Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

Prologue: The Lambkin.

Author's Note:

Well my surgery went off well enough and I've mostly recovered from it, it happened a short while after I finished Airship Mauled. Still scheduled for another one next year...

So here's my new story, Baa-Ram-Ewe! Featuring Pom the lambkin of Them's Fightin' Herds, at least my Equestrian version of her anyway.

BIG NOTE: It's kind of a spin-off as much as it is its own story. You won't see much, if any, Airship Mauled characters. You don't even need to read Airship Mauled to understand or follow this story, I just have them set in the same frame as one another.

This is going to be a massive multiple crossover thing.

Finished this page on August 22, 2020.

Lambkin kind, what could one say about them?

Well, they were a race of what was known as the best training aids for therapists and psychologists to ever exist the world over, mostly because eighty percent of the lambkin population were hypochondriacs even at the best of times.

If it wasn’t fearing that they had some form of physical or mental illness, then it was the race wide problem of Panphobia, which can also be termed Omniphobia or Pantophobia, which is the absolute fear of everything.

The lambkin as a race held several world records for being the most neurotic race to ever exist, a single loud noise would set them off far more than it would an actual normal ‘animal’ sheep or ram.

Many other races on the planet of Equus saw the lambkin as quite odd, especially the sheep farmers among their kind. Actual sheep and rams were ironically braver than lambkins, male or female, tended to be.

Lambkin looked vaguely close to being like regular sheep, only they were definitely far more intelligent than the average pasture grazer. Becoming self-aware didn’t help really lambkin kind in the slightest, but they were definitely something approaching ‘kin’ to the animals they looked to be like and were always quite civil in their interactions with other races.

This race were quite known for their agriculture, some would even say they were on par with earth ponies in food production. They just didn’t have much in the way of any unique exports aside from their textiles industry and didn’t need much in the way of imports, aside from an absolutely astronomical amount of antidepressants.

A unicorn pony named Rarity did tend to get a few of her more high quality imports from lambkin kind for her dress making businesses.

As a race, lambkin were so boring with love or so absolutely high strung about every little detail that the love eating, shape changing, bug pony creatures known as changelings didn’t see them as worthy of the time spent to capture or steal the love from.

It was easy to see why lambkin kind were absolutely frustrating for changelings, they were definitely far too much trouble to deal with.

This is where one can actually find a few fairly positive effects of lambkins being extremely paranoid, one is that they could always escape a changeling hive one hundred percent of the time with relative ease and usually caused problems by freeing all the other prisoners that were nearby on their way out to cause a distraction.

Being cocooned by a changeling should have had a calming and love increasing effect as it does with every other species that they could feed off of, but lambkins tended to no sell being cocooned by changelings on the basis of their neurosis problems alone.

Changelings also had tons of issues infiltrating lambkin kind, they just could not emulate a lambkin’s level of outright sheer paranoia of nearly everything around them well enough.

This is why changelings stopped trying to squeeze love from the lambkin race a long time ago, they tended to always lose more food than they gained from even trying. Nowadays Changelings don't need to steal love, but they still dislike lambkin kind.

Other useful effects of being so weak and timid was that lambkin were largely ignored by threats like a Satyr known as the Storm King. Said Storm King passed them over because they weren’t interesting enough to be destroyed and would have been saved for last after said king took over the world. The destruction that could have happened, had said king succeeded, would have been entirely for the fun of it and or out of boredom.

So what does something like this mean for the lambkin military? The lambkin military usually consisted of one lambkin warrior and the aforementioned sheep farmers association, this is not a joke and was actually a bit of a thing.

Rams, the animals and not the average male lambkin, made up the entirety of the defensive parameter of lambkin kinds territory explaining why a number of lambkin were sheep farmers. The animalistic rams weren’t attracted to lambkins, but they would still protect them as if they were actually animalistic sheep.

As for the one lambkin warrior that made up the entire military? Once in a while, or every other generation or so of lambkin kind, there would be born what is colloquially known by lambkin kind as, 'The Black Sheep'.

The Black Sheep was not a lambkin that literally has black wool, even if that has happened once or twice, it was actually a lambkin that excels in combat beyond the rest of their race to an absolutely absurd degree.

Aside from the sheep farmers, or the one particular lambkin in question that you should never mess with, lambkin kind didn’t have a military to speak of. Many would say a single halfway trained unit of Equestria's Pony Royal Guard could take the entire territory of lambkin kind by themselves, despite also being notoriously poor fighters in general.

Instead lambkins tended to mostly rely on the protection given by their close friends and wonderful allies, the loving and nomadic alpacas and their fluffmancer warriors.

Alpaca kind always stopped in to see how lambkin kind was doing, they always traded for a lot of food before heading towards the frozen northern territories of the ice shaping reindeers, the powerful and somewhat destructive yaks and more recently the crystal ponies of the Crystal Empire run by Princess Cadenza.

In the current generation of Equestria, many of lambkin kind considered a lambkin named Pom to be 'The Black Sheep' of the current age.

