Listen Closer
"That'll be 4 bits Anon!" Carrot Top cheerfully said as she moved my bag of produce across the stall counter towards me. After dragging the required bits out of my bag I set them on the counter and left the orange pony, fresh veggies in hand.
"Still have no clue what the exchange rate of those things are." I mutter to myself as I begin pressing through the tightly packed throng of unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi trying to get the best deals or simply walking and talking. These fresh market days are always the busiest and most crowded days for the market stalls in Ponyville, the walking area gets so crowed in fact that pegasi can't land in the packed streets and only take off when their list is done. While being a good few head taller than any other resident in town has its downsides a big up is that I can spot whatever stall I need to when I'm out for groceries or treats. Still if there had to be one major downside to this strange town that has become my home it'd have to be...
"Oh no, not now." I whisper as I hear an upbeat voice begin to belt out into another song about friendship or something similar. I try to run but the wave of technicolor ponies before me keeps me at a crawl as the infection spreads to closer and closer towards me, ponies already falling victim and joining in the song and... By the Old Ones it's a dance too! I know I have to get out of the way before I'm swept up in it, but the ponies the FOOLS are actually moving towards the horror willingly sweeping me along with them. I look to a nearby alley and see one orange filly, the only pony that shares my horror at the coming doom.
"Fly you fool." I whisper/shout at her as I'm nearly carried into the heart of the fresh hell that hath consumed me. All around me they are singing and dancing, somehow finding enough room in the previously crowded marketplace to dance in a suspiciously choreographed manner as if some dark being from the realm of nightmares and forsaken memories had taken a hold of their mortal bodies and had begun contorting the flesh of the innocent whilst fulfilling some wretched design by having them perform, dear gods below no... It's a Line Dance! What cruel and maligned cosmic entity could bring such horror upon the feeble minds of these poor unfortunate souls that they should be forced into such depths of madness that their broken minds and souls could bring forth joy at this insane ritual to the dark gods.
As the impromptu performance comes towards its climax and close I try to edge my way towards to far corners of the blast site so as to minimize damage. I have been through this literal and figurative song and dance before on a few occasions since being forcefully emigrated to this pastel world full of literal flying rainbow ponies, (though that one is normally quite chill), all I have to do is get away from center-stage as it were and I can go about my day. Hell, I was even able to keep hold of my wholly intact groceries. Everything is going fine and dandy until with mounting trepidation I realize that this horde is dragging me back towards the eye of the storm where, unlike a hurricane or tornado, there is no calm... Only the finishing chorus. The light fades from the world as if directing attention towards to closing litanies of this occult ritual that I have become an unwilling sacrifice in and I can hear them, the voices of the damned calling for my soul.
"And I know that my friends will always be there,"
"That they will always be true,"
"And I know that I can count on them foooooor!"
"Oh no. Nononono. They're trying to make me say the finishing line. Shit fuck! Like I know what this whole shtick was about!
"Uhhh, really fresh produce?" I scratch out in a near monotone as I hold out some of the greens that I had bought minutes before.
...
...
...
Fuck they're all staring at me like I grew an extra head or something, not like I don't already stick out enough as is.Except now I can add "Fucked up a special Friendship thing" to my list of reasons they might kick me out of town.
"He he, well that was neat and all but I really have to get these home soon and take a shower so.. Bye!" I say as I hurriedly make my way back home, the slightly stunned ponies in front of me parting as I approach.
"God I hope that's all I needed for today, or better yet the whole week." I mumbled to myself as I keep my head down the rest of the way home.
"Now, is it jus' me or can anypony else ever recall hearing Anon sing?" Applejack asks her friends while staring after the strange biped.
"Ha! You're being over dramatic AJ. Sure he doesn't like singing in groups like everyone else, but hay neither does Scootaloo and she's perfectly fine. That's partly why he's her favorite foal-sitter, she knows he won't drag her and the rest of the crusaders out for anything like this." Rainbow Dash said to her friend while doing lazy loops in the air.
