Author's Note
I apologize to everyone for the long delay before this admittedly relatively short chapter. There's a long story there, but I suspect that's not the story everyone came here for, so I'll keep this short. This is actually part of what was going to be a much larger chapter. However, I felt this bit would do better as a standalone... and, honestly, I didn't want to leave you guys update-less for however much longer it was going to take to complete the monstrosity.
Also, the observant among you may note a link in the story (leads to a youtube video). I normally don't do that (or author's notes)... but it was just so perfect, I couldn't resist.
Anyway, I'm back on schedule now, so look forward to a new update soon and (as always) enjoy, rate, and review!
Sincerely and with much love,
Invictus
"It was a dark and stormy night... although, it wasn't really all that dark. Actually, it probably wasn't raining all that much, either. And it was really more of an early evening... maybe late-afternoon-ish..."
"Shawn..."
"Aaaanyway..."
The rest of the ponies had finally caught up with him and Twilight and demanded a retelling of his conclusions. As it turned out, it didn't take too long for Lyra to fall unconscious. She'd had almost no rest since the murder and the presence of close friends to comfort her had been enough to lull her into a deep sleep. Once the Guard showed up, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash had felt comfortable enough with their friend's safety to come find them.
After his outburst, Captain Aegis and the Lieutenant had chosen to retire back to Head Quarters for the night to organize a city-wide search for the assassin dogs. Likely, it would prove fruitless. Shawn was convinced there was a greater mind at play here than the barely intelligible dog or dogs that had attempted to throw him out a window and failed... largely because he'd done it for them.
Twilight had spoken up about her vain attempts to locate the dogs via spellwork soon after pulling Shawn out of the water and princess Celestia agreed with his assertion that they couldn't have worked alone. Apparently, there was no single Diamond Dog shaman capable of putting up a spellshield that strong. Nor was she aware that any of the Dogs' precious few tribal casters, celebrated leaders in their society, had gone rouge.
The offhanded commentary that one of the ponies he was working with was essentially one of (if not the) strongest non-deity level casters in the world once again reminded him of the scale in which he was now working.
Shawn got the distinct impression Celestia had suspicions she wasn't speaking out loud, but he didn't get a chance to grill her about it before she left, presumably to make her own attempt at finding the culprits through magic.
Curiously enough, princess Luna had elected to stay behind and hear the story once more. Or maybe to keep an eye on him. She was nearly as hard to read as her sister, though her own default expression was more dour than amused.
"-through the mansion. Last. Night!" Admittedly, he'd rushed through the retelling a bit more than the original, since Twilight had said his name in a very threatening manner when he'd started his song again.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash stomped their hooves appreciatively and Shawn took a dramatic bow while the rest of the group absorbed the new information.
"Well... this certainly changes the gravity of the situation." Rarity was the first to comment.
"You have a gift fer understatement, suga'cube."
"Well, you have a gift for uncouth commentary." Rarity's riposte was received with a wry smile by the farm pony.
"And I have a gift for making those little towel animals they put on your bed in fancy hotels... but none of that's helping us right now." Shawn's pacing was starting to tear up the carpet, while his hand remained firmly affixed to his chin. "Those dogs that chased us through the mansion were getting their orders from someone and we need to figure out who..."
Twilight, now having finished rolling her eyes at Shawn, shook her head, "That's more easily said than done. I mean, it's not like we can just go over to the Diamond Dog embassy and start making accusations. The Grand Galloping Gala's coming up and we can't afford cause an international incident with the guests of honor."
Shawn stopped pacing and stared at her.
"W-What?" Twilight wilted under his intense gaze.
"Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?"
Blushing, Twilight started to paw at the carpet when she suddenly straightened up, "Shawn... what are you thinking?"
Shawn, however, was already out the door and walking quickly down the hallway.
"Shawn!" Twilight's frustrated shout echoed through the castle as she ran off after him.
The rest of the ponies looked uncertainly at each other, until Pinkie Pie's smiling, bouncing exit reminded them they had a human to follow.
Luna stared off after them impassively, before huffing and disappearing in a sudden flash of deep blue energy.
--------------------------------
"No."
"Aaaw, come on... we're just taking a look!"
"Shawn, this is not an abandoned mansion. This is an embassy. Officially, it's United Diamond Dog Tribes land. We can't simply 'take a look'!"
They were standing in front of a rather impressive white building. Made even more so by the fact that it managed to still be impressive despite being situated in a part of the city renowned for its opulent architecture. To put it another way: it had been a very short walk from the castle.
