Chapter 10: The Surprise Identity
Shawn Spencer.
Suave psychic, debonair dilettante, E.T. extraordinaire and... prisoner of pastel ponies.
God, that's really lame. Batman would never subject himself to these indignities. Well... Val Kilmer batman wouldn't. Adam West batman... Shawn shuddered and violently derailed that train of thought. As far as he was concerned, Val Kilmer was the only batman.
The prison carriage shook again, managing to hit yet another "bump" in the proverbial aerial road. As sleek and aerodynamic as the pegasi up front were, nothing changed the fact that they were still pulling what essentially amounted to a large, hollow brick. At least one of the guards had been nice enough to spare some cloth and a stick so Fluttershy could fashion a rough splint around his hand. The resetting of said appendage was fairly unpleasant, but Twilight's numbing spell, and a bonus hardening spell for the splint, made it so he could almost forget it was broken... right up until he needed to scratch his nose, anyway.
Supposedly, it should only take a week to recover with the healing spells in effect, then he could scratch whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.
"So... let me get this straight..."
Shawn's attention was drawn back to the Cap'n, who had donned a spare set of armor the guards had brought him and returned to his old white and blue color scheme.
"You're going to risk your life and my country on the word of the dog that, not an hour ago, literally tried to blow you and everypony else up!?" The Cap'n finished with a shout, causing both Twilight's and the ex-ambassador's ears to fold. For his part, Shawn wished his regrettably immobile ears could do the same.
"Well, anything'll sound silly if you say it like that." Shawn replied.
"No! No it won't!" The Cap'n actually looked over to Twilight, as if pleading with her to say something sane. To his great disappointment, however, the mare simply shrugged with a resigned half-smile.
After a few moments of somber silence, Aegis continued his lament, "It's moments like these that make me wonder when I'll wake up from this salt-fueled nightmare..."
Nightmare...
Strange half-images invaded Shawn's mind, juddering as they attempted to overlay themselves on reality.
"Nightmare? Really? Dude, 'The Shadow' is a much cooler supervillain name. Wait... Did you just seriously pause for dramatic eff-"
The world spun and he flinched backwards with a yelp, slamming his head against the back of the enclosed carriage and nearly kicking Twilight in the face. Suddenly, everything went black.
"CROSS ME AND DIE!
The shout echoed across his consciousness, leaving him in a strange daze as his sight cleared up enough to reveal a very worried looking Twilight inches away from his face.
"Shawn!?" She took his shoulders in both hooves and shook him, "Shawn, wake up!"
Shaking his head and blinking, Shawn scrambled back unto his seat from the small space in the middle of the carriage. Ambassador Bones growled, crouching up against the side as far away as he could get from the crazy human. Twilight retreated to her own seat, eyeing him warily while the Cap'n... well... glared, pretty much as usual.
A rather awkward silence ensued.
"What was that?" Twilight was the first to break it.
"I'm... not sure..." Shawn brought a hand to his forehead. The magical manacles had disappeared as soon as he'd stepped into the carriage. The fact that Bones's hadn't should probably offer some important insight into how magic actually worked in this world. However, Shawn was far too busy trying to figure out what the hell he'd just seen.
It had felt very much like a flashback: One of the vivid memories he often called up from the depths of his eidetic mind to reanalyze an important scene or event. Except, this time it had been less like remembering, and more like getting a serious déjà vu from a daydream. As if he hadn't remembered an actual event, but a memory of an event.
Memory-ception? he thought, then grimaced, Boy, does that sound stupid.
Having no explanation to give, he remained uncharacteristically silent. Everyone was still staring at him when they finally touched down.
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It was eerie, really, how some things really did seem to carry over no matter what universe you were in.
For instance, Shawn found himself in a gray, dreary stone room with nothing but a low table and a one-way "mirror" on one wall. The pony version of an interrogation room had several negatives when compared to the one he was used to, however. Primarily, the lack of anywhere for a human to sit.
This is getting ridiculous. He thought. The ponies had benches. He'd seen them strewn about the gardens of the castle and the crater-formerly-known-as-embassy. Why didn't they have chairs!?
Shawn struggled to keep his thoughts cheery as he sighed and shifted about, trying vainly to find some way to lean comfortably against the wall. By this point, he was giving serious thought to simply lying down on the wooden table and taking a nap. There was a decent chance that the oaken furnishing would be significantly more comfortable than the floor.
