wolf, I really didn’t need any more damage done to the PET!

I scrabbled away backwards and tripped over my own three fish tails the sheep wolf leapt for me ready to slash at me with her right claw.

Only to receive a sharp crystal like substance to the eye that caused a fountain of red haze to fly from the suddenly destroyed eye and the blow knocked her onto her side, I looked to Quackerjack and blinked.

“Rock candy… really?” I asked in confusion at the fact that Quackerjack somehow managing to impart rock candy with the lethal speed of a bullet from a white unicorn squeeze toy with purple hair.

That the rock candy came out the backside of the toy was not something I wanted to think about all too hard.

He was about to say something when I fired a retriever bark behind him into the Pterodactyl's left wing, it spiraled into one of the cave ducks currently attacking Shanty with their clubs .

“Anyway, it’s my Relishing Rock Rarity Repeater toy, with real rock candy and rapid farting action! I had a rather limited time to make ammo for it so I sadly can’t use the full auto feature, it comes in peach and strawberry flavors. My Twilight Spar-kill holds far more shots and caustic fast acting acid is not really that hard to get a hold of, I just need to find the nearest janitors closet for a quick reload once my acid jar runs out.” Quackerjack wasn’t even asking how I’m now physically outside the PET, he was taking my appearance entirely in stride. Unlike Dolly who was still trying to figure out how to bring down the walking pile of animate bones with the hovering head, she was at least keeping it busy. “Oh and you might want to take care of the sheep wolf before it can get up entirely.”

“How many pony toys themed toys do you have?!” I asked as I leapt onto the sheep wolf trying to stand up and pushed the rock candy deeper into its head with my front paws, the sheep wolf gasped and the flopped lifelessly to the floor to eventually evaporate into a haze of red mist that smelled like blood and something really nasty.

I wonder if this is what Dolly and Pom smelled coming from the likes of Quackerjack or Megavolt, no wonder they had flinched so hard! Is that what a De Ville's naturally smells like?! Rotten eggs would be an air freshener in comparison.

“Two left for six in total, most to be revealed in their debut today! I was really inspired and Mr. Banana Brain gave me some good commentary on how to make them fun!” Quackerjack, you were a mad duck, but I’m glad you were on our side as I really didn’t want rock candy shot at me with that kind of velocity from the backside of a toy with three crystals marking its flank on one side and on the other was a depressed single crystal.

So I assume pressing the three crystals made it go full auto… don’t think about how he managed it with a squeeze toy and just accept that he did Dormarch, that way lies madness I’m not willing to deal with.

“Can we be getting more help here please?” Shanty yelled as she ducked under a horizontally swung club and rolled away from a club being brought down on her. She proceed to hop onto the cave duck’s club and pushed upwards into a harsh left slash that made the art exhibit stumble backwards as chunks of its beak and neck were taken off. “Also be looking out for that three horned thing!”

The rumbling sound of something heavy thundering towards me, made me sit up and look directly at the triceratops barreling down on me. I quickly stumbled flopped onto my face out of the way, as it thundered through the area into a nearby wall that took a lot of damage from the room shaking impact.

“Bro what’s up with you?! Why do you look like you have problems moving around?” Dolly shouted as she avoided the two floating arms and head of the T-rex and now its legs are floating in the air and flailing about trying to kick her. It looked as ridiculous as it sounds that its limbs were attacking her while floating around the main headless torso.

“Well excuse me if this is the first time I’ve been outside of the PET in my short life span, I’m not used to moving around in reality yet!” My signature move Search Hunter made up for my deficiencies in knowing how control my body by teleporting me to where I wanted to be, but the energy expense doing it was quite large. Retriever bark was simply aiming and far less costly.

My coordination with my body in cyberspace did not equate to the same thing in a physical realm where gravity was something I actually had to worry about.

“Oh yeah, you’re like… still a baby... You’re so intelligent it’s rather hard to remember that little bro.” Dolly then blinked and jumped straight up, flipping upside down so her paws pressed up against the barrier to the second floor as the T-Rex head snapped its toothy maw at where she had been on its back.

