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- offline last seen April 9th
FlutterFan13
Fluttershy is love, Fluttershy is life.
FlutterFan13
Joined 5th Mar, 2019 ·
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Interesting story premise, I wonder if his new goat body is inherently evil and can't do any thing good with it's magic . I wonder if he is now the bastard child of Tirek too, seeing that he can suck other magic and life essence, would wonder how that happened. I wonder if his goal will be to reach his 'father's' bell? Or is it to change history by now letting the Crystal Empire be in stasus for thousand years and manage to keep pace with it's neighbor Equestria this whole time? That would mean that the pilars of Equestria are probably still around and the heart 6 too, I wonder what will be their interaction with him?I wonder if he is part of the real Grogar's plan to come back after season 9 ?
The writing still needs work, but it's certainly bearable and it's on a very good start.
Also if you are looking for a cover art for the story I am open for commissions, you can just PM me if the mood strike you and you can look at my DA gallery in the link bellow.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
Hope to hear from your and good luck on your story.
10251944
i wonder if his magic is more similer to tirek or grognar becaue grognars magic eg the bell was able to pretty much eat the elements attack so if that is his magic he could strong arm the princesses into a treaty beacue they canot deal with him otherwise
great starting point i hope this is a story with nice or at least reasonable pony sisters beacue i am curious how the emipire could be with the magic or grognar and the forsight from the show on their side (also so it isnt used as a test for twilight)
I'm looking forward to more of this story. Also you forgot to put down a human tag.
well this is interesting can't wait to see where you take this next.
10251959
Grogar problably, him not to sure, he might be still young enough that the sisters could out maneuver or outwit him into submission, but still a tricky thing. Sombra was defeated and killed because he was unprepared and horribly underestimated him by attacking him up directly. The sisters are probably no where near as smart as Sombra but they will know not to underestimate him if they are aware that he effortlessly defeated him so they would be a lot more careful about it. I am guessing they will use non magical means to try to defeat or kill him, like a trap. I would guess they could offer him rulership of the Crystal Empire, as a protectorate of Equestria just to keep an eye on him, as he is still an unknown at the moment and hasn't shown himself to be a direct threat to Equestria and won a lot of of good will with the Crystal pony. If Sombra only knew myths of Grogar in his time it's probably the same for the sisters and the other great actors of Equestria. So they might has suspicions, except maybe Starswirl. What I would wonder is what did Grogar did in the past to create Equestria, or a former incarnation of it before the one we knew before the division of the tribes, and apparently created lots of monsters with his magic.
At the moment I think they could overlook the resemblance to Grogar if he shows himself approachable and welcome him with open arms/hooves, albeit cautiously.
10251987
we also have to think if the tital has more then just the meaning of him being a goat because a guy who makes mosnters and has masive ammounts of magic could have verry well sent his son to another world wether for the son's protection or so the son could be more knolagable than the age they are in. who knows it could even be that the actual grognar was killed and this is his rencaration that was dragged back and given the magic of his previus self due to a botched self revival spell or something we will jsut have to wait and see
nice
I'm sure that the main character is a girl...
I'm looking forward to see where this goes from now on!
And I'm guessing that this is a thousand or so years prior to the start of canon, from what I remember of the show, sombre referred to grogar as an obscure legend...
I've also watched a theory that explains that before grogar declared himself emporer of all he saw, the ponies didn't have cities, only lots of small villages! So the threat of grogar forced them to huddle together forming the era of the three tribes
10252106
there is this under the chapter tital
"Appearing in a frozen wasteland as a male greema? Ok then."
so i guess male but the feminine look as said in the description is something that would throw anyone
Edit: i ment above sorry
10252035
could be...
10251944
Hey there thanks for the comment.
I'm from argentina and i posted this late at night so i forgot to read it again to check for grammar mistakes. Im writing this on my phone since my computer is broken and with the quarantine on i can't get my hands on a replacement.
SPOILERS
I think i should have been more clear about what he said when he got to the empire. He was wondering if he was in the canon timeline but before cadance got there of if he was there sometime before the empire got sealed away by the princesses, he isn't confident he would be able to protect himself against the elements of harmony.
If he was there before the sealing he would probably leg it out of there but he isn't.