In fact, that's precisely how princess Celestia found him when she finally stepped into the room, an hour or so later. At least, he assumed she stepped in. He supposed it was also entirely possible that she teleported in without the usual light-show. Whichever it was, it would likely forever remain a mystery, as the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a spiraling, alabaster, incrediblypointyhornpointedrightahisface-
"AUGH-...!" he flinched and rolled over, forgetting in his panic that he had been napping on a table four feet off the floor, "OOF!"
Princess Celestia stood across from him, a slightly upturned lip and a raised eyebrow the only signs of her amusement at his expense.
If I was in a TV show, this'd be the worst running joke ever. his thoughts turned sour as he stumbled groggily to his feet.
"Good evening, Shawn. Glad you were able to find a spare moment to rest." she quipped.
He shot a glare at her, "You... did you just punk me?"
"Whatever do you mean? I was merely waiting patiently for you to awaken from your well-deserved nap."
Shawn couldn't deny it... the princess was good. She also looked much better than she had before, having regained much of her color and vibrance in the brief time since he'd last seen her.
"I'll get you for this." he muttered under his breath.
"I look forward to seeing your best efforts." Celestia didn't even try to hide her smile this time as she magically flicked something small and red into his hand. It seemed to be a pebble of... some... sort...
Oh... right. Shawn pocketed the smooth, little stone, as a symbol of her official declaration of prank-war.
"Now," she continued, "I believe we were going to discuss your... behavior during the Gala?"
"Uhhh..."
"Come, we'll talk as we walk." she motioned with her horn as it lit up, opening the heavy door to the interrogation room and leading him down the wide, dim hall and up a short flight of stairs.
"You have an incredible talent for causing trouble, do you know that?" the princess started.
"I do my best." he shrugged.
Celestia looked up and to the right, but it didn't stop Shawn from noticing the hint of a smile that briefly played across her muzzle.
"I'm certain that you do. But, be that as it may," her tone became more serious, "that propensity has now landed you in a rather troublesome position." Celestia paused to shoot him an amused glance, "I gather this is not the first time this happens."
"Pretty much every week." he admitted, "Wednesdays are particularly bad for some reason."
She nodded as they reached a pair of large wooden doors, where she paused, "Things are about to become a lot more complex. And the plan you have proposed will have you acting with much more autonomy than some of my advisers are are... comfortable with."
Gee, I wonder who that could be.
"Still, many of the Elements have vouched for you. As have I, in spite of your recent recklessness. You're going to hear that word a lot in the next few minutes, by the way. But, before that, I want you to promise me something:" Princess Celestia turned and tilted her head down towards his, meeting his eyes as her prismatic mane flowed around him, "Please... when you find whatever is doing this, do not try to confront it on your own." her eyes narrowed as she stared Shawn down, "The creature responsible for all of this is likely far too dangerous for you to face alone. And it is my duty to protect my subjects... or avenge them."
The princess waited for him to nod before smiling again, "And, besides," she stepped back and opened the doors with a burst of magic, "while you may not be one of mine, I would nonetheless hate for you to come to harm."
Shawn hesitated before the entryway, for once giving genuine thought to the idea of being extra careful.
Wait... many?
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"... and that's when he jumped out of my hooves and decked Bones." Dash finished her story with a mid-air loop and an uppercut.
While Twilight Sparkle would never - ever - say it where Shawn had even the slightest chance of hearing, she had to admit it was a pretty thrilling tale. Shawn had even shown some surprisingly overt signs of heroism. Horribly misguided, recklessly dangerous heroism. But heroism nonetheless.
She glanced over to the ambassador, who had quietly listened to the story from his seat on one of the padded benches built for visiting diamond dog diplomats, but had failed to actually contribute anything.
They were all in various sitting positions throughout the cozy meeting room located next to the throne room, which was where Twilight thought all the real negotiations probably took place. As such, it was furnished for comfort, rather than opulence. Well... except for the long buffet table equipped with every sort of snack available. Twilight considered it to be a little on the excessive side, unless the castle staff had somehow deduced that Pinkie Pie would be there and doing her best imitation of a parasprite on the desserts.
"It was mighty brave 'o him, what he said." Applejack admitted grudgingly, "But it was also mighty reckless. I just cain't see no sense in lettin' somepony with no lick 'o sense to call his own run 'round loose with no supervision."
"Oh, come now, Applejack. It's not... that bad." Rarity's half-hearted smile and hoof waving didn't convince anypony.
The doors opened, drawing everypony's attention to the princess as she stepped into the room, Shawn in tow. Celestia seemed about to say something, but was quickly cut off.
"Okay, before we can do anything, let's just get all the dirty laundry out into the open."
