- Member Since 5th Feb, 2019
- offline last seen 46 minutes ago
Silent Wing
A Pony that loves to read, to write, and is obsessed with video games
Silent Wing
Joined 5th Feb, 2019 ·
Offline
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Well... This familie cant grow any closer
Sounds... Anticlimactic 
Its the reaction to getting her first load pumped into her womb to mild?
That game backfired Spectacular
10074885
I am not sure myself.
10074907
Shall i send you some exampels?
10074928
sure, why not.
*<>* aww come on ... Was hoping for a fathers reaction to the news ..
10075060
Sorry to disapoint you.
This requires a lot of editing. As it is, it's really sloppy. You should show more and tell less, give the reader fine, juicy details. Some emotional content would be much appreciated as well. Less of 'tool A into slot B', more about characters and their feelings. Also, proofread and edit your text.
That's one random capitalisation.
FiMFic writing guide has some good advice on proper punctuation. I strongly advise you to look it up.
"Pause" and "obviously". Also, it's a lot more commas than needed in English (in some other languages those might be warranted).
Jump to 1st person. Repeat of 'moment'. 'Where' is not the word you se looking for, I believe.
Weird.
Than.
Know.
'Than'. Also, misplaced comma. Also, mother of the year right there.
I'm now inspired to have a story (or a subplot in a bigger story) about a bad pony parent.
Really now?
What?
Would there be a sequel or an extra chapter?
10075307
Honestly i have agree with everything you pointed out. It just feels sloppy and the errors really just... makes it hard to read the story all together. Its not a bad story, just hard to read with all the spelling errors and issues happening in it.
10075394
At the moment I am not planing an extra Chapter, since I want to focus a bit more on my main story again.
10075307
Thanks for pointing that out.
I took care of them and hope that it's now more enjoyable.
10075307
Just FYI, the reason for the random capitalization is that, in German, ALL nouns are capitalized. Not just proper nouns.
I loved the plot and the way you write but it does have a number of typos in it. Lung->lunge barely->barly. I recommend using the text to speak feature to find all the wrong word right spelling errors.