It's sad that something like this took so long to create. I am really enjoying this story and I hope to see more of it in the future. Onward to chapter 2!
The Tardis, that’s disguised as a hot air balloon, is now on a planet flying through the sky and crashes through the tip of a snow-covered mountain. The impact shakes the interior that causes the occupant to hit a lever that unlocks and opens the door and also causes him to stumble and fall out the door. Thankfully the Tardis had passed through the mountain peak by then.
The Tardis has been disguised as a hot air balloon and is now flying through an alien sky. It crashes through the tip of a snow-covered mountain, the impact shaking the interior and causing the occupant to hit the lever that unlocks and opens the door. That same occupant stumbles and falls out of the Tardis, which has fortunately cleared the mountain peak by then.
A lot of what I read in that small paragraph alone just felt like it needed restructuring. I tend to do a lot of that myself where I'll write a chapter and then come back a week or a month later and reevaluate how I put the words together and how it could flow better. I saw several other places that could benefit from the same treatment. Food for thought.
It's sad that something like this took so long to create. I am really enjoying this story and I hope to see more of it in the future. Onward to chapter 2!
Go Beyond! PLUS ULTRA!
The Tardis has been disguised as a hot air balloon and is now flying through an alien sky. It crashes through the tip of a snow-covered mountain, the impact shaking the interior and causing the occupant to hit the lever that unlocks and opens the door. That same occupant stumbles and falls out of the Tardis, which has fortunately cleared the mountain peak by then.
A lot of what I read in that small paragraph alone just felt like it needed restructuring. I tend to do a lot of that myself where I'll write a chapter and then come back a week or a month later and reevaluate how I put the words together and how it could flow better.
I saw several other places that could benefit from the same treatment. Food for thought.