Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

49. Couriers… sure...

-???, Oleander-

“Why are these things called The Flood again?” I asked as the trickle of enemies coming at us was just sad.

There used to be a lot more of them, but I just ended up standing on a mountain of them. Seriously, they could at least try to be a little bit more of a threat to me. I was destroying them in a single blow each with minimal effort. The only thing dangerous about them was their numbers, which were dwindling pretty badly.

“Because they have a gestalt psychic mind link and can all act as one. Which unfortunately for them makes them highly susceptible magical beings and therefore not a threat to us. Anything with magic is immune to them, BUT YOU’RE BASICALLY HIGHLY POISONOUS AND THEIR LITERAL WORST NIGHTMARE OLLIE!” Just listening to Fred as I slashed apart a few biological monstrosities with The End of Pain, was alleviating my boredom. “Also if they try to forcefully assimilate you and somehow manage to circumnavigate the magical immunity you have to them, they are in for a rude awakening, WHEN I CONSUME THEM ALL. They can never equal or beat a demon, EVEN ONE AS LIMITED AS I AM.”

“At this point I wouldn’t consider you limited Fred.” I stated dryly as I watched Fred continued to consume The Flood with glee, while still in his book form. He was at a point where he could act independently of me and I hadn’t the slightest worry about it. So a universe with evil giant parasites on giant rings, thankfully no signs of magic in this dimension and just high end technology. The lost ones we’re trying to track down wouldn’t have survived long in this world if they ended up here. They wouldn’t have died to these oversized and overblown parasites at least, but to the locals who would have experiment on them to try and figure out their immunity to these things. “Also since I’m mostly immune to them several times over, would anyone miss them if we exterminated them?”

“I would certainly enjoy being an extinction event.” Fred’s face on the book grinned broadly. “Also it would even be heroic to do so, THIS WILL CAUSE CHAOS AMONG THE LOCALS AND I APPROVE!”

“More custodial work for us then… at least the Grimm had a few things that were worth fighting. Right, let’s get on with this.” I rested my key blade against my withers and went to find the nearest source of life that hasn’t been subjugated by biological grey goo mind parasites. “Also remember to scrub everything clean, we don’t want to accidentally infect another world with these things.”

“Oh trust me Ollie, I WILL REVEL IN EXTINGUISHING EVERY TRACE OF THEM!” That’s my dear Fred, ever the softy. “You’re mind and body both belong to me by the way.”

“If you love me so much, then put a ring on me and actually pop the question.” Hopefully I would get a response this time instead of Fred just turning from black to blood red. “Or do you have a problem with commitment?”

“Well… we are on a giant ring… sure it’s a little big but…” Fred started to say and he was stalling, I glared at him. “Ahem… we’ve been friends for a really long time Ollie and well… I’ve never quite felt this way about anyone and…”

“Spit it our Fred, or so help me we’ll just continue being pact partners and act like nothing is going on between us.” My tone was quite even, but apparently my demon was both cowed beyond measure. How can Fred be so powerful and dark, yet around me he acts horribly flustered?

I know we love each other, but I still wanted to hear him say or do something impossible for me.

-Days later, ???-

“It’s not my rampancy issue, I swear its a unicorn and a book that is wiping them out and I can I quit anytime I want!” My name was Cortana and I was an artificial intelligence. “I do not have an addiction problem to anime and cartoons with cute fuzzy animals in them!”

This received quite possibly the flattest look I could ever receive in the history of looks.

-???, Ollie-

“So the question is where we will be having it.” Above the tip of my horn floated a tiny ring filled with the ecosystem of an entire world. It actually looked quite fetching at this size. I was running along the coastline towards the positive Equus signatures from our world.

This had to be it, it had to be Pom and the others and we’d soon rescue them from an eldritch abomination! You know, all the fun stuff that comes with being a dark hero.

I had obviously accepted Fred’s modest proposal, he went above and beyond for me and gave me an entire world on a ring. It’s beautiful and flattering at the same time, also functionally unbreakable with the magic that went into making it so small.

“Should we really be discussing this Ollie…” Fred stated quietly. “ESPECIALLY WHEN WE’RE ABOUT TO BE FIGHTING AN ELDER GOD?! By the way his name is Cthulhu.”

We arrived quickly to assist some beings that were from Equus, unfortunately they weren’t Pom or any of the ones we were looking for.

“Huh… Oleander, what are you doing here?!” A familiar looking dragon stated. He was with a yak, a golden kitsune and a mortally challenged skeleton that was half alive and half dead. I wondered how they ended up in this mess, they were also here with very well-known historical pillars of Equestria Rock Hoof the strong, Somnambula the brave and Starswirl the Bearded. “Never mind, you’re an expert at fighting against ridiculous odds and stupidly powerful things right? We could really use some of that right now.”