"Sure but have any of y'all heard him sing ever?" AJ persisted, concern creeping into her voice.
Twilight furrowed her brow as she thought about this while AJ and Dash tried coming up with times that they might have heard their strange neighbor ever once sing, eventually dragging Pinkie Pie and Rarity into the discussion until eventually Twilight was roused from her thoughts.
"So Twilight, what do you think all of this means?" Rarity demanded demurely.
"Well it doesn't seem that healthy, even the most reserved ponies or deranged villains make use of their Voice at some point or another. Are we sure that nopony has heard him sing at all?" Twilight offered up to her four assembled friends.
"Actually I have." Two voices answered from behind. As the group turned they saw an orange filly that was thankfully spared the recent impromptu music number and a soft spoken yellow pegasus.
"What the hay? Scoots how are you and Flutters the only ones that'd heard Anon sing?" Rainbow questioned as she buzzed over to two of her favorite ponies.
"Well remember when he was foal-sitting me, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle when that huge Everfree Storm rolled over Ponyville? We were all scared that we might have nightmares, so we asked if he could do anything to help and he started to sing to us, but he was singing something in Germane. Something like nun liebe kinder gebt fein acht, after he was done he just sorta hummed the tune while we fell asleep. It sounded nice and all if a bit dark sounding, but he seemed a bit sad when he was singing it." Scootaloo looked over at the shy pegasus. "What about you?"
"Oh um well I only heard him singing a melody on accident. One day while I was getting food for my animals I heard a voice humming a lovely tune and I found that it was coming from Anons house. I think he may just like to sing in private, like when he's taking a shower or apparently singing away some filly's nightmares. I don't think there's anything wrong with him being a bit shy about it though." Fluttershy punctuated her point with a light stomp that probably wouldn't have moved a leaf.
"Now hold yer hay bales Fluttershy we didn't mean anything by it, we were just concerned and curious is all." AJ consoled as she put her hoof on her friends shoulder.
"Oh! Didn't Nonny say that he was going to take a shower when he got back to his house?" Pinkie Pie interjected after an unusual period of silence for her.
"Well what of it dear." Rarity said looking at the pink ball of caffeine with concern.
"Well why don't we just go and listen to Nonny humming a tune right now?" Pinkie said while gathering energy from whatever dimension of cocaine and red bull she drew upon.
As the other friends shuffled awkwardly and mumbled to themselves Rarity began leading Scootaloo off to send her on her way. The orange filly protesting and asking why she couldn't stay.
"Well dear, I have no doubt that Pinkie will either convince us or drag us along either way, but this is something that a young filly shouldn't be apart of being dragged by Pinkie Pie or not." Rarity answered as she sent the young filly off home.
One cocaine horse convincing later...
"Shhh."
"Move your hooves."
"What's that smell?"
"Honey vanilla chamomile tea darling, just because you dragged me into peeping on Anon doesn't mean our tea time is off."
"Quiet, he's coming."
After a short time of waiting where Twilight definitely didn't have to pull Rainbow back down from actually trying to peep, they began to hear Anon sing the tune of a song with bits of lyrics every now and again.
"Hm hm hmhm my insides... "
"What's singing?"
"Help hm hm hm myself."
"I can't hear what he's sing about."
"Quite or he'll hear you."
"I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!" Anon sang loudly into his shampoo bottle mic as there was a loud "Eep!" followed by a thump and the retreating sounds of hooves, but he didn't hear because in his private shower... He was a goddamn star.
At least they knew why he likes to sing in private now.
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i don't understand why people sing in their shower.
I spend those precious time coming up with an epic diss for my mom that would be a hard-hitter, but forgets it 5min later
The story was good, but the only part i don’t like is the insane amount of curse words.
I lol'd.
That was good. But I really like NIN so that could be coloring my perception.
10224139
Glad you liked it, NIN is also one of my favs. Part of the point of the story is how a guy that listens to NIN, Rammstein, etc. might end up in "let's sing friendship songs" land.
10223752
To each their own, but that's why I had warnings.
10223576
Good acoustics and privacy mostly.
