Chapter 5: In Shawn We Trust
DAY 3 - APPROXIMATELY 2:30 AM - TRADE DISTRICT
"Why does this always happen!?"
Feet and hooves pounded down seemingly endless wooden hallways, followed closely by the thumping, shuffling gait of something very large and very angry.
The white unicorn in the lead turned a sharp left around a sudden corner, while the screaming human behind her nearly tripped trying to follow.
Shawn stopped and stared at the empty hallway before him... a dead end. No Rarity in sight.
Out of nowhere, something furry and soft wrapped itself around his neck, dragging him into a small bedroom.
"Aaaaaahhh- mph!"
The girly scream was cut off by a white hoof, as Rarity frantically pulled Shawn toward the window on the other side of the bed. The two hunkered down, Rarity's hoof still firmly planted over his mouth.
"Shawn, I'm going to let go now, darling, but you have to promise to not scream anymore." she whispered.
Shawn slowly nodded his head, letting out a shaky sigh as Rarity got back on all fours. Everything was quiet, giving him hope that their pursuer had passed them by.
Speaking of which.
"What the hell was that thing!? It looked like someone crossed a pit bull with a gorilla and raised it on steroids and anger issues!" In spite of his panic, Shawn did his level best to keep his voice down.
"That... is a rather apt description, actually." Rarity mused as she nervously peeked over the bed at the closed door, "They're called diamond dogs. I'm sure Twilight must have mentioned them to you at some point."
"That's a diamond dog?"
"Well, what were you expecting, dear? An actual animated, diamond puppy?"
"No, I just-..." Shawn paused, then shook his head, "I'm sitting in a wooden mansion in the middle of the capital city of a peaceful race of talking, technicolored ponies... That rage-fueled violence hurricane that's chasing us doesn't exactly fit the setting."
"I suppose it doesn't," Rarity laughed, "You certainly have a way with descriptions, Mr. Spencer."
"It's a gift." Shawn responded with a rueful half-smile as he got to his feet and tip-toed over to the door. Ever so carefully, he cracked it open the tiniest bit. Just enough to get a look at the hallway outside.
"I think he's gone..." Shawn sighed with relief, before he spotted a large shadow moving slowly from the main hallway. Stifling a yelp, he closed and locked the door behind him before quietly walking back to the bed, "Never mind."
Rarity shot a worried look in the direction of the door before turning to the window. Flipping the latch, she opened it out to the brisk night air and looked around, presumably for some sort of ledge or ladder.
It is a pretty fantastic view.
Canterlot shone like the night sky, the magical lights that kept the streets well lit reflected on the calm waters of the canal... seven stories below.
"Say... how deep do you think that water is?"
Rarity gave him a strange look, before seeming to realize what he was thinking, "Absolutely not!"
The exclamation left her lips a bit louder than either of them were comfortable with. By unspoken agreement, both sat still and simply listened for a minute, before resuming the conversation... albeit at a much lower volume.
"Do you know what they use that water for, Shawn?"
He shook his head.
"Well, I do." she continued, quietly, "And suffice to say that the situation will have to be far more dire before I resort to such a desperate tactic as jumping into it!"
"Rarity, don't be the only unicorn in a pegasus race-"
"I have been that already."
"It's jus-... wait, really? How did that happen?"
"Shawn, I don't believe this the appropriate time or venue for this conversation." she glanced at the door, then gave him a pointed look.
"Okay, fine. But we're having story-time as soon as we get back... and pancakes... definitely more of those pancakes Applejack makes..."
"I will be more than pleased to share that story with you..." Her half-hearted smile faltered at the thump of approaching footsteps, "But first we'll need to find a way down."
Shawn racked his brain for ideas, but nothing clever came to mind, "Can't you... you know... float us down to the street with your magic or something?"
"I'm not Twilight, darling," she lamented, "At most I might be able to float one of us down."
"Okay, so float yourself down and I'll jump."
Rarity raised a single eyebrow in surprise, "While I appreciate the chivalrous sentiment, you are deluding yourself if you think I'm going to let you ruin that one-of-a-kind ensemble you're wearing." She paused to look back out the window, "Besides, we have no idea how deep that water is. You could end up diving head-first into a puddle."
"Huh..." Shawn hadn't accounted for that, "I totally accounted for that."
Whatever Rarity was going to reply was cut off when the latch on the door started to rattle. Violently.
Shawn shot her a pleading look and pointed to the window, but Rarity looked conflicted for only a moment before shaking her head. Frantic now, he hunted vainly around the room before finally grabbing the top sheet off of the bed and approaching her.
"Ok, how about this... we each hold on to two corners and jump. Between your magic and wind resistance, the sheet will act as a parachute and we should be able to make it to the street."
THUMP
The door shook under a mighty blow, dust swirling as it was blasted from the wooden frame by the impact.
"Will... will that work?" Rarity asked as she looked back and forth between the flimsy-looking sheet and the increasingly flimsy-looking door.
Not a chance in hell.
THUMP
He'd apologize for ruining the suit later. Assuming he wasn't about to do a high dive into the shallow end of the pool.
"Absolutely! I'm pretty sure I saw this in a cartoon once."
The door had developed an alarmingly large crack right down the center. It probably wouldn't withstand too many more hits.
Rarity bit her lip, but eventually acquiesced, letting Shawn tie the corners of the sheet just above her front hooves. He then helped her balance on the ledge before hopping up himself.
THUMP, CRACK
"Ok, on three. Ready?" Shawn asked.
Rarity closed her eyes and nodded, her horn beginning to glow a faint blue.
"One."
Sorry, but there's no way I'm letting you take the fall for my screwup.
"Two."