Pushing off the barrier, Dolly slammed her skateboard into the side of the floating T-Rex’s skull as she passed by, causing it to spin wildly and damaging the nose quite a fair bit. This made its body parts flail and float about randomly and Dolly quickly sped my way and then leapt into hugging me tightly. “Just learn quickly okay Dormarch? I don’t want you getting hurt.”

With that Dolly looked to the triceratops that started charging us again.

“Can I be getting some assistance here?” Shanty was continuing to dodge around the bone breaking force of three clubs being swung at her. Quackerjack just finished off the pterodactyl and was busy fending off two sheep wolf and a pumpkin pug with two bladed yo-yos.

“Sure thing!” Dolly went onto her hind legs and held her front paws forward and spread out her digits, was she about to do what I think she was going to? “Don’t worry bro, I think I have an answer for how to deal with multiple problems at once and all I need is… some momentum.”

I tried to stand up only to stumble and flop onto my back. I tried again to coordinate my legs, ugh why is being manifested so awkward? Give me a realm of coding any day of the week!

“Everyone get down, Caper Canine is going to throw the triceratops!” A phrase I never thought I’d ever say in my lifetime, but weirdness occurs everywhere I’ve been since I was activated.

The triceratops barreled right into Dolly’s paws horn first, then it blinked in surprise when it suddenly found itself lifted up and Dolly started to heave it around and spinning it. Considering her momentum controlling abilities, this was an impressive feat for Dolly and she was managing to balance on her hind legs despite the unwieldly thing she was rapidly spinning around.

“Bow-Whaka-Wow!” Dolly proceed to plow the body of the triceratops through three pumpkin pugs, two hellcats, a sheep wolf and a cave duck that were splattered everywhere on the walls, before she let it go flying at the T-Rex skeleton.

The entire torso of the T-Rex was sent flying into the next room along with the triceratops with a huge amount of destructive force and everyone heard a series of violently and volatile crashing noises as the museum shook and rumbled.

If this museum was standing after we were done here, it’d be a miracle.

Dolly was left stumbling around on her hind legs before she fell onto her butt looking very dizzy with her paws on her face.

The T-Rex head, arms and legs were still moving.

“Cut-Lass…” I stated slowly.

“Be holding on one second!” Shanty had her right hoof planted on the chest of the cave duck statue and swung her left hind leg upwards at an angle while kicking off its stomach with her right hind leg. Her left hind leg flashed by its neck in an arc and then, using her front right hoof to gain leverage by pushing off the shoulder of the cave duck to lift her body upwards into the air slightly, she flipped forward and brought her right hind leg down vertically through its body. “Scythe… Cutlass!”

The cave duck stood there for a second before it’s torso split entirely in half and its head toppled over and shattered against the floor, she started coming towards us.

“The poor artists who made these things, the hours it must have taken to make all of these wonderful pieces of art…” I mumbled as I finally got myself into a standing position and tried to tentatively take several steps. “All ruined in a matter of minutes.”

“Come on little bro, one at a time. Heel paw, heel paw, yeah that’s it.” Dolly despite still looking a bit tired and dizzy after such an incredible show of magical prowess, she still took the time to come help me walk. Looking away from her for a second, I quickly forced my head under her belly and lifted her up and started carrying her out of harm’s way. “Hey, what the, I’m supposed to be the one helping you here!”

“Yes, but you just tired yourself out, give yourself a second to recover from throwing the highly detailed and heavy triceratops sculpture. Also you’re paying more attention to me, then that!” After I said ‘that’, I managed to walk my way out of being stomped by one of the T-Rex legs that floated at us. “I would prefer it if my ‘big sister’ isn’t crushed under a big bony foot thank you very much, also I think I’m the more durable of the two of us here even if I am younger. I can actively heal myself, you don’t exactly have that luxury.”

The skull came down at us maw wide open, only to be stopped by a blue blur with a rainbow of colors coming off of it flying into its open mouth. The skull was blasted to pieces a second later.

The arms and legs were still moving independently despite the fact that there was no longer any head, they seemed to swing around or stomp trying to blindly attack us and somehow seemed to be getting closer despite my walking away from them at a slow pace.

