This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 10
There's still a whole lot of untapped potential left to explore and so many episodes that still have yet to be touched! It's yet again time for that series which seeks to answer the fateful question "What if that episode had been written differently?"
Twelve episodes are going to be redone this time around and in a most interesting way. We've got three stand alone episodes from Seasons 1 and 2, a two parter from Season 3, three more stand alone episodes from Season 8 and then four episodes from Season 9. One episode each from Season 8 and Season 9 will be a bonus chapter.
Just like always the exact same disclaimer applies, the episodes rewritten are based on my personal opinion so please respect it. Don't get offended if an episode you liked is on the list here, or an episode you didn't like isn't. I'll gladly respect your opinions if you respect mine.
And though it goes without saying by now, I obviously mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX writing and editing staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic, like all of its predecessors, is for entertainment purposes only.
You can go to my main page to see the first rewrite volume, and then comb through each of the successive installments to see if an episode has already been rewritten.
Think you can put Gabby Gums and/or Canterlot Wedding in this?!
10387385
No. "Ponyville Confidential" was in an earlier volume and SPB12 can't think of enough differences to his "Stallion Six" spin on "A Canterlot Wedding" to do it here.
VERY good job on this chapter. Love the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. And yeah, really good reasons for the re-write. Yeah, you bring up a good point about explaining how Mac got injured in the first place. And, yeah, fleshing out Pinkie's relationship with the Cakes (and having her be the only one getting poisoned because she taste-tested them) makes a lot of sense.
Here's some possible ones for if (and I know this is a pretty BIG "if") you DO decide to do a Volume Twelve (I mean other than an "Equestria Girls Edition" and/or a "Comics Edition"):
1. The Ticket Masters (yeah, plural): ALL of the Mane Six get two tickets each to the Grand Galloping Gala as a reward for helping stop Nightmare Moon. Even though Twilight has never been to the Gala, she HAS been Celestia's student for more than a decade and heard Celestia rant more than once about what a snooze-fest the Gala actually is. And, because Twilight has known Prince Blueblood personally for more than a decade, she also knows Blueblood has a tendency to be - especially on his guard - during large social gatherings (i.e. adopting a "huge jerk" persona to discourage the gold diggers and having absolutely no reason to NOT think Rarity was just another gold digger). She makes an honest effort to warn the other girls about the Gala from what she heard from Celestia, but still tries to help them find somebody trustworthy they can give their other tickets to (she's already taking Spike, so she doesn't have that problem).
2. Winter Wrap-Up: Twilight gets the idea about organization MUCH sooner, with three short flashbacks showing some of Ponyville's biggest past Winter Wrap-Up disasters. Also, there is NOT any rule against unicorns using their magic during Winter Wrap-Up because that sounds WAY too tribalist. It's just that, until Twilight came to town, there wasn't any unicorns in Ponyville powerful enough for their magic to make much of a difference.
3. "A Dog And Pony Show": Spike gets abducted by the Diamond Dogs alongside Rarity and the two have to use teamwork and their wits to escape. Also, it is made clear that "Pity the Kidnapper" DOESN'T work (i.e. being too obnoxious with a kidnapper in REAL LIFE is a good way to make an already bad situation even worse).
4. "Best Night Ever": The episode is streamlined by the gang (including Spike, the Crusaders and whoever Fluttershy and Pinkie take with them) ALL staying together for the entire evening helping each other out and making the night just a little bit better. So, instead of six different stories going on at once, we have a single, much more cohesive story.
5. "Hearts and Hooves Day": Absolutely NO "love poison". Rather, the Crusaders stick to more comparatively honest methods in their match-making, finding enough mutual likes and dislikes to give Mac and Cheerilee an opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper, more personal level (but still WELL within an "Everyone" rating).
But I can completely understand if you have other/better ideas.
And, I'm getting called to breakfast, so I'll have to do the rest of these later.
All I can say is excellent job on this latest chapter. Greatly enjoyed the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. Yeah, I can definitely see the points you made in the author's notes as usual. Indeed, the stuff at the end about the deal to for Pinkie to go a bit easier on the parties and the rest of the gang agreeing to run all future parties by Pinkie sounds really good.