CRASH
Shards of wood pelted them as Shawn shoved the white unicorn from the ledge. Rarity squealed, reflexively activating the slowing spell she'd been preparing on herself, while the poorly tied sheet blew away in the wind.
Maybe it was the fear, or the adrenaline rush that it triggered... whatever the case, Shawn's eye for detail sprung into overdrive, even noting the shape and size of the flying piece of wood that scraped across his forehead as he turned to take one last look at his assailant.
"God, you're ugly."
Then he tipped over.
----------------------------------------
10:00 PM (4.5 HOURS EARLIER)
The tinkling and clanging of plates and platters settling on the polished marble flooring echoed through the massive chamber.
Shawn cringed as the gazes of servants and princesses alike only added to the stifling atmosphere that now permeated the room. The looks themselves varied from simple curiosity to wide-eyed horror... the latter prominently displayed on the face of the grayish servant mare that had been trying to relieve him of his half-finished banana split.
"M... Mu-Mur-..."
"More banana split!? I would love some!" Shawn yelled at the top of his lungs.
The maid stared at him, startled out of her shocked stuttering. Uncertain now, she looked back at the white princess, who smiled reassuringly.
It was a brilliant maneuver. Shawn could practically see the gears turning in the little mare's head: Of course she'd misheard. The princess and her guest had been whispering... and there were a lot of other conversations happening at the table. Why, he could have said anything! But not murder. The princess wouldn't smile like that, otherwise.
At the same volume, Shawn continued, "As I was saying, princess... and then I said: heard'er? I don't even know'er!" He let out a shaky laugh, which was met with confused looks all around.
Nevertheless, the maid shook her head and got to cleaning up the mess, which acted as the trigger for the rest of the room to resume normal conversation. Shawn sighed and turned back around... to two large, deep-purple eyes literally inches from his own.
"Are you sure about this, Shawn Spencer?" All traces of humor were gone, replaced with a powerfully commanding tone that demanded the truth from him.
At that moment, Shawn didn't have the slightest doubt that the being before him was as wise and ancient as Twilight claimed. He couldn't look away. He couldn't think of lying or softening the truth. He could barely think at all.
"Yes."
The princess held his gaze for a moment more, before sighing deeply and looking away, "I had hoped you were not."
Suddenly able to breathe again, Shawn studied the ceiling in an effort to avoid any further eye contact. Whatever had just happened, it had made him feel... uncomfortable.
"You must understand. My little ponies are an inherently peaceful and happy race. War has been unknown to them for nearly three thousand years. In all that time, nopony has ever been killed in anger."
Shawn's eyebrows rose at that, "Wait, but then how do they even know the word?"
Celestia hummed, her horn glowing slightly as she brought a cup of tea to her lips, "Our neighboring nations are... not as peaceful. Stories of the diamond dogs' tribal feuds and the Griffonian Empire's campaigns against them are taught in our schools. However, I have exerted much effort and influence over the centuries to insure that my ponies were not caught up in any of the serious disputes."
The princess paused, as another banana split was set in front of Shawn by the maid. He flashed her a smile in thanks before she trotted back to the kitchens.
"Considering your occupation, I cannot accept that your arrival during these trying times was coincidence. Your eyes are familiar with death... you are haunted by it, but you seek it all the same." She smiled at him sadly, "Perhaps it was your fate to come here when you did."
Thinking back to the events of the last few days, Shawn shrugged, "I'm not really big on all that destiny stuff."
"Whatever the case may be, I am forced to ask you for your assistance in this. A storm is brewing on our horizon... I can sense it, and I cannot take the time away from my preparations to investigate this matter myself."
Shawn opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.
"Do not answer me now. This is not the kind of thing to be discussed over dessert. We will speak of this afterwards."
"Uhhhh... sure thing, your majesty."
Celestia gave him a disappointed look.
"Oh, okay. I guess we're done with the whole foreboding, ancient sun-goddess thing, then?"
The foreboding, ancient sun-goddess smiled and nodded.
"Right. Just... you know... next time, start glowing or something so I know whenever you activate god-mode."
His comment was rewarded by a tinkling laugh, though it had only been half-joking... Shawn's eyes still itched from whatever Celestia's stare had done. Still, there was nothing he could do about it, so he shrugged it off as just another part of the inter dimensional experience.
Eventually, dessert was wrapped up, along with all the polite dinner conversation. Celestia called a guard pony over to take down a message and deliver it to Royal Guard HQ, then motioned for Twilight and the rest to follow her and Luna.
After a few minutes of walking, they came upon another chamber, this one much more subtle in its majesty. The point here was not to impress a guest with opulence, but rather to convey a sense of comfortable luxury. Plush carpeting covered the floor and books lined every wall except one, which seemed to be reserved for the coziest looking fireplace Shawn had ever seen. Not that he'd seen that many fireplaces.
The princesses conversed quietly with each other for a minute, Luna glancing over at Shawn with narrowed eyes several times.
Gee, I wonder what they're talking about... The sarcastic thought came unbidden.
A hoof tapped his leg and he looked down to find Twilight looking up at him earnestly, "Shawn, what's going on?"
"What makes you think I know?"
She rolled her eyes at him, "Oh, come on, any filly could tell this has something to do with whatever you and the princess talked about during dinner."
"Huh..."
Twilight raised an eyebrow at the thoughtful look on his face, "... you really didn't think we'd notice?"
Looking around at the rest of the mares there, he could see wry grins and small smiles on every face as they sat next to him. Shawn was ashamed to admit it, but he'd let himself underestimate just how observant these ponies were... especially after what happened in the alley.
"Okay, to be fair, I've just kind of been winging it since I got here..."
