Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

129. Peaceful Prance Dance.

-Earth, Home Transport Truck, Pom-

So we managed to sneak onboard a truck heading our way that was transporting a home, Bolt was sticking his head out the window letting his tongue flap in the wind. Mittens was still helping him with being a normal dog. Rhino was still excited to be traveling with all of us, according to both Bolt and Dolly at least, and was somehow keeping up a peppy attitude despite the danger traveling with us put him in.

It did kind of take a while to convince the hamster that heroes couldn’t always save the day, I certainly couldn’t as I’ve had a number of failures up to this point. Like being completely incapable of saving the train for instance.

Dolly was on her back with her paws behind her head snoozing away and as for me, I couldn’t get any more sleep and I was resting idly watching the road signs to make sure we didn’t miss a stop near Mesa City so we could start heading south.

We were all fairly upset that the mercenaries were going to get away with attacking the train, but then what could we really do against them? A good hot shower and twelve hours of sleep did me some good, but I was still needed rest after that.

None of us had blown out ear drums, my wool was already good for dampening loud noises from damaging my hearing and the hearing of my traveling companions was recovering pretty well.

Thinking about something important, I pulled the PET out and got Dormarch’s attention.

“Yes Pom?” Dormarch stated immediately, he seemed to be scanning about and seemed to be relieved we were not in the middle of another deadly situation. It was only after confirming things were currently okay that he started wagging his three tails.

“Hey Dormarch, have you given it some thought on why anyone would be after you specifically?” I’m still concerned about that, because these last mercenaries didn’t seem to care about collateral damage and were actively targeting me with deadly force.

“I could have hidden data in my systems that someone could want that I might not have access to, however that likelihood is suspect and I can’t give you an accurate percentage on what’s what. My other thoughts are my commercial applications, but Kahn industries would have a patent on my design or creation. There’s also the prototype factor that I might be more powerful than the other AI they will inevitably create for commercial sales. If it was for my personality, I would certainly be flattered if it wasn’t completely at your detriment with you protecting me Pom.” Would trust Dormarch with my life, it was all worth it to see him smile a little bit and have a nice conversation. “Was that all?”

“Call Dolly’s family, I want to tell them that things are okay.” The train certainly wasn’t as it made the news as having been ransacked, well the parts of it that weren’t blown up at least.

Hopefully Horace and Thumper would keep a lid on my survival for a little while longer, at least long enough that the mercenaries can’t track us down. Don’t know about Figaro, but Domarch said he was physically fine aside from the smoke inhalation.

-Utah, Mesa City, Waffle World-

Dylan was quite understandably stressed out about his step sister being in the middle of all of my problems. I was right there with him as I didn’t like putting anyone in danger, much less myself, but these things tended to happen with alarmingly high regularity around me.

Dolly has proven herself on more than one occasion, only it wasn’t in being able to handle a fight. I still highly appreciated her efforts in supporting me all the same. That she was a viable target to the mercenaries when we were getting on the train was worrying that somebody definitely had it out for us.

The mercenaries didn’t seem to care much about Dormarch, the last ones were following me because of him. So who sent them after us? They had devastating weaponry, but I guess I could understand why they would use it on me given I have survived some pretty ridiculous things.

I could probably pass myself off as living punching bag to make a living at this rate.

Also Dolly and I did take out their APC and guys, because I’m only assuming those rocket launching vehicles were related to the mercenaries that jumped us getting onto the train.

I placed the last bit of waffle in my mouth and savored that very last strawberry flavored bite, wasn’t going to see another Waffle World until Hollywood. I needed this bit of peace and normalcy.

I paid for my food, tipped the waitress and went outside to see my companions had finished eating. I went up to them. Only to be suddenly blindsided by a hug that had Dolly immediately up and barking at the person who was cuddling up against me.

Dolly stopped when she realized the person wasn’t a threat, she also returned her skateboard to her back.