And now, a few other re-write ideas if (and I know this is a pretty big if) you decide to do a Volume Twelve:
"The Return of Harmony": Discord creates a set of INCREDIBLY well-detailed FAKE elements (i.e. SO well detailed that it would take a master detective with an electron microscope to tell them apart from the real elements) AND keeps them separated so the Mane Six will have to split up to look for the Elements (i.e. he told them that the Elements were being kept separate, but he DIDN'T tell them they were FAKE elements). On top of that, he ALSO has each fake Element guarded by a powerful monster that the Element Bearers will have to rely entirely on their courage and wits to overcome (so that even the smartest of the Element Bearers WON'T think it was TOO easy and get suspicious). Then, once the six element bearers all put on the fake Elements, they fall victim to a powerful enchantment that causes them to become the exact opposite of their usual selves. From there, Celestia has Spike and the Crusaders working on getting the Element Bearers back to normal while she, Luna, Cadance and Shining Armor try to take on Discord themselves (and actually prove to have the power and teamwork to stalemate Discord long enough for the Mane Six to get back to normal and defeat Discord while he is being distracted by the three Princesses and Shining).
"Of the Sweet and Elite": Have Rarity be a lot more honest much earlier on. Plus, have Spike clearly in it when the gang is bringing the party to Rarity (I mean, come on, this is his foster mother's birthday AND they are going to see his crush. There is NO WAY he would miss THAT realistically). Finally, having Shining Armor making an appearance (BEFORE he and Cadance are officially engaged) to wish his little sister a happy birthday.
"Ail-icorn": Expanded to a 22-minute Season 8 episode by showing how Twilight got sick in the first place, adding a few scenes of the gang trying to help Twilight and Zecora working on the medicine and then having the gang helping Spike take care of Baby Twilight in the third act until that side effect to Zecora's medicine wears off. (meanwhile, "the Break-Up Breakdown" is condensed to a three-minute short by completely cutting out the sub-plots and Averting Plot-Induced Stupidity).
"Growing Up Is Hard To Do": Instead of the Crusaders wanting the age-up, it's Spike that wants it. And Spike ALSO has a MUCH nobler reason for wanting the age-up (i.e. he KNOWS the gang has a major battle coming up with the Legion and also knows that Chrysalis and Tirek are definitely two members of the Legion, so he wants to be big and strong enough to be much more of a help in that upcoming battle). He DOES get the age up (about two decades worth, which gives him a form greatly resembling his older body in the canon final episode) and it DOES give him the increase in his strength and flame breath, but it comes with him having a hard time learning to control that increase to his power.
"The Ending of the End Parts 1, 2 and 3": Grogar blocks the Legion's attempt to betray him and makes an example out of the most powerful in that Legion (albeit in a manner that leaves No Body To Find and is still well within an "Everyone" rating), explaining that he KNEW they were lying about not finding the Bell and was simply playing dumb to lull them into a sense of false confidence. Also, it is revealed that he REALLY DID find an alternate power source that, COMBINED with the Bell, makes him more powerful than ever. Grogar then proves to be so powerful that it takes the BEST combined efforts of Discord, all four adult alicorns, the rest of the Mane Six AND the Pillars to defeat him and, even THEN, it is an INCREDIBLY close fight. Meanwhile, the royal guards of both Canterlot AND the Crystal Empire (led by Shining Armor and Spike) take on the rest of the Legion and the Crusaders and the Young Six work together to rally the rest of Equestria (Apple Bloom working on the earth ponies, Sweetie Belle working on the unicorns, Scootaloo working on the Pegasi Yona and Sandbar working on the yaks [Sandbar backing her up, of course, making Yona's point about "Yaks and ponies being stronger together" have more impact], Ocellus working on the Changelings, Smolder working on the dragons, Silverstream working on the hippogriffs and Gallus working on the griffons).
"The Last Problem": A 45-minute post series special that has the two-decades older and wiser Mane Six and Spike working together to broker a peace treaty between the Abyssinians and the Diamond Dogs while ALSO teaching Luster Dawn how valuable friendship is.
