Do you know what it's like to start a revolution just because you accidentally had an ideal instead of an idea? Sunset does.
Sunset has seen her world bè͎c̣͌o̯ͧm̼͆̇e̥̽ ̲̈́͑i̪ͩn̲͐t̼͒e̲ͦ̓͗n̘̹̅̎ͅs̤̰͖ͬͪ̀e̯͔̅ͤ̃͗ḽ̟͂̇ͯy͓̜̻͍ͦ͊̍̊ ̳̻̎ ̴̢̢̘ͭ̆ͪ͐-̷̶̧̞ͭͭͭ-̴̦̮̊̆͂ͦ̓͠-̨͓̫̙͉̈̋͢-̵̴̢̩̺̜͇͌̎ͭ̕̕-̶͕̥͖̪̯̜̊̒-̉̐ͨ̾͏̸͇̘͎̞͙͍͜͝͡-̸̴͔̝ͨ̽̓ͧ̀̚̕- because, instead of being quiet, everything was quite but there was no indication of quite what it was quite.
The revolution is over. The world is no longer quite so quite. Susnet Shimmer, Sunset's evil duplicate, has been defeated and susses no more. But, for all of that progress, the typos continue, and Sunset is getting tired of it.
This was to be an entry into No Author left Unnoticed!'s “Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.” competition, but when I reached a point where a could cut a little bit to keep it under the word limit or ignore the word limit, add more scenes, and allow it to quadruple in size, I opted for the latter.
I suddenly wonder if Sunset watched Star Wars... hmmm...
Sorry to lose you from the competition, but it looks like you're doing fine considering this story exists now.
This was very funny, and neatly lampoons some of the common mistakes that crop up in stories (Principle, awkward plot points that don't fit, etc.).
Good job. Fave and fallow from me.
You are toying with dangerous forces.
A Bose-Einstein condensate of joy was right out.
Multiversal Derpy, universe-mending Sunset... This feels delightfully familiar, even if it's a case of convergent inspiration. Wonderful madness, even if the subtextual transcriptions got obnoxious after a while. Of course, that was by design. Thank you for a wonderfully bizarre read.
(Also, if you thought Susnet was bad, you've never dealt with the doppleganger I most often face, Sinset Shimmer.)
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Hey, sorry for time it took me to respond to you, my depression has been really bad lately.
First off:
Thank you so much for speaking up.
I'm pretty sure that most writers have this to some degree, but it's definitely the case that my depression makes it much more severe. What is "this"? "This" is that I need the validation of people saying they liked something because otherwise, when I'm just writing into the void, I feel like everyone hated it or, just as bad, no one cared. The like/dislike function helps a little, but not much. If I don't hear it said, figuratively speaking, it doesn't feel real and I still feel like everything I make is crap.
Especially thanks for saying that on something like this that's . . . not remotely my best.
~ ~ ~
Someday, if I'm in a place where I feel I can actually do and do it well, I want to do a major revision of this. Basically bring a higher level of quality throughout, except the things that are intentionally low quality, and make it a more consistent read. Right now I think the beginning doesn't have enough words and the end has too many, which leaves it absurdly lopsided. I'm sure that some people looked at the beginning, concluded it was solely about cheap potshots at poor characterization with a gimmick of ontological typos, and left before getting to the other stuff.
Also part of that possible plan to revise maybe-someday is to break it up into chapters so things can be more clearly demarcated. So something along the lines of chapter one focusing on poor characterization, chapter two focusing on Sunset getting run down, chapter Derpy focusing on meta-textual concerns, and so forth. I don't mean removing such things from parts where they aren't the focus, but rather choosing the chapter boundaries such that the reader can have a sense of "Hitting this point so hard and so often is a trait of this chapter, rather than something that will continue from now to the end."
So there's this quote about anapestic meter, that sort of sums up how that came about:
If you use sub-textual transcriptions once or twice, that's that and there's nothing more to say. If you sustain them then they, like anapests, threaten to take over. In a story about bad writing, I let them.
(Swinburne's self-parody was Nephelidia, which also shows what it's like when alliteration takes over.)
Absolutely. (That made me smile, by the way.)
