Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

78. The Prance Dance.

Author's Note:

-Music: Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5, instrumental version-

So two things are named.

'Prism Heart' and 'Herald of Opera' immediately nailed both Ducktales (the easiest) and Sly Cooper (moderately more difficult). I'm betting the name 'Muggshot' gave it away.

Pom's third act is needed to be named before I can reveal the full name of the two worlds involved here.

Otherwise I'd be sitting on 'World 5: ????' throughout. One of those names is already obviously Sly Cooper, but Pom's area needs to be named to get the full scope of everything that's going on with this world in particular.

Surnames or even 'species' would certainly help figure out Pom's location immediately and it is somewhat obscure for a reason.

Again, I don't condone Shanty's drinking habit.

-Earth, Mesa City Vegas, Mopsy-

Breakfast for me was lunch and lunch for me was dinner, dinner is breakfast and I had to explain this to Shanty.

“So welcome the Mesa City Vegas, sure it isn’t very pretty~.” It was the evening and the orphans had been rightfully fed, I decided to show Shanty my favorite place of work and the little goat could really eat. I wasn’t about to complain, she saved me from losing the money or my life. It wasn’t my only place of work, but here in Mesa City, this was the place where I thrived the most. “But we make do here, even if things can get quite gritty~.”

“Welcome to my place, I’m here at least once a week~. I’m not going to quit now, I’m on quite a winning streak~! The people all here know me well, mostly in bed, but what we did together, it’s assured something that I’ll never tell~!” I led Shanty in through the doors into my favorite place of business, one that was safe from thugs and ne’er-do-wells. There was no fighting here. “There’s my girls Pamela, Sandra and Rita, the more you know about me… well I’m only known for always getting just a little bit sweeter~.”

A possum, a rat and a cat all gussied up for a night around the club were walking around as waitresses.

“So what can I really do~? I truly value my job, good lord~! Because to me strutting really is the only true sport~. Nothing can bring me down, especially when we’re in my part of town~. So let’s go on a walk around~!” Shanty followed me into the room where my favorite ladies were walking around with trays of food and the music was a jam I could dance to. “Don’t you worry, I’ll help you sweetie~. I may be a whore, but I’m not quite that easy~. I know this town, I’ve been around forever~. I can ask around, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s now or clever~.”

“Can you do it, can you really find all of my friends then~? They are a bit strange, but for them I’d go to any end~.” Shanty sang back getting into the rhythm of things. “I know Dodo will always be near, but my other friends are quite clearly not here~. I’m worried just to be being clear, because being all alone is truly my biggest fear~!”

I dragged Shanty towards the dance floor.

“Ba-aa! On the dance floor, I strut my stuff, on the dance floor~!” I sang out trying to cheer up Shanty as I started showing off my moves by strutting forward with my head held high.

“She struts her stuff~!” My three girls sang in a cheery tune and I sent a wink their way, they giggled and maybe Sandra would be open for some fun a few days from now when she’s not busy bussing tables.

“On the dance floor, you strut your stuff, on the dance floor~?” Shanty sang in a more questioning tone as she started to dance along with me.

“She knows her stuff~!” All the men in the room sang with waggling eyebrows, I grinned at the guys and I saw a few of the gentler ones that likely came here to watch little old me prance about and a few new interesting ones too.

It was always nice to have friends, especially ones that pay me.

“I’m well known around here, let me be quite clear, I’m well known around here~!” I sang as I continued to dance for a gathering audience.

“She’s the queen of fling~!” Everyone throughout the club sang. “So we all know to welcome you here, so we welcome you to The Prance…~”

“Dance~!” I shouted and people started to join us on the dance floor at my command.

“I’m the queen of swing, I have had so many flings. I got information on just about, well, every little thing~.” I ran my hoof over the Shanty’s head affectionately and then started to tango with a nice looking koala. “I know this is important to you, so here is what we’re going to do~. I’m going to help you sweetie, but it might not be easy~. I’m not charging you, because you’re really quite needy~. I’m a good friend to have, I like to please, yes indeed-y~.”

“Don’t you worry, she’ll help you honey~.” Pamela said soothingly as she walked by with a sway in her hips.

“Mopsy doesn’t ever lie, not even to be funny~.” Sandra stated as she passed by to stop a table nearby.

“She’s always be nice to kids and is likely glad to meet ewe~.” Rita said as she slunk by and dragged her tail under my chin and I growled at her cutely. “Everything we say about her is almost always likely to be true~.”

“You guys are my jerks and truly I love you, but tonight I’m not really on the menu~.” I leaned closer to Shanty and sang out the next part. “I still like to play up my part, as the venue~. So watch me strut and do my stuff, as I entice the entire room on que~! Ba-aa!”