"Suga'cube, somethin' tells me ya been wingin' it since the th'day you were born." Applejack piped in, with a grin, to muted laughter all around.
Shawn tried to look insulted, but could only smile at the jab, "You wound me, madam. I'll have you know, I always have a plan... I just choose to do things the fun way."
"The fun way!?" Twilight put on a mock horrified voice, "What in Celestia's name could be fun about having no plan? Planning for contingencies is half the fun of-"
"Yeah, yeah, okay, Twi. We get it, you like to organize stuff," Rainbow Dash cut her off, floating casually over to Shawn, before hitting him with a hard look, "What I wanna know is what the hay you and the princess were talking about."
"This has to do with whatever awful business traumatized poor Twilight back in the alley, doesn't it?" Now even Rarity was up in his face.
The aforementioned purple pony blanched, but, with a deep breath and a gulp, seemed to recover quickly.
"Look, I just-"
"And what was up with that Guard Captain getting so angry at you, anyway!?" Rainbow Dash cut him off too, poking his chest with a hoof.
"Well, it's not-"
"And when did you and the princess get on such friendly terms?" Rarity followed up with her own poke to his stomach.
"I don't really see what-"
"Oooo, is this a new game? I wanna play, too!"
The number of ponies crowding Shawn increased by one bouncy, pink mare, who was now poking him repeatedly in the ribs. To his great misfortune, the first such poke caught Shawn by surprise and elicited a squeaking wheeze instead of his planned response. Of course, this only encouraged the mare to poke harder.
The end result was that by the time the two princesses finished their private conversation, they turned to find a most unusual scene.
An increasingly frustrated Shawn was backing up, trying to cover his ribs from Pinkie Pie's continuous assault without tripping over the cushions that littered the floor. Rarity and Rainbow Dash were following right behind the pink mare, shooting questions at him rapid-fire, while Twilight and Applejack looked on in obvious disbelief at how quickly the situation had degenerated into this... mess. Fluttershy, for her part, anxiously observed the whole affair from her seat by the fire.
"WE DEMAND YOU DESIST THIS FOALISHNESS AT ONCE!" The booming voice of the lunar princess shook several books from the walls and quite literally knocked Shawn on his ass.
The mares reacted immediately, nervously standing at attention in a group while Celestia shot her sister a long-suffering glance.
"Ahem... thank you, sister. Now, everypony, please take a se-"
"WHAT!?" Shawn yelled. All he could hear was a high pitched whine and muffled sounds, as if he'd made the mistake of standing near the speakers at a particularly loud dance club for too long.
"WHO SET OFF A BOMB IN HERE? OH GOD, I THINK MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" He shook his head and got to his feet, only to get yanked on his ass again by Twilight, who had pulled him over by his vest to sit with the rest of the group.
"WHAT'S GOING ON, ARE THE PRINCESSES DONE-" Shawn stopped as his head was engulfed in a bright, yellow glow. Warmth spread inwards from his ears and, just like that, his hearing returned to normal. He looked over to Celestia, a thank you on his lips, only to see a mildly annoyed frown and a soft glow suffusing her entire form.
Right, that's definitely a hint.
"I will now ask that everypony please refrain from shouting," Celestia's frown became a wry smile at her sister's embarrassed cough, "Now, girls, I think I can answer your questions for you... one at a time."
When none of the others spoke up, Twilight stepped forward, "What is this about, princess? Does it have to do with the... s-suicide?"
In spite of the stutter, Twilight actually managed to maintain her composure as she asked. The rest of the mares, however, had not had any time to become accustomed to the idea and her revelation was met with a chorus of gasps and tears. Or, in Fluttershy's case, outright fainting.
Shawn sat quietly as Celestia and Twilight comforted the rest of the mares, suddenly uncomfortable with the intimate atmosphere. Nothing quite like a true display of affection between friends to make one feel like an intruder.
Death was something everyone dealt with differently. Some, like Lassie, resorted to professionalism. Others, like Gus, ran away screaming. Shawn liked to make jokes... it was pretty much how he dealt with everything that made him uncomfortable, in fact.
Huh... where did that come from?
He tried to shake the grim thoughts off, going back over the crime scene again in his mind. In spite of his confidence in that there had been foul play involved, there were several things that didn't add up about the whole thing. Primarily, the the Cap'n's absolutely certainty that it had been some sort of suicide.
To Shawn, that was a nonsensical conclusion. It would make much more sense for someone to dismiss the event as some sort of tragic accident. Peop- ponies probably tripped all the time. And if someone didn't spot the tell-tales that he had, it would be easy to confuse the scene for a careless misstep near a badly-built window. After all, somebody had gone to great lengths to make sure that that's what it looked like. All that being said, the Cap'n must know or have something Shawn didn't. Some other piece of evidence that pointed him in that direction... and Shawn needed to know what that was.
A witness, maybe? He started to put the scene together in his mind, Whoever did it obviously doesn't have any problems getting their hands dirty. If there is a witness, I'm going to need to find him before the perp does. It was a sobering thought.
"Shawn...?"
He was snapped out of his reverie by a purple hoof waving back and forth in front of his face, I guess they're done hugging it out...
"Yeah? Sorry, are we all good?" Shawn replied and looked around.
Twilight bit her lip and nodded, glancing over at the other mares. They sat in a group next to the princesses, some, like Fluttershy, still on the verge of tears. Still, the mutual support seemed to have done its job, and they all looked determined to keep going.
"The princess here told us what ya told her." Applejack's face was plastered with an uncharacteristically grim scowl.
Out of all of them, Shawn would not have expected the laid back farm pony to turn out to be the emotional pillar.
"Is it true?" Dash's head, ironically, hung the lowest of the bunch, "That somepony... m-murdered... that colt?" She gulped audibly.
