Chapter 16: Eternal Sunshine of the Clouded Mind
Storm Front crawled through the underbrush, carefully picking his way across the forest towards the heavily guarded compound. Most of the rest of the scout team he'd been put in charge of followed, each of them moving slowly, using the other noises of the forest as cover and carefully avoiding obvious noisemakers like patches of dry leaves or sticks.
As a pegasus, he was fairly light-hoofed. Still, he'd decided to put two of the earth pony guards up front, their innate connection to nature making them far better at finding the most efficient and silent path through the trees. Their heavier armor also helped make them a little more... arrow-proof.
Though captain Aegis Fidelis had personally tasked him with this mission, that was nothing more than conservative thinking on the Captain's part as far as Storm Front was concerned. The skill of the guards under him, the non-confrontational directive, and the lack of enemy awareness made it a relatively safe endeavour when all was said and done. As a bonus, it provided him with a rare opportunity to prove himself under more standard circumstances, with a greater than normal chance of things going according to plan. For once.
The easy smile under his helmet turned into a confused frown when one of the earth ponies up front - a mare by the name of Cocoa Butter - crouched and raised both ears, then flapped the right one forward once... the signals to stop the group and for him to move forward, respectively. Her partner, a stallion, immediately moved to the side and found cover, keeping a careful eye in the direction of the actual compound.
This can't be good... he thought, despite his best efforts to stay optimistic.
Storm Front sighed and complied, stepping in close beside the mare to see what she wanted.
"Sir... do you see that?" she didn't whisper. Every guard learned early on that sibilance is easier to hear than a low, quiet tone of voice.
He followed her gaze, spotting the source of her concern immediately. There was some sort of strange, rectangular object sitting on the ground, propped up against a fallen tree. The object itself - green and rubbery on one side, sleek and shiny on the other - would have been enough cause for alarm without the distinct, glowing aura of a spell surrounding it.
Thinking quickly, Storm Front signaled for one of the unicorns from the very rear of the group and waited for her to arrive.
"Corporal Emerald, what can you tell me about that object?"
Emerald stopped and looked through the trees, forced to squint to make it out from this distance. After a moment, her horn was suffused with a light, green glow, followed by her eyes themselves.
"Well, sir... I can't speak for the object itself, but the magic on it is a simple sound amplification spell. If I had to guess, it's much like the ones sailors use to boost the sound from their horns or whistles to signal other ships."
"An alarm?" Storm Front muttered.
Emerald shook her head in response, "Unlikely. The fact that it's glowing means that whoever put that spell on it didn't bother to conceal the matrix. So, even from here, I can tell that it doesn't have any sort of trigger."
"A trap, then?"
"Maybe..." she shrugged.
Storm Front grunted, coming to a decision, "Alright corporal, let's take a closer look. If the lieutenant needs to bring her forces through here, I don't want to leave any potentially nasty surprises in their path. Private Cocoa, you're with us."
The three of them approached carefully, letting Emerald lead the way with her glowing eyes on the lookout for concealed magics. As they got closer, Storm Front could see that the shiny side of the object was displaying some sort of moving image... a set of strange glyphs that would change at regular intervals. About every second, in fact.
"Corporal... are you absolutely certain there are no other magics on this thing?" he admonished her.
The unicorn grimaced, halting, and intensified the magic in her eyes that let her spot other spells, "Sorry sir... there must be, but they're expertly concealed. Better than I've ever seen before."
Even as they spoke, the glyphs continued to change. The one that changed the most often was first on the right, with a second glyph that changed less often to its left, followed by a vertical pair of dots and two circles.
"No helping it, then." Storm Front sighed, "Mark this down and include it in the next report to the captain. We can't risk messing around with it, but I don't want it catching anypony else by surprise, either."
Emerald nodded and levitated a quill, a map, and some parchment from her saddle-bags, noting their position and including a brief description and sketch of the item in question.
"Hey, that second glyph just changed to a circle, too. I wonder what that means?" Cocoa piped in from where she sat, staring at the screen.
"What? Let me see that..."
He leaned over to take a look, watching suspiciously as the first digit on the right kept changing, then became a circle as well. There was a brief moment of silent expectation, followed by a vibration coming from the object itself, then...
"Ahhhhh! Mina, nigero! Gojira!"
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
The noise echoed through the woods, shaking the very leaves from the nearest trees with sheer volume as the sounds of a massive, rampaging beast stomping through a terrified populace blasted forth from the object. Though Storm Front did not recognize the language being spoken, nor knew how the sounds were being produced, he'd heard that particular set of sounds during his career enough times to recognize what situation they portrayed.
Thumps, explosions, roars, and screams continued to come forth from the object, rivaling the noise levels of an actual monster attack and forcing him and the two mares with him to flinch backward in pain.
He wanted nothing more than to smash the bucking thing... but it could have a fireball spell attached. It was obviously carrying some very complex magics to do what it was doing, messing it with might prove lethal. A screech from above convinced him that the object was now the least of his problems, as a griffon clad in city-guard armor fired his crossbow bolt at them, missed, and flew off, probably to notify his comrads of their location.
"Wonderful..." Storm Front muttered, seething, as he turned to meet the rest of his scout party. There was too much noise to use verbal commands, so he ear-signaled 'spotted', 'enemy', and 'fall back' to one of his pegasi. She nodded her understanding and flew off, hopefully to warn the lieutenant that she and her forces would be necessary faster than they all had anticipated.
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Shawn, Wavedancer, Pinkie, and Soft Speech crouched among the trees and bushes behind the fortress. It had taken some time for Pinkie to find cover thick enough to hide Soft Speech's massive frame, but it had been worth it. Just as Spotter had said, there was a relatively lightly guarded wooden gateway in the wall. Useful as a service entrance in peace-time, and rigged to collapse into a stone-choked trap while under attack.