Well, that and we don't just know the lyrics.
10223752
I just thought anon's dramatization of the horrors of sporatic musical numbers was repetative. We get it, it's hellish! The swearing is pretty minor compartively, at least from my perspective.
10224399
Fair enough I mostly wrote it in a haze after waking up, but I was kind of going for over the top. Comedy isn't something I'm great at, especially with how much of my own humor is gallows humor and personal state of mind. I do want other people to find enjoyment, if only a little, in what stories I actually publish though so I've been trying my hand at funny/stupid stuff. Hope you got a chuckle at least.
10224451
Your comedy was alright, don't take it too hard. That was my only real gripe.
10224468
No no, I appreciate criticism man. I'm mostly glad that you actually gave it a read.
-.-
10224634
_-_
I love stories about people responding to ponies singing and dancing.
does anyone know of more like this
YES i think this describes Pinkie to a fault "Pinkie said while gathering energy from whatever dimension of cocaine and red bull she drew upon" - "One cocaine horse convincing later..." as soon as I read that shit is funny!!!
Good one, I have good laugh at the end.
It was at that point the girls knew it was a very good thing they'd left Scoot out.
10223752
Honestly, I've read Anon-fics with WAAAAY more swearing in them than this one. This is one of the milder ones, actually.
10224813
And Fluttershy. Depending on the kind of Fluttershy this is, she might have broken into his home and bathroom at that.
Wow.
a nice kek.
Sir, that piece was an absolute masterpiece.
Me at the beginning:
Ok green. Cool.
Me at the end:
SOMEONE GET THE DEFIBRILLATOR! I CAN'T BREATH! HAHAHAHAH!!!
10227272
I don't think that this is anywhere near a masterpiece (as it was mostly fueled by horrible fever dreams, plus a mixture of tea and vodka), but I do thank you for the read and praise.
Oh! this is comedy gold!
My only regret is that I have but one thumb to give. Glad I'm not the only one who cringes every time they break out in song and dance.
Nine inch nails and Rammstein fan, it seems you have excellent taste in music, And I caught that Lord of the rings reffrence, I'm adding this to my favorites.
Can’t think of many songs that would be more concerning to be sure. Slaughter Your World maybe.
10242579
There's always "Count Bodies Like Sheep" or one of my faves that would be the worst if Spike heard it would be "The Chosen Ones" by Dream Evil.
10243254
Yeah those would provoke a similar reaction.
Creatures who live naked would not be shocked by a little f-bomb. Music about extreme violence, however... yeah. Read some Cannibal Corpse lyrics and imagine the magical little horses trying to wrap their brains around that!
10493958
Oh hohoho. Yeah one of my old school friends growing up was heavily into Cannibal Corpse, he actually helped me get into the heavier things, but I still usually prefer power metal.
Well fuck you too.
10588193
And a merry Fucksmas to all!
In our case, Significant Other and I (unintentionally) bemused our flat neighbours with a rather rousing (if I may say so myself) duet rendition of Trivium's In Waves:
We learned that our neighbours are also Trivium fans and that I cannot scream like Matt Heafy without sounding absolutely silly.
10493958
10495152
Something like this then? (Starts at 0:18)
Something tells me at least half of them are not entirely put off.
By the Sun and Moon that was absolutely hilarious how that ended.
On a side note I still wonder to this day if Fluttershy has any of those fainting goats in her family tree...
Actually the second song closer is really called I want to fuck you like a animal by Nine Inch Nails
The first one is Mein Hertz Brennt by Rammstein
10937916
Song Title for those seeking on Youtube at least is Closer
10940020
Thanks for the intel much appreciated
Is the germane supposed to be From Rammstein's Main Herz Brennt? I got to the end, and had my question answered so nevermind.
I wouldn't want to sing in public if I liked Nine Inch Nails either
Well shit,smother me with rainbow colored wings! This anon is a German!!!
Just like i am meine Brüder!
Well, I guessed wrong on that one.
My first thought was Bloodhound Gang's "Bad Touch"