Baa-Ram-Ewe!

by Darkonshadows

154. Applying Positive Chaos.

-Equus, Canterlot, Tianhuo-

“Come now, are you all seriously this… er…” I was just trying to find a nice word for it, they were not very good.

“Ma’am, pardon my Prance, but those dogs are crazy!” The Wonder Bolts I was training today were terrified of Pom’s god puppies. They had some right to be so, but…

“I only had Puff play with you, he’s the least threatening and most harmless of the Canis Minor I am caring for.” I had learned much about the familiars that my wife loved beyond any form of doubt. “It is not like I sent all four of them at you at once.”

I played with the other three personally, it was a nice workout.

“Which is why I’m only sending Tuft and Woof now, they still have energy. Tuft, Woof, they will play.” The screaming Wonder Bolts were not nearly as tough or as stoic as I in the face of torturous hardship.

-Earth, still morning, Duckberg Streets, Ocellus (Dolly form)-

Do having two people who want you was dangerous, having three people that want you for three very different reasons even more so.

I was being chased by a gun wielding ocelot, a magic using evil duck and a… I really didn’t know what The Phantom Blot was but I knew that getting hit by that magic stealing gauntlet had deadly consequences for me.

For once, one of the hidden problems with a changeling’s transformation ability came up. If you don’t know what your target looks like or have a very good approximate idea of them, then you can’t turn into them. Line of sight was important for that and while I could turn into Phantom Blots outward appearance, if someone tried to knock off the mask I’d immediately transform back into myself immediately because I have no idea what Blot looks like without it.

It’s about as odd as being able to transform into a rock or transform so that I have the exact colors of my surroundings as long as I don’t move.

Thankfully no pony questions where I got the giant monster bug forms from, because we changelings have actually seen them and we only needed one changeling to teach the others a given form by turning into it.

The bigger the form, the harder it is to hold and the more energy you had to use for the extra space, as such a large form was a temporary combat boost even if a changeling could never perfectly replicate the exact strength of a target they transforming into. The smaller the form, the more condensed your mass was, but it was far easier to hold. I was currently Dolly’s size, thankfully I wasn’t too badly condensed and I could stay like this all week.

Now if only I could shake these three, I’ve lost them twice by turning into a rock already and going invisible once, but I think they were wising up to my tricks and I really didn’t want them to know that I wasn’t Dolly.

I poked my head out slightly from behind a parked car and pulled back as a chunk of metal was blown off with a loud noise. Why did the Ocelot have to be so good at keeping track of me?!

“Hah, got you now you flea ridden…wha?!” Phantom Blot fired as he turned from around the car, but his shot missed as I was whisked into the sky by a parrot both with flames coming from his legs.

“Hi, my name is Boyd, I am here to be of assistance to you!” The kid said pleasantly, he was a bundle of positive emotions and he was evading being hit by a magic sapping beam, a conjured pillar of flames and bullets with relative ease while putting himself between me and all of it. He swerved out of the way of Magica firing an arc of lightning at us. “Whoa… I shall endeavor to get you, and myself, to safety! I must say, you are much denser than a normal dog should be.”

I sighed and tried to point in the direction of the park, actually talking would give the game away that I wasn’t the Dalmatian I was pretending to be.

Magica was still giving chase to us when I looked back, Ocelot and Blot apparently split up and didn’t have any good reason fight one another.

-Duckberg Park, Smolder-

Projectiles were whizzing in every direction and we were staying down to not be hit by any stray shots. I’ve already been hit twice, but I was fine. Bullets can’t pierce dragon scales, still hurt though even if they couldn’t quite compare to the pressure of swimming in molten rock.

“How many people are after Pom again exactly?” Gandra asked as we stayed next to Gizmo Duck and the injured strapped onto him. We couldn’t exactly move, if we tried someone would spot us. I’m surprised we hadn’t been spotted already.

“Not all of them are after Pom, some of them are after Dolly too.” I’m not sure whether or not Pom was happier to have a dog around, she obviously likes canines on some level.

“By my count there are more than thirty mercenaries in the park alone.” Yeah and most of them were angry, injured and or not caring if there was collateral damage and constantly fighting one another Violet. Just like the dragons back home, only not as tough physically. Something buzzed and we all looked to Violet. “Hello? The western side of the park hiding in some bushes Huey, Smolder has been shot twice, but she’s fine. Her scales could probably take a tank shell… yes I too am fairly sure the force would still hurt and possibly put her through a building, but she’d survive. What are you guys up to? Are you sure you should be letting Della drive it? Right, hurry up please, we have the injured ready and I don’t know how long we can stay hidden with this many people…”

A bullet struck my forehead and took out Violet’s phone after knocking me over and bouncing off my scales. Okay… ow… that stings.

