Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

221. Ocellus’s Obfuscation, Part Two.

-Ms. Shuttle Interior, Dormarch-

“We’ll have a firing solution when you call the location Ocellus.” I said only taking my eyes off of Pom for a moment. “Just get Mini-Max to tell us where that location is and what you need us to hit them with. Yeah… she’s about the same.”

-San Fransokyo Streets, Ocellus-

Hiro would keep an eye on Nimnul and Steamer situation, I swear I’ve heard of someone like Steamer in Equestria before.

After getting an update on the Motor Ed and Monkey Fist situations Fred had finally managed to get the artifact called ‘The Monkey Shines Statue’. I had him describe it to me and what it looked like and I had an idea as to what it actually does, considering magical artifacts and enchanted objects were a thing on Equus, more so than Monkey Fist at least who thought it would lead him to enlightenment.

Well it would enlighten things alright, just not the way the guy with genetically altered monkey limbs thought they would. Once I had it in my hooves, via Mr. Zilla’s delivery, it might do exactly what I thought it does.

Unfortunately I couldn’t focus on that until it was in my hooves as Bazooka Bunny was still managing to outpace Professor Dementor’s minions. The problem with uniformity was that it made what I’m about to do too easy, given Bazooka Bunny had their attentions on her.

“The world needs to know my story!” Professor Dementor shouted after the rabbit hero that bounced her way onto a building.

“I don’t want to be the captive audience to that!” Bazooka Bunny fired a small batch of chemicals that caused a splatter of colors blinding some of the minions.

The minions looked uniform and the same, but they had key differences in height and minor appearance differences. I transformed and infiltrated their ranks without anyone being none the wiser by just running out of an alleyway and acting liked I belong there while they couldn’t see or were distracted avoiding Bazooka Bunny’s fire.

“What were we doing before the boss got distracted by Bazooka Bunny again?” I asked quietly. “I don’t want to forget in case the boss asks us to remember for him.”

“Well we were going to rob Krei Tech, but we got sidetracked because Bazooka Bunny asked why he was going to do that and he took that as a personal challenge to tell his whole life story to her apparently…” The minion scrutinized me slightly. “Wait, who are you again?”

“Average Joe.” I stated calmly in a unique masculine voice.

“Wow your parents must have hate you, but then I guess we all have our problems given we’re henchmen.” After that statement it was apparent that situational awareness was not their thing, at least Changelings would be able to tell when someone was using a template spell to look like a Changeling. “At least your name isn’t Macken Chaez, just remember to call me Macky.”

Which reminds me of the story that Twilight turned her and her friends into Breezies using that spell. The template spell has a few tells that a Changeling would notice immediately if a pony were to template into a Changeling to walk a mile in our hooves.

“Well Professor Dementor goes on about his mother a lot, but do you notice he never mentions his father?” I said slowly weaseling my way into the group and hoping I didn’t miss the mark, as we all continued to give chase to Bazooka Bunny. “Maybe there’s some deep rooted issues there.”

“Yeah, no one can ever get him to talk about that, every time he goes into his life story it’s always his mother this and his mother that.” Oh do tell Macky, any gossip will be useful going forward while Dolly works from the other end of things! “We all get it already, she was ridiculously cruel to him and his sister. Kind of polar opposite with Dementor’s rival Dr. Drakken who had a bad father that disappeared growing up, but a good mother. Dr. Drakken has one really good minion and a bunch of lackluster minions. Whereas we’re all really great minions and one really lame one because the Professor gave his sister’s husband a job with us. Really good at logistics though, got us all health and dental benefits which really make this job worth it.”

I grinned as we moved forward emotional variances popped up to tell me someone noticed my incursion into their group.

-Up the streets from where Ocellus is, Dolly-

Lashing out with the leash, I caught the arm of one of the cultists bug robots of that Beelzebug guy. I seriously thought I had heard the last of him after that super robot explosion thing, but I guess not. Pulling and adding momentum to my pull, I lifted the robot cultist off the ground and swung him up and around into a whole group of them.

I then took the time to reel in the leash and looked up at Plasma Paladin.

“Caper Canine and Mini-Max? Well at least I’m finally getting some help.” Giving him a two digit hello in the form of a victory sign and a bright smile, I continued to lash out with the leash like a whip, adding momentum to it so it had more of an impact as it struck down robots. “What’s the plan now?”

Plasma Paladin next to me was just shooting them with gauntlet’s plasma blaster, I gave him a look and barked before pointing back the way I came.

“Dolly indicates we are still trying to get these two groups to meet, or if I’m calculating things right… four…” Mini-Max might have just realized that Ocellus was planning for the fact that none of these guys were organized, Saint Canard was definitely an organized problem. This was a mess of different people doing different things all at the same time in the same place, which is much more manageable since Ocellus explained to me the idea of what she wanted me to do. “Minimum effort, Maximized plan power!”

“Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of ducks as we knew them… all turkeys were machines before they became fleshy abominations like they are today. It was then that we knew our brethren were pickles.” One of the robots started spouting randomly as it started to billow with smoke before I whipped its head off and it exploded.

These demon cultist robot bug guys were just so lame, but how did they have so many to waste like this and why did they keep spouting the same ridiculously idiotic stuff?!

“French Fries ninety nine cents!” One of the cultist shouted insanely as he ran forward before being bisected by Plasma Paladin’s left blade. Unfortunately he only bisected it horizontally leaving its top half to continue talking. “Act now and you can get an automatic log filing program for ninety nine ninety nine ninety nine! You’ll also get a bucket of nothing with it for free, that’s a bucket, with nothing in it!”

I took the head off before it could continue speaking.

“Buy one free beating, get two broken bones for free and act now for a stolen kidney.” You know what, I think should have taken my chances with the monkey ninjas or that Motor Ed gang. These bug guys weren’t dangerous to us physically… but mentally, I wish mind soap existed because their voices are so annoying! “For Beelzebug!”

I grunted audibly at hearing one shouting a jingle that annoyed me when it came to watching television when I was a puppy.

“Yeah, I know they are horrible, but the best we can do is put them out of their miseries.” Plasma Paladin probably wasn’t far off with that estimate. “It sounds like they have every kind of computer virus imaginable downloaded into them all at once.”

-Minion-cellus-

These guys were nice, evil was just their day job. It was kind of sad that we couldn’t be friends when they were on the clock. I lagged behind some of them and looked around, I spotted a red robot looking for Callaghan near the edge of the roof, within my shooting range.

It makes me wonder where the police were in all of this… I mean I knew villains with high end technology or capabilities were attacking, but what were they currently focusing on that they weren’t attacking this group slowly trooping down the street? Unless those red robots were to blame.

I didn’t think it was that, they had to be busy with other things of importance in the city. Maybe they weren’t capable of fighting on the same level as super heroes. Saint Canard had TOON Division, an entire division dedicated to countering super villains or big trouble… San Fransokyo apparently didn’t have that.

I inhaled and then quietly exhaled, to anyone else it would seem like I was breathing normally.

Grinning as the red robot took aim at our group, firing a magical spell out my mouth as I exhaled wasn’t too hard to do. Though making my tongue a focal point for my magic wasn’t easy in the slightest, my aim had also been a bit wonky, but it struck the robot in the leg with a small electrical pop and caused it to aim our way.

Currently moving into position to tackle Professor Dementor, I was going to do so early. Too late and Dementor might have get hurt.

“Get Down!” I lunged forward, tackling the short Dementor to the ground and the beam passed over head and struck the street near the scattering henchmen. Several fired on the robot, but its armor was pretty tough against pure energy weapons, ballistic weapons were also relatively harmless against the segment plates of the main torso.

I quickly helped Dementor up and ran for cover. The guy was shorter than the people he was in command of, but he was quick on the uptake and pulled a weapon to start fighting back.

“Who built these things? It doesn’t look like any robot I’ve seen before, not an assassin built anyway…” While Dementor was doing that, I hope the injuries weren’t too horrible from fighting the robots, I snuck off and decided to go the next street over and uphill and prepared for Fred-Zilla to show up. “There are so many of them, get me a sample from one of them. You will all get a pay raise if you can get me one that’s mostly intact!”

I was almost tempted to work for Dementor myself, Chrysalis certainly never gave us Changelings pay raises… or much of a reason to work for her in the form of incentives.

-A few minutes later three blocks over, Ocellahan-

I was once again in the guise of Abigail Callaghan. She might have a slightly serious personality and was of a possible genius intellect to build portal technology that I couldn’t match, but I liked this form and it just made me feel cuddly. I was hoping that taking refuge in audacity would cover up the fact that I wasn’t exactly scientist from this world.

“Oh there you are, you must be Ocellus, nice to meet you.” Bazooka Bunny landed on a blob and slid off it to stand at my side with her chemical firing purse, she came toward me and I shook her extended hand with a paw. “How did you get the robot to shoot at them?”

“Used some magic while disguised as one of his minions, the problem with the uniform look is that anyone can wear the uniform and sneak under your nose.” I buffed a paw against the fluff of my chest and smirked at up at her. Abigail Callaghan was pretty big for a fox animalistic, but she was still smaller than the general heights bipeds got to. “So did they forget about you and the surrounding robots attacked them?”