They all winced at the word. Even Pinkie Pie, who was quietly frowning and staring into the fireplace. If anything really brought home how shocking this all must have been to them, that definitely did it for Shawn. He wasn't sure how to respond to that... chances were that his usual joking manner would be even less welcome in this situation than it was back home.
Fortunately, Celestia took the matter off his hands.
"Twilight Sparkle. Rarity. Rainbow Dash. Applejack. Fluttershy. Pinkie Pie," Celestia nodded to each in turn, waiting for them to meet her eyes before going to the next, "Twice in the past I have asked much from all of you... I have always been deeply regretful of being unable to shield you from the dangers you faced for our sake... for everypony's sake. And yet, twice in the past you have all proven yourselves and your friendship to be more than a match for the dangers that threatened our land."
She paused, the glow about her growing a little brighter.
"You are heroes to all ponies. You are the Elements of Harmony... the last bastion of defense for Equestria. And, once again, I must ask you to undertake a dangerous task on my behalf. However, this time you will have a little help." The sun princess smiled over at Shawn, who stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets, "Shawn... I would like your answer now."
Every pony in the room looked at him expectantly... and he smiled.
"My going rate's about twelve hundred dollars a day... but I guess I can work this one pro-bono. I've always wanted to work with real-life superheroes anyway."
----------------------------------------------
Night was well under way by the time they all arrived at the Royal Guard Headquarters.
Shawn had to admit, it was a damned impressive building. It straddled one of the many canals that cut through the city, a walled, castle-like structure that stared imposingly over the rest of the skyline. He guessed that the tall tower in the center probably commanded one of the best views in Canterlot short of the princesses' own chambers.
As they passed through the main gate, an affair of thick, crisscrossed iron bars, Shawn couldn't help but admire the simple, yet functional theme of the architecture. It was the first building he'd seen so far that wouldn't have seemed entirely out of place in a swords & sorcery type movie.
The long double-line of white pegasi, grey unicorns, and brown earth ponies all in shining, golden armor certainly help set a somber mood to the whole thing.
"Psst, hey Sparks," he whispered.
"Ugh... Shawn... please, I'd rather that didn't catch on."
"Really? I think it's a great superhero name. Think about it: Psych-man and Sparks, the didactic duo!"
"Didactic? I do kind of like the sound of that..."
Shawn stopped for a moment, confused at her reaction, Wait... that can't be right... did I use the right word? Not for the first time, he wished Gus was there to correct him.
"Right... anyway, I was going to ask why all the guards look the same. I mean, I don't think I've seen two ponies with the same color scheme... but every pegasus in armor has a white coat and no mark."
"... You mean cutie mark?"
"I am not saying that."
Twilight rolled her eyes, "That's what they're called, Shawn. And the guards are no different from any other pony. They actually come in all colors and from all backgrounds, though they often have special talents that are geared for their work as a guard... it's what attracts them to the job in the first place." Naturally settling into the lecture, she continued, "The armor they wear is actually enchanted to make them look like that. It's essentially part of the uniform. I hear it makes it easier to separate the job from their normal lives."
"Huh..." It seemed like a sensible tradition... although he couldn't help making mental comparisons to storm troopers.
Before Shawn knew it, they were in the lobby of the main tower he'd been admiring before. In contradiction with the rough looking exterior, the inside was designed more like the large rooms of the castle, though relatively spartan. Even as every surface was made of marble and polished to a mirror finish, the only gold in the room was concentrated into an enormous shield hanging on the back wall. The massive emblem was engraved with the sun princess's cutie mark and the words: "Intemporaliter Invictus Solis".
Noticing Shawn's confusion, Twilight piped in, "It's ancient Equestrian. Roughly translated, it means 'Eternally Unconquerable Sun'."
"Ancient Equestrian... it just looks like Latin to me."
"It would. The translation spell I cast on you actively converts other languages, spoken or written, into an analogous version it recognizes from your mind. I developed it myself, actually... the mages here tell me that my use of the layered arcane-matrix model to handle the search and definition process was inspi-"
"Latin it is, then!"
Twilight scowled at him, but her ire was short-lived.
He was probably not the first one to have picked up the habit of cutting off her lectures before they gained any real steam. Besides, he had a very good reason to interrupt her. They had finally come to what appeared to be the work area, where many ponies (mostly unicorns) would sit at their desks and shuffle paperwork. The whole setup was eerily similar to what he had come to expect from a police station back home, though the space was much more open and well-lit. And still marble...
Good god, how much marble and gold do these ponies have?
At the moment, every pony in the room was lined up in rows near the back wall, with the Cap'n himself and a mare in slightly less ornate armor standing at attention in front.
"Hey, Cap'n Jeebus! You're looking enraged as ever."
Every jaw in the room dropped, with Twilight herself giving him a look that made him wonder if he had somehow managed to spontaneously grow another head... which also happened to be on fire. The rest of the guard ponies merely looked as if he'd casually pulled the pin on a grenade and was currently balancing it on his nose... except for Celestia, who, he noted, had turned her head to cough politely into her hoof.
"What? He does..." Shawn muttered defensively.
And he really did. If the stiff jaw, grinding teeth, and rigid posture weren't clue enough, the red discoloration showing through his brilliant white fur certainly gave it away.
"Mr. Spencer. How... nice... to see you again." The Cap'n's voice was strained in a strangely similar fashion to princess Luna's... as if he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, but was restraining himself.
Shawn made a mental note to leave whenever the princesses did.
"Your majesties," The Cap'n continued, "It is an absolute honor to have you here. Can I ask as to the purpose of your visit?"