Right now the timeline is about a month before the wedding.
I should mention that it's been some time since i watched the show so right now i only remember finales and endings crearly.
Now about his magic and grogar or tirek's involvement.
Grogar won't make an appereance here besides people understandingly thinking he is some kind of descendant of his. And as for tirek there really isn't much of a connection with him besides similar magics.
Greema's magic absorption worka like this:
Let's say greema has a 100 mp and he absorves 20 mp from a living being, his mp doesn't become 120 it stays at a 100 with the 20 on the side, he can use it but it won't replenish like his natural reverves.
Now if the being he took magic from dies it's connection to it severs and it can be assimilated by his own augmenting it to 120. Also Greema's magic doesn't really get stronger when he absorbs other magic he just gets more of it, the only way to make his magic stronger is by using a magical focus for casting and if you read the synopsis you probably know what its going to be. Yeah he's going to become really powerful next chapter.
Now as for how empire equestria relations are going to be i'm still working it out.
While equestria is a little bit more realistic than the show like other fanfics it isn't that much better.
For the empire while it's going to be quite peaceful for a while, when everything stabilizes even with a shield that requires love to function crimes are still going to happen and while equestria's punishments for anything that isn't a monster being simply imprisonment or community service the empire has a very "medieval" mindset with acompanying punishments so for crimes you can expect anything from being put in a pillory to straight up execution.
I think you can guess how that could cause some conflict with equestria when a idealistic and optimist princess of love walks in and the first thing she sees is an execution going on in the main square.
Also from the crystal ponies and sombra's point of view the princesses appeared and a flash of light later they just dissapeared they don't know they were all sealed away for more than a thousand years but when they do find out what happened they are not going to have a favorable opinion of equestria.
As for grogar's bell i don't know if it's going to be a factor here.
His body doesn't really give him any pull towards evil but he is human in mindset so he wouldn't really click with most ponies outside of the empire.
This was longer than i expected and i really didn't answer in order so just ask if you want me to clarify something.
One more thing, what happened to the ursa major was that since it's body is made of magic when Greema absorbed it it's body just couldn't hold itself together and just kinda fell apart.
The fur was left over because this is a fanfic and i wanted Greema to have a cool cape
I will do an edit later today to get rid of any grammar mistakes i made.
YES
10252106
I think it's more likely that he took the art from DA Next Gen shipping and is just rolling with the design at the moment.
10252113
Yeah, I thought it ment a feminine looking goat as in as in the character was a young female goat (foal/child equivalent) but yeah I could see it being feminine as in the trap variety
10252133
That is a very good point!
10251966
Thanks i'll be sure to add it.
10252106
Nope its in the canon timeline just about a month before the wedding.
He's also male just very feminine looking and also quite tall just between celestia and luna in height.
10252133
You are correct.
10252143
Well as stated before, I can help you with that. Good luck on your story
10252139
Thank you for pointing this out to me!
But that has me wondering about the armies... in canon cadence and shining armour got to the kingdom long before sombre did, and sombre didn't have an army at that point... This leads me to believe that this is just before sombre declares war on equestria 1000 years before canon... Im just a bit confused on the timeline
And I can see the misunderstanding now, haha! The princesses might refer to him as a "princess" or "queen" at first haha!
Seems interesting, I will wait until there are a couple more chapters before beginning to read
10252130
if the heart transforms a few things could be effectid
1: the sheld around the empire could take on diffrent propertys or grain addition fetures eg sheild eats anything magic tossed at it so the empile becomes unbreachable
2: cadence's cutie mark... there was never an answer to what happens to a cutie mark if the destiny or thing linked to it dissapers so thats up to you. maby her mark changes?
3: if the heart changes that could mean that you intend that either the empire itself accepts him as its ruler or he is the only one who actuly tryed to connect to it and as a result it listens to him now
either way it will be an intresting story especialy once twilight learns her step stisters "birth right" was stolen
interesting start but gotta say character seem way too op already not only just woken up and already flinging around magic beams of doom, not phased in the slightest about being a different species or gender, and overthrowing sombra with no difficulty, and this is before she get her hoofs on a crystal heart bell, if there no hurdles for protagonist to overcome the story become boring and stale pretty quick.
hoping she have actually difficulty ruling the empire and it not as easy as she thinks it be, everyone think they rule with easy until politics get in the way, especially when equestria gonna think she a villain
10252155
I understand the confusion about the army.