A diamond dog and an earth pony stood in front of it, clearly bored and just as clearly trying to ignore each other's presence, despite being comrades in the same guard unit.
"'ow much longer 'till that contraption o' yours, goes off, Shawnee?" Wavedancer whispered.
"Aaaaaany second now." Shawn whispered back.
"This is ridiculous. We don't even know if it'll work like you want." Soft Speech grumbled.
"We don't ever know if anything Shawn does is going to work!" Pinkie replied peppily.
Shawn glanced back at his companions and merely smiled in response. At this point, they were all far too committed to back out, so this was just the standard pre-crazy-last-minute-plan jitters. He was used to dealing with those from Gus. Well... ignoring them, anyway.
"So, little lamb, what's your plan once we get inside?"
"We find Gilda, knock out whoever's guarding her, and get out before anyone notices."
Out of the corner of his eye, Shawn saw Wavedancer slap a hoof to her face as Soft Speech sputtered.
"That's your plan!?" Soft Speech whispered fiercely, "That's... what about all the bits on HOW to do all of those things!?"
"Admittedly, this plan does require some improvisation..."
"Your whole plan is improvisation!"
"Hey!" Shawn exclaimed, bringing a hand up to point at his forehead, "I got this. Trust me."
Soft Speech stared at him incredulously for a full minute before sighing mournfully, "Soft Speech supposes it's too late to do anything else."
"That's the spirit!" Shawn grinned at her, "Besides... what could possibly go wrong?"
He heard a smack, and looked over to see Wavedancer's right hoof had joined the left one in covering her face. She uttered a dismayed groan, which was closely followed by the distant, earsplitting roar of a mutated, giant, green, nuclear-lizard-monster. Both of the guards at the gateway flinched and looked in the direction of the noise. They wavered, staring back and forth between each other and the yells coming from the front of the compound.
They looked so unsure that Shawn wondered if maybe he had overestimated the effectiveness of his distraction. However, his brief moment of self-doubt was broken by the arrival of a griffon, who screeched angrily at both of them and pointed with what appeared to be a large crossbow.
"What are you two idiots doing!? We're under attack! Go help!"
The pony and diamond dog both saluted and ran off, hefting their spears. The griffon scowled after them before growling something to himself and taking off, flying over the wall of the fortress and away from the door.
"Go time!" Shawn whispered excitedly and ran forward, only to be stopped short at the door, "Huh..."
"What's the matter?" Pinkie floated over up over his shoulder, inspecting the offending gateway.
The source of his discontent was clearly visible in the form of a rather large, iron padlock, securing the latch of the wooden door. He briefly considered trying to hit it with his right hand, still enclosed in a supposedly indestructible magic cast, but it looked tough enough to withstand a beating from Softy. The magic on the cast would probably break first, regardless of what Twilight had said.
"Surprisingly enough, I did not see this coming." Shawn muttered and leaned over to inspect it more closely.
"Oooo, a Unilock Mark IV Special!" Pinkie shoved his head down and leaned over him, ogling the lock, "Back in the old days, these were the cream of the crop in burglary prevention! Pre-loaded with all kinds of features like rust-prevention charms and even an anti-unlocking-spell rune! They're expensive, tough as nails, and really, really, really hard to break open..." She paused to reach a hoof into her frizzy mane and draw out a bobby pin, "give me three minutes."
Before she could start, however, the strained creak of wood preceded a loud crunch as the door swung open, its hinges dangling loose and the door itself still attached to the frame by the imposing padlock.
"Give Soft Speech three seconds." The minotaur grinned and motioned them inside with her free hand.
Pinkie pouted, "Awwww... party pooper."
For his part, Shawn stood up and dusted off, "Works for me." he stated as he straightened his vest and stepped into the waiting dimness of yet another fortress. Pinkie quickly shrugged and bounced after him.
Wavedancer hesitated, throwing Soft Speech a bemused look followed by a quick nod before following the other two inside. The minotaur smiled back and ducked through, wedging the door back into its frame so that it was only slightly askew.
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"What the hay is happening over there!?" Twilight scowled through her telescope, wishing she could somehow improvise a spell to let her see through the thick tree-cover. The only thing she could see clearly were the flying city-guards, occasionally swooping down to chuck a spear or fire a crossbow bolt at what she assumed was the retreating scout group. An occasional flash of magical light, visible through the leaves, spoke to the unicorn guards' defensive measures.
Aegis, apparently taking her question as non-rhetorical, narrated, "Judging by the sound, I'm guessing our scout group ran into some sort of trap or alarm. SOP here would be to use cover and defensive magic to pull back and draw the enemy into friendly lines. We'll have the details as soon as one of Storm Front's unicorns teleports a report to us... but the colt's a competent wing leader. He's likely prioritized sending out an ambush request to Lieutenant Gladius and is trying to get his team to her line ahead of whatever ground forces might be chasing him."
"Coooooool..." Rainbow Dash whispered from next to Twilight, training her keen eyes on the action and fanning her wings. The pegasus was likely getting as good a view as Twilight had gotten with the telescope, and - knowing her - was probably itching to get down there and help.
Terrifying as the violence was, Twilight had to admit there was a certain element of excitement in watching the action unfold. It felt as if she'd somehow been sucked into one of her Daring Do novels... only it was real ponies facing the possibility of death. Her stomach turned at the thought, but she managed to hold the sickening feeling back. She was at once glad and dismayed that the thought of... death... was not nearly as incapacitating as it had once been. She'd be able to do more to help if she was in full control of her faculties.
