A Brief Family Meeting
Photo Lens was a pony that was both blessed and cursed, even though he would never agree on both terms that were given to him by those who had met him rather than being an idea that he alone thought about.
He was a simple unicorn stallion, of a green grassy coat with a vibrant emerald green mane, with dark red eyes and an eye looking at a photograph as a cutie mark. He was known by his friends for how he always walked with extreme care, looking at his environment rather than where he was stepping on, and in an almost slowly manner but he was also known for being very attentive to details, as he always made sure that anything being made by him would be well assembled to the last piece.
Here is where the blessing he so much refused comes into play, as he was capable of seeing almost any type of construct, machine, figure or even a minuscule insect, and he would be able to replicate it with his chisels and wood choppers as perfectly as the object he was supposed to replicate. Many said that he was greatly talented but he always thought that there was no talent if all he was doing was what his cutie mark allowed him to do.
But this also was what many saw as a curse for, no matter how well he was with his crafting, he was only recognized by those who saw him work on a personal level and he never achieved success beyond his birthplace, far away from Canterlot as well as the other big cities in Equestria, and a few small towns close to his. Not that he ever agreed with this so called curse either, for he always earned exactly what he needed to sustain himself and then some. Sure, he would need more if he wanted to ever marry or have a family but that was a bridge he was only planning on crossing when he found a mare he was interested in.
He lived in a small town whose name is irrelevant both to us and anypony who wasn’t aware of what he was capable of, which he also thought as a benefit since he was a big fan of privacy.
Granted, that always made him curious of how anyone could find him since he would always find himself attracting the attention of the strangest customers.
At least they always appeared to have enough money to pay him.
Such is the case of a yellow earth pony stallion with a greasy light blue mane, almost discolored eyes and a golden loop as a cutie mark. He carried a straw hat that covered most of his head and held a medium sized saddlebag that seemed to be a bit empty.
As Photo Lens opened the door to receive this stallion that knocked his door he couldn’t stop himself from giving him a scrutinizing gaze, hoping that this wasn’t one of those fellows who wanted a wooden sculpture of a mare they liked a lot, even if those customers payed the best compared to his most common type of clients.
“Greetings” –. Photo Lens said with his rehearsed voice, only known by those who have done clerking long enough to say those words without feeling any type of actual care in the world. – “In what can I help you?”
The yellow pony looked around his surroundings, as if even the wood the house was made of was spying on him, and asked with a very low voice, as if he was scared of even talking.
“Hello Photo Lens, I’m glad to see nothing has changed since the last time we’ve met.”
Photo Lens was about to ask when have they met each other but he then remembered something, one of those faint memories that you decided to never forget but time managed to beat you on that fight, until a small idea manages to remind you of it through a chained link.
“I would like to apologize, for I don’t have bread of any kind to help you.”
As he said that, the yellow pony looked at him with a hopeful glare that seemed to have banished any fear from his features.
“Do not worry, for bread isn’t the only food I need to live.”
Photo Lens started to grin as he openly hugged the earth pony with great joy as he said with complete glee.
“Oh, it’s so good to see you old friend” -. He then opened the door to his house. – “Come on in, you are completely welcomed into my place.”
The yellow pony entered with his face showing how he no longer felt worried and started to remove his straw hat as well as his saddlebag and put them into one of those things ponies liked to use to hold them up in the air.
Photo Lens, meanwhile, would give a brief look at his surroundings as he slowly closed the door to his house, trying to give the landscape the most scrutinizing gaze he could muster before he could properly greet his long awaited visit.
“I am so glad to see you, old friend” -, the yellow pony started to say with fear no longer being present on his voice, - “you have no idea of how much I want to talk to you about our fellow bro-“
“Shhhh.”
Seeing Photo Lens so serious made the yellow pony to worry once more as the green unicorn decided to put his shining horn on one of the walls within his house, making small writings to suddenly shine before dimming back as if the walls within Photo Lens’s house never had them in the first place. Immediately afterward he levitated, with his magic, the thick and heavy curtains and covered all the windows on his house, making sure that only the candles and what little sunlight could enter his house to shine on his house. As the writing disappeared from their sight and the windows were covered, Photo Lens went back to his guest with a much relaxed face and talked once more.
