Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

109. The City Zoo.

-Equus, Ponyville, Gallus-

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?” Cadence had come back to bug Silver Stream and me.

“Aren’t you here to relax?” The tone of my voice couldn’t possible get any flatter.

“Yes, could you please leave our relationship alone? It’s innocent until proven guilty! What… what are those looks for?” Giving Silver the same glance she was getting from Cadence, she looked confused as to why we were staring at her. It took her a moment. “Oh… we are in the still friendship stage with a bit of the denial that we are dating stage. Goodness knows what will happen at the friend zone stage, the interfering friend’s stage, then the interfering parent’s stage and there’s also the fact that Kuril La Perm is in on this as Gallus’s adoptive mother.”

“But I need to help someone with a relationship problem, it’s almost as bad as Twilight when friendship problems aren't around!” There was only one way we were getting rid of Cadence today.

“Mom!” I shouted, goodness knows I would never call Kuril that unless I needed her… but I was taking advantage of being one of her kittens.

“I think Kuril is busy in…” Cadence started only for a flash of a teleportation happened behind her.

“Are you bothering my grumpy kitten while he’s still in the friendship and somewhat denial dating stage?” Kuril was now standing behind Cadence with her arms crossed her eyes glaring daggers into Cadence’s and one of her clawed feet started tapping against the ground. Said ground started cratering with each light tap.

“Ah, I see, you are already working on this.” Cadence seemed nervous. I didn’t know how dangerous Kuril fully was, but the death rabbit as a familiar was a clue. “I apologize for stepping onto your turf oh Witch of Great Taste.”

“Mmhm… well… thirty minutes.” Kuril said lazily, the Abyssinian held her staff at the ready.

“Thirty minutes?” Cadence queried curiously.

Kuril swung her staff at Cadence and in puff of smoke Cadence was gone and in her place was an exceedingly ugly duckling, the buck teeth on a ducks bill did make it look fairly funny. I wouldn’t laugh, because the duck also had acne and looked like it was hit with an ugly rake, because the ugly stick just wasn’t nearly enough.

“There… now leave my kitten and his friends alone, I already received word that you were bothering Sandbar and Yona. So you warrant my thirty minute ugly duckling potion.” Kuril turned to us and smiled. “Now run along Gallus and have fun, enjoy life, seize the day, hang out with other people and don’t feel pressured to grow up so fast.”

The duck quacked and looked a bit miserable and Kuril twirled her staff and disappeared in a flash as quickly as she had appeared.

-Earth, Camden Town, Dalmatian Home, Ocellus-

“So we’re going to wait with you until Hunter confirms they’ve returned?” I asked Webby.

“Of course, we have plenty of room in the mansion and you can go on adventures with us.” Webby looked a little sheepish. “This place has… well…”

“Gone to the dogs?” Dylan and Lena said at the same time with differing expressions on their faces, Lena was more smirk and Dylan was more to the tune of dour acceptance.

“We understand entirely and don’t mind that phrase at all, sometimes it even applies because we tend to be a rowdy bunch.” Dylan continued before turning to Huey. “So what was that about your mother being stuck on the moon for more than ten years and surviving on a stick of gum? How is gum like that Oxy-chew stuff not more famous if it can do what you says it does?"

“The one downside is that the only flavor it can come in is Black Licorice any other flavor added becomes an aftertaste to the black licorice, it also slowly makes one lose the ability to taste anything else when it comes to candy for a while depending on how long it’s used.” Every dog, duck and Smolder all shivered with abject horror. “Our mother is never going to be able to taste anything sweet normally ever again.”

“Which can be argued as worse than losing her leg.” Dewey chimed in. “Given she has PTSD about the gum, but not losing her leg in the moon crash or the constant moon mite problem.”

Horror and fear didn’t taste that great, but Chrysalis liked it and that’s exactly why all the other changelings don’t.

Happiness, friendship and love for me any day of the week!

“What’s wrong with black licorice?” I asked and they all just stared at me with disbelief. “It’s not that bad.”