“On the dance floor, she struts her stuff, on the dance floor~!” the three girls sang as they continued to move food around the club and I was twirling around while crossing and uncrossing all my legs rhythmically.

“I strut my stuff~.” I sang as I danced a jitterbug and a quick jig with Shanty.

“On the dance floor, she’s the hot stuff, on the dance floor~.” The men sang with grins.

“You can’t get enough~.” I sang back while waggling my backside for the lot of them while giving them a quick wink.

“So… you… ba-aa~!” I made my way over to the table where three guys were seated. If they who I thought they were, then they could help Shanty. A raccoon, hippo and a turtle, the venerable Cooper Gang in my club, how nice! “Hey… new… ba-aa~!”

“How… do…~?” I nuzzled the dorky looking turtle because I thought he was cute and patted the big guy on the arm while giving him a sweet smile.

“I will always welcome new guests at… The Prance… Dance~!” I sang as I propped my chin up on my hooves at their tables. Quite a few guys around the club were sad, but I could cheer them up another day. “So what brings the Cooper Gang to The Prance Dance? Looking for a good time, it won’t be with me tonight just so you know. Just showing someone around the… cleaner portions of the establishment. We go through a lot of bleach here, it’s a good thing my wool is already white, because whoa Nelly!”

“Yeah, Nelly doesn’t know the meaning of stop sometimes.” Pamela stated idly as she sauntered on by us. “She’s not in tonight, still sleeping off the last time she did a few rounds in The Prance Dance… if you catch my drift.”

“So want to go for a swing on the floor?” I waggled my butt to the continuing music as I stared the three guys down, the Cooper Gang was always said to be both honorable and classy. So what were they doing in my joint? I could escort the big guy if asked, but tonight is not a night I’m willing to do anything serious.

“No, we’re looking into something else and are just taking a small break here.” The raccoon stated despite him and his two friends blushing like the nice guys they were. “Also my eyes are for one fox in particular, but it’s nice of you to offer.”

“They are all being thieves aren’t they?” Turning my gaze to Shanty, I ruffled her ponytail. She was quite quick on the uptake, I blamed whatever pirates she grew up with.

She’s probably hiding a foul mouth and the fact that she likes alcoholic beverages despite her age, it’s likely to be rum.

“Yep, the all good upstanding kind even… they only ever steal from really bad criminals, ‘IF’ they’ve been sticking to the old Cooper Gang honor code at least.” I then decided to ask something with a sugary tone of voice. “Heard something about an animalistic frog named Raleigh getting zapped in the news, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”

“Oh she’s good Sly, she probably already knows why we’re here.” Stated the nasally sounding turtle with the glasses. I haven’t been introduced to the gang, but I had an idea about who they were.

“Mopsy Muttoncoddle at your service milords, may I and my new little scamp of a friend here have a seat?” They looked concerned that I was going to join them. “I’m quite sure that I can do business with you guys… but I don’t think I’m going to get lucky with any of you gentlemen.”

“Uh sure, Sly Cooper and no you’re not going to be… lucky that is, not in quite the way I think you’re thinking of.” The raccoon offered his right hand and I shook his hand with my hoof, he was looking so sheepish and shy. What an adorable guy, whoever he gets with is going to be lucky as he was definitely a keeper and looked to be growing up to be a good man. Cooper Clan thieves were always said to be of the good sort. “Never met an animalistic like yourself that’s quite this... forward…”

“I’m Bentley, we get around, I mean not in the way you obviously do... Oh goodness I didn’t mean to point out at that you spread your… er… I’ll just stop talking.” The turtle stated after a moment of wiping off his quickly fogging glasses.

Brains are an accoutrement we could use more of around here, but that was two shy guys. Is the third any braver?

“You can call me, The Murray!” Calling it now, ‘The Murray’ is all heart, all brawn, and very little on the brains except when his friends are in danger. At least he wasn’t shy about showing off his guns, those biceps must pack a wallop for him being the strong man of the group.

“Good, now that we’ve establish that, I will admit to doing some information brokering as a side business. You have no idea how much some guys talk when you’re spending time with them, to think that men think we ladies are mouthy ones.” I sat down next to The Murray and Shanty was next to Bentley. “So let me start you off with an opener, you’re all after Muggshot right? Well good riddance if you can get his goons out of here, they tried to rob me in broad daylight not too long ago. Picked up a few things from their wallets that you might want. For some reason I couldn’t find one of them, I don’t think they pay their guards enough if they are willing to commit daylight robbery.”

“Bottle of rum please!” I turned to Shanty paying one of my girls with money from the third wallet that had been missing when I did a ‘civil inspection’ of the three goons to see if they’d live. They were all fine where we left them.

Shanty was soon hugging a bottle of rum with a bright smile on her face.