The sun sat low on the horizon, while a soft, early Summer breeze blew through the air. Shawn breathed it in, slowly, and prepared a carefully thought out, eloquent explanation of the sound reasoning behind his seemingly rash actions.
"But Twiliiiiiiiiiight..." he whined.
"Give it up, suga'cube. She ain't changing' her mind and there ain't no reason she should." Applejack spoke through yet another wry smile.
"Buuuut Twiiiii-"
"No means no, Shawn." The purple unicorn stomped her hoof in tandem with the last no.
"You know, I find your lack of faith... disturbing."
"Why does he keep saying it all weird like that?" Rainbow Dash raised her eyebrow at Pinkie Pie, who shrugged.
Shawn sighed and stopped, looking at the other ponies around him before making eye contact with Twilight, "Look... we all agreed the dogs have some major mojo on their side, right?"
She paused, thinking carefully before nodding reluctantly.
"And what's the nearest, biggest source of concentrated Diamond Dog mojo?"
Rolling her eyes, Rarity cut in before Twilight could respond, "Be that as it may, darling, the fact is that political considerations must come first in this case. You wouldn't want to risk causing an interspecies war, would you?"
The only sound was the continued blowing of that warm Summer breeze as Shawn's gaze slowly returned to the embassy.
"Shawn?"
"What? No, of course not!" Shawn snapped out of his reverie, laughing at the utter ludicrousness of the question, "Who would ever want to sneak into a secure government facility to steal state secrets from hostile foreign nationals only to be discovered at the last minute and forced to make a daring escape through an exciting chase sequence that culminated in victoriously walking away in slow motion from an exploding enemy vehicle?"
All six mares stopped whatever they were doing and stared at him with various degrees of incredulity.
"That actually sounds kinda coo-"
"Rainbow!" Twilight's accusing glare instantly silenced the pegasus, who coughed and closely inspected her wings.
Twilight sighed and looked back to Shawn, who was still staring intently at the front gates of the embassy, "The princesses are trusting us to use the authority they gave us with restraint. We have to be absolutely sure the trail leads here before we do anything rash." She paused, then looked down at the ground with narrowed eyes, "I'm also going to have a talk with whichever maid keeps giving you directions."
Still deep in thought, Shawn allowed himself to be herded by Twilight and Rarity back towards the castle. There had to be some way for him to get inside that embassy. He just knew that the next break in their case was hidden somewhere in that building.
If only more villains were like in the Bond movies. he mentally lamented, I could just sneak in as a guest at some ridiculous, overblown party and uncover their whole nefarious plot all in one...
"Twilight?"
"Yes?"
While distracted with his thoughts, he and the ponies had apparently made substantial progress on their way back to the castle. It was for the best, as that's where he needed to go anyway.
"Didn't you say there was going to be some sort of big party in a couple of days?"
"The Grand Galloping Gala." Twilight stopped and stared up at him, suspicion clear in her eyes, "Why?"
A smile, dreaded by those who knew Shawn well enough, slowly took shape.
----------------------------
"No."
"Aaaw, come on!"
Many ponies wrongfully thought Captain Aegis had only two states of being: Somber or furious.
In fact, Lieutenant Gladius knew that the Captain ran the same gamut of emotions that any other pony did... the only difference being that he seemed mostly capable of expressing them only through a variety of glares and frowns. By this point, she didn't really think much of the fact that after many years of serving the thrones with him she could now tell the difference between the various flavors of glower her Captain had in his arsenal.
For instance, the alien being who was currently the subject of Aegis's ire probably thought the Captain was angry. While not technically wrong, this completely ignored the heavy notes of frustration and slight hint of confusion that Aegis's dangerously narrowed eyes and scrunched eyebrows were conveying at that very moment.
"What are they doing that they can't talk to me for five minutes!? I just need to ask Celly to-"
"Princess Celestia is currently in meditation and is not to be disturbed."
"What about Loony, then?"
"Princess Luna is..." The Captain stopped, then smiled.
That, she thought, is something I'll never get used to.
The last time she had seen the Captain smile like that, a member of the Griffonian Empire's elite Praetorian Guard had subsequently run away screaming in terror. She was proud of her captain and loved working under him, but he had not earned his name or his reputation in the field by being meek.
"Now that I think about it, I believe she is available. Just go down that hallway, take the stairs at the end to the top floor and it's the third door on your right." Aegis looked after the retreating pair with a wistful glare before continuing on his way to the throne room.