And, for all her bluster, Twilight had been friends with Dash long enough to tell the pegasus was going through the same thing.
Eventually, one of the earth ponies that had remained behind with their command group rushed past the other watching Elements to the captain.
"Sir! Report just came in from wing leader Storm Front. You'll want to take a look at this..." The armored stallion reached into a saddlebag with his mouth and tossed a scroll to the captain, who caught it in his hooves and unrolled it.
"Huh..." Aegis grunted, then turned to look at the patiently waiting guardspony, "Thank you, private. Have corporal Diamond Dust teleport a confirmation to Lieutenant Gladius. She already knows what to do. Dismissed."
The guardspony saluted and dashed off to fulfill his new orders, while Aegis continued to stare at the scroll in consternation. After a moment, he motioned Twilight over.
"Miss Sparkle, you're probably the most knowledgable pony here. I need your opinion on this."
Twilight hesitated, looking back towards the fighting, which had seemingly expanded as the city-guard ground forces met with Gladius's ambush force. Even from here she could see the flashes of telekinetic blasts and incapacitation spells.
Suddenly, she shook her head and steeled her resolve. Perhaps she couldn't contribute on the actual battlefield - she was wise enough to know to leave that to professionals - but this was something she could help with. With a deep breath, she trotted over to the captain and took the scroll in her magical grip.
"Hmmm..." she hummed, "It says here it was enchanted with an unconcealed amplification spell. Of course, that does not preclude the possibility of other magics having been applied. After all, diamond dog shamans are renowned for their skill with matrix concealment techniques. Still, I must admit, captain... I'm confounded. This artifact looks familiar, but for the life of me, I can't recall where from-"
"Hey! That's Shawn's doohickey!"
Both Twilight and Aegis turned to face Rainbow Dash, who was floating silently behind the unicorn and looking over her shoulder at the scroll. The rest of her friends sat in a semi-circle nearby.
"Say again, miss Dash?" The captain scowled.
"I said: That's Shawn's doohickey. I saw him use it as a lantern when we snuck into the top floor of the embassy- Aww, shoot! I totally forgot to ask him to show it to me after... you know... what happened..."
Although it seemed impossible, Aegis's scowled deepened at the memory. Twilight, however, was far too busy mentally kicking herself for having forgotten such an important detail.
"She's right, captain." Twilight spoke up, "I remember inspecting it back when we first found Shawn. It didn't have any spells on it back then, though. So either he learned how to use magic since we last saw him or he's got a unicorn working with him."
"Wonderful..." the captain grumbled, "Still, this is good news. It means the monkey's-"
"Hey!" Dash tried to object to the derogatory term, but the captain just kept talking.
"-in there somewhere, which means we didn't potentially just start a war for nothing."
For some reason, Twilight suddenly felt a strong urge to laugh. In spite of the direness of the situation, some part of her was finding it humorous that Shawn had now graduated from blowing up buildings to propagating armed conflicts.
As if reading her mind, Dash piped in, "Well... at least he didn't blow up the fortress this time."
"Give it time." Applejack muttered, loudly enough for all of them to hear.
Twilight shuddered, then gathered herself once again. It was clear what they needed to do.
"Alright, Shawn's obviously in there, and he and Pinkie Pie might need our help. It's plain to see that he was using his... doohickey..." Twilight mentally sighed at the term, but she didn't have another word for it at the moment, "as a distraction. Which means he's trying to sneak in there for a reason. Which, in turn, means he probably found something important enough to be worth the effort and danger of breaking into a heavily guarded fortress."
The captain's eyes widened into a look of utter horror, "Please don't say what I think you're about to say..."
"Girls, we're going in after them!"
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"So, what's your brilliant plan now?"
Shawn grimaced, peeking around the corner one more time, hoping that what he'd seen had been a cruel joke on his eyes. Despite his fervent wishes, when he looked around the corner a second time, he was greeted with the same sight as before.
Yet another minotaur sat there, looking bored in front of a large, ornate door at the end of a short stone hallway. The occasional bar of sunlight coming in through the arrow slits built into the wall on the left illuminated his scowl. This one wasn't as big as Soft Speech. Heck, he wasn't even as big as Blind Rage had been. However, he made up for both of those facts by being outfitted in what looked like about a thousand pounds of armor and the largest hammer Shawn had ever seen in his life.
Soft Speech had looked unimpressed at Shawn's description of the minotaur, shortly before making the sarcastic remark that lead to his second peek.
"Well... you could use your seductive charms to keep him busy while the rest of us sneak past..."
Soft Speech shot him an arch look, while Pinkie Pie giggled beside him. Even Wavedancer let out a snort.
"What, you think just because Soft Speech is a bartender, she doesn't remember how to get a bull's attention?
"Of course not. I've lost my spare cash to plenty of flirty bartenders. I think it because you're... you." He made an up and down motion with his uninjured hand.
Softy's eyes narrowed into a scowl and she snorted, "You wanna see flirty? Soft Speech'll show you flirty. Soft Speech will have that bull on his back in less than a minute."
Shawn paused, then replied, "I honestly have nothing to say to that."
Soft Speech snorted again, then sauntered out into the hallway, immediately catching the mintotaur bull's attention.
"Halt! Who goes... whoa..."
She said nothing as she approached, letting the bull stew in his shocked silence, eyes locked on the advancing cow. Shawn, Pinkie, and Wavedancer watched in awed silence as Soft Speech slowly closed the distance.
The nameless bull dropped his hammer, which he'd drawn when he jumped to his hooves, as Soft Speech stepped close and put one hand on his armored chest. He clearly tried to stutter something, but was stymied when Soft Speech brought her other hand up to his face, softly cupping his cheek. Then he emitted the bare beginnings of a startled yelp as she shoved the side of his head into the wall, hard enough to leave a web of cracks in the hardened stone.
