• Member Since 16th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago


PC Specialist. Gamer. Makes some music. whoohoo.


Due to an unusual lapse in communication, Twilight and Rainbow Dash travel to Canterlot only to discover something sinister may be unfolding within the castle walls. A mysterious horror awaits. Something different. Comments always welcomed and appreciated.

Chapters (44)
Comments ( 29 )

This is disturbing already!

As is the intention! Haha.

I know. "Master of Puppets," anyone? (That's a Metallica song.)

Okay.. you have me intrigued, and more than a little creeped out..

I'm starting to feel like I'm reading some kind of Goosebumps story.. if Rod Serling wrote them.

Ooh. Now I know I'm doing something right. Hehe

What is this a crossover of?

Nothing that I am directly aware of. Just trying to write a good yarn.

Hmmm.. sounds like some kind of villain and or creature is behind this... now this is starting to remind me of a Lovecraft story..

Who knows where it goes.. But I am liking these comparisons!

Why is chapter fourteen so long compared to the rest of the chapters?

Simply got inspired to write, so I did

Hmm? Hehe. If you're happy and you know it clap your hooves..

Shouldn't there be an OC tag, for whatever force is targeting Twilight and Rainbow?

Oh. Hadn't thought about it.

Okay, so far the story is amazing. Even though it's progressing so fast you kept it interesting and never once failed to add something new and horrifying to the mix. There are some minor grammatic errors but I see them only once every few chapters.
Just keep on writting cause you're doing great and I can't wait to see what happens with Luna and Rainbow Dash in the next chapter.
I can't believe this story has so little likes and comments, it definitely deserves more.
Also the figures sort of sound like the 4 horsemen of apocalypse.

Wow. Thanks lots. Sounds like I am doing good. Hehehe.

At last a new chapter has appeared. You didn't disappoint, it's awesome.

But I suggest you split the text to more chapters, it feels much too long like this. Almost all of your chapters have 1000 words so it feels weird to read the 3 with 10000 words.

Also, I think you should ease a bit with the descriptions in chapters, it feels a tiny bit weird to read these:

Something close. So close it can be felt. Nearing. Ready to bring something new and deadly into the fray. Even with all the death surrounding them, none can afford to let up the pressure or the town itself could be wiped out in some fraction of the time a second thought might be given. This battles every move is decisive. Enemy forces are now much too close to utilize the old siege weapons scrounged up. Their accuracy is simply not up to that task. A tremor in the air. This feeling of impending doom grows closer still. Creeping. Something big is once more about to occur. A feeling which only grows heavier and worse. As if time is slowing down around the would-be heroes of the hour, dragging by even more slowly.

Nevertheless it was a beautiful chapter, you really managed to show the despair the characters feel and their will to fight.

Looking forward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

Think you might be missing a slight bit of the point. Hehehe. I will take your words under advisement though, but I simply felt to get writing and it is best to keep going when I do or there might be nothing at all or too much to split in a good way..

True, best to keep going while you have the inspiration.
And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I or someone else might prefer, all that matters is that you write the story on your mind.

How many chapters long will this story be?

I don't quite know. I do know where I'm heading with it though. As long as it will be. Haha

Well you still managed to keep things interesting, so cheers to that. Im wondering tho, have you considered putting founders of equestria as puppets? It'd be interesting to see Hurricane and others fight, given that they were warriors.

Many ideas. Not done yet by any means. Hehe. Been slowed on writing by some home renovations and alterations. In other words the big bangup will be coming.

The purple prose really isn't working for ya.

Login or register to comment