“Sorry, it’s just that I considered safer to just turn on the silencers on this house.”
The yellow pony looked at him with curiosity as he felt compelled to ask.
“Do you really think it was necessary? I mean, this is a very secluded town and I doubt anypony would suspect of you to do anything weird.”
Photo Lens flinched at that and visibly showed embarrassment as he started to put a hoof behind his head and started to answer.
“Well, considering some of the strange customers I have ended up getting from time to time, I prefer for none to ever hear what they ask me to do” -. His face started to blush hard as he started to remember how some of them asked him to do sculptures of ponies in… compromising positions. – “I wouldn’t live up to the embarrassment.”
The yellow pony looked at Photo Lens with curiosity and tried to know more about his problem.
“Well, if you don’t like it, why are you accepting their commissions? I mean, no one should do a job they don’t feel comfortable working on.”
“I wish it were that simple” -, responded Photo Lens with complete humbleness, - “but those creeps tend to be the ones who pay the most and some of the stuff I work on isn’t as cheap as it looks like, especially when I have to move to Canterlot to get the materials needed to make the commission.”
The yellow pony quickly widen up his eyes as he decided to dive more into what he just said.
“You’ve been into Canterlot recently?” – He then started to look at Photo Lens with hopeful eyes. – “Has anything important happened in there?”
Photo Lens was about to respond when he noticed the yellow pony’s appearance and decided to make a quick comment before responding.
“Hold on, why are you still looking like that? Come on, you can stop pretending to be somepony else, I thought by this point you were aware that I don’t judge by appearances Styx.”
The yellow pony looked at himself before making a sheepish grin as he moved his ears down.
“Sorry, I got used to look like this for long periods of time and I forgot to change back” -. His body then was light on green fire before being replaced by a black changeling with holes ridden on his hooves, blue glassy eyes, fangs on his snout, insect like wings and fins where his mane should be. – “But” -, he added with glee, - “I will say that I’m not impersonating anypony, that form is one I made up for myself so I could stop impersonating other ponies.”
Photo Lens looked at his friend Styx with joy as he started to put his hoof on his shoulder as if they were brothers.
“Really? That’s awesome. This is a step up for you” -. He then decided to move around and started to prepare some chairs and table so they could get more comfortable. – “Come; sit here as I prepare something for you.”
Styx decided to sit as he responded to Photo Lens’s kind gesture.
“Thank you but I have to deny it for I didn’t come here to abuse from your hospitality. I came here for… other businesses…”
Photo Lens stopped as he looked at his friend with worry but, nonetheless, he nodded and decided to go to his wardrobe.
“Hold on.”
As he opened the wardrobe, he looked down to a box that was almost as wide and long as the 1.5 meters wide and 70cm long wardrobe. This box was made of hardwood with metal borders and a lock that could only be opened with a numbered code.
Photo Lens opened the box to find multiple stuff that only he knew what they were and for what they were intended. This were from light dresses of pretty colors to silver candle holders, to a wide variety of keys, among many others, but what he was looking for was burrowed deep on the 80cm tall chest and it was a book. The first book he was ever commissioned to make and one of the things he was proud the most to have replicated perfectly from the original.
“Here it is!”
Hearing Photo Lens shouting made Styx to visibly flinch as he turned around and looked at what he came looking for. It was as big as he was told it was and just by looking at it Styx knew that all of the problems he went through to get it were worth it.
“Oh, thank you so much for making it. I thought you were going to have a hard time making it since the copies are so hard to find.”
Photo Lens moved back to the table and gave Styx the book as he started to get comfortable on his chair as Styx would start to open the book and gave a glimpse at the pages of the book he was so keen on finding.
“Don’t worry and I didn’t need to search for a copy” -, this made Styx to quickly glance at Photo Lens as he continued to talk, - “I happened to read it before the princesses decided to restrict everything coming from that other world.”
At this, Styx needed to know more.
“Wait, how did you get a copy of this book and when did you read it? As far I’m aware, the restrictions came just months after that rift opened and not much time was given before all the stuff that was flowing into Equestria was taken and given back to that…” – He then remembered what Photo Lens said. – “Wait, it’s a whole world and not a kingdom the rift leads to?”