“Mopsy your back! Wait… something is off… no dress, no cute sexy talk, wearing a bell… and going au natural with a different wool style?” The person holding me even sniffed me, I think I was being accosted by a weird biped. She finally looked me in the eyes and I looked into hers. “Whoops, I think I might have mistaken you for someone else… my name is Pamela Possum, you can call me 'Miss Possum' sugar. Give me some time and I will absolutely to introduce you to Sandra and Rita. You look so much like… her… do you by any chance know a goat named Shanty?”

“How much rum did she drink?” I stated flatly with an equally flat look in my eyes as Dolly, Bolt, Mittens and Rhino came up to us.

I had quickly profiled her, she looked to be friendly possum with a lot of loose relationships and had access to most known forms of alcohol. Given that Pamela just dropped Shanty’s name, I had good idea as to what my piratical goat had gotten into.

“Yep, no doubt that that confirms it. When she said Mopsy looked like you… she was severely understating the resemblance by quite a lot. You’re Shanty’s caretaker Pom I take it?” Nodding to Pamela’s question she continued. “She somehow snuck four bottles out after the initial one we gave her, apparently I shouldn’t have confirmed that we had rum in stock. That goat is apparently an addict for the stuff.”

She was a Possum with blonde hair and spherical black nose, she was wearing what looked like a red dress version of a one piece bathing suit and leg stockings. Despite what inklings I had as to her actual job, she actually smelled kind of nice.

“Don’t be upset when I say this, but you actually smell clean.” Really should use my nose more often, since I can use it to smell things like a canine can, I might actually pick up some scents I will recognize as being threats to us. “Also do you need me to pay for the lost bottles?”

With the grin I was getting from Pamela, my words didn’t offend in the slightest.

“No worries sugar lamb, Shanty stole from under our noses fair and square. Now if it was money that she stole, then that’d be a different story entirely.” Well that was nice to know Pamela. “Mopsy is looking out for Shanty until she can get her back to you, you would not believe the stories I’ve been hearing about their travels. Fighting a voodoo gators minions, surviving an airplane hijacking and possibly finding out a conspiracy surrounding a chain of hippo themed restaurants. It’s like she’s got a Chinese curse with living in interesting times.”

“Ugh, that’s a curse I wish I didn’t have!” At least knowing that my favorite little goat was in good hooves was enough for me to remain calm… mostly. That and I’d soon be seeing to Ocellus and Smolder personally as a bonus to my sanity.

“So who are these little cuties standing around… wait… is that Bolt the super dog?!” She seemed to brighten upon noticing Bolt and he whined a bit and tried to back up behind Mittens. “How did he end up here? I heard that he was lost and people are looking all over for him!”

“I met him in New York. I’m taking him back to Hollywood, because there’s one person he really wants to be with named Penny.” I patted Bolt on the head and he whined a bit. “If that can’t happen, then he at least wants his carrot toy. He’s since learned that he was an actor in his show, where he thought all of the things were happening to him were real. It’s been kind of a shock for him to find out he doesn’t actually have super powers.”

“Can I still get his autograph, please?” Pamela wasn’t even questioning how I knew what Bolt wanted to do in the slightest.

“What do you say Bolt?” After a moment of mulling it over.

“I really don’t know how to give one, but I wouldn’t mind doing so.” Bolt eventually answered while still looking wary of having another super fan like Rhino. He’s actually friends with Rhino, but he was still getting used to life outside of this Hollywood place.

“He’s open to the idea, but he doesn’t know how to give one.” Not even a hint of curiosity as to how I was talking for Bolt? “That and as I’ve said, he wasn’t exactly raised knowing how to be a normal dog.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m still a fan of Bolt, he’s such a good boy. I’m sure his coworker Penny will be happy to hear he’s coming back to her.” Pamela crouched down and started giving Bolt some affectionate petting. Once she was done making Bolt feel embarrassed about the affection he was receiving, she stood up and motioned to us. “Come on, all of you, I’ll show you where Mopsy works! Maybe even give my coworkers a heart attack at seeing you.”

-The Prance Dance-

The place was well maintained and apparently run by a mostly female crew, it was certainly a fancy place for dancing, food and socializing. The other side of things would have to be a side business for the workers here to choose to partake in or not, apparently Mopsy didn’t mind casually getting around.