Unless, of course, you (VERY understandably) have other/better ideas. In which case, I will profusely apologize.
At any rate, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
REALLY good work on this re-write. Again, the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up are all quite well done. Yeah, the explanation of Missus Cake doing the family history check definitely makes the hoof-wave make a lot more sense (besides, the only other rational explanation that would fly on an Everyone rated show would be some extremely small residual stuff from Discord's then-recent return). As well as substituting Twilight for Applejack and the nods to Applebuck Season.
All in all, quite well done and I'll definitely be reading the next chapter right now.
Once more, VERY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter/episode set-up in this re-write of the Season 3 opener. Again , I LOVED how Celestia did a MUCH better job explaining the situation to Twilight and actually DOES have a back-up plan. And, in general, giving Sombra a bit more development.
REALLY good work overall, as aforementioned and I'm reading the next chapter right now.
Once again, VERY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. Admittedly, I STILL think it would have made more sense from a tactical stand-point to postpone the fair until they ACTUALLY had the Crystal Heart so that they could use the fair to lure Sombra into a trap, but all the same, you DO bring up REALLY good points in the author's notes. I DO enjoy how you really worked to make Sombra more menacing in a strategic manner, improving upon the others' contributions as well as explaining why Twilight DIDN'T call Celestia and Luna for back-up and the pieces of foreshadowing concerning future episodes (i.e. addressing Twilight's extremely high opinion of Celestia).
Again, on to the next chapter.
Once more, you did an excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up are all quite well done in all the right places. And, of course, the points you made in the author's notes are all quite good. I DO really enjoy the thought of making this episode a "Map Mission" as well as doing a better job addressing AJ's over-protectiveness and Granny Smith's own stubbornness. And, yeah, the Flim Flams' backstory to how they ended up in Las Pegasus and got involved with Gladmane in the first place was really good stuff. The nod to Capper and the comics were really good too.
Another possible re-write for Volume Twelve (if you DO make a Volume Twelve aside from an "Equestria Girls Edition" and/or a "Comics Edition"):
"A Horse Shoe-In": Trixie is only passingly mentioned as admitting that her talents like in showbusiness, not education and doesn't actually appear at all. Rather, the plot focuses on Sunburst gaining the confidence to try for the role of Vice Headpony. Even though he IS the best qualified for the role, he also has to try to gain the self-confidence to ignore the nay-sayers that are going to accuse him of getting the role because he is Starlight's best friend (and possibly coltfriend) rather than because he is best qualified (even though he IS ALSO best qualified).
But anyway, very definitely looking forward to the next few chapters/episodes.
10387385 10387566 I might eventually get around to "A Canterlot Wedding". But probably not for a couple more volumes if I still keep on doing this.
10387822
Dragon sitter Luna was spotted, which chapter this time?
10387855 "The Crystal Empire, Part 1".
10387858
Thanks. Do you also know where in volume 10?
10387872 "Sparkle's Seven".
10387893
Thanks again. B.T.W. did you by chance happen to look into my idea for an alternate ending to Owl's Well That End's Well?
10387822
Yeah. Got it. Thanks very much.
10387933
Actually, SPB12 already did that one way back in the first Volume.
10387980 The second one, actually.
10388002
Okay. (sheepishly) Thanks very much for the correction.
10388017 I know it must be hard to keep track of what I've re-written and haven't re-written. I stopped doing it after Volume 4 because to list all previous rewrites would make the authors notes too long. Maybe I could set up a google doc or something to keep track of it all for anyone curious.
10387980
I know but I came up with the idea for it to be a prequel start to Luna's Dragon Sitter duties prior to her debut in Luna Eclipsed & a chance for her to test out her dream walking abilities. I can provide for you the link if your interested. To me, this one episode alone could've alter the fate of the mane six if things turned out differently for Twilight & her friends would come to realize the error's of taking Spike for granted & would be forced to learn on how to cook, clean, & delivering letter's to & from Celestia without him around. I even popped the idea to have them featured in this as well for seeing it was Celestia that taught him most of what he know's prior to becoming Twilight's assistant. The other person stated to even having Shining Armor in it for a flashback scene thus for the two of them to realize how much Spike means to them & that now Twilight comes to terms how much she needs him in her life.