Photo Lens smiled as he decided to tell the latest things he heard in Canterlot.
“Well, not according to the latest rumors. From what I gathered, while the rift opens to another nation, this isn’t one from this world and, what I understand, is that there are more rifts that were opened that leads to other nations from that world but the princesses decided to figure out first where they are and where they lead to before determining what to do with this other world.”
Styx took a moment to mull on the information as he started to understand some things.
“Well, that explains why the restrictions were put into place. Equestria probably wants to first make sure a steady flow is made before allowing anything crazy from there to enter and destabilize our home.”
Photo Lens snorted, trying to hold back a laugh, as he looked at the book Styx was holding and added.
“Well, I think it’s too late for that but I do think it wasn’t a completely bad idea after hearing more of what is going on over that other world.”
Styx’s face started to show worry as he heard this and asked for more.
“Well” -, continued Photo Lens, - “do you remember of how the other nation Equestria has officially started to contact isn’t a monarchy, but rather, a republic that elects its leaders?”
Styx nodded, understanding very well that even if the concept felt so foreign to his ears.
“Well, the rumors I’ve heard are that this nation is, this very year, going to elect its new ruler and it looks like the candidates aren’t quite good.”
Styx started to feel fear as he heard that, worrying over those who were like him living on the other side of the rift.
“But, for now” -, Lens continued, - “the princesses are trying to see if they can establish contact with other nations while also determining how dangerous it would be for us to establish open contact with the other world.”
As Photo Lens finished talking, Styx looked back to the ground as he tried to grasp how big reality was compared to what little he could barely understand.
“Two universes... two whole universes with its own set of rules and histories... It is amazing how all of this was created by a single entity.”
Photo Lens looked at him as Styx said this and turned around into Canterlot’s direction, well aware of who were in there and what they could do as well as how some weren’t very keen on those who just disagreed with the princesses. All he could say was:
“Yeah.”
After some thinking, Styx decided to ask for more.
“And what do the princesses think of allowing the rift to be opened back? It’s been a while since then.”
Photo Lens looked back at Styx as his mind tried to remember all the details he got from his lastest visit to Canterlot just a few weeks ago.
“Well” -, he began, - “Princess Celestia still thinks that there are still a few loose ends that must be arranged before reopening the rift. Princess Luna changed her mind, she now thinks that both equestrians and humans could be allowed to cross in between the worlds but starting only with ‘professional travelers’ so to speak. Princess Cadence now thinks that some cultural exchange should be attempted before ‘anything wrong’ happens to the rift and the new Princess Twilight Sparkle wants to open Equestria to this whole world so badly that she is helping up with whatever Celestia and her government is making to ensure that nothing wrong comes from that world to ours and viceversa.”
Styx assessed the information and, after some minutes of deep thinking, he commented with a light happy tone of voice.
“You have given me really good news” -. He then looked back at his book and asked once more. – “But that doesn’t explain how did you found a copy of this book so easily.”
Photo Lens wondered what Styx meant with ‘good news’ but he decided to first answer what he felt was a more important question.
“Well, I just so happen to have met one of those humans back from when the rift opened and he gave me a copy of this book so I could read it on my own.”
Just by looking at Styx’s face could Photo Lens figure out what he was going to ask next so he obliged.
“That human was among those who were allowed to enter and explore Equestria but, when the restriction came, he was taken back into his world and I got the book taken by the Royal Guard” -, noticing Styx still had some questioning looks on his face, Photo Lens decided to keep on talking about it, - “and I’ll remind you that I can remember any image I look so it was just a matter of looking at the pages before the book was taken.”
Styx nodded and started to look back at the book with wonder as he decided to respond.
“I see. Thanks. I’m glad to know that, at least, your friend got back to his world” -. His features then grew dimmer as he continued to talk. – “My friend was taken by Chrysalis and, well, I really hope the princesses are still looking for him. I pray every night for his well being.”
Photo Lens’s ears went down as he understood the implication and decided to ask what he should have really asked about from the beginning.
“That reminds me” -, he then looked at Styx with worry on his eyes, - “how are the others? Have they been found or are you still managing to remain hidden?”