"Did you not receive our message, Captain Aegis Fidelis?" Celestia cocked her head at him.
"I... did," Aegis admitted, "I had been holding out some hope, however, that it was some sort of error or prank."
"The death of one of my little ponies is not a subject that I would ever take lightly, Captain."
"Of course, your majesty..." Wincing at the light rebuke, the Cap'n nodded his head at one of the rooms, "Please, follow me."
Shawn followed the others into what appeared to be a conference room with a large, oval table taking up most of the space. Having no stool this time, Shawn chose to stand between Twilight and princess Celestia.
A small group of unicorn guards (including the mare in the fancy armor) filed in and stood behind the Cap'n, who sat on the other side of the table from the princesses. While the others found their seats, Shawn took a moment to review what he knew... this was going to be a difficult case to make, having had almost no access to any evidence. Still, he should be able to get things rolling, so long as the princess backed him up.
Celestia started the meeting with a nod to the Cap'n and his guards, "I want to begin by saying that my sister and I cannot begin to express how much we appreciate your many years of service to the thrones. We trust your judgement and intentions absolutely, so we will not force you to pursue this matter any further if you do not deem it necessary after this meeting."
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLS!
"That being said, we have come across some additional information and resources that you might find useful," At this point, the princess graced Shawn with her most benign smile.
"With all due respect, your highness... if you trust my judgement on this matter, as you have in the past, then you must trust me when I say that this case is undeniably closed." The Cap'n's rebuttal lacked much of its usual gruffness, though none of its directness.
"I understand that, Captain. However, it has come to my attention that our visitor had an... unintended opportunity to closely inspect the scene of the event."
Three guesses at who submitted that report...
She waited for the Cap'n to nod before continuing, "It has also come to my attention that, back on his world, Shawn is what is called a 'private detective'. As I am given to understand, the equivalent of the Royal Guard of his nation occasionally hire him to help solve cases they cannot," She paused and looked directly at the Cap'n', "You, more than anypony, knows that it is impossible to lie while looking me or my sister in the eyes. Shawn looked into my eyes and assured me that what happened to that poor merchant pony was not suicide... but murder."
To his credit, the Cap'n did not flinch at the word, though every other guard grew wide-eyed for a moment.
"These are certainly very pertinent facts, princess, and I understand now why you wished to call this to my attention," He paused and a corner of his mouth twitched into a frown, "However, I must call some things into question. Though we know he believes he is telling the truth, couldn't he simply be wrong? We know nothing of the world he comes from, or how good he actually is at his job there. Tell us, Shawn, have you ever even solved a case before?"
Twilight's eyes had gotten wide. Obviously the mare had never even thought to ask these questions and was probably kicking herself for not doing so. The rest of her friends were also giving him dubious looks.
You're sharp, Cap'n, I'll give you that. I'd even give you the point if you weren't about to set me up for the spike...
Shawn stayed quiet, giving the stallion only a smug smile and a wink in return.
The goad worked, and the Cap'n's look darkened as he continued, "Even barring all that. Our guest, here, didn't get a look at all the evidence. In fact, I happen to have a-"
"I'm getting something!" Shawn shouted, slamming one hand on the table and bringing the other one to his forehead.
Every pony in the room, even the princesses, gave him startled looks.
"Uhhh... sorry, force of habit..." Shawn dropped his hand and coughed before continuing, "You have a witness."
"That's right! We have... a... wit-..." The Cap'n trailed off, actually, genuinely speechless.
"How..." The mare behind Aegis choked out.
And the gamble pays off... I love it when I'm right.
"That one was easy," Slowly, Shawn began to pace around the table, all eyes on him, "I got a good look at that scene... the obvious answer, considering what ponies are like, would be that it was an accident. But, by the time we got there, the guards had already jumped to the conclusion that it was a suicide... and not the first one."
Shawn's mind flashed back to the Cap'n standing in front of that nervous private, then behind Shawn himself: "That's the third one this month..."; "Of course not. It was a suicide."
"The only way someone- erm- somepony would think that, is if they talked to somepony who saw it happen."
The Cap'n nodded grudgingly, a thoughtful look on his face, "You're right about the witness... but, then, what makes you think it was murder?"
"I'm getting to that... first, though, I need to defend my culpability-"
"Credibility, Shawn."
"I've heard it both ways."
Twilight brought a hoof to her face, though Shawn was honestly surprised that she hadn't seen it coming by now.
"Anyway," Shawn continued as he walked up to the four standing unicorn guards, rubbing his hands together, "This is where I show off a little."
Pointing to one after the other, from left to right, Shawn spoke to each guard, "Happy birthday. Hope you remembered to feed your dog this morning. Don't worry, newbie, I'm sure you'll do fine here. You should lay off the late-night partying during the week if you don't want to create awkward situations with your boss."
All four ponies stared at him, dumb-struck, as he continued, "Before you ask, no, I'm not psychic." He pointed to the first one, the mare with the elaborate armor, "You have a tiny bit of glitter on your hooves, which, along with the small stack of presents that were sitting on the largest desk on the floor out there, means that either you're a really popular party animal or you've got something to celebrate."
Pointing to the next one, "There are long, tan colored hairs shed by something about knee-height all over your legs. Since you didn't take the time to brush them off and you've also been staring at the clock since before we came in here... you probably left in a hurry this morning. If I had to guess, I'd say you're worried you didn't leave enough food out for the dog before you rushed out."
And the next, "This guy's armor's so polished, you could eat off it. Your steps and stances are all really rigid, which is easy to see when you're standing next to a bunch of veterans that could march in their sleep. And you flinch every time either the Cap'n or miss boss over here," He nodded at the mare again, "Even look at you."