“Have you ever had something gnawing at your tongue for ten years straight like that? It’d drive anyone completely insane!” Looking to Louie, his green hoody looked neat and I wondered if it came in blue. “I’m surprised our mother is still sane… probably needs therapy come to think of it… well she eventually chilled out after a few weeks of trying to play catch up with missing the first ten or so years of our lives, but still!”

“Well of course I have, I’ve been absorbing the abstract concept of love all my life! The forms of love have a general flavor in common and a side flavor that makes it unique to the person and the way that said person expresses it.” Was I missing a cultural context again? “Louie tastes like sour apples, Dewey like grapes or blueberries and Huey taste like Kiwi, these flavors change every now and then… Webby, however, just comes off as cotton candy all the time.”

“That definitely checks out.” Lena smirked in Webby’s direction.

“Can I help it if I have a loving and sugary personality?” Webby stated with a cheerful lilt.

“Yeah, never ask a changeling about taste when it comes to actual food.” The dry tone Smolder spoke in should upset me more than it did. “I don’t think changelings would ever really be great chefs.”

“Isn’t most food said to be made with love though?” I tilted my head while looking at Smolder and she looked away. “Oh… is this a culture blindness thing?”

“No, more like a cultural difference thing.” Turning back to me, Smolder reassured soothingly as she ran a claw down my blue spotted fur.

-Africa, Wakanda, Pom-

“So what’s the name of this city again?” Dolly asked as we walked into the city from the fringes of the jungle.

The city was bizarre, it had buildings and such, but it also had entire districts that seemed designed like habitats for specific animalistic beings. Bipeds obviously weren’t as common here as the animalistic, the entire city was built almost like it was a giant zoo and the people here looked peaceful.

I looked at a nearby board, the city here was built as a part of nature… only animals were kept out to protect the animalistic citizenry. There were a few tweaks to nature here or there to generate the districts I was seeing on the board. We were in the region that was nicest for me.

“Zootopia… wonder how I’m going to find a job here.” I stated idly while looking over the board after we entered the inhabited zone.

“Welcome to Zootopia, first time being here? This city takes up a majority of the country of Wakanda and is a major tourist spot for all visitors, built in Africa’s settle zone after it was invaded some seventy years ago.” A scantily clad gazelle walked up to us on two hooves, animalistic because she didn’t have feet like a biped, she was giving me a curious look. “We’re here in Meadow Lands district, you would like it here and considering you just got out of the jungle… it’s probably a good breather for you. I would like to welcome you to my slice of happiness on this world Leap Lamb, you saved a lot of lives on that plane that was on its way here.”

“I prefer my name, I’m Pom Lambchop. I really don’t like super heroics in general.” Despite the fact that I could effectively do them with my magical capabilities. “It’s thankless, no pay and everyone will blame you for stuff you don’t do right or hold you accountable for the stuff that you did to save lives. I’d prefer being a simple everyday waiter, but when needs must…”

“You’ll act as needed.” The gazelle nodded. “And this is your companion Caper Canine, what’s her name?”

“Her name is Dolly Dalmatian.” I answered. “I think she doesn’t like the Caper Canine name, but it’s pretty much attached to her at this point and she’s learning to accept it.”

“That’s really cute.” The Gazelle obviously earned Dolly’s ire when she barked out.

“I prefer cool and awesome!” Hopefully Dolly wouldn’t get into too much trouble around here when I wasn’t watching her. “Also no, I am not learning to accept it, stop lying to people who can’t understand me Pom!”

“She’s adorable.” The gazelle stated in a much more endearingly sweet tone, only hearing Dolly’s barks and not her actual words like I could.

If her father Doug could hear her now, he’d wonder where she learned some of those words.

“So…” I started as I motioned a hoof at her. “You are?”