"Fwaaah?" the bull slurred from under his dented helmet.
Shawn caught the faint glimmer of a satisfied smile on Soft Speech's face as she casually rammed the unfortunate minotaur's head into the wall again, letting his limp form fall to the floor afterwards.
"Wow..." Pinkie commented with a raised eyebrow, "Softy really needs to work out some anger issues."
"You have no idea..." Shawn muttered as he stepped forward to inspect the door, "Feel better?" he asked.
"A little." Softy admitted.
A quick jiggle of the handle confirmed it was unlocked, and the fact that soldiers hadn't been pouring through it told Shawn that there hadn't been anyone on the other side to hear the distinctive clank of helmet meeting stone. However, he still waited for Pinkie and Wavedancer to catch up before swinging it open.
Shawn motioned the others through, though Wavedancer paused at the doorway to whisper to him conspiratorially.
"Never let me pick a fight with'er again, ye got that, boyo?"
He nodded somberly as he followed the seamare through, "You get to calm her down next time she gets pissed, though."
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Storm Front cut through the skies in a steep dive, feeling the frigid winds of high altitudes blow through his feathers. The griffon behind him had already expended her crossbow bolt, so now she was doing her best to try to catch up to the faster pony, talons outstretched in anticipation.
It was heartening, after that frightful experience with the creepy, white pegasus mare, to enjoy superiority in the air again. Even more so after a brief but stressful period being stuck in an alternating shield bubble maintained by three beleaguered unicorns.
Once he had gotten his team back into the ambush zone, the enemy's advance ground forces hadn't lasted long under the continuous pounding of the lieutenant and her squadron of trained guard unicorns. The earth pony guards had barely seen any hoof to hoof action before the entire pursuing force was downed by either stun spells or telekinetic strikes.
A short debriefing and regrouping later, and Storm Front was back in the air, in his rightful position as wing leader... actually leading a squadron of pegasi to harass the enemy fliers. In spite of being outnumbered, his flying guards had made a strong accounting of themselves, pushing back the city-guard's aerial troops and preventing them from providing any useful intelligence or significant support to the rest of their ground forces.
Storm Front was brought back to the present as he burst through the last, and lowest, of the cloud cover. In fact, he had carefully placed the small cluster of floating liquid droplets just over a particularly thorny set of trees, already having sent an unsuspecting enemy pegasus and two griffons into its painful embrace. He took sharp turn to the left, a hard stop, and a quick look to see the third griffon squawk as she tumbled into the trap.
A look below confirmed what he'd suspected. The element of surprise, combined with better training, was actually allowing the outnumbered Royal Guard forces to push the city-guard back toward their fortress. Already, many of the diamond dogs and enemy earth ponies had fallen back behind its protective enclosure.
Out of the corner of his eye, Storm Front caught a sudden movement on the ground near the walls. It appeared the Elements themselves had taken the field!
He watched as Rainbow Dash flew circles around two attacking griffons before bucking one into the other, knocking them both out of the sky. Storm Front had heard stories of her speed and maneuverability... particularly the now almost legendary Best Young Flier competition, in which she had publicly demonstrated the first sonic-rainboom actually seen by pony eyes in generations. Many speculated the only reason she wasn't already a Wonderbolt was because her station as an Element required her to be near her friends. Also, the way Storm Front saw it, going from Element to Wonderbolt would be somewhat of a demotion, though he would never say it to commander Spitfire's face. Or Rainbow Dash's.
As suddenly as she'd taken to the air, Rainbow Dash dropped down to join the rest of her friends and... the captain!? Storm Front was about to call out to him when the whole group was enveloped by a purple aura and popped out of existence with a burst of sparks.
At that moment, Storm Front was faced with a conundrum. He knew the captain must have something in mind... something he hadn't thought either necessary or safe to share with the rest of the troops. Knowing him, captain Aegis had probably put lieutenant Gladius in charge while he personally took care of some extraordinarily dangerous objective.
At that moment, Storm Front made a resolution. The captain and the elements might need a quick extraction, so he would take his pegasi and control this airspace for as long as it took. He'd see them out of there safely if it was the last thing he did.
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Somehow, Shawn and his hearty group of dungeon crawlers had managed to make their way into a much nicer portion of the fortress, deep within its confines. He wasn't sure whether he should be encouraged or not by the sudden shift in interior design... after all, one would expect a prisoner to be kept in something like a dungeon. Still, the only other guards they'd come across so far had been a pair of diamond dogs who'd fallen into whimpering piles the moment they spotted Soft Speech, and they'd been very sure that Gilda was in one of the meeting rooms further up this very hallway.
Shawn absently rubbed the fabric of one of the many nearby tapestries that decorated the walls between his fingers. It was thick and rough to the touch, fitting the scene that was depicted: A massive, wolf-like diamond dog wielding two axes running rampant through a battle-field and kicking a smaller, shaggier dog into low orbit.
He had quickly begun to suspect that the diamond dog in the images was Grizzly... especially after they'd run across the third such tapestry. Each had a common theme, which revolved around the idea that the executor was not someone you wanted to run into in a dark alley.
"Get any psychic visions yet?" Pinkie chirped from her resting spot on the ironwork chandelier that hung from the ceiling, one of the many that provided light for this section of the building.
"Nada." Shawn responded, shaking his head, "We might have to check every single door."
What the two dogs, who were currently bound and gagged in a random closet, had failed to mention was which room Gilda was in. They'd been too much of a burbling mess to get anything more than a general direction out of them, which made sense since he was pretty sure they'd been members of the hunting party Soft Speech had... incapacitated.