Styx looked at Photo Lens for a brief second as his features started to grin again and responded with a voice filled with joy but tired from all the hurdles he has faced recently.
“Well, I am glad to say that we have managed to remain hidden so far and, not only that, but more has joined into our family in the faith, including those who were originally working for Chrysalis.”
Hearing that, made Photo Lens to feel a glimmer of hope and happiness as he tried to hold down the tears coming out from his eyes. He let Styx to continue.
“Mantix, for example, he was chasing us from the beginning but, after talking to him about what The Lord has given us, he decided to become part of our family and has helped us even by telling us where are Chrysalis’s outpost as well as given us methods to avoid Equestrian security.”
Photo Lens frowned as he heard this and tried to retort.
“Styx, you know very well that I, as long many other fellow ponies, would be more than glad to receive all of you and, not only, would we protect you from being found but we are even planning to talk to Celestia so a case for you can be made.”
Styx closed his eyes as he tried to think of what question was more important to think first while, at the same time, holding down the flood of emotions trying to leave from his body. After a brief moment, he simply said:
“I thank you very much for this” -. His voice then started to get coarse but he managed to hold back a little as he continued to talk. – “You have no idea how glad it makes me to know that you care for us so much even though we aren’t ponies and especially after what Chrysalis did on Canterlot” -. His eyes watered a bit and he stood in silence for a moment as he tried to hold back his feelings. – “Many of us has discussed about it but we all fear of what Chrysalis could do to anypony who decides to protect us. Rumors even say that she managed to send infiltrators to the other side of the rift just to find drones who decided to run away from her and Mantix confirmed that she does have ‘something especial’ prepared to anyone who runs away from her or decides to believe in God. He has even told us terrifying stories of what is done to anyone she finds protecting us or promoting the faith.”
Photo Lens then decided to rise from his chair and hugged Styx as he wondered if what he and his fellow brothers were planning to do would be even listened in Canterlot.
As Styx was being hugged, a few tears came out of his eye sockets but he still managed to talk.
“Many of us pray everytime we gather and hope that a solution will come but the rift is still closed and the equestrians, whenever talking about us, only seem to hate our sole existence. It would be a lie if I say that more than once I almost lose my faith on The Lord.”
Styx then started to look around as he saw how comfortable and warm this house was compared to the caves and forest he and his family on the faith had to hide into just out of fear to both ponies and their own race.
“Just to know that there is a slight possibility for the rift to open and that you are planning to make a case for us in Canterlot gives me so much joy that I can barely hold myself.”
He then started to tear a bit as Photo Lens just kept on hugging Styx as he said.
“It hasn't been a year since all of this began but it feels so long…
We aren’t alone…”
‘We aren’t alone’ were the only words Styx repeated for a while as he tried to calm himself down.
After many minutes of tears, Styx reincorporated himself and grabbed the book he came looking for and said with complete joy on his eyes.
“Now, with this book, I’m sure we’ll find more than enough answers for what we are going through” -. He then looked at Photo Lens and added. – “Too bad you cannot do more of this, right?”
Photo Lens snickered at that and responded as if he were given a challenge.
“Equestria may decommission any Bible they find but, as long as I remember what it says, they’ll have a hard time to stop them from entering here. Just remember to be careful with that, it takes a lot of effort to make and I cannot make a new one every month.”
Styx nodded as he started to grab his things and prepared to leave Photo Lens’s house while the pony was wondering if it was a good idea to leave yet.
“Are you sure you need to go right away? I have no problem with you staying for a few days before going back.”
Styx nodded as he put The Bible on his saddlebag with confidence.
“I’m certain, I decided to take the long route to get here and, for the sake of security, I’m also planning to take it back home. That means I’ll have taken over two weeks of travel and I don’t know if the others may hold up so long.”
The green pony accepted his comment and decided to make one last question before letting his good friend out.
“Do you have enough energy to get back to the others?”
Styx took a moment to look back at his condition before giving a nod.
“Sure, I think I have enough love to hold the rest of the journey.”
Photo Lens, well aware of how important was love for a changeling, decided to ask once more.
“Are you sure? I could give you some love from me just in case.”
Styx denied the offer.
“Don’t worry, as time has passed, the hunger has diminished piece by piece. By this point, I could last about a month with one feed.”