“Eh, this should take a few hours at most and will probably involve non-Euclidean mansions… again… at least it’s not the Umbrella Corporation this time.” This Cthulhu guy didn’t look that tough to me. Sure he might be causing me to be a little angry just from looking at him, but I’ve seen worse insanity effects.

He rates a six on our general scale of trouble at best. Universal threat, but easy to stave off with the right bits of knowledge provided we did things quickly enough to prevent full breakthrough into this reality. After that it pumps up to a nine.

Sure we were still rescuing people from Equus, just not the people we meant to rescue.

-Cladinhold Tavern, seven hours after the octobot attack, Pom-

So not only was the machine attacking from the south the town’s defense force had to repel an assault of Gedol soldiers from the east while we were busy distracting the octobot.

The Zebulos Guardian Mech Colleen hotwired was inoperable and needed extensive repairs due to heat damage. It would be a while before they could field it again after she damaged it fighting the octobot.

I spent almost five hours scrubbing the oil out of my wool with help from Ocellus, Smolder and Shanty after the incident. It would have been faster, but we didn’t exactly have a better method or the right chemicals to get the stuff out.

We would be getting a meal in before we call it a night which is why we were still awake. Ocellus was discussing all the things that happened with Jean, Bruno and Colleen.

Bruno was apparently on the eastern front, he was very much the reason that Gedol couldn’t get a foothold with their encroaching forces as he personally took out half of them. This could say a lot about Devotindos pigs and their combat prowess in general if he wasn’t an outlier among them.

I’m actually fairly terrified of Bruno, he was termed as a 'berserker' by Biggs as translated to us by Ocellus. At least were reasonably safe around him as long as he wasn’t pointing his weapon at us.

Jean and Colleen had raided the local militia armory for weapons, the rocket tube was returned to where it was found and we weren’t keeping it. I actually think Cladinhold needed it more than we did, they also needed ammunition for it after we used it all up.

Jean, I liked him, he was brave in the face of danger and was generally an optimistic nice guy. What he wasn’t was a soldier. He was a really good duelist when it came to fencing, he faced down dangers with us fairly well even if his armor is a bit of a write off and was mildly injured.

Speaking of injuries, almost none of us got off without them. Smolder’s wings were hurting. Shanty was covered in bruises and scratches. My body wasn’t feeling too good after going through all that with the injuries I still had from the whole thing with the pain train.

Ocellus was the only one of us that wasn’t injured or exhausted, at least physically. The mental strain of her being near an evil core was haunting her and she was upset that she just couldn’t be there for us, at least she was a good early warning system for the presence of an evil core.

Now Colleen, she obviously went off to find that Zebulos Guardian Mech that was having issues. Somehow, she knew how to bypass the problems and wield the machine quite effectively. Which begs the question how she knew how to operate the shrimp claw as a weapon and that she did so when the weapon was disconnected from its power source.

We knew Colleen was an Ex-soldier from the Yellow Dog Army, but not what she did when she was there. I have a strong, almost glaring really, hunch it involves technology and manipulating it in some way. She wasn’t being forthcoming with information, even to me surprisingly, and seemed a bit withdrawn after saving the day and preventing the octopus from destroying the town.

I was kind of worried about her and her cold personality. This lead me to wondering what all the locals were going to do with the imploded husk of that thing, I figured they were going to melt it down for resources.

“I can’t be waiting for food much longer.” Hearing Shanty’s stomach growled, I sighed loudly. Keeping a goat fed was far harder than keeping a young dragon or a changeling fed.

“Calm down Shanty.” I groaned out with my chin digging into the table, Shanty was on my left and across from us was Smolder and Ocellus snuggling together. “Service is expected to be a bit slow after the day we’ve been having.”

“Can we get to the part where we’re supposed to be couriers now?” Whined Smolder. “This world is ridiculous, what next…”

“Don’t!” I wasn’t the only one that shouted this, but my voice drowned out Shanty’s and Ocellus’s by quite a bit. I continued the thought. “Do not suggest anything Smolder!”

“What if I was to suggest something innocent sounding though?” Looking properly cowed, Smolder just rested her face on Ocellus’s shoulder.

“Even then, we don’t know what kind of form the machines can be made in and we do not want to give this world any suggestions no matter how benign sounding they may be.” Shuddering violently at the thought of suddenly fighting an army of machines again, I decided to bring it up. “Remember when I tempted fate not too long ago and then the octobot attack happened?”

“Right, no testing this world’s sense of hearing, got it.” Stated Smolder seriously and Shanty nodded her head rapidly.

“So what’s the first job as couriers?” Change of subject, which I thought we really needed, something far away from the subject of almost tempting fate to destroy us.

Even a hint of tempting it could set fate off. It happened on Equus with enough regularity that its mind boggling that anyone would continue to do so.