"Well, ain't that a kick in yer flank." Wavedancer added, groaning.
No one made mention of their unofficial time limit, though they all knew that Shawn's distraction wouldn't last forever.
I'm surprised it's lasted even this long. He admitted to himself.
Pinkie floated down and pointed, "If we're gonna check every door, why don't we start with the big one at the end of the hall?"
Shawn crossed his arms, "Who puts an illegally captured, secret prisoner behind the most obvious door in the nicest part of the castle?"
"Yeah, you're right..." Pinkie agreed, "That'd be almost as silly as putting a dungeon in the top floor of an official government building."
Her words gave him pause, "Huh..." He tilted his head and looked to the doorway again, "Fair point. Can't hurt to check."
Soft Speech and Wavedancer shared a confused look before getting up from their respective resting spots and following after the mysterious duo.
"Man, why can't real life be more like an RPG..." Shawn grumbled aloud as he walked up to the large door and tested the handle. Unlocked again.
"What's an RPG?" Pinkie asked.
"It's a game where the characters go from one perfectly straight hallway to another, fighting enemies until they run into the final... boss... battle." Shawn swung the door open to reveal a large office, occupied by a very familiar wolf-like diamond dog, a somewhat familiar red maned pony, and an unfamiliar, scrawny-looking griffon in a cage. All of them staring at Shawn in wide-eyed amazement.
"Soft Speech!?" Gilda yelped.
"How does this happen every time!?" Shawn shouted to no one in particular.
"Timing!" Pinkie replied as she yanked him to the side and out of the way of their charging minotaur companion.
"Capture 'em." Grizzly snarled in responce and the room burst into motion.
A group of previously unseen diamond dogs wrapped in red cloth and wielding stupidly large swords broke their statue-like stillness. Two of them rushed to intercept Soft Speech, who was making a beeline for Grizzly and the cage.
She turned to meet the two assailants, one of whom fell back behind the other before his partner up-front leapt at the minotaur. Soft Speech casually reached out and slapped the leaper aside before he could draw his sword, but suddenly found the other's blade pressed against her throat in one low, fluid motion. She froze in place, glaring at the offending dog.
It was over in moments, with Shawn, Wavedancer, and Pinkie all standing stock still and gulping at the swords at their own throats. Swords held by the other four of the half dozen dogs Shawn had somehow missed at first glance.
"Well, well, well..." Grizzly stepped forward from around his desk, a vicious smirk on his face, "Looks like your friends came to bust you out, birdy."
Gilda hissed at him, grabbing the bars of her cage in her talons and glaring like only a griffon could.
"Not sure how they got past my dogs, or how they got all those guard ponies outside to fight for 'em, but they ain't all that bright if they thought they were gonna bust in here and catch me with my tail between my legs." He let out a series of huffs Shawn took to be laughter.
Wait... Shawn thought, What?
"You said this wouldn't affect our business, Grizzly!" the red-maned pony exclaimed indignantly, "Now they-"
"Shut yer trap, smartypony!" Grizzly snarled, "The deal's still on. This fortress was built to stop a siege from an Imperial Legion cold. That little group 'o ponies outside ain't makin' past the front gates."
Shawn turned to look at Pinkie, who shot him a look of concern. It sounded like the captain had followed them and was now attacking the fortress. This had all gone south way faster than he could have imagined, but if they could manage to stay alive for the next few minutes, he was sure Twilight would figure out a way to get them out.
Grizzly sighed, "I don't got time for this. Tie up the minotaur, she might be worth somethin' to somebody. Kill the rest, startin' with the ugly one."
Well... crap.
"Leave Wavedancer out of this!" Shawn shouted.
"Oi!"
He ignored the seamare and continued, "She's worth plenty of bits to someone! We all are!"
Grizzly held out a paw, and Shawn noticed a sword pause just above his own neck.
"Who and how much?" The dog asked, impatience clearly battling with greed.
"Wait... I'm the ugly one!? How could you think I'm the ugly one!? I'll have you know I used to be a model!"
"Oooo, really!?" Pinkie asked, "That means I have two friends now who used to be models! That's so coo-!"
"Shut up!" Grizzly yelled, "Just shut up before I decide whatever bits I'll get outta yer sorry hides ain't worth the pain in my tail!"
"Now," the dog continued, enunciating each word, "Who. And. How. Much?"
Shawn gulped as he felt the edge of the sword settle on the back of his neck again, "I'm a psychic. Someone hired me to find that griffon, and I'm sure they'd pay top bits to get us and her back alive and in one piece."
Grizzly scratched his chin for a moment, "Psychic, eh? Probably worth a bit or two to someone or other, at least. How much is your client willin' to pay?"
"Hey!" the red-maned pony shouted, "I thought we had a deal!"
"Only 'cause you had the best offer. Business is business, smartypony." Grizzly replied gruffly before turning back to regard Shawn, "Now... how much they payin'?"
"Uhhh... one million?"
The dog's eyes widened, "Ya got any proof? Who's yer client?"
"Uhhh... not... on me. And I can't say..."
Well, that didn't last long.
Grizzly emitted an frustrated grunt, "Waste o' time. Kill 'em."
The edge of the blade left Shawn's neck, and he winced, anticipating the coming blow... only to have a brilliant flash of violet leak past his eyelids. He heard a thump and opened his eyes to the last thing he expected to see: captain Aegis Fidelis, standing over the sprawled body of a diamond dog in red cloth, and between Shawn and Grizzly.
"Nopony's killing the monkey!" Aegis growled, head down and wings spread in an aggressive posture.
"Yay, cappy!" Shawn shouted in glee.
"At least, not until I get to kick him once or twice!" the guardstallion finished.
"Boo, cappy!"