“Well, at least I know where that wallet went now.” I was correct in the fact that Shanty had a rum drinking habit.

Islanders and pirates, honestly… it’s always rum with them! Also yeah, I can see her stealing from a guy that attacked her… was it a pet? I mean it’s a large mechanical two legged thing that resembles an ostrich… that we left behind at the orphanage… oh god, please don’t let an incident happen to those poor kids!

Shanty didn’t seem to be worried about Dodo… so I’ll… I’ll just stop worrying about it too for the moment. I was going right back there as soon as I’m finished here, which will be my busy with the Cooper Gang.

“Hey, they be robbing you first! So if you be snoozing on getting some money from one of them, then you be losing.” Shanty said as she happily popped the cork and started imbibing the rum in front of us. “Also he be attacking Dodo.”

“Uh… how old is she exactly?” Good question Sly, but if you had to ask… she was probably not anywhere near enough to already be drinking.

“I could use some help myself, this kid was literally dropped on me out of nowhere, but she seems to know what’s up for the most part as far as robbing your robbers go.” I don’t pick pocket, but that case was the rare exception.

I only do it to thugs that deserved it, I would never rob a child and or someone who might be completely innocent. I would only do it to anyone that I knew for sure were scum, because what were they honestly going to say about the ill earned gains that I might steal off of them?

My business was entirely legit stuff… as far canoodling for cash and working a club can be anyway, the tidbits of information I get usually came from just doing this stuff. I’ve heard horror stories and I’ve heard interesting news around my little pocket of the world. The most recent revival of the Cooper Gang started making noise again in Paris and I put an ear to the ground, at least to learn enough that I could recognize their group if I knew what to look for.

“I be a teenager.” Shanty stated plainly, the alcohol apparently having very little effect on her mental state at all despite already having gone through half a bottle. Not even a hint of slurring. “Being called a 'kid' be implying that I’m not mature enough to understand things after being homeless for as long as I have been.”

I winced audibly as did the three guys with us.

“How is she staying stone cold sober like that?” Rita asked from off to the side. “Thought she would take two gulps and be out like a light, which means I could take the rest of it for myself.”

“It’s my rum and I not be letting you have a drop of it!” Shanty declared proudly and took another sip of it and sighed audibly while flicking her ears in enjoyment.

“Islander, rum, always!” I enunciated it all clearly, Rita shrugged at me with a silly smile and went back to work. I turned back to the friendly thieves. “She’s a little lost and needs help finding her friends… I know you guys are of a good sort. You could use a stealthy little munchkin and her… is it a pet?”

“Dodo, he be my familiar, a strong mystical partner for life… also he be making baked goods, don’t honestly know how that works and I don’t be caring one bit!” Yeah, a mechanical ostrich named Dodo that bakes, did Shanty not realize how much of a lead up to a joke that sounded like. I’m still trying to figure out what the punchline to it could be personally. “So I be getting a little separated from my friends, I be knowing they are somewhere on this world at least.”

“This world?” Bentley asked with undisguised curiosity as he looked more closely at Shanty.

“Yeah, I be falling out of a magic portal coming from a different world and incidentally be helping Mopsy… she looks a lot like my m… my friend Pom.” Was Shanty about to say ‘mother’? Huh, so I looked like someone who was likely about twice her age and willing to take care of a gluttonous, rum chugging, little wannabe pirate goat that was still somehow quite thin. That was despite the mass of food I fed her less than an hour or so back, nice to know someone out there was looking for the little darling. “I at least be feeling where Dodo is at all times, he also be carrying most of our stuff. My other two missing friends are Smolder and Ocellus, Smolder is an orange dragon and Ocellus be a shapeshifter that generally looks like a cross between a ladybug and a unicorn. I’m worried about Ocellus because she was in a coma when we left that last world, we wanted off it badly enough to be taking the risk of magically transporting her.”

“I can confirm that, I saw Dodo come out of a strange hole in the sky and they saved my loveable backside from Muggshot’s goons. So I owe it to you guys to absolutely point you in the bulldog’s general direction.” I sighed audibly. I was a bit thirsty, but I wasn’t on call tonight so… “Sandra a virgin drink please, something fruity!”

“One ‘Pussyfoot’ coming right up Mops.” That rat always gets me, now if only she was open to an intersection byplay with Rita and Pamela.

“What was so bad about the last world you were in?” The Murray asked Shanty quietly.

“It not be the world I was born to for one, there also being evil giant machines, a demon took over a castle and things be getting pretty violent… we be helping to end the war at least and that’s how we got help getting to this world.” Shanty took another gulp of rum. “Only it seems that we be getting separated from one another as we all went through the portal separately. I was with Dodo, Smolder and Ocellus should be together and Pom… she’s by herself and likely be worried about the rest of us as she’s our caretaker.”