“Hey Sandra, guess who I found!” Pamela shouted, Sandra took one look at me and freaked out, after a few more glances she eased up a little.

“Give me a heart attack why don’t you, I seriously thought that was Mopsy and we know she’s currently in China!” Sandra seemed to be part mouse and part rat biped, sharing a mildly short stature with Miss Possum.

“Girls, what’s got you in a, holy… cheese!” The biped cat stated before she flinched at the sight of me. She narrowed her eyes at me. “Wait… that’s not Muttoncoddle, give a girl a heart attack why don’t you! Names Rita Silversong, who are you?”

“Apparently Mopsy’s long lost sister.” My bored tone drew interest. “I hear a gang of thieves has got my goat.”

“Hah, good one!” Rita let out a chuckle.

“What’s a good one Rita?” A dog biped came over. He was a wide and chunky, but had fairly muscular under his fat.

“Just hanging with my friends Runt, also I doubt you’d really understand.” Rita seems to be a friendly individual if a bit sarcastic sounding. “Shanty’s in good company, Mopsy is making sure of it and she’s updating us on her wild adventures while I’m stuck here being a lounge singer for what is an admittedly popular club. I even live here and can vouch for Mopsy’s character, I help with the nearby orphanage as well. We’re all good people here despite some of the things we may or may not be doing to get by.”

“Isn’t Mopsy right here though?” Runt said in a confused tone as he pointed at me.

“My friend here is not the brightest or even sharpest crayon in the box.” Rita pretended speak quietly to us. “He still doesn’t understand that I’m a cat."

“Where’s the cat, I’ll get them and shoo them off out of The Prance Dance with a boot to their rear, I’ll show them why I’m one of the best people to protect this place from them!” Runt sounded fairly aggressive at the mention of the word and Mittens looked fairly frightened.

Runt never once took notice of Mittens and it was clearly confusing my group since he seems to despise cats.

“Runt, I’m… a… cat.” Rita stated slowly while enunciating every word clearly.

“Silly Rita, you’re not a cat you’re a dog like me!” Runt said pleasantly.

Rita held out her right hand at Runt while shrugging.

“Possible choice for world’s biggest idiot, exhibit A. Why am I attracted to him again?” Rita muttered under her breath while dragging her left hand over her face. “Oh right, because he’s cute, protective and a genuinely nice guy in a world full of jerks that treats us Prance Dance workers with respect.”

“Yes, that is the weirdest case of anger we’ve ever seen.” Pamela actually whispered to us. “Runt hates cats, but apparently doesn’t even know what they look like. Nobody is quite sure how his brain functions, but he’s protected us a number of times and at least he can recognize when someone is bothering us too much.”

“Heh, that’s pretty amazing, now if only he wasn’t a biped that made us actual dogs look bad.” Dolly commented idly at my side. “Would you say he makes me look smarter by comparison Pom?”

I gave Dolly a so-so gesture and she glared at me for it, I just grinned back at her.

“Call from 101 Dalmatian Street.” Dormarch announced, I moved off to the side as my animal companions, other than Dolly, took up relaxing in a booth.

Nodding to Dormarch to take the call, Spot the chicken appeared on the screen along with Dawkins.

“Hello Pom, it was nice to hear that you were in good health, but I wish to tell Dolly something about her formula. It shouldn’t work the way that it does, it makes no scientific sense!” Dawkins saw my confusion and continued. “Her formula that she has applied to her skateboard and her newest helmet shouldn’t even be capable of taking bullets.”

“That is to say, under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be capable of taking bullets if I hadn’t identified something magical happening in the process of applying it to something.” Spot here motioned to a robot arm from a mechanical mandrill posed in an upwards position and in the form of a fist. The object it would hit looked to be a picture frame on a stool. “It might be incidentally performed alchemy. I’m not really great at the subject, since I only dabble in magic, but I can at least recognize it when I see. Dawkins if you will show them what you wanted to.”