"Pinkie! Shawn!"
The eponymous detective looked up to find the rest of Pinkie's friends standing in the center of the room next to Soft Speech, who was staring at them in surprise. In fact, that would probably describe the expression on every visible face there: amazed surprise. Except for Pinkie's... she had a mile-wide smile plastered to hers.
"Yay!" the ex-earth pony exclaimed, "I knew you guys would get here just in time!"
"That's it, I've had it!" Grizzly raged, "Yeniçeris! Kill 'em all!"
The dogs leapt into action. Or, at least, they would have, had they not all been instantly surrounded by glowing purple auras, holding them still.
"Ungh! No you don't!" Twilight grunted, her face the very image of strained effort. It was an impressive display of magic, made more so by her glowing, white eyes, and horn shining so brightly it was shooting sparks. Pinkie immediately flew to the ponies, all of whom wrapped her in a big group hug. Except for Twilight, who could only spare a brief smile for her hyperactive friend.
"I... I c-can't hold them all like this for long..." Twilight gasped past gritted teeth. She was starting to sweat, each breath coming more labored than the last.
Suddenly, there was a sound akin to shattering glass, and Shawn saw Grizzly dive forward as the glow holding him fell apart. Quicker than thought, the executor scooped up the fallen Yeniçeri's sword and swung it down at the cap'n, who had been caught flat-hoofed as he turned to glare at the only alien in a room full of mythical creatures.
"Cappy!"
Time slowed down for Shawn, and he dove forward out of reflex. He felt the cold metal of the capn's gilded armor as he landed across the stallion's back, arms over his head in a futile gesture of self-protection. This time, there was no magical flash of light, and he felt the enormous impact of the sword coming down on his right arm, which was protecting his neck.
A horrific thunk! reverberated across the room, and Shawn closed his eyes, waiting for the light that would carry him off to the pearly gates.
"Ah... horseapples." the capn's gruff voice echoed in the silence.
Wait, the cap'n's here? Damn it, I'm in hell! I knew I shouldn't have stolen Gus's Batman poster! Way to tip the scales, dumbass!
Shawn felt himself get flung to the floor and opened his eyes just in time to see a very bewildered executor Grizzly fly across the room and crash into a heavy desk, splitting the wooden construct in two with his skull. The dog twitched and emitted a short groan before lying still.
"Shawn!" Pinkie exclaimed and flew forward, the rest of her friends right behind her.
"I'm alive?" he muttered, and tried to grab his head with his right hand. He found it was weighed down by something exceptionally heavy, however, and a quick look down revealed an incredibly unlikely picture: a giant, curved sword, stuck into the cast parallel with his arm. The cast itself was sputtering purple sparks, which died away slowly.
Shawn barely had a moment to contemplate the monumental amount of good luck he'd just been on the receiving end of before he was inundated in a sea of hugs from an overexcited Dash and a regularly-excited Pinkie. After some laughter, and repeated objections about his lack of ability to breathe, the two helped Shawn get to his feet and remove the sword. Rarity and Fluttershy observed the whole process from nearby, smiling widely enough to make Pinkie proud.
A quick look around the room revealed Soft Speech was in the process of delivering a quick jab to the chin of the last conscious Yeniçeri. The purple aura around the dog faded as he dropped, and Twilight let out a relieved sigh as she trotted over to the group.
"Are you okay, Shawn?" she was smiling, too, though much more tiredly than her companions.
"Yeah..." he responded, still too shocked to think of something appropriately witty.
He looked over to see the cap'n, standing stiffly a few feet away and scowling fiercely at him.
"Thanks... Shawn..." Aegis choked out the words, "You saved my life."
"Meh," Shawn replied, finally letting a smile creep into his own features, "I guess we're even, then. You saved mine first."
A cough caught his attention, and they all turned to face a seamare and minotaur, both of whom were looking at him quizzically.
"Methinks you be owin' us an explanation, Shawnee." Wavedancer stated, amusement tinging her voice.
"That's an understatement." Soft Speech added.
"I think he owes us all explanations." Twilight glanced at him, smiling wryly.
Maybe it was the shock of nearly dying twice in quick succession. Maybe it was the surprise of being rescued by someone he had been sure hated his guts. Or maybe it was the sheer ridiculousness of the whole situation catching up with him. Whatever the case, Shawn started to laugh. So hard, in fact, that he was having trouble breathing.
Wait... that's not from laughing...
"Forgetting somepony?"
The whole shocked group looked up to see the anonymous red-maned pony, floating in mid-air and looking scared out of his wits. A closer look revealed his shadow was actually sticking up from the floor and holding him there by the scruff of his neck. In fact, all of their shadows were currently gripping them, holding each of them still even as the stallion's own shade darkened.
The unnatural apparition flowed over the unfortunate earth pony, who didn't even have time to scream before he was enveloped in writhing darkness. Slowly, the umbral mass took shape, forming into the features of a tall, dark alicorn with a flowing mane composed of inky blackness. Something about it was off... and he realized that the alicorn herself was a blurry, grey-scale painting in a world full of color. Slit, snake-like eyes glowered at them all as she stepped forward and unfurled her impressive wings.
"Nightmare Moon!" Twilight cried in dismay, while the rest of the group stared in shock, "But... we destroyed you! I saw you disappear!"
"Oh, dear Twilight..." the false alicorn continued walking forward, radiating smug nonchalance, "It's simply The Nightmare, now. That other name was only fitting for us when were hosted by your dear night princess."
Shawn slumped in his shadow's hold as a massive headache flooded his already tired brain. He'd felt the beginnings of a flashback, but it was stifled by the throbbing.