In my canon sombra was sealed along with the empire instead of being defeated first.
As for the army with Sombra's personality i doubt he wouldn't put a control helmet in every single pony he got his hands on.
10252196
I'm gonna try to not make it too easy but honestly this is my first fanfic and i wanted to make a strong mc.
10252180
The idea about the heart is that since it was practically an automated magical artifact and didn't need a user to work no else tried to actually connect to it and even Sombra just settles for containing it and using it as a personal phone charger for his own magic.
As for changes to the heart and how it works there really won't be any besides the fact that it changes form and the shield won't really be affected either.
10252258
The face cadence will pull ha
Will the bond be permanent as in it is connectid to him and cannot be disconnected?
10252268
It will be like the mane 6 bond with the elements.
While he could be separated from it eventually it will become a part of him.
10252241
that fine, but there is a difference between strong and god tier, im still watching this story so just do your thing, and i hope along the way my comments will be of help
10252236
Ok, so instead of luring him out and dealing with him 1 on 2 (leader vs leaders) they just blasted the city off th map with the elements and called it a day?
10252273
so once it bonds with him it will seep into him and as you said he needs a magic catalyst to be powerfull and not just a container so will he grow into a better vessel while bondid to the heart? like an alicorn goat?
also from how you explaned his magic it makes sense that he is draining the magic reserves of someone but not the core so if he drains someone they could recover or it could be he draines them but the core of the drained being doesnt genorate any more magic without him giveing back or using the ammount he took.
if its the first it would be like the magic on death senses another vessle so it goes to it now that the other vessle is dead.
if its the second he could use it against the 6 after all twilight is quite magic happy so if she shoots first he could just drain her as punishment.
Im tired im sorry if this is nonsense
10252283
Yeah but you have to understand that this was during the time period were their teacher and his friends banished and barely a decade earlier they had dealt with discord so they were still learning the ropes of ruling a country formed by three tribes that still barely tolerated each other so when they heard that a unicorn took over an empire and was mind controlled it's entire population they decided to not take any riks and seales the whole empire using the elements of harmony.
This was their temporary solution until equestria was stabilized and they had the time to think of a way of dealing with sombra without having to tear trough every mind controlled citizen he threw in their way.
Sadly some years later nightmare moon happens and the empire and sombra are forgotten in favor of repairing a country that almost got torn in half by a civil war.
10252304
That makes sense! They were under a lot of stress and recently "lost" some ponies close to them, i can see why they would try to postpone the war with the Crystal empire as long as possible (I just hope celestia remembered to keep some lookouts and to train her army to be effective...)
Cant wait for more chapters this is really entertaining
10252307
Thank you i appreciate people pointing out any mistakes so that i may fix them.
As for the pacing this is my first story so i hope it will be better paced in future chapters.
10252308
you have to remember that the ponys in the empire most likly had frends and family outside the empire as well as anyone who was able to escape and finding out that those people are long dead might be enough to make a good deal of the empire not be too happy with the sisters and might even make the double down on support of our goat boi on top of what he got already. it also might not help that cadence might come bumbeling in soon and depending on how flutter wants to write her could be bad after all who would you like best the one who says its their destiny to lead you or the one who gave you freedom and revenge
10252308
I wouldn't get my hopes up about equeatria's army.
For equestria it's been almost a thousand years of peace without any major conflict so the only real "army" in equestria is the royal guard and the worst they have to deal with is minor crimes vandalism and the very very rare murder, the guard in general is used to standing around looking pretty and even though shiny is a very dedicated captain and keeps them in shape they are just not ready to deal with empire soldiers if an armed conflict breaks out.
As for keeping an eye on the empire, with time equeatrians forgot about it so in modern times for them north of equestria is nothing but rocks and snow. Celestia didn't bother to keep any lookouts because when the empire was sealed they didn't know how long they would be sealed so they didn't see the point in giving ponies the job of watching a frozen wasteland for an undetermined amount of years, besides when she jailed luna on the moon the elements didn't respond to her anymore so it's not like she could unseal the empire even if she wanted too so she just shoved it all to the back of her mind with a note to pick up the issue once the elements found new users.