“That was quite inconvenient.” Violet muttered. “Still better than it hitting me or any of the injured.”

“I don’t think we’ll keep getting lucky like that.” Gandra pulled out her phone and called likely called Huey. The tree near the bushes took another three bullets. “She’s fine, don’t worry. It hit her phone after bouncing off Smolder’s forehead, we really do need to get out of here like yesterday. Where are you guys? How did you… no… you know, never mind. Just get over here before something fatal happens!”

“Yes, the probability of that happened are going up exponentially as we speak.” Dormarch sounded fairly worried, but we’ve been in worse situations than this.

-South side of the park, APC, Huey-

“Violet’s okay, but Smolder has been hit by three bullets, if she wasn’t a dragon I’d be more worried. We really need to get this thing moving Mom!” None of us were worried about Uncle Scrooge or Goldie, those two could take care of themselves.

“Almost have it, okay Dewey, hand me the finger tip of the rubber glove.” Watching as mom got the bit of glove from Dewey, she wrapped the rubber bit around two wires and the engine roared to life. “Now that kids is how you hotwire an APC.”

“We could have just used the keys.” Louie commented dryly.

“Where’s the fun in that and it’s a fun thing to learn how to steal vehicles, I thought this would be on brand with you guys.” Della, mother, I love you, but our friends were currently being shot at in the middle of a warzone in Duckberg’s park.

“Aren’t Violet, Lena, Gandra, Fenton, Pom and Dolly all currently in the middle of all that and shouldn’t we be more worried about them?” Dewey questioned and I gave mom a flat look.

“Okay so I didn’t know where the keys were before I started hotwiring it. Sure it might have taken a while, but I got it now!” Hopping into the seat mom raised her right finger to the ceiling. “Now let’s go do this thing!”

Mom stomped the accelerator and we all fell over as the vehicle took off into the middle of all the fighting. Only our mother would drive us right into all of this.

-East side of the park, Webby-

Agent 47 not only owed me a favor, but he was so cool about it too! For someone with a lot of blood on their hands he was fairly nice if a bit uptight, might even be related to our favorite resident ghost Duckworth. He looked similarly enough, maybe some of his genetics came from our butler?

Approaching the action from the east, stayed ducked behind the car and looked across the street to see a very angry leopard with a shot shoulder retreating. That had to be Sabu, she looked fairly messed up and would be easy to takedown, but I decided to wait and see if she left the area.

Once she was gone, I was about to move in to find my friends when I noted an APC slam through a number of mercenaries and crash through a fountain. There was only one person that could drive like that in such a reckless over the top manner and it was…

“Hey, Webby, where is everyone? I got kind of lost and found this road called life, at least that’s what the street sign said, there was this dragon named Tiamat on it and she had this incredible noodle stand. Also I met this other dragon named Bahamut and he sold me this gnarly burrito.” If Launchpad was here and eating a burrito, then who was driving that APC like an insane person? “It’s really good, though I don’t know where one would get giant spider meat from or why that Bahamut guy breathed on me so hard. Other than attacking me for some reason, I think he and his sister were pretty nice.”

“You got to meet the king of dragons and his possibly evil sister? How do you do it Launchpad?” I wanted to meet a large dragon and get attacked by them too, the only two dragons I’ve met are Smolder and the one that went after dads money bin.

“I don’t know, just lucky I guess.” He continued eating a burrito and we watched as the APC swerve around and sent people flying in all directions. Grenades were going off everywhere, rockets were being fired at the rogue APC, but it kept moving and dodging all the projectiles and explosives being sent at it. “Is Della driving that?”

“Launchpad, Webby, what are you two doing here!” We turned to see Drake Mallard, AKA Darkwing Duck and he was tapping his foot and behind him was his adopted daughter wearing a green costume. She was my friend Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard, otherwise known as Quiverwing Quack. Both of them looked to be okay despite having followed the mercenaries into the middle of all of whatever is going on in the park over there. “Also you wouldn’t happen to have seen an Ocelot with revolvers around here would you?”

“Hi Gos!” I waved at her and she waved back.

“Hey Webs.” She stated nonchalantly as she loaded her crossbow turned and fired it in three seconds, she knocked the rifle right out of a mercenaries hands and disabled it.

“Nice shot.” I had some really talented friends.

“Thanks, I’m becoming really good at it, but today has been quite tiring.” Gos sat down on the hood of the car I was taking cover behind.

“I just got here D W, apparently Webby was watching all of that.” Launchpad stated after we were done with our interaction, he pointed at the APC currently tearing the whole park apart.

The APC hit something roughly, flew up did a back flip and landed with enough concussive force to sent several Mercenaries sprawling across the ground in a painful manner. It then started going backwards and crashed through three trees.