“Just call me Gazelle, I was one of the lives you saved and I just wanted to thank you by showing you around, I knew you’d show up eventually. Zootopia is one of the most well know places in Africa and the crime rates here are… relatively low. It was also the closest city to where you fell, so I’ve been spending a lot of time around this district since the plane landed. Not much going on in the rest of Africa out in the wilds, but here, we have a slice of civilization that mixes in quite well with its own wild scene.” Gazelle stated as we looked at the map of Zootopia. “I’m a bit surprised that you don’t know me, I have a bit of a reputation around here. You must have a really busy life.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe…” I muttered sourly as I thought about all the things wrong with my life, including the accidental kidnapping of Dolly from the Dalmatian family. “Dolly and I are not looking for trouble here.”

“I’m sure that if it finds either of you, then it’ll be sorry that it ever did. This city is an animalistic mecca and we can be a bit wilder than bipeds.” Gazelle grinned merrily at me, she sounded like a nice lady at least. “Okay, you know we are here in Meadow Lands, but over to our west is Canal district with our cities more aquatic residents, to our direct south is Rainforest district, Downtown district is further south and a little more is Savanna Central.”

“So does this city have all the biomes in the world packed into one place?” This was kind of impressive if it was true.

“Oh yes, it’s one of the best parts about Zootopia, you can find a place anywhere in this city and everyone can live here. You can try a little of everything, which is what makes this city so great and why I keep coming back to a place I absolutely love!” Gazelle stated in a peppy loud tone, several people stopped to agree with her with a few friendly shouts. “To the east is Tundra Town, which you might want to stay away from as you don’t look like you have much on you and Dolly has even less. Though I wonder if that strip of cloth is a fashion accessory or does it actually account for your entire hero costume like people are suggesting… it is… very Ram-bo.”

No idea who that is.

“Oh uh… yeah, I think I should take this off my head. I was wearing it to attract those mad mandrill machines away from the civilians back in Britain.” I quickly unwrapped the pink cloth from around my head. “Dr. M got away and I really didn’t like having to do all that fighting.”

“I was wondering why you didn’t take it off sooner.” Dolly stated with a hint of amusement. “Still, it was a cool fashion statement, kind of like a karate fighter… which you basically are. I mean you’re technically my martial arts master in that respect considering you’re teaching me some really cool stuff I didn’t know I could do.”

“You’re dog Dolly seems really cheerful and friendly.” Gazelle crouched down and scratched Dolly’s chin.

“The only reason why I’m not biting you for assuming that Pom owns me, is because I’m currently in a good mood lady.” Stated Dolly seriously, but her barks sounded innocently enough and her tail was wagging at the petting she was getting. “I may be mystically bound to you Pom, but make no mistake. I’m a free dog that just happens to want to go on adventures with you and… I’m not exactly good at taking care of myself. I’m a bit dependent on others for things outside of my favorite activities.”

Most of said activities involved everything a normal dog would love, outside of playing fetch. Dolly for some reason didn’t like fetching things at all.

“Anyway, South of Tundra Town is Sahara Square, don’t ask how they managed to get a desert and an artic region to coexist right next to each other. Everyone asks that question within a day of arriving here.” Gazelle almost looked like she had stars in her eyes as she basically waxed poetic about the city. “The planning for this city took a phenomenal amount of effort to build, but they made that piece of weirdness work somehow. Well… want me to give you a complete tour of my home?”

“Can you give me a tour of the nearest place where I can find some temporary work? I’m not exactly financially stable at the moment. While the city looks nice and all, I’m going to tell you up front that I can’t live here for the rest of my life and I can’t be this city’s super hero.” Not that it would be hard to do so, this city did look absolutely incredible and that was just from being on the outskirts. I had a home to return to and friends to find. “I’ve got some lost people I need to find and… there are circumstances beyond my control that led to me being in Britain and then here. I’m quite far from home and my missing friends are just as extraordinary as I am… if not more so. Hopefully they’ll be okay without me.”

“I’m sure your friends will be fine if they are as tough as you are, I don’t even want to know how you resisted all the air pressure and managed to stay on the plane like you did.” We both heard a gurgling noise and Gazelle looked to Dolly. “Is your little sweetie hungry? I know a good store that has some kibble.”

“What kind? I have a few brands I’m particular towards.” Dolly barked at me while wagging her tail.