Gladius wasn't sure where the rest of the Elements had gone off to, nor why Shawn had been running up and down the halls asking after the princesses. Although, it was obvious that Twilight Sparkle was being run ragged by having to chase the gangly alien around.
"Captain Aegis, sir... did you just intentionally direct Ms. Sparkle and Mr. Spencer to princess Luna's private meditation chambers?"
The Captain stopped, then shrugged, "Somepony would have eventually told them where it was."
"Yes, sir... but they also probably would have warned them to stay away from it and simply wait until nightfall..."
"Did I forget to do that?" Aegis tapped his chin with a hoof, "Silly me. Must have slipped my mind."
"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Granted."
"That was evil, sir."
The Captain nodded, "Duly noted, Lieutenant. Now, come on, we have a city-wide search to conduct."
Gladius glanced back over her withers down the hallway. She had only heard stories and rumors of unfortunate servants who had, for whatever reason, not been warned on their first day. She almost wished she could follow and see what would happen first hand. Almost.
---------------------------------------------
Shawn's existence had come to this.
The entirety of the scope of his being was narrowed and focused into one simple fact that now resonated within every fiber and atom of his very being. How could he not have seen it before? It had always been so obvious... yet it took this one horrendous experience to make him truly realize and come to terms with it.
"I hate stairs." he gasped between breaths.
Twilight sighed, "I know, Shawn..."
"I hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns."
"That's nice, Shawn."
"I hate every stupid, straight line making up every stupid, stone brick, stacked into this stupid, never-ending spiral staircase of sorrow."
Her ears perked up, "Spiral Staircase of Sorrow... it does have a ring to it."
"I hate the word stairs. I hate the concept of stairs. I hate stairs."
"You said that one already, Shawn."
"Well, it's true."
Ears twitching, Twilight stopped climbing and looked back at him, "It might help a little bit if you stopped talking..." she suggested.
"I will not be silenced! That's what they want... to censor me!" Shawn directed the most vicious glare he could muster at the offending architecture, "One day I will watch you burn."
Admittedly, it probably would have been a lot more intimidating if he hadn't been lying face-down on the steps, covered in sweat and shaking like a wet kitten.
Twilight rolled her eyes with a little half-smile and nodded up at a door a short ways up, "Come on, we're almost there."
Groaning, Shawn dragged himself up the last two flights on his hands and knees. He emerged into a narrow, curving hallway behind his purple partner, glad to be done with the trip up and pointedly avoiding thinking about how they were going to get down again. Maybe he could convince Twilight to teleport them to the courtyard from one of the windows. Maybe he could jump.
"Shawn, stop staring vacantly out that window..."
"Sorry."
Twilight stepped up to a sturdy door. From the hallway, at least, it didn't look any different than any other door he'd seen in the castle. No intricate markings or designs to designate this a room meant to be occupied by a goddess-ruler... just a plain slab of shaped wood.
"If this is the Cap'n's idea of a joke, I swear I will set everything on fire." he muttered darkly.
"Did you say something?" Twilight paused in the middle of bringing a hoof up to knock, tilting her head his way.
"Nope."
She stared at him with narrowed eyes for a moment before shrugging and turning to complete the motion. The tapping echoed throughout the empty hallway. Silence answered.
"Huh... maybe we got the wrong roo-" Twilight's musing was interrupted as the door swung open on creaky hinges, seemingly on its own.
"That wasn't spooky..."
His comment caused her to raise her eyebrow at him.
"It's just princess Luna, Shawn. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about." Contrary to her words, Twilight stepped forward rather cautiously, poking her head through the gap into the dimness beyond, "Princess?"
Nothing.
Twilight dawdled for a minute, biting her lip and looking back and forth between him and the ominous room. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision, opening the door all the way and stepping through in what might have come off as a valiant manner had she not suddenly squeaked in fear.
"Oh, princess! You startled m-..."
The cheerfully relieved voice was cut off rather suddenly and Shawn contemplated chancing the stairs again. Unfortunately, contemplating was as far as he got before a pair of glowing, eerie eyes appeared at the entrance before him.
He stared. The eyes stared back.
There was only one thing any self-respecting psychic detective could possibly do when confronted with the presence of a clearly hostile poltergeist. Fortunately for Shawn, he was neither psychic, nor had any particular illusions of self-respect.