This also made me smile, for the record. I do actually care about Derpy. When her characterization is limited to "Clumsy cross-eyed mistake-maker who is dim" (so this includes canon) it frustrates me a great deal.
In the story I was planning to write for your "Imposing Sovereigns II: Once and Future" contest (I really am sorry about holding that spot down for the whole time, thus preventing others from using it; I really did think I could pull things together and write it right up till the end) I was going to have a bit part where Pony Twilight explained to Celestia that she and Time Turner had ensured their collaboration wouldn't go catastrophically wrong because they'd had Derpy be the beta tester, and she generates a reality warping bad luck field. (Only way I can explain what happened when sat there and did nothing.)
Adjacent key typo instead of out of order typo. That I didn't think of that should tell you which type I usually make.
I'm always verbose, but i think that in times when depression is preventing me from writing much in the way of fiction, it comes out far more in settings like this. If you read through all of the above and made it here, thank you for your time.
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Thank you for the story.
No hard feelings on the IS2 no-show; you're far from the only one who didn't get something in in time. You're always welcome to use the prompt regardless.
And I completely understand that need for validation through comments. Watching the number of green thumbs going up only does so much against the feeling of shouting into the void. The worst fate a story can meet is indifference.
This story has taught me one very important thing, amongst lesser important things: the next time I encounter an annoyingly difficult problem I simply cannot solve, I simply need to except it. Thank you.
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Also, I was so looking for that.
10 out of 10 "oh my god what the heck did I just read"s!
This was very well done. Combining drama, criticism, meta commentary and humor isn't an easy feat, but you did so quite adeptly.
i already love this, augh! a pun taken literally taken to absurd conclusions
ooh burn on Applejack
burn on Rainbow Dash too!
ooh what a frightening metafictional premise
huh, interesting that she is the only one so far without a snide aside by the narration!
hehe, the absurdity of typos affecting the world of the narrative is fun!
oof, took me a second to realize what the next paragraph was implying with this one
commentary!
hey i didn't come here to be directly called out!
ah yeah that very common misunderstanding of the phrase grates at me, too. also, i love shrimp!
who's Applejack
maintaining a proper sense of scale when describing things is very important! but not quite extremely important
that is often the trouble with stories that involve the entire main cast, not everyone's going to get a big part in the narrative no matter how meta it is, Sci-Twi! just be grateful you're not that other character i can't remember the name of
hehehe, loved that phrasing, and no comment on the "perverts" part
wait, really? that would have totally gotten me as well! why the heck isn't it just called Sugarcube Corner?
makes sense to me. i have no further questions
oof, it must be tiring, this life of a protagonist
oof, those dreams where you already go through a portion of your ordinary day before waking! it's been a while since i've had those (maybe because i'm no longer in school?), but yeah, they are frustrating!
haha, yeah, another common word mixup as people do not respect it having to agree with the location that is being referred to
sounds like a nice hobby!
i adore these paragraphs, they are just so fun
i hate how much i love how well this works
lampshading!
a question that should be asked more often, and not just to Sunsets
aww, a sincere (if snarky) and heartfelt exchange in the middle of this madness!
hey, who are you to say what parts of stories mean, narration? i will interpret this to be exactly that! for you see, by recontextualizing this aspect of the story with this metacomment, the part was indeed "cut" from its original context and meaning and reshaped into one that does fit with the rest of the story, which is a good lesson to us all!
true in the sense of narrative tropes, but also true in-universe because everyone loves Sunset uwu
hehe, useful ability, that!
dang, i kinda feel like i'm missing out by never having read a stabbing Gilda fic. sounds like quite the genre!
one does not see agriculture combined with urban decay much. interesting juxtaposition!
i do wonder if remarking that it is a weekend day, or Friday, would mean that something is not ordinary. that would be strange because those days happen all the time!
that is how pony names work, yes. also, neat that Sunset is a Discordian here
oof, commentary
nice! i can infer so many things about the nature of their relationship already!
ah, misspelling of "one world currency", so that's what's going on!
i do have a soft spot in my heart for Susnet Shimmer though, not least of which because i keep making that typo myself
oof, sounds like it!