Rarity's hoof made a beeline for her face, accompanied by Twilight's own sighing groan. The rest of the mares just stared in confusion at the strange phrasing.
It's like he waits until the princess is around to be as embarrassing as possible! Twilight admitted to herself the thought was probably unfair. As far as she could tell, he'd never actually waited to do embarrassing things.
"Somepony here, spoke out against my trustworthiness, and I intend to find out wh-"
"Yeah, that was me, Shawn." Applejack raised her hoof, tipping her hat back to display a raised eyebrow.
The human sputtered for a moment, before shooting the apple farmer a glare, "What!? I'm totally trustworthy!"
"Yer a compulsive liar with no common sense 'n the attention span of a 2 year old filly!" Applejack shouted.
"How dare you!" Shawn shouted back, "I am not a compulsive liar! In fact, I only ever tell the truth- okay, I see what you mean..."
"Don't git me wrong," Applejack continued more calmly, "Anypony can tell yer heart's 'n the right place. An' you did save us all tonigh'. But you're just too dangerously reckless to do this all on yer'own."
Shawn quietly surveyed the room for a moment before asking, "So... all of you think I'm 'dangerously reckless?'" he made a strange motion with his hands on the last two words.
Twilight sighed again and finally spoke, "Show of hooves, girls."
Her own, Rarity's, and Applejack's went up the fastest. Fluttershy was more timid about it, apologizing as she raised hers. Rainbow Dash actually looked conflicted, before a cough and a pointed look from Rarity got the pegasus's hoof halfheartedly into the air.
Shawn crossed his arms, but them smiled when he looked over at Pinkie Pie, who remained still, "Well! Thank you, Pinkie, for the vote of confidence!" He looked back over to them, "See! Not everyone here thinks I'm dangerous!"
"Oh, you're definitely reckless." the pink mare chriped, "You're just hilariously dangerously reckless. But they didn't say that, so I can't raise my hoof."
"Fine!" Shawn threw his hands up in the air and sat down on a spare cushion, "Let's just talk to Bones. We'll figure out what to do about these connotations against my person afterward."
Twilight tried to wrap her head around this new malapropism, "Conno-...? Do you even-...? I swear, I-It's like you randomly use big words you've heard before in an effort to sound smarter!"
"Twilight, don't be so innocuous."
"Gah!" She sat back and brought both hooves to her head in an effort to contain the oncoming headache.
Celestia took the opportunity to step forward, clearing her throat and quieting Shawn with a look.
Forget clearing crowds, Twilight thought to herself, I want to learn how to do that!
"Due to... recent events..." The princess paused to shoot Shawn another inscrutable look, "It has become obvious that there are larger forces at play here than we first realized. Among them, this 'Shadow' seems the most dangerous. Please step forward, ambassador."
Bones sighed, his tone melancholy, and did as he was bid, coming to a stop in front of the princess, "With respect, it is called 'The Shadow', highness."
"Ya keep sayin' 'it'." Applejack interrupted, "Why not 'he' or 'she'?"
"Does it matter?" Dash asked.
Twilight had a thought, "It does." she answered, "Because the more we know about 'it', the more likely we are to figure out how 'it' thinks and what 'it' wants."
Celestia beamed her a proud smile, and Twilight had to restrain herself from grinning in delight.
"Many questions, but all easy to answer." Bones chuckled, "I use 'it' because 'it' has no gender. As far as can tell, 'it' is being of pure darkness. Voice is neutral. Always shows self as vague shadow on wall to operatives. Hence, name." He paused, letting that sink in.
Twilight didn't like where this revelation was going one bit.
"As for what it wants?" Bones continued, "That question simplest of all: It wants world."
"Of course..." Shawn groaned from his seat, then muttered something about clichéd supervillains.
Ignoring his outburst, Twilight's brain ran a mile a minute as she considered the implications. They knew 'The Shadow' was a threat. They knew it kept itself secret and, judging by the shadow-communication, had access to dark magic. In fact...
"So, 'The Shadow' was the one providing your dogs with spell-shields, right?"
Bones nodded, "It holds powerful magics. Has much knowledge knowledge of alchemy, as well."
Powerful enough to block me by itself... The thought was terrifying. By definition, spell-shields could only block as much magic as they had power for. Therefore, the simplest way to break a spell-shield was to simply pour in more energy than it had stored in its matrix. Twilight had poured everything she had into those location spells, which meant that "The Shadow" had enough magical strength to produce at least two shields capable of negating all of her power.
After a relatively long silence, Shawn broke in, "How long has it been in charge of your country?"