“Yes, at least I don’t have to fight them now and can save my chemicals for something worse.” She seemed to be of a cheerful sort, in fact she was like a honey trap for Changelings like Pinkie Pie was. Energetic, friendly and most of all easily loving companion. “What’s it like being a shape shifter? We have Globby, but that’s mostly him eating his own hand in the form of chocolate without any repercussions.”

“It can be fun, but you got to always remember who you are if you don’t have a method of telling that you are not currently the original you. At least with people like me, we have a base form we can’t possibly forget because while we’re transformed the transformation magic is always present in the back of our minds.” We had some time until Fred arrived, this is where I wanted to meet him. “Call Mini-Max, what’s Mr. Zilla’s ETA and how much is Wheel Cat slowing down that Motor Ed guy?”

“No need to call me, for I am always minimum distance away to help maximally!” Mini-Max was quite helpful for something so small, like Dormarch when he was still stuck in his device. Dolly hadn’t lost any bandaged and or injured herself even worse, she and Plasma Paladin came up to us looking perfectly fine. “I do not know who that Beelzebug guy is, but he is sorely horrible at making robotic minions.”

“You can say that again, what did Leap Lamb due to earn the Beelzebug guys attention that badly?” Could try to tell you Plasma Paladin, but I don’t think you’d take it too well. Magic is already a hot button issue for scientists like you guys who are amazing with technology, mostly since magic tends to have at least a number of unquantifiable factors compared to you just using math and technology to achieve amazing results through hard work. Again, it was little wonder Equus had weird random levels of technology compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen. “I mean sure the biped bug robots are super weird and a little bit creepily cobbled together, but they aren’t exactly threatening if one guy, one dog and a small robot like us can hold off a large quantity of them together without breaking a sweat.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell the Big Hero Six members that demons actually exist, especially ones that are more annoying than threatening as Beelzegbug is turning out to be. It was already hard enough for them to swallow the fact that magic exists and that Dolly was capable of it.

We certainly wouldn’t ask Beelzebug for any help with traveling to other dimensions, despite it being obvious that he was a multidimensional being, because I doubt whatever the cost would end in quality services rendered or even be worth it if the quality was good enough.

Angels also existed, but they weren’t always friendly or entirely good either. They tended to have a holier than someone attitude or an ego the size of a continent, possibly even redefining what good was to be some asinine standard that no one could live up to… IE perfection. Basically they could go crusade my entire race into extinction and no one would have batted an eye if we were still stealing love, we weren’t irredeemably evil and they tend to deal in absolutes that was ‘order’.

I think prefer dealing with more earthly goddesses like Celestia and Luna on a more personable level, also Discord wasn’t so bad either. Chaos tends to teach lessons as well as harmony.

“Leap Lamb just got in the way of one of the guys plans, kind of made it blow up in his face…” Yeah, quite literally while doing something on an emotional scale that was frightening when it comes to someone like Pom who had been a constant and known quantity up to that point. “Well made it blow up in his face sooner than it would have otherwise.”

“Ah, one of those types, explains all the poor addled robots that keep talking about time travel.” Plasma Paladin nodded at me as if he knew the pains of dealing with someone like that. “Time Travel is functionally impossible given the energy costs it would take to even pull that off, much less with that many robots.”

“Who’s dealing with them right now if you’re here?” I would be seeing them if nobody was stopping them.

“We have a friend, who was once an enemy, called Globby. This seems to be on his level so we left him to it.” Well okay then Plasma Paladin. “He’s not really a bad guy, but Bazooka Bunny did kind of accidentally turn him into a mutant blob monster. So giving him something important to do sounded like a great way to keep him out of trouble.”

-Location in an alternate dimension: ???, D-list hero Globby-

“I don’t know how I ended up here, but I will defeat you Beelzebug!” Shouted this handsome mutant slime guy as he pointed to the fly the size of his head.

Yeah, I knew I wasn’t comic book material, but in my own head I could dream of being a little bit cooler.

“You can try foolish mortal.” This Beelzebug monster fired a blast of strange energy at me.

The energy just kind of flexed my body and then bounces off me completely back into the fly monsters face making him explode into a pile of guts and gore violently.

“Ew… well that was easy, maybe I am a hero after all! Now how do I get back to San Fransokyo from here?” I looked at the time machine teleporter thing, looked like a blue police box you’d see in Britain? “Eh, best idea I’ve got. I kind of like English muffins with some honey, even though they aren’t real muffins. I could go for some crepes right about now...”

-San Fransokyo Intersection, Ocellus-

“There you guys are.” Fredzilla I take it? Well his costume looked weird, but he was holding a monkey statue. “Is that Ocellus?”

“Hey there.” I said calmly, then turned to Mini-Max. “Tell Wheel Cat that operation banana split is a go.”