“Oh right, we’re supposed to be the White Knight Couriers. Okay the first job we have been given by Biggs has us heading west to Castle Zebulous on a large sea like lake. It should…” Ocellus stopped for a moment, she frowned. “Why is it always so hard to stop from actually doing the tempting? Is it really that badly hardwired into anything living to just tempt things to go wrong?”

“At least I be knowing better than to say something to that effect.” Shanty mumbled as a waiter brought the food over to our table. “My life is being hard enough already, so I never be wanting to tempt things intentionally. Sometimes it can’t be being helped.”

I heard the distinct sound of growling and looked over to the other table at our three new companions.

Bruno and Colleen were glaring at each other and Jean appeared to be trying to keep the peace between them. Colleen eventually calmed down and huffed, she was looking agitated if her body language was anything to go by.

“Do I want to know?” I asked Ocellus as I started eating my food.

“Not really.” Ocellus stated dryly, then her demeanor changed to something slightly cheerier. “We’ll at least get an opportunity to meet the princess of Zebulos while we’re at the castle and we’ll be able to ask for magical assistance.”

“Yeah, provided that Bruno, Colleen and Jean don’t cause problems for us with getting a meeting.” Not that I really suspected Jean of causing trouble, but you couldn’t rule out him just trying to do something nice and it ending in a disaster. Good intentions, the roads they pave and all that. “They will likely be on their best behaviors, I almost half expect one of them to try and assassinate the king while we’re there.”

“Only half?” Responded Smolder as she bit into some fish, her teeth went straight through the bones and I winced slightly at the snapping sound.

“Bruno might be a bit rough, but I don’t think he has any past grievances. Devotindos from what Ocellus told us has a generally good history with Zebulos… aside from what five years ago with their evil mechanical emperor Devligus. Colleen might have grievances, but that’s only because we don’t know much about her and what we do know is just that she used to be a soldier.” From what she was capable of, I seriously doubted Colleen was a normal soldier for the Yellow Dog Army. “As for Jean, I don’t know anything about him politically given he’s from the same swampy region that Gedol sprang up from to take Devotindos City. There might be some issues with your presence Smolder, given dragons aren’t apparently common in this world and you might be mistaken for someone from Gedol.”

“Don’t know how they would honestly be mistaking Smolder for a Gedol Goblin, but I be thinking it not be a big deal and Ocellus can be taking care of that.” We’ll try to cross that bridge safely Shanty, but that might be asking for a bit much.

“Let’s just finish our meals, we’ll get our message for the king tomorrow and then we’ll set out for the castle… done!” Ocellus smiled brightly after nuzzling against Smolder for a few seconds, Smolder’s scales turned a bit red.

I just continued eating my salad, the cherry tomato things taste like juicy olives with a heavy salty flavor. I’m still a bit unsure about local foods. It’s just a bit odd that lettuce in the world tastes like refried beans and cheese had a somewhat sour flavor with a bittersweet aftertaste.

The most unusual thing was that the bread tasted like guacamole, when no ingredients even related to the stuff was used.

I wasn’t about to complain, why should I? We were all alive and with no permanent injuries… yet.

I had more things to worry about than just myself or my current lot in life. Tomorrow we would do our first official courier mission, we’ll be so far behind friendly lines that I would feel mostly safe to happily relax a little.

We were strangers in a strange world of giant machine monsters that run on magic and malice, where the food tastes odd and learning how to speak the language was hard because we couldn’t quite match any vocal range like Ocellus could.

As I was setting up for bed at the local inn, I direly wished that tomorrow was a quiet day. It would allow my bruises, cuts and energy blast injuries to heal up.

Shanty and I were bandaged pretty well, Smolder needed to take it easy with a sprained wing that proved that she wasn’t entirely invulnerable to injury and Ocellus was still getting echoes of the migraines she should have had were she awake through the whole assault.

We’d all get through this, we just need some more time between battles of life or death to actually heal.

I crawled into bed and was about to rest my head when I felt something crawl onto the bed with me, I sat up and saw Shanty looking me.

“Can I be… sleeping next to you?” Nodding to the nervous looking goat, Shanty quickly came over to me and curled up against me shivering, I ran my hoof through her mane and kept gently petting her until she fell into a calm sleep.

Shanty nearly got stabbed in the heart by a ninja lizard, burned to death on burning hot metal in a sea of fire and, like everyone else, survived being shot at by blasts of energy from all directions. At least I wasn’t the only one that was going to have nightmares about the octobot, but I would rather it be only me who had the nightmares.

“Couriers… yeah, I’ll believe that when we don’t end up being randomly sent to places to end up dealing with problems by being in the right place at the right time.” Sighing I put a hoof protectively over Shanty, she was so adorable. I wasn’t nearly old enough to actually be her mother, but this moment made me want children someday. My head slapped against the pillow and I was almost out like a light. “We’ll make it through, I’ll prove it to you Tian…”

My dreams were of giant demonic machine’s ripping me to shreds.