Even the princess stared at him in shock, though Bones only laughed bitterly, "Who knows. Maybe half-year now?"
"Are you saying that 'The Shadow' is the tribal Alpha? I cannot believe it... I have known him since he was a pup." Celestia's voice had faded to a saddened mutter by the end.
Both Shawn and the ex-ambassador shook their heads, though the human was the first to speak up, "Nah. Whoever you think is in charge, probably isn't. That's not this thing's M.O."
"What's M.O. mean, again?" Dash whispered to her.
"Modus Operandi." Twilight realized she was probably coming across as curt, but she needed to listen to this.
"Oh..." Dash paused, then started another whisper, "And what's mo-"
"It means Standard Operating Procedure. The Shadow's way of doing things."
"Ooooooohhhh..."
"... more likely that it's running things behind the scenes. Collecting hostages, blackmail, and whatever else it needs to get the dogs everyone thinks are in charge under its influence, gaining even more power. I'm guessing that it's got a bunch of different plans all going at the same time. All of them designed to destabilize the biggest, richest country around." Shawn finished with a shrug.
Bones nodded emphatically, "Correct. This köpek only one of many. Dogs, griffins, zebras, various monster clans... even some ponies, if rumors true, in charge of other plans. Do not ask names. Do not know. Only The Shadow knows."
"They're cells..." Shawn breathed, just loud enough for all of them to hear.
The mares turned to look at him, but he continued before they could ask.
"It's a term for how some criminals set up their organizations on my world. They have one guy in charge, who knows how everything works and who everyone is. The rest of the organization is... uhh... Twilight, what's that thing called when things are separated from each other?"
"You mean, 'compartmentalized'?" Twilight added helpfully.
"That... into groups called 'cells'. And each cell has a leader, who only knows whatever that particular cell is up to and who its members are. All of this can extend downwards several levels... kind of like an upside down tree, if each cell is a branch. That way, even if one cell is caught, they can't give anything up about what the other cells are doing, and you can have several things going on at the same time, so long as the guy at the tippy-top is smart."
"Mr. Spencer is correct. I can tell everything about own operations. Not much beyond that."
Twilight absorbed this as everypony else tried to think of more questions. There just had to be a way to circumvent it... something besides The Shadow that linked all the different branches together...
That's it!
"Bones... how did you get the dynamite into Equestria?" she asked, trying to hold back her exuberance at this newly discovered line of thought.
Don't get excited. It could be nothing. Her attempts to calm herself only half-worked, apparently, as even the dog was giving her a weird look.
"Smugglers. All supplies for operations brought into port city, then parceled out to..." The old dog's eyes widened as he trailed off.
"Twilight, that's brilliant!" Shawn whooped.
The student had to physically reign herself in again when her princess looked to her expectantly.
"Well... what Shawn said about the organization being like a tree made me start to think. If you think of the cells as branches, and The Shadow as the root... something has to get the nutrients the roots collect up to the rest of the tree. A circulatory system of sorts. It'd be cumbersome for each cell to have its own supply network, so if we get to that, we can probably reach out to the rest of the tree."
Celestia nodded in understanding, once again smiling proudly.
"So... when Shawn 'escapes', he'll travel to-" She paused, blushing, and looked back over at Bones, "Which city was it, again?"
"Cauldron."
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"What?" Shawn looked around, confused, "Why is everyone wincing?"
Every pony in the room was doing exactly that, while avoiding looking at him. Needless to say, it was somewhat disconcerting.
"Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves, here." Rarity's voice shook slightly as she spoke up, "This may turn out to be a good thing. If there's anywhere in Equestria that somepo-... someone like Shawn can go unnoticed, it's there."
"And now you're ignoring me." Shawn complained, "Cauldron can't possibly be that bad, can it?"
"It's worse than bad, Shawn." Twilight spoke up from her seat next to him, "I've only ever heard stories - I spent my life in Canterlot before moving to Ponyville, so I'm not exactly well-traveled - but every book on it says it's probably the most lawless city on the planet."
"That's because it ain't got no actual laws!" Applejack piped in.
Shawn raised an eyebrow and looked to the princess. The place sounded far more unruly than anything he'd ever expected from a country directly ruled by a pair of peace-minded goddesses.
Celestia nodded slowly, "It is true. Though, perhaps a bit exaggerated." She paused and walked over to a large, ornate map on the wall, which showed what Shawn assumed was Equestria and its neighbors. The largest and western-most outline on the map, labeled with a symbol of the sun and moon, lit up.
