Unwelcome Thoughts

by AstralMouse

The way forward

I wake up in her bed, hooves wrapped around her, with fresh tears stinging my eyes. I can tell I've been crying for some time now. It takes a few moments for the shock of what I just experienced to wear off.

A thin, silvery string of light that connects my horn to her forehead recedes back into me, and the light fades away.

With the spell canceled, she opens her eyes, which are also wet with tears.

"Pinkie..." I say.

"I'm so sorry, Twilight, I shouldn't have asked you to—"

I shush her with a gentle press of a forehoof to her lips, shaking my head. "No, Pinkie, I'm glad you shared this with me."

There's a moment where she's struggling with what to say, clearly wanting to argue. But, she settles on a simple "Okay."

"When you told me about it, I had no idea it was this bad," I say.

She nods. "These thoughts show up every now and then, and it's always... hard. I can't just make them go away. Not without... well, you saw. It's like a big, nasty fight in my own head. And I didn't wanna make anypony else have to see it. I didn't wanna be selfish."

I hug her tighter. "Pinkie, sharing your burdens with your friends is not selfish, and I would never take any of this back. I'm glad you came to me."

Her lip quivers, and she sobs quietly for a moment before she can reply. "I just hate it, Twilight. I hate it. I hate how much I doubt my friends, and I hate how easy it is to forget about them, and I hate how stupid it is but how m—" she says, stopping to gasp for air, "how much I believe it! When it happens, it feels like you all h-hate me, and I just wanna disappear like... like I did."

I stroke her mane in the most reassuring way I can as she presses her face into the crook of my neck. "Sshhh, sshhh, it's okay, Pinkie. I'm here. I know how real it feels now. I was there, remember?" I say. She nods against me and I can hear her swallow a lump of sadness down. "You'll always have your friends."

A muffled "Thank you," comes up from my chestfluff.

"It won't necessarily be easy, but you've been facing this alone for... most of your life?" I ask. There's another nod from her, followed by a sniffle. "We'll get through it together, now. We all love you, and nothing is gonna change that. You're more than worth it."

We spend some time in silence, with her pressed against me while she recovers. Eventually, as her breathing becomes steady again, I remember how convinced she was that her friends really wanted her gone. How hard it was to remember that it's not true. How much it helped to be reminded.

"You've made such a positive difference in so many ponies' lives, Pinkie," I say, petting her mane just liked my mom used to do for me when I had a bad nightmare. "We would all be crushed if you... well, you know. You're definitely not a burden to us. Any of us. And I'm so happy to have a friend like you. You believe me, right?"

Pinkie pulls back from me with a sad smile and nods.

And in her eyes, there's a glint of hope.

Comments

[-Pinkamena_Pie-]

.........
Let's just move on.

[Super Trampoline]

Do you want a hug?

[AstralMouse]

10614178
I started this a while ago when I wasn't feeling too great, and only got around to finishing it recently. I'm actually doing relatively fine now, thanks to some wonderful friends. I mean, I wouldn't say no to a hug, but I don't need one, haha. Hope you liked the story.

[Balloon Adrift]

This is going to sound incredibly cold, but let me explain myself:
The first chapter, to me, was immensely funny. The bluntness of characters being happy she was gone, and regarding her swinging corpse so casually was a horrific bit of dark comedy. Not to mention the later bits where they go so far as to throw an entire PARTY celebrating her passing and conversing over how awful she was. Man that was just absolutely BRUTAL. Not to mention Gilda eating popcorn waiting for Pinkie to kill herself.

However, I understand the point of these chapters, and perhaps this was my own twisted reaction to things that went off in an entirely different direction.

Regardless, you colored the perspective of someone going through these issues accurately to the point where I question if you did some research on the subject, or experienced this yourself. I hope you've fully recovered now, because as i've gone through it myself, it's quite the terrible place to be.

It was sufficiently sweet as a story and a decent perspective on the thought process regarding this sort of thing. So good stuff.

[AstralMouse]

10615044
Yeah, it was kind of meant to be ridiculous, as it kind of represents the unrealistic and ideal way for it all to happen, at least in Pinkie's (and my own) mind. Like, it's all just one massive favor being done for everyone, and none of the real consequences exist for anyone left behind. And Gilda eating popcorn was certainly intended to be silly too, very much to highlight the kinds of cognitive dissonance I've felt, with part of me thinking of it as funny and not a big deal (and kinda fun!), while also knowing it's serious. It can seem simultaneously like a good ol' time just waiting to happen and also a serious and very real threat.

And yeah, the only research I did for this story was for MLP-related continuity. Everything else is just based on my own past experiences. While I wouldn't say I've fully recovered, I'm definitely in a place where, when it crops up, I know how to handle it, so I'm fine at the moment. It sounds like you've also found your way past it, and that's good to hear. And I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for the comment.

[Huk]

Nice story, with an interesting twist at the end. It would be nice if we could do what Twilight did in the real world. Too bad life is not a fairy tale...

[Jphyper]

I cannot relate to this, and that is a good thing. Due to my other mental issues, people around me are often worried that this sort of thing might start happening to me, but thankfully, it has not. However, with my often being around people it has happened to and often getting asked about whether it's happened to me, I can, unfortunately, almost imagine it.

The story is still very well-written, though.

[Graymane Shadow]

Thank you for sharing this with us.