“Who’s driving that thing? Not that they aren’t solving a lot of problems for us already, Eggheads, Mercenaries and giant ants, how much worse can this day get? It even isn’t noon yet.” Darkwing muttered as he pulled out his gas gun and loaded it.

“Wait, giant ants?” I said with a smile. “As in Gi-ants?”

“Yeah, Duckberg has been particularly bad today. We should have stayed in Saint Canard, gone to Spoonerville or maybe even Mouseton. Mouseton is usually quiet and less life threatening. Suck Gas strange ant thing!” Darkwing turned and a black ant, which was bigger than a car, with glowing yellow beady eyes rolled onto its back and went limp as it inhaled the gas that Darkwing fired at it. “Ugh, they are all over the place, some mad scientist must have unleashed them on Duckberg at the wrong time as the mercenaries are mostly dealing with it.”

“Yeah, we should probably track the guy that made them down.” Quiverwing nodded along.

“Well that explains why the Ithaquack harpies are acting up.” As Launchpad stated this, we watched a harpy fly down and started carrying away the large ant despite being smaller than it. “Also I think that might be Della driving the APC, she’s not very good with cars. One of the few things I can actually say I’m better at then her. I don’t crash cars as nearly as often as I do planes, even I do crash a car I can always fix the damage.”

It was a strangely magical sight to me to watch the gi-ant get carried away, then again with my life a lot of things were magical in nature. I was someone who’s become friends with actual demons, staked a vampire through the heart and even beat a werewolf into submission. Magic might be trouble, but I wouldn’t turn my friend Lena away just because magic tends to cause problems… wait…

“Lena, Violet, also our other new friends, they are all stuck in the park in the middle of all that!” We had to go help them.

“Do you know where they are exactly?” Darkwing asked, I blinked and tried to call Violet.

Nothing, either she wasn’t answering her phone or something happened to it. I tried calling the Gizmo Duck armor next.

“Hello?” Gandra answered, what happened to Fenton?!

“Is everyone okay?!” I asked immediately.

“No, but we’re stable, up until we feasibly get hit by a stray bullet or receive personal help, one deeply grazed my right hip a minute ago. Bleeding a bit here, but Violet is currently taking care of it.” Gandra sounded a bit scared. “We got the injured ready to move, but we can’t leave our current position. Despite how little cover our position offers, it’s actually keeping us fairly safe from Della’s driving. She’s be good in a destruction derby at least, she destroying more of the park than the mercenaries are… aw… and I liked that statue too. We need more distractions to get away safely if we’re going to try and leave on foot, in that case we’ll try heading towards the coast and Lena’s theatre hideaway. Also I would like to note that Ocellus is on the run from both Magica and Blot, she should be fine provided they don’t catch her.”

-Ocellus-

Boyd and I arrived at the park and saw the APC spinning around on its nose before falling on its wheels and speeding forward into destroying a park bench, while avoiding a rocket that created a fairly large divot in the ground behind it. At least I was starting to recognize where everyone was.

It was like a train wreck, everyone had split up at the whole sharks and squirrels thing on the front lawn and now everyone was coming together again from several directions.

One team was driving the vehicle that was now hopping around on its back wheels and I don’t even think it was made to do that or ramp off the nearest snack stand to plow through a… what’s a cabbage cart doing here? Well other than getting destroyed in a flurry of shredded cabbages by the seemingly out of control vehicle.

“It seems things have devolved into being quite…” Boyd’s left arm moved fast and I almost leapt off his right arm. He was holding a small bit of metal. “Dangerous. Number of criminals in the vicinity… calculating… 136. Eighty of which are Egghead grunts under The Phantom Blot, most of which are in the process of being arrested. So their numbers are now more along the lines of twenty or so free members that have yet to be knocked out by the Duck, McDucks or their allies.”

I looked behind us and saw Magica in the distance. Barking, I pointed to her, the APC, the injured group I led Magica and Blot away from trying to stay down and a few other things of interest.

“This is a problem, calculating best solution for least loss of life…” BOYD said as he hovered here. “The injured an all allies need to be in the APC for the best outcome. I would like to endeavor in taking out the explosive wielding mercenaries before they cause fatal injuries to anyone involved. I cannot simply do both.”

That’s when I saw Donald Duck running straight for the wildly out of control APC that was drifting in large circles etching doughnut shaped markings into the dirt. Through bullets, explosions and past that one guy that brought a flamethrower for the giant ants encroaching upon the park from the south, He leapt onto the back half of the vehicle as it swung towards him, climbed up and onto it and managed to get into the hatch despite being narrowly thrown off by everything going on around the vehicle.