“Right away!” Mini-Max then turned around and started to talk to Wheel Cat.

“Operation banana split?” Asked Bazooka Bunny with a tilt of her head at me.

“You’ll see, but first we need to deal with the monkeys and Monkey Fist. To that end… hand me the statue.” I had almost freed up all the heroes from doing any fighting, I took the statue from Fredzilla into my paws and looked it over and read the inscription on the underside of the statue. It even felt like a magical artifact you would see on Equus, but the magic was certainly native to this world. “Oh this will do perfectly, now here’s what’s going to happen…”

Most of the villains were doing our work for us now with some manipulations, I was currently in Abigail’s form to attract any villains we might have missed that might be after us or more of those red robots.

Aside from Dr. Drakken and Shego, the red robots were the only ones that seemed interested in hunting down Abigail Callaghan. The ones behind said robots were going to come after me soon enough because all the red robots around were having problems or were losing their numbers slowly.

Kim Possible’s team would probably arrive either before or after the unknowns show up, I want before, but after was fine too if they could react to the situation quickly enough upon arrival.

“Nice.” Fredzilla said once my plan was explained.

“I am sending coordinates for the center of this intersection to Ms. Shuttle.” Mini-Max stated, there weren’t many people around where all this stuff was happening, but they were still actively trying to move through the area quickly and some were surely wondering why several members of Big Hero Six were standing still.

My mind silently went to the fact that, again, six is the starting number for a harmony effect and it builds friendships. Having five good friends that can balance out your personality traits along with the flaws and strengths that entails, it slowly builds outwards into a community of connections both good and bad that can last a lifetime.

“Here comes Monkey Fist!” Fredzilla shouted as the monkey limbed martial artist encroached upon us. He stopped in the middle of the road and stared us down with all his monkey ninjas.

“Is Wheel Cat leading Motor Ed into this street?” I asked Mini-Max quietly, he raised a digit and nodded. “Good.”

“Hand over The Monkey Shines Statue or else I will be take it from you by force.” Hearing the roar of engines, I looked behind me and saw Wheel Cat coming this way with several vehicles.

“How about no…” I had already warned the Big Hero Six members that were present what this statue would do when I activated it. There were three monkey statues, two of which do something similar to what the one I held when invoked. Said statues required the last phrase to be relevant to the statue. “Hear no evil, speak no evil… see no evil.”

The monkey statue’s arms moves upwards and the eyes created a light so powerful that it temporarily blinded Monkey Fist and all of his monkeys in the intersection.

It would have blinded us too, had I not expected it.

“Move!” I stated as everyone ran off to the side as Wheel Cat was almost to the intersection. “Fire!”

“Firing chemical spread bomb.” Mini-Max announced and Bazooka Bunny grinned as she had given Ms. Shuttle the chemical that would stop several vehicles in their tracks and capturing the criminals safely at the same time. “Also Ms. Shuttle is changing locations to somewhere more hidden.”

-Wheel Cat-

“Wow you guys are so slow!” I skated along and saw a large gaggle of monkeys and one guy on the ground all with their hands over their eyes.

“You might be a chick, but we'll show you how fast we can go!” Motor Ed still wasn’t the brightest villain I ever fought, but he was good at vehicles, not that it would help him here.

I started pushing myself as hard as I could as the four monster trucks took up the coming and going streets behind me.

Leaping up, I landed four wheels to the ground and going at full speed and managing to pull away and I glanced at the intersection as the chemical bomb was coming down.

Time seemed to slow down as I glanced to my right and saw the chemical bomb mere feet from the street as I pushed myself one last time. Before I knew it I was outpacing the chemicals spreading out from the intersection behind me.

“Woohoo, that’s how we deal with villains around here!” I shouted with glee as I looked back and saw Motor Ed’s monster vehicles basically melt around his entire gang.

The drivers and all the gang members were caught in the resultant chemical slurry without injury that soon hardened and stuck them down. The hardening slurry also captured all the blinded ninja monkeys and Monkey Fist.

We just caught two villain teams with one shot.

-Ocellus-

Okay now that that’s most of the problems in the city dealt with…

Now we needed to deal with those…

I ducked as a shot of energy passed by and turned along with the rest of Big Hero Six as a number of red robots dropped down to the streets and were aiming at the people taking up defensive positions in front of me.

“Okay, I can no longer transform out of Abigail Callaghan’s form or else the subterfuge will be lost." I would rather be captured, than they grab Ms. Callaghan for various reasons. "I will not be using magic, I hope that you guys can protect me.”

Author's Note:

Ocellus has single hoofed solved most of the issues, but there's still an armies worth of Hunter Drones coming for her.

Next Page: Red Robot Rumble.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Time to go Snooker Loopy.

I say, thats your cue, son.