This raised a few questions for Photo Lens but he opted to not dwell on that. Those were questions whose answers would come later, of that he was certain.
With everything said and done, Photo Lens decided to remove all the spells and open the door for his friend but, just as he was opening the door and looking at the outside, he noticed that there was something out of place, something he remembered to not be there when he closed the door an hour ago.
A rock.
A rock that was located a few meters from his house.
As Photo Lens’s inner alarms were moving, he motioned his friend Styx to stay where he was while the unicorn decided to go and watch the rock from a safe distance.
He lifted the rock and analyzed it to see if he could find anything suspicious and, after some brief analysis, he found nothing inconspicuous with it.
It was a perfectly polished and smooth piece of rock.
So, just to put his worries to rest, he decided to teleport a special liquid he made some time ago and poured it down on the smooth rock, creating a smell that Photo Lens wasn’t too keen on smelling.
After that was done, Photo Lens called Styx to leave his house with his disguise on and the changeling departed from his house directing towards Canterlot.
A few hours later, as Photo Lens was now about to rest and his house had all the security put in place, when the moon was already up, Photo Lens was woken up to a sound he was dreading to hear.
A buzzing sound that was trying to enter his house via blunt force.
For how long the sound hit the doors and windows from Photo Lens’s house, he didn’t know for sure. What Photo Lens was sure of is that, once the midnight was passed, eventually, the sound ended and he managed to finally rest but not before noticing that the buzzing noise was leaving on the exact opposite direction Styx took.
Suffice to say, Photo Lens praised The Lord the rest of the night and prayed for his friend to get home safely, for he wasn't sure of how long was left of him to keep on helping his fellow brothers in faith.
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Huh...Neat.
just, what?
Wow! I'm from the States, and I've heard of and read stories about stuff like this happening to Christians in other countries, living on the run, always having to watch out for the authorities, depending on the kindness of others. It's amazing. Also, you really captured what religious persecution is like very well.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/9/10/1532555.gif
I don’t really intend to read the story, but I’d bet at least half the dislikes are from people who get triggered by the mere thought of the C word.
9692415
What an obscenely inappropiate thing to post in an E for everyone story. Me thinks a bit of bias is at play here
You know I'm surprised this story isn't longer.
I think it would have been better if it was a preThorax changeling becoming a Jehovah's witness. He just goes door to door asking if "they have heard the good word and mind sparing some love?"
9692360
Thanks.
9692386
Thank you very much. I'm glad to have done correctly that.
9692404
I also think that as well.
9692447
I usually make a one shot of any story going through my mind and later see if I can expand on it (like I did with "The Redemption of a Never Ending Ambition" and "My Little Game: Friendship is Glitching" while "Applebloom in The Plains" and "The Andean Unicorn" are cases where any future story may be written on the future) so, who knows? I may expand on this on some years.
9692463
Since you made me chuckle, I'll give you a like.
The title is perfect and should never change...
Seriously its the funniest thing i've seen all day.
9692404
(while I am directing this toward you, this also to the writer, and others who think the same as yourself)
I sincerely doubt there are people who "get triggered" by the mere mention of Christianity. Are there people who likely downvoted on this because it's a Christian fic? Yes. However, such things are not in a vacuum. Normally it's because of all the issues that come with such a thing. How a story like those, like this, don't really explain how or why some creature would come to believe such a thing, or how they would integrate their world and views with the beliefs of the religion. That doesn't even touch on how they would come to terms with the idea of Christ and his actions, when it in no way, shape, or form, has any affect on them.
I mean we are talking about a world where a mare controls the sun, pegasi control the weather, and one particular pegasus can create a rainbow just by flying. In this particular case, why would a race of emotion eating shapeshifters have any sort of interest in a story about humans which have nothing that they can relate to?
This one at least avoids the idea of having the princesses being the ones who are doing the persecuting of this belief, making them look narrow-minded or tyrannical.