And the last one, "The matching glitter on your hooves means you probably went to the same party as miss boss over there. The bags beneath your eyes mean you probably didn't get a whole lot of sleep. And for somepony who's standing as far as he possibly can from his boss at all times, you sure do shoot a lot of uncomfortable looks her way..."
The pony in question turned beet red through his armor, while miss boss-mare coughed politely into her hoof.
As for the rest of the room... well, they were very quiet.
God, I've always wanted to do that. Playing psychic had some advantages, but having to attribute his talent to magical powers wasn't one of them.
"Whoa..." Rainbow Dash finally breathed out, giving the signal for the rest of the ponies to start moving again.
"Shawn..." Twilight spoke up, "Just... how many cases have you solved back on your world?"
"Hmmm... Just under a hundred, maybe? Although only about 80 or so were actual murders."
The room went deathly silent again. Only, this time, rather than impressed looks, Shawn caught a lot of horrified glances and... was that pity? He wasn't sure what to think about that.
"So much death..." Surprisingly, it was Luna who spoke out this time. The strain was gone from her voice, replaced by a tiredness that he hadn't heard there before.
"Oh, Shawn... I'm so sorry..." Even Fluttershy's timid voice rang clearly.
What... are they serious? It's not like those were people... I... knew... That's when it struck him. The core difference in the way these ponies thought from the way he did. For Shawn (and mankind in general), there are only so many people he could possibly bring himself to personally, truly care about. His family, his friends, and maybe some relatively close acquaintances. When he worked a murder, the victim was just that: a victim, a body, evidence. But never a person.
These ponies were different. To them, every pony's death was as emotionally jarring as the death of a loved one... because they genuinely cared for life that much. It explained the ludicrously low suicide rate and the non-existent murder rate. It explained their reactions to such a brazen statement as: "I've personally been around 80 different people who suffered violent deaths". He may as well have said his entire town had burnt down around his ears.
Before anypony could actually step forward to hug him, and Shawn thought some of them might try to do just that, the sun princess spoke up, "Well... Captain. I think we've all heard enough for tonight. Should I be given to understand that you will be bringing Shawn and the Elements into this investigation?"
The cap'n nodded. Slowly, grudgingly, and grimly... but, by god, he nodded.
Celestia gave Shawn a sad smile, "We would all very much like to hear the reasons for your conclusion, Mr. Spencer. However, it is very late and the last few hours have proven very stressful for some of us," At that, she looked over at Twilight and her friends, "Tomorrow, you will be given full access to all evidence, including the witness, so you can properly confirm and present your suspicions to us. In the meantime, everypony should try to get some sleep."
The order was greeted with nods all around as the guard ponies, along with Luna, stood up and filed out of the room. Before Shawn could follow, he was stopped by a large, white wing spreading across his path.
"Shawn... any world can seem dark when one looks at only one aspect of it. I want you to know that we will not judge it... or you... by what was said here today."
Shaking his head, Shawn was about to dismiss the idea when he was pulled into a hug by that same wing and its counterpart.
Soft. That was all he could think for a moment, before he was released.
"Hey... uhhh... thanks for the thought, princess... but it's really not as bad as all that. I actually love my job."
Celestia smiled at him and nodded, before motioning to Twilight and her friends, who were waiting patiently by the door.
He walked with them in silence, all the way back to the rooms they'd been assigned at the palace. In spite of his best efforts, he somehow ended up on the receiving end of several hugs, which he bore with as much grace as he could. His intention had been to impress, not garner pity... although, it did feel nice to be emotionally supported every so often.
Huh... where did that come from?
----------------------------------------------------
It was roughly two in the morning when Shawn snuck out of his room.
He had found himself lying on a massive, four-poster bed, entirely unable to sleep. The thought that something was running around killing innocent ponies had prevented him from finding rest. And there was no longer any question in his mind about two things: One, whatever was doing it was most certainly not a pony; And, two, he was going to have to get the Royal Guard to reopen those other two 'suicide' cases.
Three suicides in a month and one of them turns out to be a murder in disguise... I'll take better than even money the other two turn out the same.
So, he found himself meandering through the streets of Canterlot, a half-eaten apple in his hand from a helpful night-shift maid. It boggled his mind that not a single guard had questioned his sudden desire to go for a night-time walk through the trade district. Though it was difficult to navigate the streets at night, even with directions, eventually he came to the very same alley that had temporarily housed the body.
Some industrious janitor pony had spot-cleaned the place, which would have horrified Shawn had he not already guessed that ponies didn't have very much in the way of investigative forensics. Hopefully, whatever notes they'd taken combined with that witness would give him enough to go on. Well, that and whatever else he happened to find tonight.
"Shawn?"
He whipped around, nearly choking on his apple, as the very familiar voice of one very white fashionista unicorn came from directly behind him.
"What in Celestia's name are you doing all the way out here so late?" Rarity stepped forward into the light from one of the streetlamps, an accusing tone in her voice.
"Uhhhh... I needed some air?"
"You could have gone to your room's balcony for some air. Try again, dear."
"... I like to walk?"
"And I'm to believe that you ended up at the scene where you claim a murder was committed entirely by accident? Because you wanted to go out for a walk?"
"... Yes?"
She stared at him, eyes narrowed, until he threw up his hands.
"Fine, I wanted to take a look inside the building."
"You mean... the one that pony jum-... was thrown from?"
"No, the coffee shop across the street." He deadpanned.
"Well, I never! There's no need to be cross, Mr. Spencer. I was merely worried about you!"
A thought clicked, "Wait... how did you end up all the way out here?"
Rarity paused, coughed, then paused again, "I... may have followed you... just a teensy bit..."
