Luckyfanisaac
Joined 29th Aug, 2014 ·
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It's sad that something like this took so long to create. I am really enjoying this story and I hope to see more of it in the future. Onward to chapter 2!
Go Beyond! PLUS ULTRA!
It's pretty cool to see some backstory on the colt, I assume he is the main character. I am liking this story more and more. I wonder what his name is? I want to see more cadence and colt fluff!
Go Beyond! PLUS ULTRA!
wow, with an instructor like that I'd have problems too
This was a cute chapter! Great job! It's to bad that this story is taking so long to write, but you must have your reasons. Keep up the amazing work!
hmmm, using youtube to add sound effects. It is intriguing, the pictures does fit your story. so far I believe this is an 6/10 ??? maybe a 7. Well, I wont know till the next chapter of this fiction.
So is the war mentioned earlier the great Time War against the Daleks
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No this war is much bigger. DJ Hopper fought in “The Great Dimensional War” that effected 3,654 universes and 600 of them are just dead universes with only a few dead planets and stars left. It has been lasting for over 12k years. There are 4 factions in the war.
World destroyers (kinda like darth vegan in Johnny Test)
The rogue dimensional empire (Aether’s old dimension)
The locals (had only ground units and have bulky muscles)
The Sakatorian Army (Fought alongside locals against world destroyers and rogue dimensional army)
DJ Hopper fought with the Sakatorian army and got the war to effect 300 dimensions less with a fleet of 200,000 shadow serpents in about 10 months.
In the universe that DJ Hopper first entered the war, the war has been lasting for 1.2k to 12k years.
Hmm, a very interesting idea. You got my attention, let's see what you got.
I have to say, this story may be up my alley.
Can't promise I'll read it. But you do have my interest.
The Tardis has been disguised as a hot air balloon and is now flying through an alien sky. It crashes through the tip of a snow-covered mountain, the impact shaking the interior and causing the occupant to hit the lever that unlocks and opens the door. That same occupant stumbles and falls out of the Tardis, which has fortunately cleared the mountain peak by then.
A lot of what I read in that small paragraph alone just felt like it needed restructuring. I tend to do a lot of that myself where I'll write a chapter and then come back a week or a month later and reevaluate how I put the words together and how it could flow better.
I saw several other places that could benefit from the same treatment. Food for thought.
Maybe it's not this way for everyone, but I find pictures and screenshots being added in light of a more thorough description of events and characters to ruin some of the immersive qualities of a story.
The previous chapter had this as well where instead of describing a sound effect, you just added an audio clip.
Okay start, some grammatical issues. Do you have an editor?
11269803
I just have my mom.