10388080 The dragon sitter idea was not thought of at the time of the original rewrite. And even then it would be impossible to have it occur even as a prequel before "Luna Eclipsed" when the original idea of dragon sitter is born.
10388096
True & fair enough. I mainly came up with the idea encase you run out of idea's for new stories & if you'd like to extend ideas of certain episodes for the better.
Again, you did a great job on the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. Once more, you make excellent points in the author's notes, particularly concerning the execution of the actual episode. And, yes, starting the episode out where the canon episode started picking up steam was a really good idea, as well as making it less obvious that it was all a test. And, yeah, those couple of short flashbacks were pretty well done.
Definitely looking forward to the rest of the episodes.
VERY little I can say other than wonderful work on the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. And, again, you make excellent points in the author's notes. I really enjoyed how you had Mac filling in for Starlight at the Friendship School (seems like excellent foreshadowing for the eventual "Horse Shoe-In" re-write [which will probably be in either Volume Twelve or Volume Thirteen]) as well as Starlight finding out a bit more about Trixie's family and the points about keeping the road trip confined to Las Pegasus (though with the fan from Saddle Arabia still included in a similar, but not identical, manner).
VERY much forward to more of this.
REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter/episode set-up in all the right places. Yeah, once again, you bring up some really good points in the author's notes (particularly because of the point about how the "Be Yourself" deal was done, and better, in two earlier episodes ([even if the episode was NOT a bad one - just an average one]). Yeah, basically amping up the ship teasing here makes sense. And I DID love the earlier explanations for Equestria's social gatherings.
VERY definitely looking forward to the final three chapters/episodes in this volume.
Once more this was a well done rewrite. LOVE the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Again, you made very good points in the author's notes AND I do appreciate you sticking to your guns as far as your own continuity (this is an alternate universe series anyway, so that gives you the freedom to do this your way). And, yeah, including the stuff from Scootaloo's family as flashbacks was a great touch that still keeps the focus on Sweetie's problem. And, yeah, going back to the original idea of this being focused on Hondo and Cookie coming back definitely makes a lot of sense. And, glad to see how Rarity and Scoots's aunts helped out here.
VERY definitely looking forward to the final two in this volume as well as any future volumes (including and especially the eventual "Equestria Girls Edition" and "Comics Edition").
Excellent job on this latest chapter. Once more, the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-up are all quite well done in all the right places. And, yeah, you bring up excellent points in the author's notes once more. The alterations to the beginning do, indeed, make a great reference to Willie Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (whichever title you prefer) and the more optimistic ending is certainly great too (especially with the little foreshadowing nods to "the Last Problem"). I see your point about trimming certain parts of the middle too.
All in all, wonderful job on this and I will certainly be looking forward to the last chapter/rewrite of this volume (as well as, obviously, future volumes).
Once more, this is a really good last chapter to this volume of your "What If?" series. Again, the exchanges, characterizations, action, general wrap-up and future episode/chapter/volume set-up in all the right places. Yeah, I DO like how you made Fluttershy a lot less gullible, expanded upon Caballeron's motivations, made use of the Grogar skull from an earlier re-write (yeah, it makes sense that Grogar would have tried to recruit Ahuizotl) and actually had Ahuizotl sacrificing himself to save everybody else in the end.
If there IS going to be another volume or two (aside from an "Equestria Girls Edition" or a "Comics Edition", even though I am MOST CERTAINLY looking forward to THOSE as well), then I am eagerly awaiting what you come up with for those final volumes.
Another good collection of *what if* episodes here Superpink, course wasn't expecting that last one to take a tragic turn like that!
Good work all around, looking forward to the next set of *What if* stories when they come out!
Shouldn't it be "nemeses?"
I liked this rewrite, though I kind of expected it to have an appearance of Grogar either during Ahuizotl's appearance or after the end of this episode. Still, a good chapter overall. If you need any ideas for your next rewrite, feel free to come talk to me.
If you have a chance, do you have any plans for volume 12 of the other MLP episodes?
10607803 I do.
10607884
Cool which episodes do you plan on doing now?