"And you didn't destroy us, you uneducated foal." she continued in a silky, smooth voice, "You merely banished us... to another place. Another world, much like this one, where we spent a decade stewing in the minds of creatures just like your little pet human, here." The Nightmare turned to face Shawn, who was slowly starting to regain his concentration.
A spot on his leg was starting to hurt... had he injured it during the fight? At least this new pain helped get his mind off the one in his head.
"You... you were the one that messed up that machine! I got dragged here because of you!" he grunted.
"Oh, my! Is that a memory, or a deduction, little human?" she asked with a smirk.
The pain in his head re-doubled, so that even the growing discomfort in his leg could not distract him from it.
"We must thank you for the creative new name we used while in hiding." she continued, ignoring his yelp, "Although, we far prefer the real one."
"What are you planning to do with us!?" Dash snarled out, struggling vainly to break free of her shadow's iron grip.
"You'd like us to reveal our plan?" The Nightmare asked, snickering, "Oh, that was the old Nightmare. We learned much from the criminals and 'movies' of the human's world... and the first rule of villainy there is not to let oneself get dragged into a monologue." She paused, enveloping a nearby sword with a shadowy tendril and lifting it to face them, "The second rule, of course, is to kill your enemies the moment they're helpless."
From beyond his panic, Shawn smelled smoke, and he looked down to see that his pants were burning! The cloth on his right leg hissed, and the red pebble he'd been keeping there tumbled to the ground. His possessed shadow wavered and returned to normal at the pebble's touch. And, in a sudden moment of understanding, Shawn took the opportunity to kick it across the ground at The Nightmare.
The shadow creature looked down as the pebble came to rest between her two front hooves, surprise registering on her face for a mere instant before it exploded into a white hot fireball. She screeched and fell back, fanning her wings at the fire even as her figure temporarily deformed... whether from the heat or the light, Shawn couldn't say.
Within the rising conflagration, a shape took form, radiating a soft light even as the rampant fires faded back into the pebble from whence they came. And there on blackened stone among the floating ashes of incinerated carpeting, stood princess Celestia, clad in shining, golden armor. Her eyes shone with a fierce white light, her mane and tail were blazing pyres, and her voice carried the heat and passion of the sun itself.
"You will not harm a hair on their heads, Nightmare!" her shout shook the foundations of the fortress, and every ear that could folded down upon itself, "By my oath as Sol Aeternam, I will burn your blight from this world, and every other world!"
The princess spread her wings, and for the second time in Shawn's visit to this dimension, the world was consumed in fire and light.
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Awwww yeah.
Also, gald you got rid of that weird cover art.
Final showdown?
Just found this story via the feature box. Two of my favorite shows meet!
Now I just need to find a Burn notice one: "My name is Micheal Weston...I used to be a pony"
Wow. Starting to wrap up this story. At least it's something in between seasons! When'd Shawn get the pebble again? Too long ago for me to remember...
And new cover. Cool.
1012991
There was a Burn Notice one, but it's on hiatus.
It's gonna be funny when he gets back to Earth and nobody believes him. Although, if he were able to bring some proof along with him, I think Lassie's brain might break. That might be even funnier.
1013304
Think about all the "Gus, don't be" jokes that can come out of that! The possibilities are endless!
Shawn's comment about RPG's made me laugh, because not five seconds before I had categorized his group into a sterotypical DnD group. Pinkies the thief, Soft Speech the warrior, Wavedancer the mage, and Shawn is...um....crap. Is there a class for, "braniac who doesn't contribute except for his mental prowess and random trivia knowledge"? Anyway, huzzah!
This is seriously one of the best written fics I have ever read, if not the best.
Now to make life complete is of a Monk crossover.
Oh, I almost forgot. This story MADE me look up the definition of 'sibilance'. That does not happen often.
Don't forget to have Shawn get his iPhone later! He might be able to use it for cool shit later on.
1012991
Banishment Decree is a Burn Notice crossover. It's not "Michael Weston in Equestria", but rather MLP characters taking on roles similar to the BN characters; Gilda is Michael, Rainbow is Fiona, Trixie is Sam, and Twilight is kind of a combination of Madeline, Jesse, and a couple recurring side characters. (There's even a Griffon version of Larry)
1013604
Yeah, it's called "Bard"
1012844 i433.photobucket.com/albums/qq51/Sonicdan369/clap.gif
Ah, well that explains why Celestia allowed this whole operation, just so Shawn could summon her in to kill Nightmare, that makes so much more sense now...
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YES, CELESTIA!! Shit's bout to get real, yo.
An update?!?! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
1014694 Definitely
1013604>>1015370 Ii think your refering to that one idiot of the group who is a complete noob and is really only there to piss about and lend moral support from afar while laughing his/her ass off
dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/shitsonfire.png
1015370
I think Banishment Decree and this story are the only two crossovers I'm reading where I'm not familiar with the non-pony half.
Ooooooh snap! Celestia is gonna go all Oprah on Nightmare!
I am a huge fan of impossible crossovers.
This is probably the best one I've read to date.
And is it bad I'm imagining Pinkie remembering she hasn't sung her random welcome song to Shawn at the end of the story...and winds up performing the "Psych" theme song?
Most impressive my friend, rather enjoyed the Godzilla disrtraction. I mean "Godjira!!"
Nice confronatation as well, though I take it the tale is coming to a close.
P.S. O ya! Shawn still hasn't had is moment of REAL pscyhicness
. Still hoping for that.
Soon Soon it will be complete and i shall have read all of it. Muhahahaahhahahahahahahahaha. I uh mean... good story and nice chapter. Hope to see another update soon.
1028436
Yes I know they are basicaly the same thing I am just slightly OCD and thats how I learned it and I get confsued when anything is not the way I learned it.