His tactical retreat - which one might call "frantic scampering" - was halted not long after it began by a deep blue aura. Slowly, he was dragged toward the waiting dark maw of the doorway, unable to move or make a sound.
----------------------------------
Princess Celestia had not been having a good day. To be honest, it had actually been several since the last one she could call "good" with any level of frankness.
Incidentally, that one was right before the arrival of our new guest. She paused in her walk and shook her head slightly, putting the uncharitable thought from her mind.
In reality, she happened to like Shawn quite a bit. Their initial surprise meeting had been... awkward at first. But it had been a very long time since she had been able to hold such a casually frank conversation with anypony. Too many of her subjects thought of her only as a princess or, possibly worse, a goddess. Even Twilight Sparkle, practically a daughter to her, often treated her more like an ornery school-marm than the surrogate mother she thought of herself as.
Very few ponies over the centuries had been privy to this fact... but when she and Luna had first taken up the mantle of leadership, they had deliberately chosen the title of "princesses" - rather than "queens" - in an effort to avoid some of the very fear and veneration she saw in the eyes of her ponies every single day. Her idea had been a spectacular failure, which Luna still sometimes teased her about.
Her thoughts drifted back to the strange creature - human, Twilight had called him - as she slowly made her way down the dim hallways of the castle's seldom used upper floors. The words gangly and awkward came to mind. As well as disrespectful and, according to Captain Fidelis, downright irritating. Her lips turned up in a hint of a smile as she remembered their interactions. Such immensely differing personalities... such potential for a wonderful friendship. Perhaps one she could encourage? A thought for another time.
In spite of Shawn's faults, she couldn't help but instantly like him the moment his tone toward her had failed to change after he realized who she was...
A smell, familiar in its repulsiveness, derailed her train of thought. She imagined this might be what the half-rotten carcass of a long-dead dragon might smell like if left out in the sun and doused generously with sulfur.
Sighing, she approached the door nearest to the stairs (and the largest windows). Her sister had recently taken it upon herself to learn how to cook as part of a greater effort at readjusting. Society today was far different from the one she'd been so intimately involved with before she'd...
Celestia grimaced. It had been over a thousand years, yet the scars seemed fresh.
Shaking her head, she took one last breath of clean air and stepped through the doorway. Her sister Luna had many talents. Unfortunately, her genius in other crafts did not extend into the culinary arts. Well, that wasn't entirely true. One could make the case that her sister was, in fact, a genius... at ruining food.
The princess of the night had single-hoofedly banished eldritch horrors to Tartarus in the fearful times before they ascended the thrones. Celestia found it somewhat ironic, then, that her sister had stumbled upon a talent for creating them from everyday ingredients found in anypony's kitchen.
"Might I suggest putting the spices in the hot pan after the rest of the..." Celestia trailed off.
Before her, was a rather unusual scene. Her dearest student and the alien who was the source of her troubled thoughts sat silently frozen before a veritable buffet of terror. Carbonized cucumber tortilla rolls slathered in mustard and slimy, neon-purple scrambled eggs were among the more... mundane dishes.
"Ah, beloved sister! Might thou-... you... like to sample one of our newest innovations? The poached barley flambé is, we believe, particularly edible!"
Celestia stood there for a moment before sighing again and smiling wanly at the hostages' pleading gazes, "Luna... what have I told you about forcing ponies to try your cooking?"
The princess of the night stopped mid-way through putting down the last of the plates and had the decency to look abashed, "But... how will they know that they will not like it if they do not taste of it?"
Shaking her head, Celestia padded into the room and touched the tip of her horn to each of their foreheads, releasing them from the temporary paralysis spell.
"-AAAAAAAAaaaahhhhh!" Shawn's scream trailed off as he looked around at the trio of raised eyebrows and cleared his throat, "In my defense, I was pretty sure that sandwich wanted to eat me."
The hoagie in question shuddered and rolled over, throwing off several sparks of blue magic in the process
That was it. The straw that broke the camel's back. After 8 consecutive hours of fruitless casting, and three days of non-stop stress and sleeplessness, princess Celestia, goddess, Dawnbringer and High Regent of the Court of the Eternal Sun, broke down into gales of laughter.
-----------------------------------
The sound of tinkling bells pervaded Shawn's mind. It took him a moment to realize that it was actually the venerable princess Celestia, laughing her head off. He'd never heard a royal guffaw before.
While Twilight was busy staring in disbelief at her mentor and ruler cackling like a madman - or, madpony - Shawn took the opportunity to draw his shirt up over his nose. He nervously glanced over at princess Luna, who looked both confused and slightly affronted by her sister's outburst.