Dawkins Dalmatian, the brainy pup care assistant, nodded to Spot and held up a remote control device with a large button on it. He pressed it and the mechanical arm smashed itself against the picture frame. The frame slammed into the wall and was undamaged, the wall it impaled was not as lucky.

“Perhaps I should have accounted for that, oh mom and Doug are going to be so angry…” Dawkins wilted while covering his face.

“Um… quick question, does any of those chemicals perhaps have any electrum in them?” I at least knew some of the magical properties of electrum.

“Not in any noticeable amounts, why?” Spot seemed curious and was caressing her beak in thought.

“Electrum tends to have an effect when magical energy is put into it, said effect makes thing nearly impossible to damage as long as there’s a magical charge.” I wish I had an expert on magic like Ocellus at the moment. “If it’s mixing with any other magically reactive stuff, it could be helping create the effect that makes Dolly’s board nearly unbreakable after a certain amount of time… as well as her helmet now come to think of it. However the effect seems to need some time to get started as Dolly’s board noticeably has some minor damage to it from when she first started using it and it hasn’t been damaged since except for possibly the wheels or axels.”

“Can confirm, the wheels and axels are the only thing about my board that have take damage now since I’ve had it.” Dolly looked at her skateboard with mystified eyes and hugged it to herself.

“The only thing that has electrum in it would be… huh wood varnish. Apparently the stuff used to make it happen to have absorbed some bits of electrum into it. How peculiar.” Dawkins looked a bit more curious as he turned to Spot. “Say… is alchemy a magical science Spot?”

“Yes, but you will have to find someone else to teach it to you, because I certainly can’t. I know some things, but I don’t know everything!” Spot shook her head while rolling her eyes, she turned back to me and Dolly. “Sorry for taking up your time with this, I’ve got to get back training Bark Brigade cadets. Some of them are doing promising enough to maybe learn a few cantrips from me. Heh, this street is about to get more lively with colorful lights and strange noises.”

“No problem Spot.” The magical chicken was a rather nice conversationalist and waved at me as she left the screen.

“Tell the ‘fam’ that I’m happy you’re all doing okay for me Dawkins!” Dolly waved at the screen and Dawkins smiled while waving back. “Oh and tell Dylan to stop being so uptight, I’m learning a lot from Pom. Next time you see me in a scrap, I’ll show you what I can really do!”

“That’s quite worrying, but okay Dolly.” Dawkins then cut the call.

“So… my skateboard and helmet are actually magically enhance?” Dolly is excited to hear that. “That’s so totally awesome, makes me almost want to take back every nasty thing I ever said about Poodle Woof being boring! Well aside from the digital game, I’m okay with playing that with Dormarch.”

“Well you’re going to need to keep your helmet on you at all times for it to get to the level your Skateboard is at when it comes to being hard to damage.” I made my way back over to our traveling companions getting affection from the three Prance Dance workers who apparently knew Shanty. “So I know this is a bit much to ask, but can we stay the night? We’ll be on our way to Hollywood to see if Bolt can get some closure when we arrive.”

“And Mr. Carrot.” Bolt muttered longingly.

“Yes… ‘WE’ will. I’ll drive you down there personally, provided Bolt will give me that autograph.” Pamela stated with a no nonsense tone. “I need to take a vacation for a few days anyway. You can stick around for dinner, our friend Penelope Pricks makes some good chili-dogs and knows how to make them vegetarian too.”

“Will anyone else confuse me for this Mopsy?” It had to be asked as I wasn’t as open to the idea of casual sex for money.

“Most certainly, but we’ll set them straight, right Rita?” Sandra looked up to Rita.

“Of course, nothing wrong with helping out an otherworldly alien that looks a lot like one of the best dancers I’ll ever know.” Rita motioned to the animals with me. “While her friends can’t be out and about during The Prance Dance’s operational hours, we can certainly house them all for the night. Eh… they don’t drink from the toilet do they?”

“No, I made sure of that.” I glanced at Mittens, the cat looked a bit sheepish that she tried to teach Bolt about them.

