Thought there would be more chapters

Nice story!

Is there going to be more sequels featuring the rest of the Mane 6 and perhaps more characters like Ember and Starlight Glimmer?

10033809
Have to stay within the contest limits of 10k words, so figured anything else might be best saved if I do a sequel.
10033829
Possible I'll add more, but would rather not do a huge harem story. Plus I figure the mane six are spread across the world.

10033898
As long as there’s going to be more

10033950
Yep, just need to decide what direction the sequel takes!

Rarity a dragoness. I like it!

very nice change for rarity. can we get a pic someone??

10034269
10034282
Thanks!

10034293
I still really do hope that you add Sunset Shimmer to it. I can see how a Spike saves her is by Saving her from burning at stake or something like that same with moondancer and Twilight how do you have those three live in the same Village or something like that? Spike could the rescue three young maidens that wants that would be pretty hilarious to especially if he got pissed and just a little village on fire for the most part.

This story turns out better than I expected. Will there be a sequel where the new breed of dragons establish a Crystal Kingdom?

10034896
Haven't considered Sunset, to be honest. It's always possible I'll explore more of this world in spin offs, but don't expect her anytime soon.
10035023
Thanks, no plans to establish a kingdom, but more dragons may show up in the sequel!

Wow good story.

Very interesting. Gotta ask, At the end did she become a full dragon or a human dragon hybrid?

10036393
Thanks! Planning a sequel but want to do it right so it could be a while!
10036408
Human/dragon hybrid, I figure it was based on her subconscious desires, as she wouldn't want to surrender the beauty that attracted Spike, but also altered to better suit him as a mate.

10036423
That is mixed for me, particularly because I was hoping Rarity was turning into a dragoness with the description of Rare's transformation...maybe there is a way thsat she is able to take forms like the hippogriffs/seaponies are able to do with their pearl fragments

10036423
Very smart idea! Cant wait to see were it goes from here.

10036606
She could have, but admittedly that's not as appealing to me.
10036659
Thanks!

10074221
Don't be so shy. Try to push things a little more.

ALso things do happen a little quickly now. Sweetie didn't really get to know Spike that well. I do think she should have had at least one moment with Spike without Rarity leader the conversation.

With Sweetie on the collar I do feel she should do it on her own. Rarity can of course watch but she can not approach Sweetie Belle. If Sweetie Belle is going to be his mate it needs to be her own decision and through her own actions. I know she's still really young but if she can't do it then that proves she's too young to be his mate.

10074232
The fics where I push things always have terrible ratings; anything experimental always goes poorly for me reader-wise, although I prefer those stories.

10074237
Sweetie is admittedly hard for me to write, which is a shame since she's a favorite of mine; Rarity comes more naturally so I tend to make her the focus.

10074239
Your problem is that you aren't the best in making them feel kinky. Don't just have it happen. Really describe why Rarity loves it, the exhilaration, the feeling of safety, the comprehension of power.

10074242
Sounds like good advice.

10074241
Throwing in more trials for them also get's people on board. If people are sufficiently invested into your characters they will like your story no matter what's in it.

10074243
Also in the beginning here when Rarity is describing Spike add a few unique touches like; His muscles stood out. Almost like one of her dresses.

Nor was it the only mark of him now; her bulbous breasts really had swelled out to become like udders, hanging loose and milky, stretched and so pale white her veins were visible

It was kind of grotesque on an artistic level but it made her feel so fertile that she felt almost proud of it.

Bare feet padded across the cool stone. He always warned her to be careful, worried she'd lose her footing, but she assured him she was much tougher than she appeared despite a lifetime practically spent in captivity.

The floor had caused her to build up a lot of callause. Her once soft feet were now almost like sandpaper.

Things like that. Things that make it clear to the readers that this is Rarity and not just a nameless character. Try to have it that you could make her name blank and everybody would still know exactly who it is.

They would oftentimes manipulate him with their feminine allure; but he relished the attention. There was no doubt; he'd seeded Sweetie too, who could barely contain herself around him. And rather than keep them cooped up in a cave, he often took them out into the fields now; where they could wander about under his watchful eye, take in the sunlight and the breeze.