"We do not find the humor in this..." she muttered.
"Are those eggs hard boiled? I didn't think you could hard boil eggs at this altitude." Shawn picked up what appeared to be a perfectly normal looking salad.
"Those are tomatoes, not eggs."
The bowl fell from his hands and was regretfully stopped from clattering to the ground by a blue glow.
Probably for the best. he thought, Wouldn't want to melt a hole in the floor.
Shawn, seeing that Celestia had finally wound down a bit, clapped his hands together several times. All eyes turned to him.
"Okay, then. Glad we all had this wonderful moment of bonding. Also, glad nobody died... particularly me..." His eyes wandered back toward the food against his will, eliciting a shudder, "But, I have a request."
"And what dost thou solicit of us, Shawn Spencer?" Princess Luna stepped forward, wearing regality like a cloak.
Her voice - or perhaps the way she spoke - struck a chord with him. It didn't sound familiar, per say. But it sounded like it should... if that made any sense. Not that much did, these days.
"I need to go to the party."
Wiping an errant tear from her eye, Celestia straightened, a smile still playing at the corners of her mouth, "I was under the impression you had already been thrown a welcome party."
Twilight nodded from her sitting position at Celestia's feet, apparently finally starting to get over the shock of seeing her mentor in such a state.
"Not just any party. I need to go to the Great Galumphing Gala."
He noticed that his partner had turned a distinctly lighter shade of purple. Her mouth was moving, as if she was trying to say something, but all that came out was the same strange, little squeak.
Luna titled her head at him, "For what possible purpose wouldst thou need to attend the event? Wouldst thine time not be better spent investigating?"
"It wouldsn't... woulden'tsn... no." Shawn shook his head and sighed, "I'm gonna be honest. We've hit a wall here. Unless Celly was able to find the diamond dogs with magic..." he looked to her hopefully, but she shook her head.
"The trail had faded too much by the time I attempted to trace it."
"Right. The only way we're going to get any further is by talking to the ones whose job it is to keep track of all the dogs coming and going from the city."
"We cannot risk insu-"
"I know! I know..."
Luna stared at him sullenly, clearly unhappy with being interrupted, while Shawn put a hand to his head, thinking about how to phrase the next bit.
"Look... most of the staff from the embassy will be at the party, right?" He waited for the two princesses to nod before continuing, "So, if anyone wanted to, say, have a friendly chat with the staff about their problems with trouble-making dogs..."
"That would probably be the best place to do it." Princess Celestia nodded, quickly catching on.
"There is still the matter of the invitation itself, dear sister." Luna mused, "He cannot be invited on the premise of an investigation... it would cause unwanted speculation."
Celestia thought for a moment before responding, "He is a member of a previously undiscovered, advanced civilization. Perhaps he could go as an ambassador himself?" she smiled as she continued, "It would certainly... breathe new life into the party."
"Ooo! Does this mean I get diplomatic immunity!?" Shawn piped in.
Princess Celestia nodded, but preempted his celebratory jig with a warning, "Do not abuse it, however, as I will personally hold you responsible for your actions." She waited for him to nod grudgingly, then continued, "The Elements will be attending as well. Between you and them, the guest list should pull in every pony, griffon, and diamond dog in the city important enough to receive an invitation."
"I think you can do one better." Shawn pulled his shirt down from around his nose, "Ask the diamond dog embassy to host the party. We need middle management and the regular servants to be there, too. They're more likely to accidentally give something up than the big dogs."
The princesses paused and glanced at each other.
"That... may prove difficult." Celestia admitted, "There is a long tradition of the party being hosted at the castle."
Luna shook her head in response, "Actually, we have the perfect excuse, dear sister. This weekend will mark the diamond dog embassy's first year since its establishment. They were actually forced to reschedule their own celebration when they found out about the Gala." She paused to think for a moment, "We suspect that the ambassador might appreciate the gesture if we proposed merging the two events and letting them host it."
With a bright smile at her sister, Celestia nodded, "I will speak with him about it tonight, then. The party will take place in two days... preparations should be easy, considering their own original intentions."
"That's perfect, thanks." Shawn nodded yet again, smiling happily, "Just call me Bond. James Bond."
"We had thought thy name was Shawn..." Luna looked to Twilight in confusion, "Do humans often change their names?"