Several seconds later they were hit with flying rainbow explosions as well.

“Rainbow Rockets, pull the tail off to ignite, aim and let it fly to explode in a vibrant array of colors! Though I can see why handheld fireworks would be quite dangerous, maybe a disclaimer to always aim them straight up at the sky before pulling the tail…” Quackerjack has been pretty amazing so far, what was his last pony toy going to be like? “Well I’ve got two of those left, so we should be good if they are needed!”

“That was being a bit difficult…” Shanty heaved dryly as she came over to us looking a bit tired. “How much more can she possibly be throwing at us?”

“You need to drink some water.” I silently noted for later that even two riptide attacks had quickly dehydrated Shanty. “Also the rest of the museum, it has three floors… this is just the first one.”

“Ugh!” Shanty whined. “Yes, I be getting right on that when I can find some water to drink, but first we be heading to the next room to be seeing what Caper Canine did!”

Shanty was more eager to see the destruction than taking care of her health, was I the only sane one in this group?!

Well… if I had to ask…

“I’m still raring and ready to go!” Quackerjack was the only one who still seemed to have energy after that frantic mess.

“Hey I’m good, just give me a moment as throwing something that heavy does actually take a lot out of me.” Dollyn anyone would like to point out that a dog you’re size shouldn’t even be capable of that amount of destruction in the first place.

That would certainly be a firm confirmation of magic existing for even the most skeptical of people in this world that try to write off acts of magic as something quite mundane with an unerringly ridiculous amount of denial.

“Well let’s move forward carefully then!” I started walking and when we passed through the archway into the next room, we saw the extent of the damage that Dolly had done and then looked up at Splatter Phoenix who was a bit slack beaked at the damage done to the next entire exhibit.

Let’s see, strange machines, aliens and… ah of course, this used to be a science fiction art exhibit.

Key words ‘used to be’.

Dolly’s flow motion and wind magic kind of paled in comparison to her ability to alter momentum of anything she’s in contact with.

The triceratops was in three large barely recognizable chunks, some portions of the statue had been made of recycled rebar from the looks of it. The shattered bones of the T-Rex skeleton art laid scattered all over the place among the various bits of shattered science fiction artwork.

Splatter Phoenix eventually blinked and then her beak snapped shut with a loud clack as she gritted her teeth and slowly turned to us.

“Okay, I may have underestimated your capabilities… slightly.” She held up the hand not holding the paint brush with a notable death grip and made a gesture with her thumb and forefinger while looking vaguely put out by the art of one exhibit being used to destroy another. “Uh, I would be more impressed with the beautiful destruction if I wasn’t a little afraid to ask… but… which one of you did that exactly?”

Both Quackerjack and Shanty pointed at me, I let Dolly off my back and then pointed to her. She stood up on her hind legs and put her front paws on her hips as she glared at Splatter Phoenix with a proud and haughty grin.

“Right then, don’t know where the three fish tailed one came from, but I am now rightly terrified of Dalmatians. The ones that have been rumored to exist by my family that are called ‘De Ville Hunters’, you’ve actually just confirmed the very existence of such a thing for me. Thank you for that very much.” Splatter Phoenix then ran off in a panic while flinging a massive number of blobs forward into the next room. “Now if you will excuse me… while I go barricade the stairs and hopefully put enough monsters between me and ‘that dog’, I can totally do a fight of attrition!”

As Splatter Phoenix ran, we gave chase into the next room, seems to be a gift shop area… shouldn’t this be next to the entrance? Anyway, we were halted by even more pumpkin pugs, helicopter hellcats and those sheep wolves with a fairly strong resemblance to Pom

“I’m so awesome, I freaked out a De Ville!” Technically Dolly, you freaked us all out when you managed to alter the momentum of an exceptionally life-sized animated piece of triceratops artwork into a spinning hammer throw of death and destruction that you threw into the next room in which you automatically totaled everything in it. “Wait until the ‘fam’ hears about this one, it won’t even be me exaggerating anything either!”

