• Published 29th Aug 2020
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Baa-Ram-Ewe! - Darkonshadows



"Baa-Ram-Ewe!" - The ancient war cry of the lambkin.

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7. Cooking with ewe.

Author's Note:

This chapter leads into some setup for later...

-The Valley, Ocellus-

So The Valley was at war with Dragon, an army of somewhat intelligent ninja monkeys and Baboon. We were almost in the middle of their territories and I that was a little worrisome, we were clearly in The Valley defending animal’s side and they were friendly enough.

I watched as Pom made the pizza crust, showing our new friends how to go about doing it and what made this part of the dessert pizza she’s making special. Apparently being a homemaker came naturally to Pom, doesn’t surprise me in the slightest given that any lambkin would know if something was out of place in their home. They had it down to a science to know if a grain of rice was out of place.

The way Pom twirled the dough up into the air was kind of magical to watch I suppose, that she could even keep it from going all over the place was impressive in its own right.

How many times did the lambkin make us relocate again? Chrysalis should have stopped after the first five attempts and I probably shouldn’t have seen what the problem with them was first hoof after the twelfth or so attempt at failing to make headway into squeezing love from lambkin kind.

After finishing the crust, Pom then went into making a plum and blueberry jam mixture, making sure the exclude the seeds and saw to a few of them being planted nearby. She also grabbed several odd plants that were added the berry mix, possibly spices.

Pie was apparently a known thing in the valley, as was Dim Sum and other forms of healthy cooking by the one known as Duck. Duck was one of the older more intelligent beings in the valley that liked to cook and take care of others.

Dim sum was a variety small carefully made snacks and tea, it was a popular way to snack in Chi-neigh at least and it was of a similar principle here.

Pizza was less of a common commodity, so this would be a treat for them. Also I don’t think I’ve ever tasted pizza before, not that it would be as filling or fulfilling as just being near Smolder is. I tended to like sugary stuff and we changelings still needed to drink fluids. A little tea from our friends wouldn’t go amiss when we’re sharing a snack with them that Smolder is apparently going to help with.

“So you’re a warrior of your people?” Rabbit looked Pom up and down, he then scoffed loudly. “You don’t seem like much.”

Pom made sure the dough wasn’t sticking to the surface of the slate slab with a few prods here or there with a carved stick, to make sure the pizza doesn’t stick Pom added oil to the slab before plopping it on there. We found and cleaned off said slab with Smolder’s fire to prevent anyone from getting sick.

“No I’m not much of a warrior and yes I’m not really much at all. I’m just a humble guard of the people of Huoshan, hopefully my position will still be there when I get back home from this… incidental trip.” As she said this Pom started to spread the berry paste onto the dough. I eyed the two bananas still off to the side. “There’s a decent distinction between the two. A guard will protect those who can’t defend themselves and will hold their ground to keep others safe. A warrior actively goes out, fights and pushes forward. It is a guard’s duty to worry about the people under their care first and foremost. Now we need to cook this most of the way, then we need to top it off with banana slices and that’s where Smolder comes in.”

“Say, can you teach me any moves?” Skunk seemed interested in what Pom was doing as she smacked her hooves together sharply and it started a fire underneath the pizza.

“Skunk is always eager to learn new things, he is as good at learning as he is in getting into trouble.” Fox stared at the doughy circle as it cooked over the flames beneath.

“I don’t have too many personal fighting moves, but I do know four close friends who taught me a bit about their fighting styles.” That a lambkin like Pom can fight was news to me. Well I knew lambkin can run and escape a changeling hive well enough, but outright fighting? “A fifth close friend mostly relied on magic to fight with, so there is nothing I can teach as I can’t do too many magical things personally.”

“Wait, someone like you can do magic?” Rabbit’s ears twitched as he scrutinized Pom.

“Well she does have some talent as a fluffmancer.” When Smolder said that, there were odd looks from the three visitors and a curious one from the living garbage disposal that was Shanty.

Goats were supposedly picky eaters, Shanty didn’t seem to be that type of goat.

“Fluff-mancer… what’s that?” As she asked this, Fox idly eyed rabbit. She was just likely to making sure he wasn’t going to take a swing at anyone. She seemed to smack him whenever he was about to do or say something stupid and she timed it so well that I’d almost think it was a fluke the first five times she did it.

Rabbit’s emotions read as jittery and he was rather aggressive, kind of like Angel in Equestria was known for being by many people outside of Professor Fluttershy’s interactions with him.