"This is Equestria," the princess spoke directly to Shawn, "To our west is desert right up to the edge of the continent. To our east, our occupied neighbors." Several other lands glowed one at a time. It seemed Equestria and the next two largest were split along a major river, flowing down from the northern mountains and splitting into south-west and south-east bearing branches. The splitting point had a dot labeled with a rusty, old anchor, "The river is called the Ley Line. It is called such, because it is the largest river in the region, and one of the most prevalent sources of fresh water. Most of the clouds that comprise Cloudsdale trace their lineage to its shores."
The ex-ambassador and the rest of mares remained politely silent as the lecture continued. Shawn did his best to absorb as much as he could, which normally wouldn't be all that much, except the princess was a captivating teacher. He noticed that Pinkie Pie was strangely somber through it all.
"The Griffonian Empire sits in the north, its great Eyries occupying the mountain ranges that litter the region, while the United Tribe Lands hold the hills. All trade from countries further east must pass through their lands, which has often led to conflict with the expansively-minded Empire."
"Princess means wars." the diamond dog chuckled aloud.
Celestia stopped and sighed, "Skirmishes." she conceded, "True war has not plagued these lands for several thousand years-..."
"Since the Celestial Bodies gained province here."
Everyone turned to look to the entrance, from which Luna had spoken. Somehow, she'd managed to step in without them noticing.
"And in the center of it all," the princess of the night continued, "lies Cauldron: the last of Celestia's great experiments. Both a failure and a success in its own right."
By the other ponies' reactions, this wasn't news to just Shawn. He looked over to the sun princess, who nodded and picked up where she left off.
"A very long time ago, when all of my attempts to diminish hostilities between the dogs and the griffins seemed to gain no traction, I attempted to employ the most basic of strategies for getting recalcitrant ponies to get along... I gave them a place to commune in safety. Often, hatred is a result of ignorance, so I gave up our most prized port city, which straddled the intersection of the three rivers. The Heart of the World, it was called by many. I had hoped its splendor would quell the violence."
Luna took over when Celestia paused, "Perhaps 'gave up' is a bit strong. She opened the city to all comers, declared it a 'free port', exempt from all law, and encouraged the ponies and refugees from the wars that migrated there to establish their own government. Unfortunately, this only resulted in in-fighting amongst the various factions vying for power." The princess of the night cast a longing look at the dot on the center of the map, "The Heart of the World became a cauldron of violence, which only after many years has settled into a... we shall call it a 'working agreement'. It is a center of smuggling and trade, immune to the tariffs and laws of the countries surrounding it. The little peace that has risen there is kept by an inter-species mercenary guard that upholds or bends the law for the benefit of the highest bidders."
"It was a slow, painful loss." Celestia admitted, "Though, not without some gains. All manner of creatures and monsters call that city their home, and violence rarely ever ends in actual death. I have hopes for it, yet... long-term, at least."
Clearly, this was a point of disagreement for the princesses, as Luna shook her head and continued, "Only a few ponies yet remain... the more psychologically hardy, or..." Her glance shifted suddenly and unexpectedly to a certain pink mare, "intrepid of our race."
Every eye in the room was suddenly on Pinkie Pie, who only raised her eyebrow, "Why is everpony looking at me? Do I have something on my face?"
"Princess?" Twilight asked, unsure, and looked back over at Luna who continued to stare at Pinkie.
"Pinkamena Diane Pie, do not be so callous as to attempt to lie to your princess." Luna's voice was not angry, but stern.
Shawn would have asked what was going on, except the rest of Pinkie's friends looked just as confused as he felt. A quick search of Celestia's features revealed nothing.
Pinkie Pie sighed dramatically and threw up her hooves, "Fiiiiiiiiiiiine! I admit it! I was the one who ate your private cupcake stash! I throw myself on the mercy of the court!" She then proceeded to literally throw herself at Luna, who stopped Pinkie in mid-air with a motion of her horn.
"That is not what we meant," Luna continued as her eyes narrowed and she continued in a dangerous tone, "However, thou shall answer for that later." Her voice had dropped several octaves and her speaking patterns had reverted to their old formality.
Note to self: Luna goes loony over cupcakes.
The pink party mare only shrugged with a grin as Luna released her magical hold and plopped the pink mare back down on a cushion.
Once again, Celestia chose just the right moment to step in, "There was a brief period of time before that Nightmare Night, when my sister attempted to put a stop to all nighttime festivities." she explained, "Luna felt that ponies were, 'too absorbed in their bacchanalian celebrations to appreciate our beautifully crafted night sky!'"
The imitation was creepily accurate and earned an eye-roll from the night princess.