That said, there are plenty of other issues with the story, which you could see if you read it, instead of just passing judgement on those bothered to vote.
it's an extremely slow moving story, taking multiple paragraphs of description before even getting to anything. Not even of the changeling mentioned in the title either. Said changeling is actually more of a supporting character. Key to the story, yes, but not the main focus on it. Once it does get to the part where the characters meet, very little happens. It's all exposition. The two of them standing around and talking. Most of which is essentially Photo Lens filling in the backstory for the whole thing. Even ignoring the grammatical errors, much of the dialogue is stiff and unrealistic. It shows none of the character's personality, and is only there to share said exposition.
Admittedly, some of that stiffness also goes into the writing itself, such as when the author is discussing the wardrobe.
Then it's not really tagged properly. The Alternate Universe tag fits, I'll grant, since it's an Equestria where rifts randomly started to appear between realities. However, The human tagged is used, but none actually show up. They are more a background detail, and part of the exposition of how a bible managed to get to Equestria. The Dark tag does not really fit, either. Some of the concepts in said tag are mentioned, but in a single paragraph which is about Chrysalis. They aren't a large focus or explored. 'They're mentioned. That does not make it a theme.
The Drama tag sort of fits, because conceptually, it is a serious life-affecting problem. We are talking about a changeling that is rejecting its past life and entire belief system to embrace a new and different one, which would upset its leader, Chrysalis. BUT we never really get to explore those emotions or how it affects them over all. This goes back to it being exposition heavy and the two characters just standing and talking. We never really get to see Styx's emotions or their struggles. What all they have had to do to try and survive as well as keep their new belief system and try to share it. We're only told in a small number of paragraphs. With a character that doesn't even feel like the main focus of the story.
Really, it reads more toward a slice of life story, where the focal character has a guest and gives them a copy of a rare book.
The removal of said book is not even out of any sort of malice or hate. It's simply because they princesses want to learn about the humans' culture and see what all they have before allowing it to be shared with the pony public. In theory, The Bible could just as easily be replaced by a cook book, or H. G. Wells's The War of The World. They also likely would have been collected and returned to Earth at this point.
So yes, while it being of a religious aspect may have increased the negativity toward it, it was not the only reason, and more importantly, was likely not just blind hate on it being religious. It has an idea that could be interesting, but between the execution and the tagging, it ends up being quite disappointing.
9692720
None of the technical stuff I can comment on because I haven’t read it. Just saying it wouldn’t be surprising if some of the negativity stems from blatant bias against religion.
9692720
Alright, while, yes, you have good points, there are certain issues I would like to discuss regarding the justification of so many dislikes with no explanation (you are the first one to have given some kind of criticism and, for the first few hours, the story had zero views but 4 dislikes) where there are some things that I would like to address:
I would personally like to explain that but this is a one-shot, not a long story, so unless you want more exposition there is no way for me to address this without making it too long or boring to read and if you know a story that pulled this one out, I would like to know which one did it so I can learn from it.
Again, this isn't something that can be explained in a short one shot but to say that the idea of Christ doesn't fit into Equestria is also wrong. Just putting aside the fact of Christ ordering to preach his word to all nations (and that word can be defined in many ways) in every language, when Jesus died on the cross, he did it for everyone, no exception, so their sins could be forgiven. This is important for any species that feels guilty of committing something horrible and is searching for a way to be forgiven and, I'm certain, they would find the idea of a loving god to accept them (and that love them the way they were born) as much better than to follow a queen that treats them like garbage and threatens them if they even try to doubt her.
There is a reason why one of (if not the) most important part of Christ's life is the one of 'he died for your sins'. I know the premise may sound too far fetched but, after studying the process of being a missionary, it isn't impossible. In fact, nothing on the Bible conflicts with Equestria.
My apologies but I am a fan of taking my time to develop a story, even if it's a short story. With that said, this is a lie, much of the stuff I described on the story was made to show, not tell, like how the changeling and Photo Lens first use code phrases to ensure who they are or how Photo Lens (which I described, but not said blatantly, that he has Photographic Memory) always is moving by looking around him to see if there is any change whatsoever that he should be careful or how the changeling was applauded for not pretending anymore to be actual ponies (since lying is a sin) or how I give a very subtle thing of the US 2016 elections happening where the story is being set, among much more. Just because I take my time to write this kind of stuff slowly and as subtle as I can doesn't mean that it's not getting anywhere.
