• Member Since 10th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen May 15th, 2022

Nonya Beezewax


(She/Her) A loser with too much free time

Sequels1

Comments ( 10 )

Pretty good stuff. Would have liked to see the rape expanded a bit, but it's always nice to see Pinkie Pie being supportive of her friends in times of need. Characterization was solid all around.

10322719
Yeah, I wasn't too sure how to do that scene. If I ever write something like this again (Which I probably will) I'll try and work on that.:twilightblush:
Thanks for the compliments btw!:pinkiehappy:

If you don't mind me asking what exactly was Rarity injected with?

10327546
Uh... Honestly, I just made up some random effects. Some sort of poison I guess.

Umm...I understand that you made Rarity that way in order to fit the plot of the story, but she was so OOC it hurt.For example, Rarity would never go down without a fight, as it was often proved in the show.Second, you forgot Rarity is a unicorn that can use magic...?You didn't mention her trying to use her magic...like, at all!And while the premise is nice, it was strange that you kinda made Rarity the Joker lol

10562932

Umm...I understand that you made Rarity that way in order to fit the plot of the story, but she was so OOC it hurt.

I actually tried to emulate Rarity, frankly rather successfully in my opinion. Let me address the concerns you mentioned:

Rarity would never go down without a fight, as it was often proved in the show.

There are two reasons why this is just plain wrong. For starters, when she was being held at knife point, she couldn't really do much, since she'd die otherwise (the guy would've slit her throat). In the show, she appears to struggle with defensive and offensive magic, as well as a lack of knowledge on teleportation. In other words, she couldn't have gotten out of that scenario. Second. When Rarity is being raped, there are some key factors you're forgetting:
1. She is being held down by two creatures as the third rapes her. She isn't what you'd call weak, but a two vs one between a changeling and griffon would be extremely hard for her. Not to mention they are on top of her, hence she'd have to push them off of her.
2. She was taken by surprise. If you, for example, were to be attacked the way she did, you'd have very little time to do much at all. Same would go for Rarity, I or any other realistic being.
3. When the two got off of her, she was overexerted. It was also implied that Spike's... fluids... were extremely hot, to the point of burning her. In other words, she would probably not have the energy/stamina to do anything. Not to mention that many are humiliated after such actions occur, hence aren't mentally capable to fight either.
(if you wish for me to list more, I can, but I'll leave it here for now)

Second, you forgot Rarity is a unicorn that can use magic...?You didn't mention her trying to use her magic...like, at all!

Again, she couldn't have. In the knife incident, although a skilled unicorn might be able to escape/fight without being killed, Rarity is rather unprepared. For example, if Twilight was the pony who was being mugged, she could simply teleport away, or perhaps blast the guy hard enough before the guy could react. Rarity wouldn't have the magical ability to do such. Same goes for the raping scene.

And while the premise is nice, it was strange that you kinda made Rarity the Joker lol

I do appreciate that you liked the premise, though I feel you don't understand what was occurring to Rarity at the end. When one goes through a ton of mental trauma, it is likely that they'll go through mania (I speak from experience...). The weight of the day has caused this. All the horrid events have caused her to go into hysterics. I do see the resemblance to what occurred in "The Killing Joke" by Alan Moore, but I really was basing this off of my experience with reacting to trauma (both in one of my relatives and in myself, unfortunately).

I do appreciate the feedback, but I'm afraid I disagree on this. If there are other issues with the story, however, I'd be glad to hear them. Feel free to DM me about such, and thank you for your feedback.:scootangel:

10563025
I feel sorry for you.I have PTSD too, but I'm usually on the calmer side, but I know how you feel.
And don't get me wrong, I didn't meant that I wanted to see these things, I just expected them to be implied, as in"I wished I knew how to teleport..."or"damn it..I'm so weak", things like that.But take it as a nit pick, because emotional and psychological things like these really entertain me.So I'm not saying the story is bad, I meant to say that the trauma would be more impactful if you added some emotional/psychological descriptions.Being a story, yoh imagine things by reading, unlike seeing a show, where you can see facial expressions, body language etc.I hope you understood what I meant because I'm not a native english speaker so sorry if I made some mistakes

10563231
Ah! Apologies for the misunderstanding. I definitely agree that I screwed up on highlighting that aspect. Also, I should clarify that my relative nor I have PTSD (though looking back at how I worded that, I could see how you could misinterpret that). What I meant to say was mental illness, not necessarily trauma. My relative had severe Bipolar disorder, and would break into manic fits from time to time. As for myself, well... I was going through a suicidal point in my life, and was getting treatment for it. However, the place I was taken to deeply disturbed me. I was only there for eight hours each day, but after the first day I broke into hysterics. Fortunately, that part of my life is over. I'm deeply sorry to hear you're dealing with PTSD. I've heard how anguishing that can be. Stay strong, and thank you for the clarification and critique!:twilightsmile:

10563267
I am soo glad you are better.I am so happy when people with mental illness go and treat their problem instead of..you know...choosing the"easy way", if you k now what I mean.You are a fighter.And yeah, I am sorry, that wqs my fault, I associated trauma with PTSD because that's how I got it, from traumas.
If I don't sound rude, I'd love to read a story in MLP universe that deals with some sort of mental illness, like you said.Maybe you relate to a character and can somehow write this type of story...?

10563573
I actually have one fully complete already!

[Adult story embed hidden]

I do plan on writing other stories involving mental illness as well, though I have to figure out what the plots would be. And don't worry about the mix up. Frankly, it was more my fault.:twilightblush:

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