10607904 The current plan is for the next volume to contain ten episodes which are as follows:
Griffon The Brush Off
The Return of Harmony Parts 1 and 2
Too Many Pinkie Pies
Twilight's Kingdom Parts 1 and 2
Daring Done?
Ali-lcorn (Full fledged episode, replacement for "The Mean Six")
The Beginning of the End Parts 1 and 2
10607908
Oh wow! what about the finale? I'll bet you have big plans for that.
10607918 I do, but that's gonna be a long ways away.
10607984
Oh good! I don't care how long it takes just as long as it's better than the one in the show. I can't wait to read your other versions of the other episodes. Are you working on them already or not right now, I mean the current ones you were talking about?
10608110 No, the next volume won't come out until February at the earliest, probably more mid to late March.
10608407
Eh, okay that's fair Happy New Year!🎉🎊 stay safe
10607908
What do you plan to do for the plot of Twilight's Kingdom and The Mean Six?
10623334 For "Twilight's Kingdom", Discord's betrayal will carry more weight and the reason for him siding with Tirek will change to better tie in with the hunt for the keys. And the alicorn magic will initially be split up between Cadence and Twilight to buy as much time as possible, but Twilight will later convince Cadence to give her half to Twilight so Twilight can prove herself.
And for "The Mean Six" there will be a replacement since I already covered that plot during my rewrite of "School Daze". It'll be loosely based around the events of "Ali-lcorn" where Twilight is under pressure to get her school to look good before Chancellor Neighsay comes to "inspect" it (per a tip off from a disguised Chrysalis that the school is poorly managed and Twilight isn't willing to make the necessary improvements).
10623518
Wow I'll bet at the end you'll have The Mane Six and Discord apologize to each other Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie to Discord for how mistrustful they were of him and Discord for betraying them especially Fluttershy
Will it still involve The Mean Six Clones?
10623951 No, because I already utilized the clones during my rewrite of "School Daze", so I have to come up with a replacement for "Te Mean Six" as an episode.
10624331
Hmm sounds interesting
By the way what are your thoughts on the finale? Did you like it or did you not like it? What and how would you change it to make it better than in the show? like the twist, the final battle, the Last Problem, and the villain's fates, and Twilight going back to Canterlot ? Also sorry for asking a lot of questions I'm just curious hope I'm not being annoying
10630859 The finale was good, not great. "The Ending of The End" had a lot of problems that overshadowed what good moments it did manage to have, and I think it's saying something when that wasn't what the show ended on. I know many have issues with "The Last Problem" but I think it was for the best not to use "The Ending of the End" and just skip ahead, even if that was mostly just so they wouldn't have to shoehorn in Twilight's coronation at the last minute.
I've already done a Q & A session revealing (through spoilers) what I plan to do for the finale when I get around to it.
10630909
I don't know, It was okay, but I thought they kinda rushed things too fast just to get it over with instead of thinking up ways to coming up with a better story. I was not too fond of the Discord is Grogar twist because
1. It made Discord look bad and stupid and it was a big loogie on his character development(even if he had good intentions)
2. It got everyone all hyped up for a real big time villain to challenge Twilight and her friends and the power of friendship only for it to be disappointing hoax
3. We see the battle but not everyone (except Spike and the Mane Six) played a part like the CMCs, The Princesses, the Pillars,all the friends that they made in the past The Student Six gathered everyone and were in the rainbow thing, but that's it.
4. I don't have a problem with the villains not reforming because I think we have enough villains reformed, but I think they could've thought of a better punishment than being turned in to stone (especially Cozy Glow since she's a child even though I don't mind it being Chrysalis and Tirek) but it kinda made everyone look bad and hypocritical maybe let Twilight choose.
The Last Problem left me crying at the end with the song and the characters futures, but I think it's kinda backwards that Twilight had leave her friends, seeing them once a moon and she should've been left as herself than look like a purple clone of Celestia and while we saw the characters we didn't see All of them
Anyway that's my opinion what do you think?
10631002 Pretty good opinions.
10631030
Thanks, also the dicisive fact the fact of Twilight outliving her friends or not kinda left me sad and wondering too much. so what do you think about the twist?