Shawn sighed wistfully and walked off while the increasingly pale unicorn only sat there, mouth still agape and emitting strange squeaking noises as the human she was in charge of rushed past and away from the horrible sights and smells of Luna's practice kitchen. At Celestia's worried look, Twilight swallowed, nodded, and stumbled to her feet to chase after Shawn once again.
---------------------------------------
"I'm sorry, dear, could you repeat that? I must have misheard, because it sounded like you said we're all attending that awful Gala again. And that it's being hosted at the diamond dog embassy, no less."
"That's the gist of it."
Shawn watched as Twilight's response to Rarity's question took its effect on the various mares. Fluttershy buried her face in her hooves, while Applejack and Rainbow Dash turned a distinctive shade of green. Even Pinkie Pie could barely summon a fake smile at the news. Rarity's reaction was the most dramatic, as she yanked over a nearby couch with her magic and collapsed unto it.
Just what the hell happened last time they went? he wondered.
"It's... not so bad, girls." Twilight's own smile looked even more fake and brittle than Pinkie Pie's, "It's been three years. I bet nopony even remembers that Gala... probably."
He didn't know why she had insisted on breaking the news to the girls. So far, she wasn't exactly doing a bang up job of it.
"We don't even have anything to wear! I'm good, but even I can't make new dresses for everypony here in two days!" Rarity exclaimed tearfully.
"So, we'll just wear the dresses you made last time." Rainbow had managed to find her voice, though it was still slightly shaky.
"Unacceptable! Who do you think I am!? Oh, this is just the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!" Another dramatic collapse unto the couch.
"How about you take those old dresses you made 'n use 'em as a base? Modify'em or somethin' so that they don't look quite the same?" Applejack cut in.
Rarity looked up from her dramatic pose on the couch, hoof on chin, "I... suppose that might work. It has been three years after all..."
"Great! So, now that we've got a plan, we... can... just..." Shawn trailed off under the withering glares of the mares. He thought about Jules and how she would want him to act in this situation, "Go sit quietly in the corner and think about what I've done?"
Twilight nodded grimly.
He took a few steps back and sat down on a cushion, though it wasn't long before he was joined by Rainbow Dash.
At his curious look, she shrugged, "I hate planning this stuff."
Shawn nodded sagely, then froze as an idea took shape.
From the beginning, he'd never planned to actually spend much time asking questions at the party. The whole reason he'd asked to go and get the thing moved to the diamond dog embassy was so he could subsequently sneak off and check whatever floors and offices were declared restricted. Chances are, any incriminating documentation of whatever conspiracy was at play would be hidden there. However, he hadn't given much thought as to how he was actually going to sneak off once the party started. He certainly couldn't ask Twilight for help... she'd just say it was a terrible idea and do her best to stop him.
No. This required action. This required brashness and a love of danger. This required...
"Hey, Rainbow."
"Yeah?"
"You know what'd be totally awesome?"
------------------------------------------
The next two days before the night of the party passed in a blur. Somehow, Rarity managed to rework all six dresses and his own outfit so that they practically oozed elegance and style.
Shawn himself had not had very much to do in that time. There was a lot of sitting around and listening to other ponies talk. Most of the planning was handled by Twilight and Applejack, the two figuring out how they could best spread the group around to talk to the largest number of staff possible
Captain Aegis and Lieutenant Gladius were, of course, brought into their little operation. The two were going to have to attend anyway, and the more ponies that were in on it the better their chances at finding something out.
Curiously, Shawn saw neither hide nor hair of Luna or Celestia in all that time. Apparently, the two were a lot more involved in the planning process than he'd originally thought. It was probably for the best... he wouldn't want either of the two beings who could force him to tell the truth around right at this moment to ask inconvenient questions.
He shared a glance and a wink with Rainbow Dash, who grinned widely.
The full group of them stood on the cobblestone path in front of the well-lit gate as a crowd of ponies and griffons streamed by. Two massive diamond dogs in steel plate armor holding pikes stood at attention to either side.
What do you know... pikes really do have hooks sticking out the back.
"Everypony remember the plan?" Twilight spoke up confidently to a chorus of nods.
That pony's transformation from nervous wreck to fearless leader over the past few days had been nothing short of amazing. It seemed to Shawn that she actually drew strength from organization and careful planning. Hopefully, that attitude would survive better than plans often did on first contact with the enemy.
Shawn grinned and preempted her as she paused to take a deep breath, "Elements, roll out!"
The ponies barely stopped to wonder at the strange phrasing before following after him.