Go foward to the present and celestia realises how discord was able to break out so she decides that after the wedding is done she will send someone to check out the north.
10252344
Wow... celestia is a bit of a dumb dumb then... I mean... at least have a small lookout fort to punish any misbehaving royal guard members! And seperate the police from the royal guard too... but i guess this does line up with canon... celestia you fool
10252337
While i'll try not to make Cadance too naive and the like since she did grow up along canterlot's court intrigue she's still going to be very optimistic and idealist.
And you are right even if Cadance had a stronger right to the throne the crystal ponies would still support Greema since he defeated Sombra and freed them along with the fact that he is bonded with something they consider a sacred artifact they would treat him like a god made flesh just how equestrians of old did to Celestia and Luna.
Add in the fact that when the empire learns what happened to them the fact that Cadance was born and raised in equestria isn't gonna earn her any favours.
And even if you judged them on their capacity to rule even if Cadance was raised like royalty unlike Greema she just lacks the proper mindset to rule the empire.
10252361
defenetly gonna be a sticking point that the sisters blastid mindlessly and cost them anyone outside the empire they knew while goat boi brought the ultimate decision up to them and did so in a way that left them unharmed by the change in leadership. you could also go the rought that the empire views what the sisters did as an attempt to take over but that would be a streach and would only realy work if cadence came along and claimed a right to the throne and as you said they wouldent like that.
10252371
Cadance wouldn't just come in and demand the throne and even if she did the only proof that her descent is true is the word of an equestrian so they wouldn't really like it as you said.
10252361
10252401
Cadence would be just Celestia's puppet
Who would want their country to become an Equestrian puppet?
From Empire with a chance for recovery to it's full glory to a puppet state with just empire in name
10252414
That would be the case in some fanfics but in this one it's just the normal Celestia so no paranoid leader who wants to spread harmony to the world here.
10252401
you could use cadence as an equestrian contact as if celestia is the good celestia and reconises that the empire has chosesn goat boi as... emporer? then cadence could act as a helping hand to get the empire back up to speed by helping acess to moddern medicen, education and farming tecnices and that. i know you said the this is about 2 months before the wedding so are you planning empire building till then and then confruntation with cadence and the 6 as i can definatly say that cadence would be able to look past the goat that took over an empire and changed the heart to a bell as a good person but twilight and her frends... wait that is a idea if the crystel ponys found out from our goat boi that it was the elements and sisters that locked them away and found that the 6 were the new weilders then wouldnet that cause some unrest in the empire as you know they are the same artifact that locked them away and they might fear it happening again.
It ultimatly is up to goat boi and what he tells them about
this was long you story although one chapter has gotten me intreged
Okay, so a couple of things I noticed on the technical side of things:
1. In English, the singular "i" is always capitalized. "I went to the store", "Bob and I went to the store", "The store is where I buy stuff". It doesn't matter where it appears in a sentence, it's always capital. English is weird like that.
2. "Payed" is not a word. The past tense of "pay" is "paid". Same goes for "shaked". Instead, it becomes "shook". Yes, the exceptions are silly. English is weird like that.
3. "¿right?." I'm not sure what you wanted those question marks to do, but they they only look weird in english. English is boring like that.
10252450
Yup Greema is being called Crystal Emperor the first pony that calls him Crystal Prince is being declared a Sombra cultist and thrown to a mob.
Jokes aside Greema is going to tell them what he knows happened and while me and now you know the princesses reasons Greema and the empire only know what they did. And yeah if the general polulous heard that the elements of harmony were back ik the empire there would be some panic but nothing Greema can't handle.
The only real thing Cadance could bring that the empire could make use of is medical advancements since they are very self sufficient economically and any technological advancemts would either not really affect the empire or there was already some crystal version of it.
10252465
Sorry I tend to write things as I pronounce them.
English isn't my main language i'm from argentina.
But thanks for pointing that out I will be sure to fix it.
10252473
thankyou for answering my questions how far are you into the next chapter?