"A certain pony here," Celestia continued with a significant look at Pinkie, "apparently took this hasty decree personally and gained quite a reputation for smuggling party supplies in from Cauldron. I would like for the infamous 'Party Pirate of Ponyville' to take up that mantle once again as Shawn's guide in his next endeavor."
Every single one of Pinkie's friends were staring in open-mouthed shock at the cheery pony, who brought a hoof to her chin in melodramatic consideration.
"Wait..." Twilight suddenly cried, "That's why you kept running from princess Luna during Nightmare Night, wasn't it!? Not because you had fun being scared, but because you were so used to running whenever she showed up that it was reflex!"
"And why she's always storing random stuff everywhere!" Dash added.
"Honestly... I'm a little surprised that none of us saw it before now." Rarity muttered loudly enough for all to hear.
Pinkie Pie only shrugged again in response, never losing her happy smile.
Shawn was coming to the realization that there was a lot of back-story here he wasn't privy to, and likely wouldn't be with the time constraints they were currently under.
After another brief moment of melodramatic consideration, Pinkie spoke, "Nope. No can do. I'm not allowed back in Cauldron anymore... they labeled me a 'dangerous fire hazard' - whatever that means - and gave my picture to every guard in the city."
Every hoof in the room met a face, except for Celestia's, who smiled appeasingly, "That will not be a problem. Even if that were not the case, we could not run the risk of you being recognized as an Element bearer. You will be under a transformation spell and an assumed identity while you accompany Shawn."
"Oooo! Can I be a bear? Or a manticore? Or even a dragon!?" She reared up and roared, "No, wait, I know! I want to be a Fluttershy- I mean- a tree!"
The aforementioned yellow pegasus groaned quietly to herself.
"A transformation that radical could not be maintained for a long period of time without some mental backlash. It is best that you remain a pony." Celestia paused and smiled, "How would you like to have wings for a while?"
"Cool!"
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Everything had happened so fast. First, Shawn had been inundated with explanations and history (his least favorite subject after math) from the princesses, then planning and preparation with the ex-ambassador, then all manner of speeches from each mare. The speeches ranged from helpful advice as to what to do in emergencies, to thinly veiled threats as to what would happen if he wasn't careful enough and Pinkie or he got hurt.
It was rather touching, if he ignored the somewhat schizophrenic threats of injury to his person should he further injure himself.
Now, he was sitting in another carriage pulled along the road by two earth pony guards, ostensibly taking him and one other suspect to a guard tower outside the city for detainment until a trial could be arranged. Oh, and that "other suspect" sitting next to him was an excitable, blond-maned, white pegasus mare with a triple-balloon cutie mark that just would not shut up.
"... so then the cakes said, 'That's not a bunny, that's a cobra!' and that's when the food-fight started!"
The Cap'n, sitting across from them, emitted a hybrid sound that could only be described as a growl-sigh, "If you're going to chatter endlessly, please do so about things that won't give away your cover, Surprise." he put extra emphasis on the mare's assumed name, as she seemed to have trouble remembering to respond to it.
Pinkie Pie quieted down for a few blissful seconds before chirping, "Okie dokie lokie!" and proceeding to talk, at length, about vegetable-themed pastries. The manacles around her hooves rattled with her excited motions.
Aegis had apparently been briefed on the plan and was there to ensure the "escape" went smoothly.
"And you..." The Cap'n turned to face Shawn, who was having trouble covering his ears due to the iron manacles clasped to his own wrists, "Stop pulling so hard on those things or they'll come off before we get to the bridge."
"Sorry, Mr. Cloudcakes," Shawn pouted, "but you only need to put up with this for a few more minutes. I'm gonna be stuck with her for days!"
"Three days, at most." Aegis reminded him with yet another annoyed growl, "After that the transformation spell wears off. Be out of Cauldron before then or there's going to be trouble."
The noise of the wheels passing over the road suddenly changed as they transitioned from a hard-packed dirt path to the cobblestone of the target bridge.
"Go time!" Shawn whispered excitedly as he yanked on his manacles... to absolutely no effect, "Uhhh..."
"Huh..." the Cap'n whispered, "The pre-weakened ones must have gotten mixed up. Let me get the keys."
Before the Cap'n could even start to go through his saddle-bag, both sets of manacles came off with dual clacks.
Shawn stared at Pinkie Pie, who only smiled innocently as she stuck a pin back into her unruly mane, only different in color from its usual state.
