This was a great story and I really like how Spike and the girls didn't go too far and Spike honestly does seem like the type to want to hold out for that special someone. I do like how it feels like the three of them are closer friends now and I don't just mean because of the intimate actions but more from their talking and really getting the chance to know one another. I am sad to hear the Sparity bridge burned... at least Spike THINKS it is burnt. But honestly I really hope it isn't I think this very noble and sweet Spike would be a great match for her and it would be fun to see them transition from friends to something more.

10163614
Thank you! I was hoping to show a more intimate moment between the 3. I won't say the Sparity ship is completely burnt but I can't say it will be in my next story.

so there is a sequel?

10166110
I’m going to work on it. I’ve already started a bit of it but need to work on where I’m going with it. Also thanks for the fav!!

The stories not poorly written by any means, for the most part spelling and grammar are solid, the stories good even if I think somethings took odd turns, and genuinely the feelings of the characters are pretty well represented and expressed, but there is one blaring issue... You don't describe anything. You got asked if this was anthro because their really is zero indication. I can't tell you what Spike looks like, if hes short, tall, muscular, lean, has scales, has wing or doesn't, is orange or purple, about the only thing we know is his dick is esteemed by Dash to be 9 inches. It's actually the only physical trait that's described. The girls have nothing... fur color, hair color, hair style, size, shape, boobs(A.J. has big ones and so do "most of them," can't tell you which ones.), nipple color, pussy color, how tone they are, how soft even once you talk about physical contact. You basically just named a character and expected the reader to make up every detail. A big part of a writer's job is to paint a picture with words, but the focal point of your story, the characters, are just white splotches. You describe the positions they take decently, but you didn't give us a body to put into those positions. All fan fiction should describe the characters regardless of if there appearance is the same as the show or not, but when you move to something vastly different from the source material, like anthro for ponies, it's even more important. Never assume because we know the source material that we just know what they look like. A ton of stories written after Spike got his wings don't have him with them. That's really the only thing that stopped this from being a quality piece of fan-fiction. It's good, but you missed it being fantastic.

This isn't to discourage you; I want you to succeed. Taking this step will bring you all the closer to doing that.

10169824
Thank you for your critique and encouragement. It’s been a while since I wrote something and this one of my first times writing porn. When I write, I like to give details for the reader with revealing and adding details with the context within the story as dialog or action. I also like the reader to imagine some of the characters’ details as I thought everyone who would read this had a preset in their mind. I don’t like writing things like “Spike, with his toned abs and powerful thighs, railed the juicy pussy that laid in front of him.” or “Pinkie Pie, a voluptuous woman with large DD breast that stood about 5’10’’, handed Spike a cupcake.” It’s why I wrote things such as how Spike found Rainbow Dash’s breast fit in his hand comfortably, to show that either Rainbow Dash had small breasts (or Spike had big hands I guess) and described her limbs as toned as well. As for Spike’s size, he is about just below shoulder height to Pinkie Pie (while his face is in her breast and his crotch lining up to her crotch). You’re right on I thought of these characters as pre-defined characters. I expected things such as the skin and hair colors and style would be already known from the shows and didn’t think there would be confusion about that part. There was a part I kinda edit out where they did stare at each other for a bit so Spike could get comfortable and he would kinda describe their bodies with his inner dialog and some talk with them but I thought it felt awkward to write and read. I was kinda planning to add that part back in for the next story but I need to write in a way that feels organic to me. You have a good point as this is pre or post molting. I do agree I should have described the actions more vividly. I will try to add that kind of detail when I write porn in the future.

“Spike, with his toned abs and powerful thighs, railed the juicy pussy that laid in front of him.”

That made me laugh, it's like a bad porno writing. Generally, yeah both of those examples aren't super great since once is ridiculously porny, and the other while being common... way too common, in nature, is just too specific. Generals good and in story is great, but it's rough when you have a bunch of characters in a room and no way to picture them because all of that comes in later.

I usually don't like to use my own work as reference since it tends to feel... bias, but I think Paradise has an excellent example of character description and setting in the first few paragraphs. Broad enough to allow imagination to fill in gaps but direct enough to give you a clear and defined base for the character. Equally true it comes in waves and is mixed in with story telling so as not to be a wordy description(Mind you I have those in some stories too. When you have a lot of characters at once it's usually just one of the best methods.) It's just best to treat it as if the person reading has no preconceived notions. Like I said you did pretty good, so with more coming, I look forward to you doing better still.

For the most part, I think you described the actions pretty well.

10171943
That's a fair point with wanting to image the characters sooner than find out what they look like later. Also, sorry if the reply came out snarky. I came home with a migraine from work late and just wanted the world to burn. I’ll take a look at paradise when I get the chance. I just added it to my read later.

10174264
Don't worry about it, I've had much snarkier, and criticism can be hard to take. I've had far worse replies, lol.

Fimfic nowadays has become pretty filled with people screaming more and raising up stories that are complete messes as if they were literary masterpieces, which in turn as given birth to some pretty big headed authors. You however, clearly put the work into this and want to improve, and that makes all of this worth it to me. It's nice to see people who still give a fuck about writing something of quality and not just gaining followers or trying to convince people to commission them(usually, to write poor plot and grammatically nightmarish stories).

So who does Spike have a thing for?

11176946
I can't say he has a thing for Pinky or Dash. I would say he's still dealing with his feelings at that time.

11177857
What about that girl griffin he spent time with?

11178094
You're thinking of Gabby. These stories take place in my own head cannon and this takes place before that.