“Well it’s a particular talent known to beings that are exceptionally fluffy, like me for instance, and using said fluffiness for mobility, utility, defensive and offensive means.” Pom got up and got the bowl shaped rock, she scooped up some water and eyed the nice smelling food on the rock plate. “I’m only vaguely a beginner and if you don’t have the talent for it, then it’s not something you can easily learn. If you ever want to see what a real fluffmancer can do, you’d want to find an alpaca. Alpaca can control the fluff on their body to do amazing or even ridiculous things.”

“How ridiculous are we talking here?” Rabbit’s ears perked up.

“If every being in this valley were to attack the particular grand master level fluffmancer that I know of, well she’d practically beat everyone in a straight fight by just hugging everyone around her into submission. I’m being quite literal here, she’d beat you even if you fought entirely dirty and she’d still win by just hugging the fight out of you. She can manipulate her fluff to such a fine degree that her fur almost shapes itself automatically to take blows without a thought. She can grapple and swing around on strings of fluff she controls like a whip and using the same idea she can practically walk on any surface. She can even create a bubble of air underwater that can’t be popped and will filter fresh out of the very water itself.” That… that was actually sounded rather impressive Pom, sounds like she can generate hydrofuge hairs that bugs have. We never invaded the alpaca because of their ability to see their loved ones with their hearts, changelings can’t fake that ability or even steal love from an alpaca. Unless an alpaca loved the changeling upon first sight, that changelings always went colorful soon after makes so much sense now. The alpaca weren’t hostile to us at least, though there was that one that cheekily invaded the hive near the end of Chrysalis’s reign. “I can barely even do the armored fluff thing with my limited talent, my alpaca friend said that I could eventually learn how to fly because I’m lightweight enough for it and I believe her. Right now, at best, I can somewhat glide or slow my fall by puffing out the fur around my head.”

“That be pretty ridiculous.” Said Shanty through a mouthful of banana to our right on her own little log seat. Pom went all out with the camp site.

“Do you think she could beat a dragon?” Skunk asked while cautiously looking at Smolder.

“Yeah, if it’s who I think she’s talking about, then it’s very likely she could beat any dragon of at least up ten times her own size.” Wait, Smolder has met this alpaca before? Why has she never told me about this? “Also I didn’t tell you about this because I’m usually trying to forget that snuggle happy alpaca even exists. Her name is Paprika right? Everyone seems to know who she is, I wonder how many people has that insane alpaca hugged by this point.”

“So this master fluffmancer is a girl?” Rabbit puffed up his chest. “Like she could take me on!”

“Three seconds, that’s how long most people my size or smaller would last against Paprika if she were to ever fight seriously. She never seriously hurts anyone though, it’s rare that ever see her with an intent to harm anybody and it takes a lot of harassing to actually get her to attack with the intent to injure. She’s very forgiving at least.” Pom wasn’t lying from what I could feel, I shivered a bit. “She’s hard to hurt and her entire fighting style is about wearing her opponent down through various methods of hugging, cuddling and snuggling. My first training session with her was training my ability block hits with my fluff, the first jab she threw was at three percent of her strength and it sent me flying across a room. My fluff actually protected me from the initial impact and the following one of me hitting the wall. I was quite bruised for a few days after that and she did it so fast that I didn’t even see her move.”

“Hugging someone into submission, that doesn’t sound very easy for me.” Skunk watched as Pom flicked the bowl of water into the flames, they quickly sputtered out and she picked up the bananas. “It also doesn’t sound like something I’d be interested it, what about the other three?”

“Does anyone have anything to chop these up with?” It wasn’t a second later that Pom received an answer in the form of Fox pulling out a fan with a twirling flourish. Rabbit rolled his eyes, but he didn’t take them off of Fox. “Where were you keeping that exactly?”

“Don’t worry, I can assure you that my battle fan is clean.” Fox said while fanning herself with a coy smile.

-Fox-

I know I’m not in love with Pom, so it’s more like I’m ‘in friendship with her’. These are some pretty weird feelings, but if I can help her then I’m going to offer to do so at every opportunity. Now if only I could keep control of my tail around her, it’s so embarrassing.

“Well okay then. I want you to peel and wash the bananas slightly, then cut the chunks evenly and spread them out over the pizza as it currently is.” I was trusted by her and I trusted myself not to make a mistake in where I hide my fan. Hidden weapon techniques are always a fun skill to learn, but can be a bit awkward at times.

“Can I be having the peels afterwards?” Shanty was an odd looking being, her manner speech equally so.

I may have even cringed at the thought of her eating the banana peels.

“Sure.” I took the two bananas from Pom’s hooves and started to peel them.

Still, to each their own.

I tossed the peels to Shanty and she quickly snapped them up with a smile and started chewing.

I then washed the bananas lightly and listened to what was said next.

