Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

137. San Fransokyo Shuffle: Part 4.

-San Fransokyo, Rooftop, Honey Lemon AKA Bazooka Bunny-

I turned my eyes away from the disaster and several explosions occurred in a matter of seconds as well as a blinding light made me close my eyes before it was filtered out by my costumes visor.

I eventually gained a strong enough nerve to look and my HUD looked over the scene surprisingly no one was dead, but all the vital signs were showing various states of injury. Both the jeeps had been taken out by rockets, the tank by an explosion by preset explosive devices, the SAM impacting the ground where Momokase had been sent most of the mercenaries to the ground.

The two halves of the tank shell, after being split by Momokase’s blade had luckily missed hitting anyone, but it did light the building next to this one on fire. How did everyone survive that lethal situation?!

That was a ridiculous miracle plain and simple, at least their injuries made sense… except… where was Leap Lamb?

-Pom, nearby alleyway-

I spat the bullet and some blood out of my mouth, then I started to tightly bandage a slightly frightened Momokase’s badly bleeding arm. I had just used my tongue to pry the bullet from her wound and I’m quite sure that neither of us were happy with what I just did.

“That was a close one. There that should hold you, now if you’ll excuse me us… Caper Canine? Oh no…” I looked at my back and saw I still had her skateboard, but Dolly wasn’t currently present. “Sorry for making you take a bullet for me Momokase, but I think it’s a better trade off than you getting directly hit by a missile. I’ve got to go!”

Following the feelings of where Dolly was, I charged back into the streets and towards the wrecked tank and jeeps as the ocelot that might be leading those mercenaries was picking himself up.

“Ugh, now I know how my brother Doof feels…” The ocelot guy that wanted me dead stated. He tried to get up and aim his weapon at me, I idly kicked the weapon out of his hand as I passed by him. He’d probably get it back when he recovers... maybe not since a brightly colored sphere struck his weapon and encased it in a quick hardening gelatinous mass. “Curse you Leap Lamb the ewe! Oh great, now I have my own Perry…”

I looked behind me at him and then dodged to the side, to see a spark of a bullet bouncing off the road where one of my hind legs had been. That made me put the destroyed tank between me and the leopard that had chased me back in Zootopia, she was on her back aiming her pistol for me and didn’t seem as injured as her rocket tube carrying companions that had moved forward slightly.

The leopard looked up from me and taking another shot. She rolled out of the way of a sphere that created a splash of sticky goop and while crouched, turned to fire on Honey Lemon who ducked out of sight from a spray of bullets from her other weapon.

I would deal with her right now, but I had bigger problems like rescuing Dormarch and Dolly was certainly on top of that. Priorities of my mind dictate that I avoid conflict, so I was going to do just that as I ran towards a wide open space and a very clean looking building that had a sign that said Krei Tech Industries.

-???, ???-

The Buddy Guard robot was a small pill shaped machine meant for dealing with intruders, but their operating system was somewhat easy to gain control of. Krei really should really look into getting better internal security… or even change passwords. How was the guy a businessman again?

No matter, it was to my benefit that security was lousy anyway.

“Looks like I won’t be giving the other half of the money I owe Momokase, she didn’t complete her quest after all.” I grin as I saw the hovering robot holding onto the device, with it I would soon have a powerful minion and get my revenge on Big Hero 6. “I’m about to upgrade from being a simple noob to a true elite pro!”

I held out my hand and the robot let go of it, it fell and then a dog wearing a skating helmet pulled itself up onto the head of the Krei Tech Buddy Guard and launched itself forward off of it.

Not only did the dog manage to grab the device before I could even touch it, it then kicked off my chest forcefully knocking me back and off balance as it did a backflip.

“Oh no you don’t, Hard Light is not losing to a simple mob spawn like you!” I aimed my gauntlet and prepared to fire a burst of energy.

This gauntlet had limited functionality compared to my first version, only being able to create hard light weapons or bursts of energy, I used to have some real power before Big Hero Six took my previous gauntlet away from me and I got arrested. It required some more specialized parts, but it could generate so many summons for me and was OP. I didn’t currently have any easy access to the parts I needed after my previous gauntlet was destroyed.

The dog for their part grinned with her teeth wrapped around the device and when I fired, it hopped to the right while planting its left paw on the floor and then kicked its hind legs to pivot around into a slide that led it… right into the vent I just blew open…

“… A dog just outsmarted me… me of all people!” I heard what sounded vaguely like laughing and glared at the vent as it made its escape. I couldn’t believe it, but I narrowed my eyes beneath my mask and set all of the buddy guards to assault anyone within the premises of Krei Tech other than me. Looking at the camera there was one of Big Hero Six and… I’ve never faced Leap Lamb before. What would a platforming based hero be doing here in this city? I mean, other than having her device stolen by me that is. Wait… isn’t she usually accompanied by a… that dog! “That was Caper Canine, she must be taking that device back to Leap Lamb!”