They say they like his dominance but that never really seems to be the case. They are always the one setting the pace. There should be sessions where Spike is the one setting the pace. That if they want something to happen quicker then they just have to bite their tongue and wait for him to decide. Or when they aren't really in the mood then they just have to do it. Of course not outright forcing them but there is a balance in that. That he forces their convenience zones but respects their comfort zone.
Instill the idea that stopping Spike for no reason is a shameful thing. If they have a legitimate concern they should speak up but otherwise he is their master. If they have nothing worthwhile to say then they should just obey him.

This would also be heavier in maintenance since he would have to constantly remind them. Both forcing them when they want things differently but also reminding them to speak up if they legitimately don't want it. That is a good thing as that gives you more material to work with. You can also show off their character in the way they respond to those things.

10074255
I figure Spike is at odds with his dominant instincts, being a sensitive, gentle soul; he's actually uncomfortable with being a master in any serious way, and that Rarity is really the unspoken leader of the group, topping from the bottom so to speak.

That's a reason why they like him; he's strong yet ultimately safe, with just a hint of danger due to dragons being predators.

10074263
The thing is that they keep talking about how strong and dominant he is but that never comes to pass. Maybe with two they can have moments. Where they let him dominate one but have supervision in case it goes wrong.

10074263
But more importantly. Try to adjust your descriptions depending on who's POV it is. That greatly helps give people more insight in the character. Rarity would have an eye for detail and a tendency to complain.

10074264
10074268
I'll try to keep all that in mind when I work on the next sequel.

10074274
If you want to do something more bold try and build it up. That Rarity is nervous about it, that Spike is worried.

10074276
My current one won't have much Rarity focus; I'm using Spike as a vehicle to explore this continuity and show different parts of the world/characters. I know many would like me to add tons to his harem permanently, but I dislike the idea for many reasons, a major one being characterization will be spread thin. It's something I dislike about the show, where imo only a dozen at best feel properly developed imo.

10074281
One way of overcoming that is by having characters leave the harem. Though you shouldn't add too many members, too quickly.

This was a epic end to this part I so happy for them and there transformations.

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Sex scenes extremely hot, but hampered by being a bit rushed and a bit purple prose.
-Spike's size is pretty unclear. Often unclear about how big Spike is and how humanized he is.
-His extensions -- well, that's a new one.
-her pallid pillows and making thick spurts of lactate erupt from Rarity's milky, vein-lined orb mad her pallid skin glow -- some of these word choices are just grossing me out. Also, that last one has a typo.
-Sucking in a deep breathe -- breath.
-Typos are more frequent in 2nd chapter.
-The flashback in middle of sex scene really ruins the pacing.
-Sweetie Belle's reaction seems unbelievable.
-Good work when Rarity is trying to seduce spike.

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 65/100
Allure: 70/100
Enticement: 50/100
Immersion: 20/100
Prose Quality: 40/100
Total Score: 245/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

Something strange you might be interested to know: This fic inspired a lot of my headcanon about ancient Equestria.

The transformation scene at the end inspired my background for Kirin. Unicorns who fell in love with dragons. Altered by Grogar, to be able to mate/breed with them. He was then shunned by others for altering sapients. He then went the Pony of Shadows/Nightmare Moon route, becoming the Father of Monsters. Those monsters then led to heightened paranoia and distrust between the tribes, which brought about the wendigos, leading to Hearth’s Warming.

All that from a clopfic. I know I’m weird.

10254651
I'm glad I inspired someone. That means a lot more to me than favorites, actually! Which fic? I'll check it out when I can.

10255384
I haven’t actually written anything about it. It’s just how I see the ancient history the show never went into. It would sort of be background to any fic that isn’t blatantly AU.

10255452
Ah, still cool to hear!

nice work on both chapters

10375527
Thanks!

Huzzah, read this story too!
While I do like the story and the premise it has, I love the Lightendark Series. Even though there are no major red tags here like with Lightendark (ya know, with everything that's happening), I prefer Beatrix over Spike.

11599103
Thanks!

11599297
No problem