Captain Aegis Fidelis of the Royal Guard stared in dismay at the easily unlocked manacles for a few moments before speaking, "I'm going to pretend to not be terrified by the implications of what just happened," He then advanced on Shawn.
"Cappy? What are you doing?"
The Cap'n grinned and shoved Shawn against the wall of the wooden carriage, "We gotta make this look authentic, now hit me!"
Shawn held up his bandaged hand and looked helplessly at the looming guard captain, "Sorry, my punching hand's out of commission. If you take a step back, I can try my kicking foot..."
Shrugging, Aegis raised his other hoof in preparation, "That's fine, I can easily give myself a black eye later. Right now, I have a rather unique opportunity to blow some steam, and I intend to enjoy every single, solitary moment of i-" The Cap'n was interrupted by the wet smack of a hoof impacting his jaw, and his eyes crossed before he tumbled out the back of the carriage and unto the road.
Landing from her flawlessly performed, jumping, spinning back kick, Pinkie Pie flashed Shawn a smile, "That silly filly forgot to keep his guard-hoof up."
Shawn stared in dismay at the mare before parroting the Cap'n's earlier sentiment, "I'm going to pretend to not be terrified by the implications of what just happened."
The carriage rattled to a stop as the earth-ponies pulling it noticed their captain lying supine on the middle of the bridge. Already, they were shouting curses and struggling to get free of their harnesses.
"Go time!" Pinkie cried happily as she slipped around behind Shawn and grasped him under his arms, "There's a boat to Cauldron with our name on it down there! Are you ready?"
"Wait, Pinkie... have ever even flown before?"
"Of course not, I'm an earth pony. But, how hard could it be?"
Shawn didn't even try to pretend to not be terrified by the implications of that statement as she flapped once, then twice, then crashed through the side of the carriage instead of the open back and off the bridge.
"Oopsie!"
It was a long drop down to the water and the promised escape-boat, but, somehow, Shawn managed to scream non-stop the whole way.
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Okay, everybody! New chapter, just like I promised!
Sorry if it's not as action-packed as you're used to... but the chapter currently in the works has plenty of tomfoolery to make up for it and is turning out to be a bit on the massive side. Exposition is necessary for establishing awesomeness later on.
As always: Enjoy, rate, and review!
So, is surprise her name from another gen? or is it an oc from a certain story involving pinkie?
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Surprise was the original concept for Pinkie Pie for this Gen. They eventually changed her colors and her race, but a lot of people got pretty attached to the design after it got released. Now there's all kinds of art and a panoply of tumblrs and fics revolving around her.
I think she was also a first-gen alicorn or something. Not too sure on that.
Was that a Nostalgia Critic reference? Good show! Loving it, as ever. Though forgive me for saying so, it's running a bit too long and getting a bit to... sociopolitical and gamesmanshippy to feel like a decent Psych escapade. Losing the normal cast didn't help. Now it has gone beyong "An Evening with Mr. Yang" as seriousness goes and entered a very stange place for both properties.
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Surprise was a G1 pony; Lauren used her as the prototype for Pinkie, but had to change the name and design because of legal issues.
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Good catch!
And yeah, things got a bit more serious than I intended with Celestia and Luna, but I needed a very special type of location for the next chapter that doesn't actually exist in the canon... so I thought I'd try my hand at a little world-building. I tried to not dwell on it too much... but I'm new to this kind of stuff, so I'm sure I didn't achieve the balance I wanted.
C'est la vie, live 'n learn, etc. Maybe at some point I'll go back and re-write it.
On the plus side, that's the last of that that you'll see in this story. The stage is set and the climax for the whole tale approaches at speed. I have a ton of wonderful ideas that needed the set-up to make sense, but now I can actually do it.
As for the mane cast... we didn't lose them. I'd go so far as to say they'll come back sooner than you expect. On the same token, I feel that Shawn's dynamics work a lot better when he's working as part of a pair, rather than a group. To that end, I've (to a certain degree) been giving each of the mane six their own little arc with him. And I wanted to do something special for Pinkie Pie's arc, because she's the most fun to write his interactions with.
Anyway, thanks for the great input and I hope I've addressed some of your concerns. Hopefully you've enjoyed this enough to stick around to see the ending I've got planned, but, if not, thanks for reading this far!
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I knew about the G1 pony. Didn't know about the legal issues, though. Learn something new every day.
This is seriously the best fic i have ever read!
An update!?
Surprise?!
Pinkie is a smuggler of items!?
This all somehow makes sense?!
*dies of happiness*
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Yeah, apparently the copyright on the name and character design for most of the G1 ponies belongs to the company that actually manufactured the toys, and not to Hasbro.