Speaking of the heroic ewe, she was entering the courtyard of Krei Tech this very moment and someone else was coming to join the game too as player two… three if the dog was capable enough to be a player.

I sent a large number of the Buddy Guards in their given direction.

There had to be something to deal with a hero of Leap Lambs caliber around here, I didn’t think I would be able to take her in a straight fight after what happened to El Fuego. I simply wasn’t about to underestimate a raid boss like that!

Hmm… what is Krei working on that I can use as an ultimate summon? Oh… o-ho-ho yes… Hard Light likes that a lot! All I had to do was hack into it, the buddy guards would definitely give me enough time for this. I’d get the device and I’ll have a tank for dealing with the raid boss.

-In a vent, Dormarch-

I looked up at the friendly smiling face that peered back down at me.

“Dolly!” I shouted happily from my digital expanse, I had immediately turned off my mapping function in excitement. I was safe from being stolen with my big sister here.

Dolly tapped my screen with a claw and she started typing out something.

“Okay, I’m on it!” I stated immediately. I really needed to finish my canine translation software, I wanted to be able to speak dog as a twentieth or so language. "To start, take the third vent on the right."

-Pom-

I approached the sprawling building from the courtyard like area with the several flagpoles and then everything lit up blinding me a bit.

Once the spots cleared from my eyes, I looked up and saw that a large number of those hovering white robots showed up and there were lights on everywhere around the facility. The robots had a very interesting yellow glow about them as all of what passes for eyes on them focused on me. They looked like flying pills each with two small arms hovering off to their sides.

I was about to make a move, when they all suddenly focused on something slamming into the ground next to me. The figure quickly raised a right claw to the sky, he slowly stood up and then gestured his still pointing claw for emphasis as he addressed me.

“Aha, the great hero Leap Lamb, looks like you could use some help from me, Fred-zilla!” It was the blue costumed guy, only I noted that his entire costume looked to be entirely blackened. He then turned to me and started poking his suits claws together. “So… about antagonizing you when you came into the city…”

One of the floating white pills fired a beam of energy at him and he leapt back as it scorched the ground.

“Hey, she was here first, why didn’t you shoot at her?!” Fred-zilla earned the flattest stare I could give him as he turned back my way. “Not that I want you to be attacked or anything, because you’re a clearly awesome super hero, but I just got here after you did!”

I jumped several feet straight up and over a net that was fired at me.

“Now you know how it feels to be me, huh.” My blunt statement was met with a wince. “You should really just stop talking and start fighting if you even have the capacity to do that much...”

That sounded a bit harsh, but this guy did annoy me and we were currently being surrounded by these things.

“Right, right, I’ll make it up to you by taking the fifty or so on the left you get the fifty or so on the right… hopefully my friends will catch up. This… is a bit more one sided than I would like.” He said this while ducking a whip like metal tentacle being flung from one of them spinning around. “Oh they so stole that move from the robots in the Turbo Mutated Neanderthal Terrapins game… agh!”

He took a second whip to the face and immediately blasted one of the floating pills away with a fireball while on his back.

Deciding to ignore him, I went into standing on my hind legs and blocked an energy beam with Dolly’s board. While I didn’t know how Dolly got Dormarch, she was undoubtedly going to make her way back to me with him. In the meantime I would be using her skateboard to defend myself.

One lashed a tentacle at me and I rolled away and tried to ignore the flashes of fire out of the corner of my vision as I tried to dodge the various beams of energy being blasted my way.

I quickly spun around and slung the skateboard outwards vertically by the strap with both my hooves. Instead of horizontally slashing it about, it acted more defensively as the sides of the board slammed into the machines, knocking several of the bots away and blocking several beams as I twisted and turned ducking and hopping as I went.

Letting off of the strap with my left hoof, I smashed one of the bots with a quick uppercut. I pulled the board over my head behind me with my right hoof and then launched my hoof and it forward to jam the nose of the board through one of the pills eyes.

I proceeded to yank it around into another floating pill destroyed it and slamming the pill I speared into the ground. Narrowing my eyes at some odd shifts in the air, I rolled towards one of the flag poles as a pair of beams seemingly came out of a distortion in the air.

“Oh right, forgot to mention that about the buddy guards, these things can turn somewhat invisible or camouflage themselves as something else in the environment!” Fred-zilla at least warned me about the camouflage, but it was too late to tell me about them being able to become invisible. “At least they can’t camouflage as things bigger than themselves... what?!”

I watched as a garbage can split into four pill bots working in conjunction and they all spun around and launch metal tentacles to trap all his limbs at once.

“Since when could they do that?!” He seemed honestly shocked that they could take on the appearance of a trash can and lure him into a trap, but I’m guessing that was only a recent thing as four of them were working together to create the illusion. “Help, I could use a little help here!”