“What kind, Dolly is a bit of a fussy eater.” Yeah, I could misinterpret Dolly as much as I want and get away with it… except around other dogs which will inevitably be magnetically drawn towards me. “I could use the help considering I don’t have much on me, aside from bananas and peanut butter. I’m almost out of peanut butter, because I’ve been mostly feeding it to Dolly to keep her protein levels up while we were a bit lost in the jungle."

“I’m not that fussy, but there are some things I won’t touch with a ten foot pole…” Dolly was going to be a thing.

“That’s when you met the Marsuplami right? Tail Team, the guardians of keeping Africa as natural as it is?” Gazelle was beginning to give me suspicions about her, because it seemed like a lot of people around us noticed her. It wasn’t the 'negative light' kind of noticing at all, but it seemed like they were exceedingly positive glances. My guess, Gazelle was some sort of local celebrity and a fairly popular one at that. “I’m sad to say they can’t keep that up forever, but at least they are doing a good jobs at keeping people from tearing down the beautiful nature and you helped them capture some notorious poachers recently. That one of them learned to talk is amazing enough, they are considered animalistic even if they were previously animals completely. They still live like animals, but I think of them more as people who like to live as one with nature or closer to it at the very least.”

“A little civilization doesn’t hurt… too much of a good thing does.” It’s like how I wanted ice cream all the time as a little ewe, now I know why I wasn’t allowed to eat so much of it in one sitting.

“We’re kind of toeing the line on that, but thankfully the city is basically one giant island that is in the middle of Africa.” Gazelle was being fairly pleasant despite me possibly being labeled a vigilante by the police in Britain. I wondered if ‘doing my job as a bodyguard’ counted as a legal excuse for all the fighting I got into. “Said surrounding waters keeps us mostly separated from the wildlife bothering the city and citizenry… not that it will stop any random animal from swimming over to say hello or try to bum snack off a pedestrian or make a snack of a pedestrian. Come on let’s hail a taxi and get poor Dolly something to eat, you too and I’m paying. I know a wonderful little sandwich shop in the Downtown district.”

“Well, if you’re paying.” I wasn’t going to refuse a free meal.

-Two hours later-

“That was enjoyable.” Mostly because Gazelle wanted to be treated like a normal person, which I did and her celebrity status didn’t matter one way or another to me.

“Yeah, it was.” She was a truly nice person, but I had told her what would happen eventually. I was also wearing the pink strip of cloth again as we walked down the sidewalk of the Downtown district. “Okay Gazelle, I’m doing a countdown. Three… two…”

“Stick them up!” Didn’t fail to predict this was coming, we were accosted by a female ocelot with a gun, it was sad that there weren’t many people around to witness this.

A mugging in broad daylight. The chances of this happening were so low, that it wouldn’t have had I not physically been here. It was still a possibility that it could have happened, but the chances were definitely higher when I was around. I’m quite properly paranoid these days.

“I thought you were kidding about trouble finding you that fast.” Gazelle stated with shock. “Do you think you can handle this situation peacefully? Also I don’t want to be shot by a revolver in broad daylight wielded by an ocelot.”

“Now hand over your… wait, aren’t you Leap Lamb?” Rolling my eyes I took off the pink strip of cloth and they blinked and jumped back looking around wildly. “Where did Leap Lamb just go?”

“Is this person serious? You totally called it though!” Dolly barked out, but looked frightened when the weapon was aimed her way.

“Caper Canine, if you’re here then that means Leap Lamb is still around.” Having little idea what was going on I walked up to the person flicked hoof upwards knocking the pistol out of their claws and then kicked it away. “What the, since when were everyday normal sheep so brave?”

I put the strip of cloth back around my head.

“Leap Lamb, you were in disguise!” The ocelot stated looking angry while clenching her fists into claws.

I sent Gazelle a look and she shrugged, she looked as confused as I did.

A second later a chubby looking Cheetah in blue slammed into the ocelot and pinned her against the ground. He stood up and dusted himself off after handcuffing the person that accosted us.