“Don’t know what you’re so happy about, we’re under attack again!” Quackerjack pulled a rubber chicken as we were charged by various monster and he tossed it forward, one of the sheep wolves snapped it out of the air with their teeth and immediately regretted it, when it inflated wrecking their jaw. Everything that touched the highly inflated rubber chicken bounced off of it violently. “That’s my Rubber Buddy Bumper Bomb, try saying that five times fast! My portable bounce house toy in the form of a rubber chicken!”

“You had that on you the entire time and you didn’t tell me about it sooner!” Dolly yelled as she looked at the large inflated chicken with pure adoration and she was drooling a bit. “So much rubber chewiness, I really want one... for personal reasons.”

“Now’s not the time for your quite weird appreciation of rubber chickens Caper Canine, we need to keep moving forward!” I groaned and Shanty nodded next to me.

“Yeah, we still be needing you to help rescue Leap Lamb here!” Shanty set forward at a slow pace on her hind legs.

“Oh right… right!” Dolly pulled her skateboard from her back and readied as the monster came at us.

“Quick question before we dive into this, but what does your last pony toy exactly do?” Horn that shoots acid, rock candy projectile shooter, bomb pie delivery system, self-propelled handheld rocket grenades… of course I’m going to be curious and I’m still trying to figure out how the pie bomb worked.

“Pray we don’t have need of it, she’s a special one though.” Quackerjack brought out a jump rope and whipped back a sheep wolf with it before proceeding to use it to grapple a pumpkin dug and swung it around to fling it at a hellcat. “I’m quite sure you’re going to love her at the very least, she’s my emergency last resort.”

I stood back and watched as the three fought. Dolly had speed and quite a good range of defense with her skateboard. Shanty had close up combat, she could take down the sheep wolves so easily. Quackerjack was wacky and weird with his attacks, even regular toys were dangerous in his hands as his use of the jump rope was showing.

Where was I supposed to fit in to all of this? This was all a bit too much, too fast. I could hardly maneuver the way they could in a physical plane and I was going to cause problems by being a target for these monsters created by Splatter Phoenix.

I started backing away from the fray with my three tails between my legs until I felt something, like a gentle hoof running along my back.

“Don’t force yourself to fight. Just do what you can, when you can.” It was the essence of a whisper to me, but I heard it loud and clear. “Just be their support as needed. It’s okay, I’m right here with you.”

“Pom?” I blinked and my brain finally kicked into gear.

I could aim Retriever Barks fairly well and I didn’t need to be rushing into the fight like they were. Plus I could use Search Hunter to escape if I get into too much trouble. I had plenty of energy left, but should be careful with using Search Hunter too much.

Watching as Shanty, Dolly and Quackerjack maneuvered about and fought off the various attackers, I opened my mouth and barked three times.

My Retriever Bark attack had more range than Pom’s Bark Blasts and if I had fired them correctly... I didn’t need to be mobile or aggressively acrobatic. I just needed to be accurate.

A pumpkin pug imploded, a hellcat fell on top of another one knocking them to the floor and putting them in range of Shanty to slash them apart and my last one took out a sheep wolf going for Dolly’s back while she was bashing away at another one.

“Glad to see you aren’t completely bugging out bro!” Dolly shouted back to me with a bright smile and cheerful demeanor, she was currently life personified and kicking a lot of backside.

“I’ll support you guys from behind!” I could feel Pom watching over me with a warm smile, I basked in the feeling of this strange connection we had.

Comments

[Darkonshadows]

11219044

Give it time...

[Herald of Opera]

Of course The Smart Guy would be a Long-Range Fighter.

[Booster Spice]

I forgot which of AJ or Fluttershy that Quackerjack has already used.

Cos AJ will bring the building down.

Fluttershy.. Oh dear

[Herald of Opera]

11221503
It was an Applejack-in-the-box. Because of course it was. (And isn't it a convenient coincidence that that specific pony is the site's "not amused" emoji? )

[Booster Spice]

11221537

Oh dear, because theres only two things I can remember Flutteshy doing. One being the Power Ponies hulking out.

The other is..

Chaos Control.

[Fresnor]

11221624
Imagening it being dressed like Lydia and summoning Discordgeuse.

[talontitanbane]

Does anyone else hear the animated mad hatter's voice when they read quackerjacks lines?