honestly this just makes Derpy even more #winning here, i like it
aww, i really like this! puts a nice, neat bow on Derpy's contribution to the story. idk, just leaves me with a good feeling
hehe, that is so in line with the characterization of Sci-Twi!
love how quotidian this kind of thing has become to these characters
commentary!
yeah, but who cares about them?
yes, and now you are a nerdy waïfu with an ordinary life and nothing to look forward to but being the mouth through which to give whatever overly detailed exposition about whatever topic an author is interested in and/or has an axe to grind about, too bad!
yeah i mean especially to be fair, it canonically really doesn't take much to make ponies scream in fear
nice, leaning in to how little sense the worldbuilding of the show makes!
hey, better than Twighlight!
oof, and also commentary on how characters in stories with really epic stakes prioritize things
that is impressive precision! or just rounding one result of a die roll
hehe, that is what that weird thing is!
i definitely agree with her there
she does keep being off somewhere doing something, doesn't she
oof, this sounds like such an awful thing for Sunset to go through
ha, love the snark here
aww, this is my favorite one out of all of these so far. i guess i like fun similes
ooh i would love to see that one
ah fascinating in-universe tactic, as the author is a mortal and bound to make mistakes
i learned a bunch of new words today looking these up, thank you!
so true
hehe nice. i mean it's just like flammable/inflammable now!
hehe that is what they're supposed to do
i'm partial to "equinity" myself
and yes, that is why so many people relate to Luna more! though i admit i am partial to Celestia for her inapproachability and lack of relatability, and not despite it
Trollestia is always a fun reference!
and i am glad! though it is nice to have a way to differentiate the two characters by name
well now i am stumped as to what typo they're trying to avoid here
ooh, yeah, love how this doubles as speaking to how to deal with living in our own very imperfect universe. even though the idea of facing certain things about it feels as absurdly wrong as having to accept a world where steps become steeps and words become worlds
love this very appropriate twist on the old phrase
hehe, nice! all the better for this being a common typo that bothers me as well
ooh, i learned a pretentious synonym today, love it
so true
yes, this exactly! that scene in Forgotten Friendship had a lot more going on than was probably intended by the writers, and leaves open a lot for a deeper and more complex relationship between Sunset and Celestia that can't be summarized with a single begging line and hug. at least, this is what i must believe!
oh no!
aww! i love that at all this metafictional madness is resolving on a moment of actual catharsis between Sunset and Celestia
ooh, a fun meditation on a often-used phrase that i've never really quite thought much about
and the flow of the prose is the far more important good to serve, here!
ooh, the origin story of this story idea?
hehe, exactly what i was imagining!
that does sound very tiring!
aww, love this sweet moment
it's fun that i realized what was going on here at the exact same time Sunset did in-story. good thing i am oblivious sometimes!
that aspect of the alicorn transformation remains a bit disquieting
auauaugh too adorable
and what a beautiful monstrosity it was! augh there is something so wonderful about welding a serious emotional rapprochement between Sunset and Celestia, an exploration of depression and hopelessness, and metacommentary on MLP fanfics/writing in general all together in one story, with plenty of wit, absurdity, and flexing of obscure linguistic facts and trivia. it's an experience that is hard to imagine having outside of the exact context that it exists in, and the specificity makes it all the more precious to me. yes, it's fragmented, but that fragmentation really works! i was right there with Sunset on every step of her metafictional journey, even the parts that pointed out how that itself was a narrative contrivance, and the transitions in location helped anchor the transitions in style from the cynical, seen-this-all-before trope deconstruction of the girls in the high school, to the self-aware yet still sincere, reconstructive Derpy in the unnamed industrial/agricultural sector of human Canterlot, to the characters and their past and present relationships mattering again in Equestria as the world is returned to a more, idk what's the right word, modernist(?) setting.
i wish there were more people around to both appreciate and produce content like this, as it would definitely be a hard sell to a general audience, which is a shame.
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A Term for piano player is 'Pianist'
Misspel that.
Well THIS is one crazy timeline
I dont think i could even Fix this timeline even if i wanted to