“Thanks for confusing the perpetrator trying a brazen daylight mugging Leap Lamb. Your disguise as an ordinary sheep even had me fooled for a few seconds.” Turning from the cheetah to Gazelle, I just had to ask as I removed the strip of cloth from head.

“Huh, where did Leap Lamb go? She was here a second ago.” The chubby cheetah stated with confusion.

“Is there a gas leak going on around here?” The bluntness of my statement was met with another helpless shrug from Gazelle as I reapplied the strip of cloth to my forehead.

“Oh, you were doing that disguise thing again!” The cheetah man stated looking right at me. “That’s so cool, how you can just disappear into a crowd like that!”

There wasn’t a crowd within ninety feet of us.

“Uh, officer, the person that pointed a gun at us?” Gazelle tried.

“Benjamin Clawhauser, big fan of yours and you are right!” He got on his radio as I turned to Gazelle. “I’m calling this in ladies.”

“I’m not even covering my eyes with the strip of cloth, how in the world did that just happen?” I just want to be clear, I didn’t do anything abnormal aside from take the cloth off and put it back on.

“You’re guess is good as mine, maybe your super powers are the cause of it… I mean it happens often enough in stories right?” Gazelle tried looking worriedly at the two.

“My disguise is apparently literally wrapping a pink strip of cloth around my forehead.” What happened was just beyond words in ridiculous. “This is reality Gazelle, my reality. I’m living in insanity, because my abilities cannot account for what just happened here.”

“Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from Pom, really I can. I mean, a mad scientist outright attacking Camden Town? Stuff like that just didn’t happen until you showed up from out of the portal above the park.” At least Dolly understood where I was coming from. “You couldn't possibly be responsible for Cruella attacking and targeting my family, which happened months ago, but that was as weird as it got for us.”

One statement to the police later and a confirmation that the revolver the ocelot had belonged to them was unregistered and illegal, the ocelot was carted off swearing her revenge on me and shouting something odd about me being a really sneaky snake in a box.

“Thanks again Officer Clawhauser, now if you’ll excuse us… I have to go buy some dog food for my companion.” I nodded to Dolly.

“Your welcome, thanks again for the autograph Ms. Gazelle and I hope you ladies have a good day!” The cheetah gave us a jolly wave as we walked away.

-Camden Town, hotel, Judy-

“Are you kidding me?!” I yelled, Nick immediately sat up holding his stun pistol at the ready and looking for a threat.

“What, what is it Carrots?” Nick has been sleeping with his stun pistol under his pillow, paranoia was a constant lately.

“We knew she was in Africa, but look at this!” He came over and looked at the news,

Leap Lamb and Caper Canine were in Zootopia and have aided the mystical guardians, the Tail Team, catch notorious poachers. Leap Lamb, or Pom Lamchop as she was legally known to us, also recently knocked a gun away from a mugger accosting her and Gazelle.

Said mugger was quickly caught by… Officer Clawhauser? Well I’m proud that Clawhauser took down the mugger, but he should exercise more.

“She’s making good friends at least.” Nick chuckled at my sudden sour expression.

Author's Note:

Pom acquired random Super Hero disguise: One article of clothing can hide all your secrets, no matter how stupid it sounds when that article of clothing really doesn't hide anything at all about who you are.

Comments

[Shadowshame]

You know I have watched Zootopia a few times on DVD and I’m that movie there is not one animal that isn’t a mammal, no birds, reptiles or fish to be seen and I’m also wondering if their entire society would be flipped on it’s head if an echidna showed up and said he/she was both a predator animal and a prey animal because they eat ants but are hunted by other bigger animals

[Herald of Opera]

I’m a bit surprised that you don’t know me, I have a bit of a reputation around here.

Ah, so it is Lady Gaga's fursona. (She's canon, for the record)

[talontitanbane]

“Caper Canine, if you’re here then that means Leap Lamb is still around.” Having little idea what was going on I walked up to the person flicked hoof upwards knocking the pistol out of their claws and then kicked it away. “What the, since when were everyday normal sheep so brave?”

A sheep?
*Pom puts on headband*
Perry the sheep!?