They didn’t mind the fact that their warrior no longer lived near them. They thought for certain that Pom was the warrior lambkin of this generation, because why else would a lambkin choose to live on a volcano or would even be brave enough to do so?

Usually that one lambkin warrior tended to be a Lambkin Ram, but there were a few occasions where a Lambkin Ewe warrior would pop up and excel... somewhat. The Black Sheep of lambkin kind usually didn't have a long life expectancy if they picked one too many fights.

The actual ‘Black Sheep’ of said generation had kept his head low enough, so that when the lambkin known as Pom stuck her head out in what would be considered suicidal bravery by lambkin standards... Well, let’s just say that Pom immediately regretted all of her life choices that day and a few years afterwards.

The only thing that kept Pom safe was that she was an absolutely ludicrous magnet for various dangerous canines that would all protect her tooth and nail.

It was her confronting the dogs and attracting even more that got her exiled from her first home. It was also how Pom Lambchop earned the title ‘The Canine Queen’, because she currently had a ludicrous amount of familiars that were all canid of varying species found on Equus.

The actual Black Sheep of the generation was a master of passing the buck onto someone else even if he could accrue combat power at an insane rate. This Black Sheep of lambkin kind was a very lazy ram and managed to successfully avoid scrutiny, he would even be called brilliant and an absolute genius by other lambkin if they were to ever find out about this.

It didn't even take Pom very long to figure out that everyone considers her 'The Black Sheep'.

Now if only Pom knew that it was her brother that was the actual ‘Black Sheep’ of their generation. At least her brother helped her with an education and was brave enough to keep bringing her food to where she was functionally exiled to, even if he was absolutely terrified for his little sister living alone with so many various canines.

The thing that further proves Pom as being 'The Black Sheep' of their generation in the eyes of all lambkin, is when Pom left her exile to help save Equestria from the shadow monsters leaking into the world. She did so by finding the ‘Key of the Lambkin’ and using it to permanently seal the monsters off from getting into the world anymore.

What perpetuated this falsehood even further is that Pom helped, for a given definition of it, to save the next door world of Fœnum as well and married a powerful fiery longma that was the captain of the Huoshan Guard.

The lambkin were all happy to know that Pom was still doing their whole race proud.

Pom would beg, cry and whine to differ, even if she was moderately content with being where she is.

"Baa-Ram-Ewe!" Is the cry of 'The Black Sheep' to unite the lambkin or any other comrades in battle, Pom has yet to use it as she didn't believe she deserved to use the war cry of her ancestors.

While she didn't know who 'The Black Sheep' actually was, Pom was fairly certain that it wasn't in fact her.

Could Pom actually be another rare Black Sheep like her brother, or was she just another weak willed lambkin that incidentally got pushed into the deep end of the pool thanks to her familiars?

-=-

In a city built onto the side of a volcano and sitting on the rooftop of a restaurant was the lambkin named Pom, the lambkin was calmly staking out the intricate stone streets below with four puppies nearby her on the roof.

Pom had fairly large head compared to her small and frail looking body, some would even say that her head was half her body weight alone. She had long gangly legs that looked awkward to move around on and her white wool was actually quite thick while looking thin in the way that it covered her whole body, this would be where the other half of her weight comes from.

She was adorable, frail looking, quite kind to those that knew her and likely weighed far less than sixty pounds.

The powerful little puppies were milling about and roughhousing playfully nearby were all Canis Minor, magical dogs that could move fast and plow through brick walls with relative ease once they built up their momentum. That was just the strength of the puppies alone, a full grown Canis Major could beat a hydra.

The puppies mother was Big Mama and she wasn’t present today for several various reasons, which is why they were with their designated Baa-baa.

Pom seemed to be entirely focused on the comings and goings of everyone below on the street.

There were the many natives to this region the longma, half pony and half dragon hybrids. One of them was Pom’s wife, of whom she loved dearly. They were in general friendly and courteous, if a bit too stoic at times.

There were a few dragons today, they were always honored by the longma. Dragon Lord Ember was keeping good ties with the longma of Huoshan and things were going smoothly in the dragon lands as they worked through their friendly alliance with Equestria.

It was kind of sad that the volcano was halfway to going completely dormant after the massive shadow monster attack that made the spirit of the volcano move to save the people that lived here. Dragons were renowned and honored by longma, their volcano once used to be one after all and its spirit notably responded in their time of need.

A few kirin, sometimes known as dragon unicorns and the other dragon pony hybrids, were coming out of the spa and chatting amiably with a griffon or two. They were always friendly… except when they became angry about something.

Pom didn’t like kirin very much when they became angry flaming nirik. At least you could tell that longma and Kirin were cousin species to one another by their similar abilities with fire.

Speaking of, there were some unicorn ponies, pegasus ponies, hippogriffs and a few other sightseeing beings that were gathered together in tour groups.

There was even a wolf like diamond dog that looked to be just enjoying the sights with a longma that didn’t look native to Huoshan. Said longma was currently snuggling up against a jorogumo pony and there was an excited little filly looking everywhere while riding on the large spider pony’s back.