Just because the story is called "What if a Changeling Became a Christian?" doesn't mean that the main character should be the changeling. The story is to show how said life would be and I decided to show it from the perspective of a pony who doesn't have to worry of direct persecution but still wants to help those who share the same faith as him.
I don't know what do you think happens when two fellow Christians, who haven't seen each other for a while, meet but this conversation is very close to how it happens to me. It's more to discuss about how are the others or the persecuted asking for details that are relevant to him (what I wrote may be exposition but it's also the information the changeling needs to see if he can run away to another world or if he'll have to remain trapped near Chrysalis's presence for a longer time) or, in other words, I decided to make this exposition organic.
Alright, I would like to know where are the grammatical errors so I could fix them. That aside, just because you see it as unrealistic doesn't mean that it isn't. Again, this is more or less how this kind of conversations would go (and I am talking from personal experience)
Again, I prefer to show, not tell.
To be honest, I was debating myself regarding that tag but, having to choose between putting it and not putting it, I chose to put it because just because they don't appear doesn't mean that the tag shouldn't be there. After all, I am adding into here how the humans influenced Equestria during the brief time they were allowed to freely roam the kingdom, which isn't very different from those HiE fics where there are no humans left and all the equestrians can find are buildings or remnants of them.
Debatable, I prefer to put it because I have content that some would consider dark (such as the idea of persecution and the background I am developing for the story to be as organic as I can make it) than to have no tag at all. Tl;Dr: Better safe than sorry.
Alright, I'll give this one the benefit that I could have given that part of the dialogue more time. With that said, unless you wanted more exposition, I doubt I can pull that out in a one shot.
The story wouldn't have happened if it weren't The Bible.
This argument would hold water if you weren't the only one actually explaining what were the problems you found with my story or your complains weren't aimed at problems that (long story short) sounds more that the way the story was made isn't what you like or if it weren't you justifying the dislikes when there are much worse stories (both grammatically written as well as executed that aren't crack fics) that doesn't get this kind of negativity.
I usually tend to not respond to criticism (BTW, thank you for it) but I had to do it when this one seemed to be criticizing it for not fitting into what you like (as well as being a justification for negativity) rather than aimed for the author to improve on its writing.
9692851
I'm not going to respond to all of this. So bullet points.
Like I said, I'm not saying that the religious aspect is not a factor, but I am saying there are other issues.
And no, you don't need to add "more exposition" and make it longer to improve the story. You need to largely remove things not immediately relevant and give the story more focus. A single paragraph about multi-dimensional rifts, and how human materials such as a bible slipped through, would be sufficient. You could have spent the first (again) six paragraphs focusing on Styx instead of Photo Lens, talking about the fear and paranoia he felt as he made his way there. Of being recognized as a changeling. Of getting caught. Of getting punished for his leaving the hive and finding religion. Then we could get the relief he feels on reaching a place of sanctuary, or his excitement at being given a new copy of the bible. It also means you could have touched on the reason this specific religion appealed to him.
Like I originally said, while some may have been due to religious tones, I doubt it is the majority. Could I be wrong? Yes. However, it does not invalidate my points.
You worry too much, my brother.
For our sake, He told us in advance of the world's response, do not forget!
Overall, I think it was lacking in overall narrative, although it did not feel that was the focus either.
A slice of hard true-to-life, in a sense.
I did notice that there are many nuances to miss for those that have not studied at all.
Hey, um, so I'm part of a different Christian group here on FIMfiction. Would it be alright if I added your story to our story folder?
9692953
I would like to know what is the problem with that.
Fair enough, even if I do not agree with this, but I'll remind you that this is a world were enemies bent on destroying Equestria reforms and becomes super friends with the protagonist faster than sonic and our suspension of disbelief has been stretched more than once.
That may be later. Much later.
I do not agree but, I suppose, it's just a matter of perspective.
For that, the story would have to be called "Why would a changeling become a Christian?" instead of "What if?". Different subject and different issues. I chose to answer the "What if" because it would be easier to answer (and that's not even counting that this is set before Thorax came to power, which would rise a new set of questions) and I wouldn't see myself forced to do another long fic (I already have too many to finish and I don't want to add another one yet, maybe after I finish some of them) and yes, I would personally like to explore the overall story on a much deeper way (there's a reason I wrote the backstory) but I do not have the time to do so.
