Haha! Seventeen! Hilarious, going to finish reading this tomorrow. So far so good, thumbs up! 👍

Huh that was surprisingly funny and well-thought out. Very nice!

Awww... I wanted Hondo to knock up Rarity too.

So, who exactly is the father of Rarity's foal? Considering how loose and easy she is, a good portion of Ponyville could be the father.

10209527
I intentionally left that ambiguous. Who the father of her foal is doesn't really affect the story, so it can really be any pony you want it to be. I did try to strongly imply (via Cookie's exclamation after the reveal) that she is currently in a steady relationship.

...but if you must know, I had Thunderlane in mind as I wrote it.

10209714 did the stallion have a name or not really

10209724
He doesn't have a name in the story, no.

I will be writing a blog post later today that talks a little bit about the background for this story and what the original plan for the story was. I actually had quite a few more rooms I wanted to write that just didn't make the cut due to time constraints, and both the prologue and the epilogue have a lot of depth that I wanted to explore to explain more about the temple itself.

Short version: The master was a jealous (and nameless) king who lived a long time ago, and used the temple to build a harem of 'ideal mares', often killing those who didn't meet his standards. He isn't intended to be any existing canon character.

10210057
There's some context to the scene that no one has mentioned, which leads me to believe I made it too subtle, but it does have a reason for being there.

However, you are correct that it isn't really important. The prologue's primary function is to explain the reason for the temple existing in the first place, and there was going to be more to the mare and the master - and, for that matter, the automaton. I axed most of it due to needing to submit the story before the deadline for the contest. I also understand that not all readers will care about the justification for the temple's existence - that can easily be hand-waved as porn logic.

A lot of the story actually changed just in the last couple days as the deadline approached, which is why I plan to write a blog post about the original plan for the story. The deadline combined with my job (I'm 'essential') led to some drastic decisions being made at the last minute - some of which may not have the best decisions for the story.

If you're curious about how I would have written this fic if I wasn't pressed for time in the contest, I've now written up a blog post about it.

This was a really interesting one, a really cool idea you don’t see too often. Shame u had to cut some of it for time/word count. You ever think of doing a secondary fic for all the stuff u missed, or maybe a kinda sequel with the other family’s from the main six, I’d get a bit laugh if rainbow had to find out all the weird stuff her outgoing parents got up to.

10212385
I've got enough on my plate with other stories that really need some love and attention right now, but it's not completely out of the question.

10213186
Noice

It's not bad...but it doesn't feel finished. It feels like it needs one more chapter, because right now that family has a lot they need to talk about. And then they all need to fuck. But first they all need to talk.

10235593
It was intended to be expanded further, but it was a contest fic and I ran into the deadline. It's not impossible that I will revisit it to finish it the way I wanted to at a later time, but I have many other projects I want to do before that.

Although the setting is creative, the contrast between the serious, somewhat horror atmosphere and the comedic tone and dialogues is a little jarring. Part of the tension is kind of forced because the ponies involved could have just asked the others to turn away and not witness their revealed secrets if they didn't want them to.

Most importantly, there is little affection, emotional transition and struggle with moral conscience. The story utilizes little of the tension and conflict the setting creates to advance the feeling and lead on to the eventual succumbence to incest. Sweetie Belle showed no sign of interest in incest throughout the story, and she even stated she had a crush on Spike. But suddenly she gave that up easily to eagerly initiate an engagement in incest with her father, even willing to bear his child. The cheap explanation that Sweetie Belle was in heat also seemed out of nowhere, with no hints or signs along the course of the story. It feels like the incest was just thrown in there.

I also don't really like the way the story portrays Rarity as a play mare who uses sex to benefit her career. It serves little purpose besides giving some comedic relief, which doesn't really work either because of the serious atmosphere. But this point is just my personal opinion.

10236182
Hey, thanks for the honest criticism. Most of what you wrote are things that I dislike about the finished product myself, and I'm well aware of them. Many of them are the result of not having the time to do what I really desired with the fic. If I was entirely honest, I planned a much more grand story than a single month of writing was suited for. The story as I imagined it is far less comedic and much darker, with a lot more focus on the internal struggles of the entire family - especially the mares - and would have spent a lot more time in their 'headspace'.

Toward the end of the contest I was running out of time, and I didn't feel that trying to write deep emotional stuff and then half-assing it was worth publishing, while the comedy aspects were much stronger. I was actually ripping more OUT of the story than I was adding to it in the last two days, making a last-minute shift toward a more comedic take. This is the biggest reason for the seeming disconnect between the tone and the atmosphere.

Not bad. I kind of agree with Obscurinati in that the comedic and atmospheric aspects clashed somewhat, but it didn't really bother me, since both were done well.

What is poor is the master's head. Not just because he was a murderous psycho, but also an asinine architect. There's literally no point in having so many different chambers. Just enchant the prediction and verification chambers to run through the questions in order, and have ponies go back and forth between them, instead of having separate ones for each. Since ivory and gold are so expensive, he would have saved a bunch of money, too. And the extra carvings could just be on the outside of the pyramid.

10268703
Re: Cost of Ivory - I actually cut a part of the story where Rarity starts pitching a massive fit about the excessive use of ivory, because of where it comes from

And the King could have done that, sure. But he was an ego-centric jackass, and the cost wasn't his concern.

Not bad. I'd give it a 7/10 overall.

Aw, they forgot to visit the gift shop.

10489831
... But the memento is in Sweetie Belle already.

10490008 "I went to the Temple of Truth and all I got was a baby and this lousy T-Shirt."

10235593

It feels like it needs one more chapter, because right now that family has a lot they need to talk about.

Yeah, like how Hondo wants Rarity to suck his cock and to see Sweetie eat out Cookie while Cookie wants to see Rarity suck Hondo's cock before he fucks her. All of this can be easily explored in a future chapter.

And then they all need to fuck.

Yes! I am all for this! I want to see a family orgy!

10214506 I agree. Maybe someday this story will get revisited and we'll get an additional chapter featuring all four of them fucking each other.

10236182

Part of the tension is kind of forced because the ponies involved could have just asked the others to turn away and not witness their revealed secrets if they didn't want them to.

Except they actually did that.

“Just cover your eyes, honey,” Hondo advised. Cookie did as suggested.

“Father, stop,” Rarity screeched. “Just... stop looking!”

“Hondo!” Cookie warned, her hooves no longer covering her face. “Take your eyes off our daughter this instant!”

Teen sweetie> Tween sweetie
She is a looker that's for sure...

It sure is worthy of a fave!
For something so sexual loaded it showed a lot of self-restrained and i can respect that.

Usually I don't put too erotic stories in my 'Favorite' folder (but rather the Erotic shelf) but I think i make an exception here. Its not 'smut for smut's sake' (which I still like^^) but there is a lesson to it.

That's my way of say; good job! You know how to tell a story :)