-The next day, Zebulos Castle, Ocellus-

We were actually making good time, the wagon hadn’t been damaged in the assault on Cladinhold and we were at the bridge leading up to an impressive looking castle on the water. I just finished talking to the guards, Pom and I were being led in while everyone else stayed with Dodo.

Pom delivered the message to King Zebulos and I told him we were the White Knight Couriers coming from Cladinhold. The king was a tiny opossum, he was barely two feet tall, white beard around his mouth and blonde bits of hair sticking out from under his crown and armor.

I wouldn’t question his need to wear armor as this world was dangerous enough to warrant it.

His daughter however exceeded his height by quite a lot and was named Princess Sherry, she had long pink hair with some curls, a beautiful blue dress and gentle eyes. As far as I was concerned she had the air of Princess Celestia about her and she felt like paragon of virtues, but she didn’t come off as a fighter by any stretch of the imagination even with the massive amounts of magic I could feel flowing from her.

So far King Zebulos and Sherry were at best…. just curious, that’s all I felt from them. Zebulos was a bit wary, but he didn’t seem like a bad guy.

“Would you give us the names of the heroes that have entered our realm from beyond?” The king suddenly asked me after reading the many messages sent from Cladinhold. “You helped stop the sacking of a village in Zephyrus to our north, you assisted a village of raccoons that were to be enslaved by Gedol and you stepped up in our time of need at Cladinhold. You had little reason to aid us, but aid us you did and I find myself wanting.”

“My name is Ocellus the translator for our group and this is Pom a hero and guard from her home place Huoshan.” I really didn’t care what Pom thinks, she was a hero as much as she was a humble guard. “We also had the aid of Smolder, Dodo, Shanty and the three others we met upon arriving in Cladinhold. One was a pig from Devotindos, one was from the northern Yellow Dogs and the last is a frog from the eastern swamps. We all pulled together, but it was Biggs and Wedge who took up arms to stave off that mad machine long enough to give the ex-Yellow Dog the ability to pilot your guardian mech right into battle. I am sorry that she took it without permission and damaged it so badly.”

“No need to fret young one.” He said in a grandfatherly tone. “I hold no ill will against those three or your amazing group of four.”

“Dodo is our friend, we’re a group of five since he magically contracted himself to our little rapscallion Shanty who apparently fought off someone named… Paeli was it?” There was sudden whispers of wonder filling the room. “At least that’s what Jean told me the name of the ninja lizard was.”

“Paeli, if he was present and you managed to make even him retreat, then your group is a lot stronger than I thought.” The king stated with a bit of awe coming off of him. “Your chances of success without the last Rocket Knight’s assistance should have been infinitesimal.”

“We have a saying for that. Never tempt fate, it’s always listening.” After I said that Sherry bursts out giggling into her gloved hands and even the king chuckled.

“Better the enemy tempted fate than us eh?” King Zebulos was smiling now, the tiny opossum was less wary now than he was before.

After talking to Pom about what was said, I turned back to King Zebulos.

“Can I speak freely King Zebulos?” He nodded his head at me. “Are we a squad intentionally put together or was it random chance we ended up with people from Devotindos, Yellow Dog and a frog from the eastern mires across the desert near where the Gedol hailed from? Are we an Intentional Screw-up Squad?”

The king sighed.

“So the realms from which you heroes hail from have them too. Unfortunately we direly need such groupings like yours now more than ever, ever since we lost our entire contingent of rocket knights with Sanjuro Mifune’s fall years ago. That was the time Devotindos threatened the peace of this world, it is happening again from Devotindos City with Gedol now wielding their devilish technology.” I felt and heard the sorrow in his voice. “Nothing can quite match up to the prowess of a true Rocket Knight in battle, but we can no longer train more. We of Zebulos try to live with nature, we try not to destroy the fragile ecosystem and want to keep in harmony with everyone else, this world only has so much room. Evil core machines, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, don’t exactly care about how much damage they deal to the environment and only cause destruction. So yes, as you surmise, the minute your group decided to become couriers with the intention of aiding us, I intentionally formed the White Knight Couriers unit with the hopes of a strange magical cohesion would blossom forth. Was I wrong to think as such?”

“I think you’re as fair and wise as you can be given the circumstances.” I answered diplomatically, he smiled at me. He seemed happy, as did Sherry.

Author's Note:

Diplomacy is easily Ocellus's bread and butter as a translator, she will always know what a person feels about her words and can react accordingly. Changelings have a good synergy for becoming diplomats.

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

Even in the context of Lovecraft's Mythos, High Priest Cthulhu is notable as one of the few Entities to be defeated rather than merely escaped. He's chump change, is what I'm saying, so you shouldn't feel bad about using him the way you did.