“Well…” I jumped straight up immediately as four tentacle lashed out and ended up wrapped around the flagpole.

I grabbed the flagpole with my left legs and hung there a bit before sliding down enough to kick off the ground with my right hind leg to quickly spin around the pole. Once I was going fast enough, I slung out the skateboard to slash down all the floating pill shaped robots still grappled onto the pole, while avoiding being shot by the various beams being shot at me as I did so.

I really didn’t want to use Dancing Flame, Dormarch said the stress doing it was putting my body through was becoming far too much. Still it was useful for dodging bullets. It looked like Fred-zilla was in trouble as more bots started grappling onto him with those metal tentacles.

I grabbed the pole with my front hooves and started kicking myself around it while inhaling, once I think I had enough momentum built up I launched myself off the pole and exhaled while swinging out the skateboard with my right leg.

The world blurred as I flew through the air knocking various pill machines out of the air as I shot through the air horizontally to end up slashing the board downwards twice, flipping both times, and then I landed on my hooves out of breath.

Fred-zilla was immediately up and blasting away the pill bots chasing behind me after I ripped through them. He took down quite a lot of them with the flood of flames he unleashed from his suit, he also ruined the near invisibility that some of them had given the flames scorched markings onto them.

“Aw yeah, thanks for the save! I’m not about to get caught off guard like that so soon aga… whoa almost made a liar of myself!” He and I leapt away with as several higher flying pill robots fired a series of beams down from directly above us. He snagged one of the pills bots as he leapt backwards and he threw it upwards and blasted it when it got close to the higher flying machines and their formation blew apart. “Hey can you cover me Leap Lamb? I’ll call in some backup!”

I did as he asked and lashed the skateboard taking out three of these buddy guard things, but there were too many of them to really deal with on my own. I soon jumped on top of Fred-Zilla’s scorched and battered costume to start blocking energy blasts with the flat of the board.

I lashed out when I thought I could get a hit, but these things were either keeping their distance or closing in to use their tentacles which is when I could take them down.

“We could use some help here guys, someone has gained control of a number of Krei Tech buddy guards and they are attacking me and Leap Lamb! They also have a new trick where they work together to camouflage themselves. Four worked together to look like a trash can. Go-Go and the Bunny Battle Bus are too busy with helping the emergency services transportation network sabotage and fires? Lemon Honey’s too busy trying to stop any mercenaries from encroaching closing in on us and is pinned herself? We should expect some villains to come at us with guns and tanks soon too?! We’re already dealing with a big situation here! You two are are still dealing with the SAM launchers around the city? Huh… okay, hurry up with that Skymax aerial support little buddy!”

“Please tell me that was good news.” Really didn’t have much room to talk as I was smacking away nets, breaking tentacles and blocking beams, even knocking away several robots camouflaging themselves as randomly as chickens, pigs or birds. It would probably work better if those animals actually lived around here or had a reason to be here, though I think they were trying to distract me from the one camouflaged as a bucket that was getting close to us.

I hopped away from Fred-zilla and slammed the skateboard down on the bucket and its illusion failed, revealing the form of a pill machine split in half and sparking a bit before it exploded. Thankfully this Fred-zilla quickly rejoined the fight before the swarm overwhelmed us both by blasting fire and clawing several of the machines away and literally leaping into action. I may be a bit angry at him, but at least he knew how to fight

“Don’t worry we’re getting Mini-Max to come in and support us with the Skymax’s drones.” He said this as if I knew what he was talking about. “They have to fly low to avoid attracting those missile trucks until they are dealt with.”

“You do realize that I know nothing about you guys other than Bazooka Bunny and even then that isn’t much, right?” Currently my left hoof was battering one pill machine and my other was swinging outward to bash the flat of the board against another machine as I held it defensively like a shield going along my right foreleg leg.

“Hey, it’ll be good, give it a minutes! My little buddy always does big hero moments like you wouldn’t believe, though you’re right… he should hurry up.” Here Fred-zilla grabbed to of the machines and smashed them together. The two machines exploded, but he was perfectly fine because his suit was apparently built to be that tough.

We kept destroying them, knocking them back and the fires of my companion kept lighting up the night as more kept coming. Why were there so many of them?!

At least Dolly was making progress, because she was moving closer at least. Though I could understand her hesitance to get involved in this mess. I felt a shift in the air in my wool and quickly turned while holding the skateboard on my right leg aloft.

I narrowly deflected a bullet into one of the pills machines making it drop to the ground, this drew their attentions to that leopard with two teams of mercenaries. Not the same team that were left unconscious and injured in the street from the missile strike, it looked like she was going to fire again when the machines started to swarming them too.