9692996
Sure, feel free to do so.
9693440
This is going to be my last post on this whole thing.
Yes. Reading through some of your other works, it is something you do in them.
A common exercise is to try reading the line out loud. You're either going to pause in places naturally, because of how people speak, or you're going to struggle reading it without stopping to take a breath. Because while that is not their sole purpose, that is a part of it.
That's the only one where I'll quote directly.
Yes, this is a world where antagonists have been reformed and become allies quickly. However, a part of that is due to time limits and the media. This is also a world with it's own rules: a near-immortal being raises the sun; another is able to walk through dreams; pegasi are able to create and control and world; magic is very much real, and it is powered by emotions and bonds between creatures. While it would be easy to believe that a great divine being had created it, there's no reason to buy that it is the same one as the human one.
Also, taking this and going back to an older post you made: Celestia is seen and worshiped as a living deity, which means that they would be guilty of idolatry (the "No Other Gods" from the Ten Commandments), and again, they use magic, which makes them guilty of witchcraft.
As for your comment about "Why a Changeling would be come a Christian" instead of "What if," there's one thing: you don't really answer or explore it. Because, as I said, you don't focus on the changeling. You spend more time talking about and describing Photo Lens than you do Styx, making the pony the character we're familiar with and feel we're supposed to relate to. It also goes back to the exposition. You spend as much time (if not more), discussing other matters as you do on the changeling's life since converting. You talk about the rifts, the human world, contact with said humans, and Equestria politics.
That's what I mean by having it be the main focus. The concept of the story, the character in the title, should get a majority of the attention. If not as the main character, then as the driving force. Neither happens. As such, the title argument does not work because the title does not fit as it stands. This could just as easily have been called "what if rifts came to Equestria" and be accurate, or "what if a pony made a Bible," which is more accurate since it is a major part of the story, and actually gets some focus.
On a sidenote: while you likely will not really agree with me, this is not really a "backstory." Usually, a backstory tells the story that gives the background to a character. Events in their lives that led them to where they currently were. Such as the "why" you very much said you were not willing to explore.
With that, I end this, and the whole thing. I wish you luck with whatever you write next, but hope you make an effort to improve your skills.
9695576
Don't worry, I just want to clarify something:
No. The Bible sees witchcraft as a sin because it's nature doesn't come from God. Equestria, meanwhile, has creatures who are born with magic which means that it can be argued that God created them with the ability to use magic.
In the end, the only sin that the equestrians have committed is idolatry, which is one that Celestia herself doesn't like.
Perhaps it doesn't look like it to the outsider's perspective but, as far I'm aware, the Christians that has read the story seems to have the question answered. Perhaps this is more of the story not being written how you want it to be written (grammar aside, among other issues) than the answer not being delivered.
Regardless, thanks for the explanation of the run in sentences. I'll look into it as I edit another one of my stories.
...
You know what...
Fine.
I don't care.
Believe whatever you want.
Ah, you're back.
Good to see another short story. Hopefully everything is well with you and your world is calming down a bit. I found this to be a nice little slice of life/one off, not very deep, but as you said it would have to be longer to do that. I see from the comments others would have preferred a multi chapter story. Oh well, you can't please all the people all the time, as Aesop once put it. Anyway take care and God Bless! 
9696401
Sorry for taking so long to answer but, I considered, that it would be better to make a blog post regarding how things in my house has fared.
9695938
someone is salty...
9695938
I am already believing what i want who the heck are you to judge about it? i read you other comments on this story. this story is not a missionary he does not have to provide any proof or anything. You picked the wrong story to go full Anti-crusade mode m8. Yeah love and tolerance my bottom hypocritical fandom and show...
The story was good. Although some times confusing you could expand a little in the explanations but it is a one shot.
dont mind the dislikes cause the story is not bad the religious aspect is what triggers those hypocrites love , friendship and tolerance my A$$
10566390
Thanks. I have thought the explanation of how things have developed the way they are but, considering all the stories I have to write, IDK when I would come back to this story, which is why this One-Shot exist, to remember it for a future story.
I really enjoyed this story a lot as I loved the story plot and I think you did an excellent job writing this story. Anyways God bless you.