Shawn gave her an arch look before chuckling, "Well... we're all the way out here. Would be a shame to go back without at least taking a look."
"Darling, that building has been abandoned for years. It's not going anywhere. Is there a reason we can't simply come back in the morning when decent ponies are awake and about?"
"Wait... for years? What the hell was that merchant doing in there, then?"
"Language, Mr. Spencer! And... I couldn't tell you. Real-Estate perhaps?"
Shaking his head, Shawn tested the nearest door to find it locked. It was the same with every window he tried.
"Well, it looks like we're not getting inside tonight. Why don't we head back, have some relaxing tea, and get a full night's rest?" Rarity piped in cheerfully... until she saw Shawn pick up a rock, "Oh, no, please don't do what I think you're about to-"
SMASH
"-do."
Glass tinkled on wooden floors as Shawn used the rock to clear the remaining shards from the frame. Looking around furtively, he hopped through the now-empty frame and started exploring the inside of the massive, wooden complex.
Eventually, Rarity joined him, now angrily muttering with puffed cheeks about hasty, interdimensional monkeys and what the likely punishment was for breaking and entering.
"You know, if you stopped whining and helped me find some stairs, we could get out of here sooner." He whispered.
Rarity shot him a dirty look, but started checking doors nonetheless.
As they made their way deeper and deeper into the mansion in their hunt of the fifth floor, Shawn started to lose track of where they were. There were so many identical hallways with no decorations, that he resorted to scratching marks into the wood every time they made a new turn. He was actually in the process of making one of these marks when he first heard talking.
It was not a language he recognized, though he could have sworn it sounded Germanic. Whatever it was, it was guttural and rhythmic, as if the throat that made the noises was designed for growling more than speaking.
Shawn motioned for Rarity to be quiet, though the unicorn had stayed miraculously silent through most of the latter half of the expedition. He made his way over to a window and looked down... seventh floor. They were nowhere near the right window, although this might end up being a lucky break, regardless.
Curiosity overcoming his sense of self-preservation, Shawn put his ear to the door and listened. Most of it was unintelligible growls, but there were a few Equestrian words thrown in. It sounded like one creature... talking to itself?
"-ake... pony... GROWL SNARL SNARL... Celestia... SNARL GROWL SNARL... human... GROWL SNARL... die!" Shawn's eyebrows crawled up his forehead.
"What's it saying?" Rarity whispered, as she stepped closer.
Waving her back, Shawn tried to move away from the door as carefully as he could.
CRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAK
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
The noises from the room had stopped, though Shawn still held out hope that whatever was in there would just shrug it off as the house settling.
The heavy thumps of approaching footsteps disabused him of the notion.
"Run..."
--------------------------------------------------
SPLASH
Shawn hit the water hard. That piece of wood that nearly lobotomized him had completely messed up his dive, so that he ended up landing back first. Like anyone who has landed horizontally in water after a fall of any significant height will tell you... that kind of an impact will knock all the fight (and air) right out of you.
So when Shawn found himself completely disoriented, blind, and underwater with empty lungs, he rightfully thought that he wasn't going to be coming back up. Interestingly enough, his own death did not worry him as much as the thought that the ponies would be emotionally afflicted with yet another casualty, though this time because he had been too stubborn to not get the last word.
Suddenly, his world became a vibrant shade of purple and he found himself on his knees, heaving and coughing freezing water onto cobblestones.
"Shawn! Are you alright!?" Twilight's concerned shout rang in his ears.
"Hold on, suga'cube! Ah'll get that water outta ya!"
He coughed, then suddenly expelled every bit of water and air left in his lungs as a crushing weight pushed him into the ground. With a gasp, he managed to flip himself over.
"Oh! Oh, my!" Yellow hooves inspected him, carefully prodding and poking for any possible broken bones.
"Is he gonna be okay?"
"Don't worry, Rainbow, I think I got him out in time... You go find a nurse while we keep an eye on him."
"Got it! I'll be back in ten seconds, flat!" A flap of wings and a burst of wind followed.
Having managed to start breathing normally again, Shawn took the opportunity to open his eyes... to find Rarity's furious glare directly above him.
"Shawn Spencer, how could you!?"
He laughed, then coughed, "Sorry... guess I ruined the suit."
Tears in her eyes, Rarity poked him in the chest, hard, "I don't care about the bucking outfit! You lied to me! You could have died and it would have been my fault!"
"You got a funny way of looking at things, you know that?" Shawn slowly sat up to see the rest of the ponies, except for Rainbow Dash, looking on in concern.
"What... what exactly happened in there?" Twilight asked as she stepped up to his other side from Rarity, helping him get to his feet.
"I'll tell you when we get back. Right now, I only have one thing in mind..."
"... which is?"
Shawn looked around at the ponies and grinned, "Who's up for some midnight pancakes?"
Stats
Page generated in 0.033 seconds
Total duration
1,010 users online
442,844 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Haha, well now... it looks like I'm not dead after all! I promise I was going to release this last chapter on time, but then I took a Skyrim to the... life... God, I hate myself for that.
As a sort of pseudo-apology, this latest chapter is a smidge longer than the other ones. I... actually wrote most of it today, so I'm sure I'll be going back and reediting some stuff tomorrow.
Right, anyway. Sorry for the delay! Thank you, everyone, for your patience! And, as always: enjoy, rate, and review!
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please?
166584
We all did don't worry about it and, Thank you for another great chapter.
PANCAKES!!!
Good work. Spencer still comes across clearly and its always fun to see him show off on occasion. I liked the aspects of pony psychology set forth in the narrative.