Transformers, girly screams, rainbow being manipulated, evil hoagies...
I love your interpretation of Shawn, it is so SPOT ON! <3
Hates stairs? Seems he has something in common with Bill from l4d.
Haha, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
No long comment since I dropped an author's note in there. Last time, I swear...
Anyway... as always: Enjoy, rate, and review! And again, special thanks to everyone who's left a comment on this story (whether criticism, flattery, or trolling)... I read and appreciate it all of them even if I don't necessarily respond every single time. You guys keep me writing.
Fun intermission.
This chapter
A) Furthered the plot
B) Made me laugh
C) Had Luna in it.
I'll call that a success.
lolnope
Shawn-so in character. And the scream... do it more!!
Relatively short yes, but worth my time to read as always.
Roll out indeed! Great chapter, woo!
YES. SO. MUCH. YES.
Hallelujah! New chapter!
Please don't make us wait as long for the next one...
Shawn screaming like a little girl, evil hoagies, Luna, stairs,
Funniest chapter yet.
I signed up onto this site just so I could keep track of this fic; watching eps of Psych right now for the first time. Great show, awesome, awesome fic. The interaction between Shawn and the ponies is comedy gold. Hope to see a new chapter soon!
I haven't seen Psych in years, but your story brought back all the great memories. I have a few things to comment on though.
Are we going to be seeing Gus soon? Nightmare said that there was a time dilation effect, so there is the possibility that sooner or later Gus will suddenly and literally pop up. Who knows, maybe it'll be at the party!
Celestia. Whoa boy, I think this might be the best Celestia in a HiE story -- neg, in any MLP fic -- that I have ever seen. She's funny, she's laid back, and if her people are in danger then she's not afraid to get serious. This is exactly the way Celestia should be portrayed, not as the condescending high elf or manipulative KKK leader that she is in other fics. That line she has in chapter 5 ("Shawn... any world can seem dark when one looks at only one aspect of it. I want you to know that we will not judge it... or you... by what was said here today.") is something I've always wanted to hear Celestia say in fanfic, but never got the chance. Thank you.
However, the scene in which the aforementioned line is said does bring up a bit of a stubborn point: the monkeysphere. The monkeysphere, for those reading this who don't know, is a hilariously named psychological concept that basically boils down to humans having certain groups of people they see as, well, people arranged much like the layers on an onion, and that the further you get away from the core of those layered groups the less emotionally attached someone is to those people. It's what allows doctors to maintain some detached professionalism around patients, it's what allows the average bloke to say something to someone online that they wouldn't in person, it's what allows a tyrant to murder three million people with starvation but dote on his adopted son, and -- and here's the big problem -- it's what allows humans to make friends in the first place. Put simply, the Mane 6 would not exist as a group and most of the show's episodes would not have a plot unless ponies had a monkeysphere in their minds that allowed them to form close bonds with other ponies, view certain ponies as being less then their friends, or even have romantic relationships -- that's right, if ponies thought like real horses not only would every ship in the fandom be sunk, but the Cakes, Rarity's parents, Twilight's parents, or any other married couple wouldn't be together at all. I can see why you inserted in into the story, it really is the perfect place for Shawn to thrive as a detective when there's evil afoot, but it also completely undermines it's own plot -- basically, if the ponies acted heartbroken at every death in existence then they also wouldn't want to befriend either Shawn or each other.
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Thanks for the compliments! Yeah... Celestia is one of my favorite characters in MLP, so it was important to me to try as hard as I could to get her "right".
Also, good on you for recognizing the "monkeysphere" theory. That IS precisely what I had in mind. Actually... that's not quite right. It's more accurate to say that that's what Shawn had in mind. And that is basically my entire rebuttal to your very valid concerns with the theory. Keep in mind that that whole bit was an off-handed musing/insight purely from Shawn's perspective.
As smart as he is, he is not a psychologist. Be assured that actual pony psychology in the story is far more complex than a simple "missing monkeyspehere" syndrome. It'll actually come up later as he starts to understand them a bit better. Still... it's extremely gratifying that not only did people notice, they actually thought it through. And by "they", I mean you.
As for Gus... I don't do spoilers. You'll just have to wait and see.
So awesome! This is a really fun story, I can't wait for the next chapter.