-Pom-

“As for the other three fighting styles, one is the style of constant flowing movement like a flickering flame, it’s the most common fighting style of the Huoshan longma.” I wiggled and wavered about for emphasis like Tianhuo does when she’s taking a basic stance. “Another is utilizing raw aggressive brute force style of the cow. There’s also the style of the reindeer, it values evasive leaping moves, quick jabs and fast arcing blows. In fact I think it’s my best suited style, which one are you more interested in hearing about Skunk?”

“Why is that last one the one you’re more suited for?” As Skunk asked, Fox started slicing the bananas over the pizza.

“The reindeer style, Fleet Cunning Doe, I’m quite good at the defensive applications of it even if I can’t do the supplemental magic stuff the style entails. It’s meant for beings with long legs like me, given that the style requires a longer reach and quick reactions to avoid reprisals.” I eyed the thin slices of banana and nodded when they sunk into the slightly liquefied jam a bit. I sent a warm smile towards Fox that she was doing well. “Didn’t exactly help against the brute force fighting style of the cow when used to full effect.”

“So this brute force style of the cow, what’s that like?” This seemed more up Rabbits alley. “You didn’t exactly explain it in great detail.”

“It’s a bit of a thing, it’s about keeping momentum and having the ability to not be staggered by blows. Needless to say the one who taught me a few moves of it could have multiple boulders fall on her and they would always be the ones to break first.” I think Rabbit lost interest when I mentioned it was a girl, my takeaway from this is that he’s a bit of a jerk. “Strong in body and mind, able to weather blows that would fell anyone like her with just her tightly corded muscles. She’s worked for hard for her incredible physical strength and didn’t lose her agility in doing it either. If you are going to hit her, then you better make sure she can feel it or else she’ll just trample you into the ground. My cow friend was basically everything that… I am definitely not.”

“Kind of sounds like something Ox could do.” Rabbit commented dryly. “He’s pretty strong, if a bit brainless.”

“Call it a feeling, but I’m quite sure you’re strong Pom.” Well thanks for the vote of confidence Fox, too bad I don’t have that confidence myself. I certainly wasn’t seeing or feeling it at the moment. “What about that last fighting style? The flickering flame one of the Huoshan longma, I’m done with the bananas by the way.”

I looked over Fox’s work and nodded to her, then I turned to Smolder. She was grinning already as she saw where this was going, caramelized banana chunks on a fruit flavored dessert pizza…. no sugar needed even and a few spices to dent the strong sugary flavor. It’s basically a made from scratch pizza tart.

“Lightly torch it Smolder, over the pizza and not on the pizza itself.” Seeing as I had a good idea what Smolder would do, I made sure she knew not to make the same mistake that some other longma before her did when it came to cooking the pizza. “Make sure to roast all the banana slices evenly too.”

“Right, this is just like baking with Pinkie Pie. Don’t burn it too much, roast it nicely and I get something delicious out of it. Win-win for all of us as friends.” Having said that, Smolder let out a burst of flame from her mouth and kept it going for thirty seconds while looking at the banana chunks all over the pizza.

“I learned a thing or two about the flickering flame. The style is about switching between calm methodical attacks and then bursting into motion with powerful attacks at even the slightest perceived opening in someone’s defense, all while maintaining your breathing evenly throughout every action.” I sighed audibly as I leaned back against my log. “It’s about keeping yourself balanced at all times, not too rigid and not too still. Cautious, but willing to be aggressive if pushed. Burn too bright the fire wears itself out quickly, if the fire doesn’t burn that much then it’ll be too easy to snuff it out. It’s a blend of erratic and orderly attacks and defense, I’m not a longma so I can’t exactly use it to its fullest potential.”

“Sounds poetic, who taught you about that style?” Fox flicked her tail attentively as she watched Smolder continue roasting the bananas until they started changing a golden color.

“The captain of the guard… I’m married to them.” I blushed a bit, I don’t exactly want Rabbit to know that said captain is not male. I don’t want him making snide or disparaging comments about someone he doesn’t know out of ignorance, especially not my Tianhuo.

“Ah, that sounds so cute!” If only you knew the truth Fox, but I still think I was the cute one in the relationship.

Tianhuo had her moments though where she was adorable with my beasties, even if she couldn’t take care of them without an instruction manual… I did remember to leave her one… right? I’ll… come back to that thought later. No need to panic… yet.

“What about your own style or do you even have one?” Skunk suddenly asked as Smolder stopped blowing fire and looked over the pizza.

I sniffed the air, it smelled like the pizza was done.

“I only have a few moves I personally created myself… mostly defensive maneuvers, because I kind of work better with a group and being the one giving out strategic advice. I tend to try not and get involved in any of the fighting if at all possible.” That and I spend most of my time making sure my puppies didn’t get in over their heads, they were smart boys and they loved their baa-baa. I’m kind of worried that I coddled them too much, but they seem well adjusted and happy to me. “I don’t think of it as a style of combat really. That’s good enough Smolder.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured.” Smolder stretched out. “Now how are we going to slice it?”