The opening was a bit confusing. It made me think I might have started reading the wrong chapter at first. That said, it is dramatic. If I had been reading directly from the previous chapter, having some kind of timestamp like 'Day 3: Merchant's Quarter - 2 AM, Canterlot' might have helped? Not really sure.
Enjoying the story, hope to hear more from you soon.
168518
That's a good point. I worried that it might be confusing, but it never occurred to me to throw a time-stamp in there at the beginning. It'll work well enough until (or if) I think of a more elegant solution.
Thanks for the tip!
Ah, I let three of these things pile up before I got around to reading this story again. Wound up going over most of Chapter 2 again because I'd forgotten parts of it.
This is really good. I find myself so weary of crossovers written by people with OCs who are vaguely associated with the settings they've come from. I like reading about the actual canon characters thrown into MLP situations with the Mane Six. And I've gotta say, you write a really nice Shawn Spencer. I've had a weird bit of luck with that in that I've never read a fic featuring Shawn that didn't have him written very well. I haven't particularly sought it out, but there you go.
This is a perfect cross over
Reading this fanfiction actually is what made me start watching Psych. Now I'm halfway through the second season, and I have to say, it's become my second favorite TV show (second to MLP). HOWEVER, I still say your version of Shawn is actually more entertaining then the show's. Or maybe he just goes well with ponies.
Also, I shall never forget S1E8, where Shawn actually critiques an artwork by saying "It looks nothing like My Little Pony." Shawn is brony.
I am tracking/watching/faving/rating-five-stars the hell out of this!
...This...is one...of the best...no...the best. Crossover Fan Fictions I ever. Period. Read.
You just...capture his...Shawn...ness...so well...god I want to cry. You...you sir...you get a muffin.
Great ending and im tracking/watching/faving/rating-five-stars
I wish the chapters would get out sooner though
myfacewhen.net/uploads/282-mother-of-god.jpg
This is great.
OH! ME! ME! I WANT SOME! 8D
(Of the proffered Midnight Pancakes.)
My god I love this. You have managed to successfuly combine two of my favorite things into one even more awesome (about 20% more awesome) story. John Grisham (ish) murder "mystery" and MLP. To you sir, I leave a salute :rainbowsalute:, a favorite, and a watch.
-Dashie out
Yes finaly I get to see him back up his claims with reasonable proof instead of chalking it up to psychic visions. Don't you think it would be easier if Shawn said "He was murdered because (blah blah blah)" as opposed to having a psychic episode???
I knew the "Monkeysphere" as some call it would pop up sooner or later. For those who have no idea what the Tartarus that is, it's a psychological term for human's abilities to only really become close emotionally to a small number of people (no, not like four or five people, the max I believe for your average humans is between 100 and 200 people) Basically, it has something to do with our pact mentality that we have, preventing us from generally getting emotionally upset when something bad happens to others. We may feel just a tad sad, but we won't be traumatized of hurt for life because of it, as those connected to the victim of said bad thing would be.
That said, I must say that my favorite part was when he showed off his eidetic memory. That's just plain awesome, and I would love to run into someone whose able to do that someday.
167617 PPPPAAAANNNNNCCCCCAAAAKEEESS
179161 Can I have a muffin?
I can see it now. Shawn, revealng his ability to everypony and them just staring at him. It's hilarious!
"Rarity, don't be the only unicorn in a pegasus race-"
"I have been that already."
that reference
Okay well, I am not too sure how much I like the fact that he revealed all the stuff behind his fake psychic-ness instead of pretending he really was psychic. It feels like its just a story about an incredibly funny human in Equestria instead of a Psych crossover, but I am willing to see what happens in the future of this fic. Otherwise, hilarious and great chapter.
Over two years later, and I STILL haven't gotten those bloody pancakes! HOLY HAIL YOUR SERVICE PLUCKING SUCKS! >:[
Now that's a nicely constructed chapter. Fallout: Equestria could learn a thing or two from this. :V
Right on the nose!
-
I've been WAITING for this moment! And honestly, Shawn is not the only one who wishes he could show off his actual talent more often. It's pretty badass, and to think he has to hide it is a shame.
Alright, my stubbornness paid off! The story improved by a lot!
Also, it is hilarious, so there's that too.
I think him coming out with not being a psychic right away spoils a lot of chances for comedy. Also, Shawn doesn't seem quite like himself in this. He isn't... I guess what I'm looking for is "rogue enough"?
It actually kinda isn't. Imagine a world where all cops are always masked, completely unrecognizable, and wear no name tags. Completely anonymous and unaccountable. Getting the cold shivers yet? You should be. That's the kind of thing that could only ever work out well in magical horsieland, nowhere else.
7422838 Actually, it does. It's more like uniformed service members, it gives a unifying feel to the organization and encourages discipline when all members wear similar attire and are held to a standard to maintain in. It also makes it so that military members cannot be identified and singled out by enemy forces, if say, a sniper wanted to pick off the CO, he wouldn't know which one was in charge. The ponies here have just perfected it is all. Keeps people safe and things orderly, both actually and in appearance to the public. It is NOT a scare tactic.
7763548
It is, actually very much a scare tactic, which is why you will primarily see it used by "special units" like SWAT and/or in the military. The facelessness adds to the intimidation factor. It's not really meant as one here, but I wanted to point out how easily you can see it that way. I grew up in a country that had a secret police, so I've got some experience what living with a faceless, unaccountable police force with no individual identifications is like. Plainclothes is a different kind of anonymity, but the result is in a lot ways the same. Even if they fuck up, there is no one to report and no one to report it to, because you have no way of actually knowing who it was who brutalized you before shoving you in the squad car.
It's one of the legitimate downsides of that kind of system. It's a system that also protects good officers from illegal retribution, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have some glaring weaknesses.