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Well, if their monkeysphere (seriously, I'm surprised Shawn didn't remember the name, it's got to be the most hilarious psychology term out there) is still there then there's actually a pretty good explanation for it: they're sensitized. It's been so long since they've experienced any real violence that it's presence shocks and horrifies them . . . You know, as such sense as that makes (partially, anyways. How in the world would that trend have gotten started?) I really hope that's not the case. People who have been sheltered from hardship their entire lives tend to go a little bonkers when they're inevitably exposed to it.
Whatever the case may be, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
. . . Wait, hold one . . . I've got another one. Isn't Nightmare a bit out there for a crime show protagonist to be going after? Yeah, I know that he's tagging along with the Fellowship of the Rainbow Death Ray, but it still seems a bit odd. It'd be like if you were writing a Hey Arnold/Stargate crossover and had SG-1 help stop Helga's dad from cutting down the neighborhood's tree, to use a reverse euphemism. This could work really well, it does work really well, but it's still kind of odd.
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Ho boy... This is actually not the first time I've gotten this one, so I'm going to try to assuage your fears without giving anything away. I will call your attention first to the story description: "Tempered in the crimes of a much darker world..." Second, to the prologue, where the Nightmare states it has spent an indeterminate amount of time in the human world. And third, to the Second chapter, where the Nightmare refers to a "sleeper cell" in Canterlot... a distinctly human term with very specific connotations.
I'll say this: The Nightmare is not going to be an inappropriate or easy enemy for Shawn to take on. In fact, it may prove to be his greatest challenge yet, and the reasons why will be fully explained and well understood by the end of the story. Trust me... I have an outline and everything.
As an addendum, I will also state that it is my firm belief that the mane 6 are (deep down) actually a pretty tough bunch of cookies and they will certainly not be sitting around playing with their wings (or horns or hooves) while Shawn does all the work. But now I'm getting into spoiler territory and I hate that... so, I'll leave it there.
If your concern is that the Nightmare is too much for him... you'd be right if he were alone. He doesn't have the capacity to stop her on his own, as was shown in his complete inability to do anything but annoy her in the prologue. However, the Elements have the raw power to stop her... but not necessarily the cleverness to spot her behind the scenes now that she's operating under different rules. It's a fine line to make both sets of characters useful... but I'm going to do my best to walk it and hopefully throw some laughs and unexpected twists your way while I'm at it. In the meantime, I'm done highlighting important plot points. At this rate I'll start giving stuff away that you're not supposed to know yet.
Did... did I read that correctly?
If Shawn Spencer has diplomatic immunity... then the universe is doomed.
reactions:and then its over
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That.
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He's gotten it TWICE in his life, now?!
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... XD jk. I'll keep reading. (It DOES make me VERY JELLY, though...)
i clicked the link. and remembered why i repressed that memory. i watched that one episode of Psych, and i didn't sleep for a week. ironically, that was the first episode of Psych i ever saw. a year later i watched a different episode, and still have only found 2 pineapples.
oh, and Shawn needs to have a fake mustache somewhere in here.
because ponies.
I tried to see the vid but it said it was private. Not complaining as this chapter has me wanting to go to my Netflix and spend the rest of my day after reading all the chapters just watching Psych from the beginning.
Also Shawn does need a fake mustache. Because ponies as stated by cutiemarkchallenged.
I've said this before and I will say it again: This story is more like the show than the official books.
I think you mean "hooves". Other than that, fantastic chapter.
I kind of want to see those tomatoes... But not smell them...
I hope one of Shawn's classic fake partner names show up soon, I want to see how one of the mane 6 would react
No! You can't give Shawn diplomatic immunity again!
Le: Shawn
le me: sounds like your average tuesday
Love this, Love this, LOVE THIS!
My favorite fic on this site. And since I've read around 280 of them, that's nothing to sneeze at.
I SHIP IT!!!
Oh god. The references, they're... over (smack!) Ow! What the heck?
Not yet, idiot! We need to see if he says it in the story so we don't look stupid repeating it!
Oh... right. Thanks Twi.
Oh and by the way, I'm the one who cast the fluttercensor spell.
WHAT!?!?!?
Wow. Just wow. This story has risen so far in a relatively short amount of chapters.
Also, author, I saw your name and can't help but ask if you know your better half:
DRACO!!!!
Diplomatic immunity? That doesn't even make sense.
See, the point of diplomatic immunity is that instead of being personally held responsible for your actions, your entire government is held responsible for your actions. More or less. And for that to work, the government you are supposed to be representing needs to know who you are. And that the country you're visiting exists.
I mean, yes, it makes a fine joke for the goofball, but Celestia really shouldn't encourage him like that.