“Like a pie?” Fox asked, she took her fan out again and I idly wondered where she pulled it from, because it definitely looked like she pulled from somewhere else this time.

“Yes, thank you for helping cook it Smolder. Say hello to berry pizza tart special. Remember all good things in moderation, so don’t make and eat too many of these or otherwise you might get chubby.” I proceeded to bow to Fox respectfully. “I thank you for your help Fox, now can you make eight even slices?”

“Sure!” Fox leapt up and with several quick swings of her razor edged fan and a few shouts, the pizza was now cut into eight even slices on the slab of stone.

“Now we have to wait a minute for it to cool off, then we can each have one piece and I have a plan for that last slice. So leave it alone.” Normally I would be scared or trying to warn people we have a watcher, but I didn’t think they meant us any harm. They were likely attracted by the smell of the berry pizza tart, that or the roasted bananas. “Also I should try the first slice, since this is my invention and I have to make sure it’s safe for consumption if I did something wrong.”

I picked up my slice after it cooled off and bit the tip off, the bananas were rightfully gooey and it added to the berry flavors. The pizza style dough and spices really balanced out the kick of the sweetness.

I should try making this with Tianhuo sometime, if there ever is another time where we’re together.

I finished chewing my first bit and then nodded to them. They each got their slice of it, the responses were nice.

“Hmm… this is pretty good… needs carrots though.” Rabbit was probably more of a carrot cake fan.

“Rabbit! Don’t listen to him, this is really good.” Well there’s the affectionate canine syndrome shining in Fox’s eyes and I accepted it. We were friends unless I wanted to be cruel to make her stop liking me as much. I’m too nice to even do that. “Thank you for sharing this with us Pom.”

“Whoa, this is almost like a green tea cake.” Skunk, as with all kids, was quite enamored with the kind of sugary flavors involved.

We ate our snack in relative silence, given Shanty was making all kinds of appreciative noises. After we finished, the trio of visitors gathered themselves up.

“I still want to learn a thing or two from you, I’m sure you have something to teach me. Everyone else I have ever met has taught me important lessons, even when they didn’t really mean to… even Rabbit!” There was a small pause and Skunk snickered. “Usually it’s mostly a lesson about what not to do.”

“Maybe we’ll come down The Valley tomorrow?” Pom offered.

“Well that sounds like a fun idea, we’ll be glad if you do and if you can’t we’re not going to be upset. We have our own things to do and we can’t spend all day every day here.” Standing up and stretching out, Fox started to mosey down the river with a sway in her hips. “Now let’s get going boys, we’ve already imposed on their time a bit too much today already and Rabbit has a patrol later on. One that I hope he remembers to do!”

“Alright, alright, lay off Fox, so I slept through a few of my night shifts.” Rabbit started to floppily waddle after Fox on his large feet. “It’s not like the ninja monkeys really try to attack us without someone ordering them to do so.”

I frowned at Rabbit’s words.

“See you later guys!” Skunk waved at us and ran off after Fox.

“Have a good day and thank you for the good times we shared!” After they were gone, I turned back to the last slice that was left behind.

“That was a really good snack, are you certain I can’t be having that last piece?” Shanty wheedled innocently.

“No, it’s for our other guest.” Honestly I hoped this worked as a peace offering, because I didn’t want to fight that baboon or all those monkeys. “You can come down now, we have no quarrel with you and we won’t attack. I think I’m the only one here who is somewhat trained.”

Smolder, Ocellus and Shanty all flinched when a ninja monkey dropped from the tree and came over to us curiously.

The ninja monkey looked at the slice, she pointed to herself and asked a question in her own language.

“Yes, take it, it’s yours.” I answered pleasantly. The monkey sat down with us and smiled while taking up the slice and taking a bite out of it. “So who are you?”

“Eep Eep!” The ninja monkey then followed that up exuberantly chattering out several things in rapid succession.

Notably the monkey had pink eyeliner on. I think it was the only feature to tell her apart from other ninja monkeys, given how much alike they looked to be when I first saw them in groups.

“Oh… sorry about ruining the possibility of you spending more time with your friend Kiki, but does the snack make up for it at least?” After eating more of it, Kiki sat up and nodded to me in a friendly manner before scampering off with the slice of food in her grasp.

“You actually understood all that?” Asked Ocellus in a disbelieving tone.

“Well of course.” I nodded to Ocellus, Smolder and Shanty. “I’m quite fluent in ‘underdog’.”

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