That cliffhanger is physically hurting me.
"Princess! . . . Wait a second, why weren't you able to do that during the wedding?!"
"Oh Twilight, didn't anypony ever tell you that three-fourths of any battle is preparation?"
"No. . . . But wait! What about the first time Nightmare Moon appeared? You had a thousand years to prepare for that, and you didn't do one pony flipping thing except send me to Ponyville!"
"Twilight, that was a matter of prophecy, it's just the way those things work."
"Yeah, Twilight, don't you know anything about prophecy?"
"See, Shawn gets it."
". . ."
". . ."
". . ."
I have no idea what to think. Wow. You've taken Psych, an amazing TV show, crossed it with MLP, another amazing, but completely different, TV show, and somehow made it work. It's as improbable as Fallout: Equestria (... Maybe not quite that improbable. x]), but it works. It works very well, oddly enough.
You've actually gotten Shawn's character down very well, which, while I have no experience with it, appears to be very difficult to do. Occasionally he seems a little off to me, but this is mostly in his more serious moments, and I have to remind myself that he has been very serious in the past. (The Yang thing, anyone?) It's just so rare that I always seem to forget. ;P Upon further reflection on these parts, I've actually realized that this is probably exactly how he would have reacted. (Had he accepted the pastel ponies part, anyways. But then again, after living this long in a world filled with it, with tons of proof, he'd kind of have to.)
Not only that, though, but you've done a lot of other things very, very well. The dialogue and humor is absolutely amazing and hilarious. (Especially the references, both to Psych and real world stuff. In either the first or second chapter, I think it was, I saw both a Scruff McGruff reference and a Ghostbusters reference. Very close to each other. That was awesome.) Plus, you've done some awesome world building. That sounds kind of weird, but you've moved from a familiar setting, to a less familiar setting, to a completely non-cannon setting that you made, and it's actually believable and life-like. I was surprised at the constant turns this fic has been taking, but it's been interesting enough to keep me reading, while maintaining a very good quality even while it changed. Not only the world, but the characters. You've created two important OCs with... well, character. In my mind, especially since I can't seem to create a good character for the life of me, that's an achievement.
This was surprisingly entertaining, and I was expecting this tiny little crossover. What I got was a very long, wonderful crossover that worked well, while staying to the roots of both realities they contained. (And I only found this from your Pip fanfic, too, and read this whole thing, at least to chapter 16 (17 counting the prologue), since that's the latest update as of right now.)
The climax (At least, that's what I assume it was. It may not be, but so far it appears to be just that.) sort of ended abruptly, but making it more drawn out probably wouldn't have worked very well, so ending it there was most likely the best decision. I'm curious to see how everything works out from here, though. I'm also wondering if you'll make Gus turn out to be a brony. IMO, that'd be hilarious, though I'm not sure if that would fit the story. Still, I could see you doing it, just because of how awkward the situation would be, and the many lulz that would ensue from the readers from it.
1015351
Now that's a good idea. x] He could take pictures for proof back at home. (Unless the battery runs out, or it gets smashed, which would be a way for the author to close any plot holes from that.)
1036040
Quit readin' ahead, ya damn hacker.
1054486
Well, thank you for the kinds words! And even more so for the in-depth review!
I'm happy that you liked the stories. And I'm happy you were able to navigate the rather dubious grammar and syntax of the first few chapters of this one... it's been a heck of a learning process for me, I'll tell you that.
As for your concerns about the climax: I feel comfortable in saying that what you read was only the first taste of the true climax of this tale. Things are about to get much more... interesting. Yes... interesting,
Anyway, thanks again for reading, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter as much as you have the previous ones.
1057078
I wouldn't exactly call that in-depth. There's just a big paragraph that could have been condensed into saying, "This is awesome. Good job." x]
I didn't think it was that bad. *shrug* Still, you learned from it. That's always a very good thing.
Interesting, eh? You've got my attention. Guess I've gotta wait, though. ;P
Hopefully. Judging from the past, I think I will. :)
Omigosh omigosh omigosh! This is on YouTube!!!!!
I love Psych soooo much!
Here! Have a Shawn Spencer quote to show my appreciation!
"I'll say when I'm done! *long pause* Alright I'm done wasting everyone's time. Besides, I'm missing a Phineas and Ferb marathon. Perry the Platypus! He's a real platypus.
Loved the dance scene. Twilight never saw it coming. Typical Shawn Spencer.
i like this story a whole lot! must contain me wanting to explode with wanting moar.
Invictus. You don't just deserve muffins. You deserve:
Btw, this played after Shawn teleported in the proluge:
Actually, the intro was more along the lines of this:
YES!!! PSYCH and MLP!!!!! This is going to be awesome!!!!!!!
I haven't been able to stop reading this since I started yesterday.
I truly love crossovers and this is by far one of the better ones I have read. Character-wise especially.
I really like how your Diamond Dogs are portrayed as right proper gnolls.
Hope you decide to continue this. Looking forward to Gilda's interactions. I like characters who are flawed and unlikable, but fundamentally good.
I abso-freaking-lutely love this fic! Two of my favorite shows and you have captured the characters wonderfully.I even got a brony friend of mine (who said he would never read fanfics) to read it. And he loves it too! Now, if only "they" would make this actually happen....
p.s. *how i feel when i read these chapters*
1057078
I frickin love your story, but for a reason different than most.
Your diamond dogs are TURKISH!!! Or Arabic. They're pretty similar...
Someone should probably cover my mouth in duc-MMPH.
BUCK YEAH CELESTIA!!!!!
Huh. A competent villian. Don't see those all that often.
Well, that was monumentally cool. o.o It sucks I have to wait to finish this!
Gozira!!!
That was unexpected.