Dolly and I explained to her why it was a bad idea. It was a good thing that, unlike Dolly, Bolt actually did understand and know exactly what toilets were used for.

Rhino took it in stride, but we did have to explain that alien tentacles monsters weren't commonly found in toilets.

“Okay, that’s definitely good. Sit back, relax and enjoy the hospitality of our humble home.” We would do just that Rita, because I needed to heal from my recent injuries and I’ve been way too stressed.

-Several hours later, before opening-

“So being called Leap Lamb wasn’t even your idea?” No Sandra, but it’s turned out okay so far. “I’m sure Dolly wasn’t happy with being Caper Canine.”

“She wasn’t, but she has come to accept it.” When I said it this time, Dolly actually seemed proud of the sidekick name.

I gave Dolly a curious look.

“Hey, this canine causes capers, might as well own it!” At least Dolly didn’t mind being called Caper Canine anymore.

“You know it’s interesting that you can talk to animals.” Sandra finally stated.

“Finally, someone is going to ask about it.” I muttered.

“Nope, not going to ask, just acknowledging that you have a way with them… the dogs at least.” Really Sandra?

“You don’t even know the half of it.” I bark and yipped out, which spooked Mittens and Bolt a bit because this is the first time they’ve actually really listened to me speak dog. Rhino was fascinated and excitable like usual. Hasn’t really come up honestly.

“Neat.” Sandra continued on like things were completely normal. “Also, can I just say that your barking was adorable even if I can’t understand a word of it?”

“Right there with you sister!” Dolly barked out even if Sandra couldn’t understand her.

“Are all of you this unflappable all the time?” Because my word that was an underwhelming reaction.

“We’ve seen some pretty weird stuff, Mospy is seeing even weirder stuff and Shanty was one of the less weird people we’ve ever played host to.” Sandra was continuing to be laid back. “Still, not really going bother unless it’s life or death. You seem a bit high strung, learn to relax more Pom. Hey Prick! Are the vegetarian dogs done yet?!”

“Almost.” The pink hedgehog biped Penelope answered, she was apparently their favorite bartender and snack maker.

“See, we’re all alright here, she didn’t even bat an eye at her nickname.” Sandra stated with a casualness that left me baffled.

“Should you really be saying stuff like that to the person who’s making your food?” It seemed a little hurtful to me.

“Well my last name is Pricks.” Stated Penelope with a smile. “And I’m constantly surrounded by them!”

“Oh, ha, ha.” Rita stated in an annoyed tone. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to practice my singing.”

“You could go five years without practicing and still have a perfect voice Rita.” If Pamela was to be believed, Rita was a big attraction for this place.

“Definitely agree with that Pamela, definitely agree!” Runt said as he walked by.

“Ahem… where have all the good men gone…. and… where all the gods~” My goodness Rita’s voice was actually entrancing. Even my animal companion’s ears immediately twitched in her direction when she started singing. “Where’s my streetwise Hercules… to fight the rising odds~.”

Rita was looking at Runt when she started singing this.

-The next day-

“Okay, have fun in Hollywood for us Pamela.” Rita stated with grand bow.

“I will!” Pamela answered before she pulled her car out and we were on our way.

Dormarch showed this stop has helped me heal physically and it also reduced my stress levels immensely.

Author's Note:

Characters are from the following, if not in personality, then general appearance:

Sandra. The fairytale detective, at least the character design if made to look like a bipedal rat. Has not aired in English.

Rita and Runt, Animaniacs.

Pamela 'Miss Possum', 'the adventures of sonic the hedgehog'.

'Penelope' Pricks, also 'the adventures of sonic the hedgehog'.

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

“Ahem… where have all the good men gone…. and… where all the gods~” My goodness Rita’s voice was actually entrancing. Even my animal companion’s ears immediately twitched in her direction when she started singing. “Where’s my streetwise Hercules… to fight the rising odds~.”

Holding Out For a Hero? Neat, if a bit problematic for site policy reasons.

[Darkonshadows]

10980568

I barely stayed within the boundaries of site policy, if I did more than two lines then it would be a problem.