Her approaching mercenary teams that were targeting me and preparing to fire had to quickly change targets and immediately started doing poorly against the pill shaped machines, all of them except the leopard were having problems dealing with the nets, the tentacles that could apparently electrify and the energy beams.

I had though these things were fragile until I watched as a number of projectiles poured into one did small amounts of damage until it eventually went down.

That’s when Honey Lemon decided to join the fray by creating a blob between us and the mercenaries as she joined us by landing on a smaller pink blob and landing near us to spraying down several pill machines in an assortment of ice, electrical goo, sticky good and goo that just plain melted them.

“So this has turned into a real party, but my only goal here is your death Leap Lamb!” I heard the ocelot from before shouting as he and a group of mercenaries came riding up into the courtyard in a tank. “Ready, aim…”

There was no way I was going to be able to block a shot from a tank without severe injury, but then something even worse came along and made the ocelot leap from his tank in a panic. The thing in question created a large crashing noise as it crushed the tank beneath its weight.

“Well now, so many players in this game we call life, I’m about to show you noobs that I have leveled far beyond your comprehension!” Some guy shouted he was standing on the nearby building with a cape and a glowing mask and costume that had… I wanted to say a lightbulb motif to it. “Say hello to the…”

I think he was going to introduce the large machine that he probably used to crush that tank, but someone else beat him to the chase.

“Is that Metal Gear B.O.X!? All SAM launchers, I have a target… what do you mean they’ve all been disabled?!” From how panicked the ocelot guy sounded, it seemed like this weird battle was only going to get worse from here. “Fine send the rocket launchers forward immediately, I have encountered Metal Gear B.O.X! What, no, don’t you dare evacuate the area without me! This thing is a hazard to everything within a mile of it and I am within fifty feet of it and it’s about to start attacking!”

Ignoring him and his shouting as I punched a pill machine with the skateboard attached to my right leg, I turned and looked at the thing sitting on top of the tank.

“Bring the helicopters now, we need aerial support immediately!” The leopard shouted upon hearing that the SAM launchers were down. Apparently she knew what Metal Gear B.O.X was too, Judging by the panicked look on her face.

The object, which had to be a rather large machine, looked like a giant box at the moment. Slowly the sides of the box unfolded revealing that it had six legs that looked to have shields built in as it stood up. No head and it made an ominous whirring sound as it took several steps off the tank, the middle portion was a small box, but just as heavily armored as all of the legs and it trundled over to a number of broken pill machines and started to suck them into its underside.

“Is it weird that I have no clue what’s going on anymore?” Honey Lemon stated as she came up to me and froze pill bot with an accurate dead center shot.

“Welcome to my life for the last few months Honey Lemon.” Having blithely stated this, I watched as the Metal Gear B.O.X shiver and it released a fraction of the amount of destroyed pill bots it sucked in. Said new machines were fully functional. “Yeah, that's going to be a thing…”

It suddenly launched numerous spheres in all directions onto the ground around itself.

“Scramble!” The ocelot shouted to his people fighting back against the onslaught of hovering machines firing lasers, swinging tentacles and shooting nets at people.

The spheres it had launched exploded into pillars of fire that spread outwards away from the machine growing in strength, Honey Lemon, Fred-zilla and I quickly hopped away from the pillars reaching as high as the nearby building before slowly shrinking down.

"Mini-maximum hero support has..." Mini-Max was struck with a small missile that launched out of the six legged hulk. "Retreat!"

One of the six flying machines Mini-max brought picked him up, they all flew away afterwards.

Author's Note:

Now you know how I was going to tie Metal Gear into the whole Disney theme, if you know the lore there's this guy named Doofenshmirtz that was officially adopted by a family of ocelots and they treated him nicely. Doof spelled backwards is food.

How animals did the paperwork for it in the actual cartoon I'll never know. I'd like think the ocelots had some relations to O.W.C.A. a government organization that fields animals to stop evil scientists from taking over the world.

That said, Security Robot B.O.X from Metroid Fusion, only larger, without a vat grown brain and a Buddy Guard recuperating facility installed because it wasn't already dangerous enough already.

Also Sora was announced for Smash Brothers, I'm more 'meh' on that than anything really given how many sword guys there are already.

The next page is going to be one long and huge fight scene... estimated length? Between ten to twenty thousand words and a nice suggestion of music that can be played on loop to it.

Comments

[Shadowshame]

I would just like to point out on the sword fighter front that Pyra/Mythra and Sepiroth shouldn’t be considered “more sword fighter” sure they use swords for their basic attacks but unlike almost the whole fire emblem cast that is in smash they are unique in how they fight. Just because a character carries a bladed weapon doesn’t mean they are “another sword fighter” that should be decided by how their special attacks work not just the weapon they carry

[Darkonshadows]

11004720

True, Sora is like a combination of various characters. He certainly has Bayonetta and Pikachu movement vibes.