When I heard of the transformation of PinkiePie, I saw the surprise thing coming.
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Oh, and when I say "losing the main cast" I meant all of Shawn's usual foils like Gus, Lassie, Jules and his dad. He's giving it a go with Twilight, but I guess I'm used to the Gus stuff, like macking on women, tap dancing and "that's messed up."
Once again, a chapter well worth the wait.
Noticed that "I gather this is not the first time this happens." was probably meant to be "I gather this is not the first time this has happened." And was Luna supposed to say "Celestial Bodies"?
Anyways, good chapter as always. I get the feeling that the three days are going to be up right in the middle of something important.
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As far as I know, both forms are technically correct, though I might be wrong. Going to have to check that... thanks for pointing that out. And, yes, she was... thanks for pointing that out, too. A "celestial body" refers to a natural object visible in the sky (i.e. the sun and the moon), which they represent. I thought it was appropriate... the kind of overly-dramatic and formal thing Luna would say.
And I have no idea what you're talking about.
Fun fact, in G1 Surprise was often paired up with Megan's brother Danny. They even had their own episode together where they outsmarted a pair of chimp scientists who tried to use them as bargaining chips to get the Rainbow of Light. The lab was in ruins before the Savior of Worlds and her Supercommandos even breached the site.
I expect a similar outcome from this little party. Either that or a hilarious bit of irony where, after learning so much about Earth terrorism, the
NightmareShadow is killed by a 2,039lb Mk. 84 guided bird dropping. No idea where that bird would come from though, so I figure Gus showing up will be a nice consolation. If Gus doesn't show up then Celestia pinning a medal on Shawn and the resulting explanation to his peers on Earth about what it (and the smartphone pictures and movies) represents will be a nice bonus no matter what.A grand chapter my friend, you never dissapoint.
I still think you do an AMAZING job at protraying Shawn in the story, I wouldn't be overly surpised if you were getting pointers from the shows writers.
And as always, looking forward to more.
P.S. Pinkie pirate is best pirate!!!!!
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/271/d/c/pinkie_pierate_by_alipes-d4b7fn9.png
~by Alipes on Deviant art
561661 HOLY SHIT!!!
That image is WAY bigger then i thought it'd be, my apologies.
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Are you kidding? That awesome picture shouldn't be a single pixel smaller.
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That's kind of a funny parallel. And I can only say that one of those things may or may not possibly happen, maybe. Probably not the aerial bombing one, though - can I say that? ... ok, cool - yeah, probably not that one.
Cauldron seaport you never find a more retched hive of scum and villany
I like it.
GOD DAMMIT!!!!!
Here I am, thinking, "Oh, I'll just find a story to read a bit of, or catch up on, before going to bed. Hmmmmm! A story that I haven't seen before! Well, I don't know anything about the background, but that's never stopped me before."
Now it's two hours later and I should be asleep by now, and I still have several chapters left, and I shouldn't read them now, and now I have to fight with myself to keep from staying up all night!
SERIES OF SOUNDS AND WORDS INDICATING INCENSED ANNOYANCE!
You turned her into Surprise, you glorious bastard!
As soon as Celestia said transformation, I thought of Surprise. I'm downright impressed that you actually did that. When I read the white coat, blonde mane my first thought was "I'm going to pretend to not be terrified by the implications of what just happened." Also, wonderful dialouge!
Here, just take all of the winz. You deserve them
*hands over all of the winz*
Seriously, Shawn! What about Christian Bale? Wait!
This must be what it feels like to be Gus!
Wednesdays are when Psych airs!
Celestia should have said something like "I know the feeling. Except it's on Saturday mornings." 
So Pinkie Pie's disguise is as her G1 MLP counterpart Surprise. Why do I keep reading stories where a Mane 6er gets disguised as their G1 counterpart?
I really wish more authors would take this route with canon references. I mean, if we're on Fimfiction we probably already know that stuff ourselves and don't really need to sit through the exposition.
so many wonderful things. The reference to stuff happening once a week on wednesday and tons of other stuff i can't remember
OH, and SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I'm going to pretend to not be terrified by the implications of what just happened.
Yay, a meta joke!
Also, the G1. My god.
Well, at least if you had to say "The Shadow knows", I can take solace in that it wasn't Shawn saying it.
............................
I think I'm in love.
Well... that happened. I will admit, Pinkie Pie secretly being a smuggler makes a lot of her actions in the series make a lot more sense. I think this will by my new Headcannon
"surprise identity"? really?
Still a good chapter though.
You know, I'm not even surprised.