“Would you say Pom is a fighter and did she teach you some things?” I asked as I didn’t know much about Shanty, but a world with giant evil machines did sound a bit scary… “Wait… was Dodo one of those machines?!”

“Yes to all of it, but Dodo be getting better and is being a nice living machine. He not be hurting the orphans, he is really friendly.” Well that was only somewhat reassuring Shanty. “There was said to be another planet in the last world where people were being turned into machines with an evil magic chamber, but I not be knowing much about that. We be telling our way off the world to not send us anywhere near that planet when they be getting us off their world for helping them. They be saying they are sending us to a place where dreams ‘can’ be happening, they didn’t be saying that they ‘will’ happen though. We are kind of lost and want to find a way back home to our world.”

“Well dreams start and promptly end here in Mesa City Vegas, state of Utah. So they got that part right at least, but this is basically the second Vegas to exist. The better Vegas is in Nevada thanks to Muggshot running a number of people out of Mesa City.” I muttered out as I took a sip of my ‘Pussyfoot’ that Pamela sat down, Sandra was likely busy with another table. “Also the kid is telling the truth as far as I can tell, because the machine she arrived here with… well you’d have to it see for yourself to start believing. Technology like that isn’t normal, especially not around here as the best you would get for cutting edge would be something like the stuff McDuck Enterprises would build. So… what do you guys need to know to get at that gun slinging mass of mad mongrel that is ripping up all of people’s homes around here.”

“Where is Muggshot currently?” There was no amount of small interest in the way Sly asked that.

“At the Boneyard Casino, he’s likely in the fire hydrant at the top of it. The guys a real muscle hound, but I’m sure you did your homework to find out he was in this area at least, maybe even have a profile on him. You would be a doing a lot of people around here a big favor if you can get him arrested.” My favorite little orphanage was getting eyed by the guy’s goons and I didn’t want Muggshot’s men picking on my kids. He personally didn’t seem to be targeting them at least… as much as he’s targeting every other business around the strip. “His guys are starting to take glances at my favorite charity case, I don’t want his goons to force those orphans out into the street.”

“Trust me when I say that will be the last he ever does if The Murray has anything to say about it!” The hippo flexed and I smiled at him, I stood up on the seat and gave him a peck on the cheek leaving a bit of lipstick.

“I believe in you wholeheartedly The Murray.” I grinned as he blushed and ducked down a little, three for three on the shyness scale!

“Well at least we now know why the city is so quiet and why Muggshot’s men think they can get away with daylight robbery.” Bentley was clacking away at the keyboard on his laptop as he started to make plans. “They’ve practically pushed everyone in the area out of their homes and are ruining businesses left and right Sly.”

“Hey, if you need a goat that can stick to walls, has magic hooves and don’t mind helping good people…” Saying this, Shanty tossed up her empty bottle and then swung her left hoof upwards past it creating a shining arc as she did so. Both halves of the bottle hit the table and Shanty hopped up to the wall next to the table facing down at us, just to show that she could do as she said. This was to the surprise of Sly, Bentley and The Murray. I was fairly surprised too, but then again she did say she just came from a world that was at war recently. So the goat having magical abilities wasn’t that far off from anything I’ve heard so far. “Then I’d like to join in on this like Mopsy suggest, I don’t be liking people being pushed around and out their homes by some big bully! I know what it is like to be homeless and I don’t like it happening to good people! The names Shanty, like the song, if you don’t like it, then we won’t be getting along~.”

“I think we can accommodate you on a temporary basis… what do you think guys?” Sly seemed to open up fast to Shanty joining them. “If she needs help finding her friends, then we can do that… we’re going to be going after the Fiendish Five members all over the world after all.”

“I’m not so sure Sly… but if you think it’s fine…” He stared at Shanty as she hopped off the wall and back into her seat. “I’m willing to let her help us with Muggshot at least, her unique skills could be quite useful here.”

“I’m okay with it Sly, she’s really adorable and I’ve always wanted another little buddy!” The Murray wrapped his left arm around Shanty and cuddled her, she smiled up at him with a grin.

“Having odd friends in places never hurts!” Shanty then turned to look at me. “Will you be helping as well?”

“I’d rather keep my head down, but I will be around to make sure you’re not getting in over your head.” I stated in a noncommittal tone.

“Then you’ll be helping as well.” Shanty said while nodding sagely.

-Shanty-

I be meeting a nice prostitute, she be introducing me to thieves and I be helping them steal from a bad guy?

Finding Pom, Smolder and Ocellus will obviously take quite a while.

Comments

[prism heart]

Thanks for the mention. I just had a thought about Pom's location. Could it be Zootopia or Sing? To be fair those are wild guesses as they fit the animal theme.