Pom shivered as soon as she saw the spider pony, she laid herself flat out on the roof until that group was out of sight.

Afterwards Pom just watched the silent comings and goings of the street, one of her puppies came over to her and nuzzled against her side. She idly reached out a hoof and started petting him, the puppy named Ruff was always a big Baa-baa’s boy and a good puppy.

His identical brothers Woof, Tuft and Puff continued to happily play with one another while ignoring their brother getting in some personal time with their Baa-baa.

Pom being the puppies Baa-baa was a lifelong responsibility that the lambkin would always handle with a smile. She knew how to speak canine, that came from years of only being surrounded by them. One of her skills was the ability to perfectly mimic the bark of a Canis Minor, which actually sent a short range shockwave from her mouth.

She didn’t use the burst bark much, but it helped to speak to the canines on their level if she wanted them to listen to her.

She soon affectionately cuddled the puppy to her chest and relaxed a little, today was a ‘seemingly’ quiet day in Huoshan.

The lambkin was still rather alert as she was waiting for something to happen, she wouldn’t be sitting on the roof of this noodle shop otherwise.

-Huoshan, Upper Tier, Noble District, Low Manes Noodle House, Pom-

I wonder how I could be so lucky to have Tianhuo in my life, she was always so encouraging and patient with me. Today I was going to try and make her proud of me… I also really didn’t want to fail as the head of the Huoshan Canine Division.

Huoshan was a really nice place, I’m glad I moved here, it beats sitting in a valley with the giant creepy skeleton of a snake that kept giving me nightmares… it actually still does come to think of it. Now that I thought about, it’s probably going to come up in my dreams again tonight. Why did I have to think about it?!

Sighing loudly in exasperation, I tried to keep my head together, I was supposed to be paying attention and looking out for trouble makers.

Huoshan was warm year round, at least until the volcano started going a bit dormant after the mess that happened at Huoshan when shadows monsters breached the barrier between worlds in mass just outside the city.

I really spent most of that time protecting and leading civilians to safety or ordering my beasties around to fight mechanical ponies. Pony golems were easy to fight, I wasn’t hurting anyone and I didn’t have any qualms about hitting something that didn’t feel pain to begin with.

I personally didn’t like fighting, I didn’t appreciate violence in the slightest, but I did like the idea of being able to defend myself. I have since avoided the tournaments the longma ran between themselves and the reindeer, my time was better spent training with all my beasties and Tianhuo.

“HEY, STOP, THIEF!” My attention was drawn to a kirin yelling at a earth pony who was quickly making his way down the street with a marked bag of money.

Given that the bag of money looked incredibly cliché, I guess that was my cue to begin. My puppies noticed me moving into position to jump off the roof and the four of them were suddenly alert when I actually did.

I was really quite lightweight, I could fall from a mile up and my wool causes enough drag that I’d hit the ground with about five pounds of force. Did that once during a really odd tournament where a brick wall somehow ended up being an opponent due to some form of clerical error or something.

I hit the ground rolling and came into a standing position in front of the thief.

“Halt, Huoshan Guard, give yourself up or face the consequences of your actions!” I tried to say sternly while staring down the earth pony, the pony just smiled at my stuttering and shivering.

“You’ll have to catch me first copper!” The pony had dark green fur and bright blue hair. I noted his cutie mark was of hoof prints with clouds of dust behind them, obviously a pony that was specialized in free running.

He managed to dart around me before I could even begin to react to his speed.

“Puff, take to the air and follow him, make sure you don’t lose sight of him. The rest of you follow after him and attempt to pin him down!” One of my puppies twirled his tail and flew off as the others leapt from the roof, rolled across the ground like I did and then charged after the blazingly fast earth pony barking loudly.

I steeled my nerves and also started giving chase with determination, mostly to make sure my puppies didn’t hurt themselves in this training exercise.

Comments

[Shadowshame]

Interesting start

[Herald of Opera]

Since you apparently need a reminder: only the durian was an error. The brick wall was a legitimate entrant. We never found out the whys and hows of the sentient brick wall, but that was what it was.

[AllenVth]

Pom's fun to read, and this one seems to already be a warrior on her own right. And married to Tianhou? <3

The first half had me cracking as Pom clearly didn't want to be the Black Sheep, but circumstances and her dog affinity spoke otherwise.

[Mycatisacat88]

Hey, I haven't read anything here. I literally made an account just to comment this. I got sent the previous fic and this one through a friend highlighting the dedication and word count of the two fics. I just had to say: Good on you. Like genuinely. I'm a writer, I'm a director, I do the same things you're doing. it's hard work to do it at all. I can't imagine how much you love what you've written given your dedication and effort. I've glanced through a little bit of both books, and while its def not my cup of tea, this is like...Wow. You are awesome. You are cool. You are what I aspire to be as a writer and story maker.

Good for you, honestly. I don't think there's anything else say I can BUT praises. Enjoy your fanfiction, you deserve it. 10/10