“That solves our problem, but what to do with you? I cannot place you down and or deal with the mercenaries with you on either of my arms.” To answer Boyd’s question, I created a flash of green and took to the air on dragonfly like wings scaled up to fit Dolly’s frame. I leapt off him and started to flap as hard as I could to parachute my way towards the others. “I have been thankfully programmed to not think too hard about the existence of magic, I will go deal with every mercenary that has explosive now.”

As I did so I saw the APC finally stop moving wildly out of control and even out, I changed directions and angled for it. Landing on the wind shield I pointed up, Dewey nodded. With a flash of green around my paws I climbed up onto the roof and the hatch opened.

Dewey quickly pulled me inside and I finally transformed back into myself while sighing with relief and made my way to the front.

“Go that way!” As I got to the front, and pointed in the direction Smolder was in. “We have to open the backend at those bushes!”

“Okay!” Donald steered the armored behemoth straight for where I left everyone. “Della!”

“On it bro, Huey prep for taking on injured, Dewey you’re on the hatch, Louie you’re on lookout!” All three brothers snapped a salute to their mother and started to carry them out as she made her way to the back.

-Webby-

Okay, Boyd just joined in and was dealing with anyone who had explosives on them, rocket launchers as a priority.

“I want to go in, but that would be putting me in danger… we’ll circle around and see where I can help out.” I ran off with Launchpad following after me. Darkwing and Gosalyn were dealing with the Gi-ants.

“You can help us with ambushing Magica and Blot my darling Webby.” I turned and smiled as we ran across Dad and Goldie. “I have an idea of where Donald and Della will take the APC after they pick up our friends.”

-Smolder-

Okay how were most of these people still standing and or shooting their weapons? Did they ever run out of shots or did they just bring that much ammo here, but why would be carrying so much… oh right Pom. She could dodge all those projectiles, but she wasn’t capable of doing that forever some of those mercenaries had to be geared for shooting her.

The Armored Personnel Carrier came sliding towards us and it nearly tipped over onto its right side before it settled onto its wheels with its back facing us. The back end opened and Della rushed out towards Gizmo Duck.

“Okay everyone into the APC!” Della grabbed one of the arms of the Gizmo Duck, while Gandra grabbed the other and they lifted and pushed everyone into the back of the vehicle. Violet ran by and I turned to the vehicle to see Ocellus waving me forward. Didn’t need to be gestured at twice, I was already moving! “Do it Dewey!”

I ran in and Dewey closed the door behind me, we were now in the relative safety of the vehicle that started to speed away from where we had been stuck.

“Where do we go now?” Donald’s voice was still a mess, but at least I understood that.

“I have an idea, but I need to run it by…” An electronic tune sounded off and Della pulled out her phone. “Yes, kind of busy here. Uncle Scrooge? Sure, yeah, that’s what I was about to suggest. Well if it’ll get Magic and Blot off our backsides for a while! Donald drive in the direction of the money bin and stop a block down the road!”

“Right.” Donald did that and the vehicle was rocked by an explosion. “Oof, not one of our better mornings, it feels like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“Eh, I’m sure the evening will be much better if we aren’t dealing with Gi-ants.” Della responded as we reached the spot and Donald came to a stop. “We’re here Uncle Scrooge.”

Magica flew in front of the vehicle deflecting a blast of energy from Blot’s gauntlet, she turned and was about to use magic. When the witch of a duck got a webbed dropkick to the ribs via Webby.

I heard Webby landing on top of the vehicle as Magica hit the street and quickly got standing while aiming her staff at the vehicle, this was followed by a cane to the top of her skull by a pogoing Scrooged who then slammed down on a shabby looking Blot’s skull too before he could attack Magica and was knocked out.

Scrooge had to bounce backwards as a beam of energy was fired at him by one of those eggshell headed guys and they quickly dragged Blot away and started running. Magica growled.

“You and your family haven’t seen the last of me Scroogy! You may have prevented me from stealing the dog’s magical power until it settled, but I’ll be back for you and your dime, another time!” With a wave of her staff and a swirl of energy, Magica disappeared like a disgruntled unicorn waving their horn.

"Don't move, I want Caper Canine and Leap Lamb, now or else." We all turned to see an ocelot holding a gun to Webby's head.

"Excuse me, but you're threatening the wrong person here!" Goldie ran in and kicked him between the legs with her steel toed boots and stole the gun, that guy crumpled immediately.

"Should I start calling you mom?" Webby asked.

"Don't push it Webby." Goldie responded flatly.

"Family truly..." Launchpad started to say when a blimp fell and exploded behind him sending him face first into the APC. "I didn't even pilot that... does it still count?"

Author's Note:

Anything that crashes near you counts towards your bingo card Launchpad.

Comments

[Shadowshame]

This chapter was just madness