This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in horsefic, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
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Pinkie's parents are missing, presumed dead.
Applejack is there to pick up the pieces.
Please heed the content warnings! This is a story very explicitly about grief, loss, and depression. Suicide is also an important recurring theme, and cannot be avoided!
Amazing coverart by my sibling, cereal (fimfic | twitter)
For Bike's Applepie contest (folder | info)!! I love this ship and it's so so so rare, so I'm super happy to be contributing!
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11245140
You're not helping.
Actual comment since I didn't want the reply to be the main focus:
Very well written introduction. This is definitely going to be a heavy one to follow, and I'm hoping to see more!
This is an incredible start to this story. The way you write AJ and Pinkie is phenomenal. Can't wait to see where this goes.
Oh, one chapter in and it's already fantastic. This one's gonna break my heart, huh?
Oh geez, this one's gonna hurt. None of them are taking this well...
Though I am interested in the romance side of things. Applejack and Pinkie Pie seem to be one of the least talked-about pairings out of the mane six, so I'm curious to see how that'll work.
Death in the family hurts. Death of a parent hurts worse. We all know we're going to outlast our parents, at least that's the hope, but when it actually happens... you never really expect it.
I did not think this ship would work but this is beautiful. I've lost people and this is very resonant. Very accurate. Some really wonderful writing.
11246435
It's definitely a rarer pairing around these parts, but I'm thrilled to hear that you've enjoyed it :) I hope the rest of the story pays off for you!
This was definitely a hard one for me to write. I drew on a lot of loss I've experienced personally, as well as losses I've seen others through (both the Pinkie Pie and the Applejack perspective, I guess). I'm glad it's resonating with people, though I'd never wish this kind of pain on someone else.
11246851
Like the cover art
That was a interesting story. Goodluck with the rest of it.
Dang, this keeps getting heavier in multiple ways.
this is some good writing
There are some fics that you can read without giving them much thought. This is not one of them. Not because of the word count, but the subject matter is not one to be taken lightly, it hits...a little too close to home tbh, especially when it's happening to Pinkie and AJ, two of the ponies I consider to be the most optimistic of the bunch and I wouldn't wish them ill will. This story is a cruel reminder that horrible things can happen to wonderful people, who absolutely don't deserve it, but (and I hate to say it because of how cliché but true it is) life isn't fair.
I'm definitely taking my time with this story, it deserves to be read carefully and with care.
11247811
Thank you. This means a lot, especially coming from someone who writes stories that should be enjoyed slowly and savored as long as possible. I hope you enjoy the conclusion!
Not gonna cry, not gonna cry...
*Reads the rest of the capture*
Dang it!
oh man how did you SO CONCISELY sum up one of my favourite aspects of applepie. also this chapter made me bawl my eyes out. i adored the sisterly relationships so much
Pretty sure Shotguns isn't a stage of grief, lmao.
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Pretty sure there's only five stages of grief so maybe you should have seen this coming lmao
OH MAN. all the foreshadowing with the guns and applejack’s reaction to em. “nothing ever good starts with a missing shotgun” i gotta reread this when im done and pick up on everything. i cant believe you literally checkov’s gunned us
11248597
Regardless, I've never read a romantic drama quite like this before. Gonna pull a FoME and thank you for the experience.
ouuuuuh this was such a good read!! i can’t wait to reread it every weekend lol
This story was one heck of a ride. You made me feel all kind of feels.
Once again, you've left me speechless. This story was just so well done I'm actually struggling to put it into words.
Well, I could at least say this: I think I'm gonna check out some Applepie fics now...
11248595
they are now
That was a marvelous story. There were so many incredible moments that I wouldn't even know where to begin discussing them.
Bravo, man. A real work of art!
So this was a fantastic, heart-wrenching ride through the grieving process, and not for the reasons that I thought it would be. I came into Six Stages of Grief expecting an exploration of Pinkie's normally perma-bubbly self when confronted with tragedy and that's exactly what you delivered, but what you also delivered was exactly that, but from Applejack’s point of view. The obvious choice was to pick one Sad Thing and stick to that, but this feels just as much like a story about AJ coming to terms with her past through Pinkie’s grief as it does Pinkie’s grief itself.
Applejack’s inner voice feels really genuine and consistent throughout. The little links she makes between Pinkie’s behaviour, and projecting her own past onto what Pinkie’s going through now… yeah, it’s genuine. It’s what people do, it’s how we cope, in a weird, not-quite-self-centred-but-not-quite-selfless-either way. And how you tie her inner voice into the events themselves made for some real tension come the climax of Shotguns – was ambiguity over whether they actually shot the bear (until the reveal in Acceptance, at least) your intention? If so, bloody good job – the repetition of that one word throughout the chapter was a genius touch.
I guess ultimately, what endeared me to this was how you nailed both of their characters. AJ’s stoic exterior hiding a tumultuous inner monologue and a fierce desire to take punishment for the sake of others seems spot-on, while you give Pinkie a surprising level of maturity and self-reflection that it sometimes seems even she’s not aware of. Meandering between hyperactive distraction and loping depression would’ve been the easy choice, but you gave them the complexity that only fan-works can really dig into.
Some parts of Six Stages of Grief were hard to get through. But, much like grief itself, it was worth it. Thanks.
I say it a lot---more than moving or gripping or even purely entertaining, I think the core purpose of fiction is to be honest. I think a story that says something and is earnest in saying it beats out every other kind, and for fan fiction in particular, that ideally means saying something about the world and/or characters being written about.
And more than any other I can think of now, this story says so many moving, gripping, devastating things about AJ and Pinkie both, and about death in Equestria and death in the real world and what it is to grieve in both places---how equally individual and universal an experience it is, how it's honest and intimate and overwhelming---kind of like love. Which this story says so many wonderful things about too.
Love this to pieces, and I'm so glad there are still writers here putting out work this good even in this post-canon day and age. Makes me want to stick around and see what else folks on FIMFic have to say.
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I absolutely love it when a reader finds every breadcrumb and every scrap of meaning I left for them. You hit the nail on the head - this story is just as much about AJ's grief as it is Pinkie's, as well as the rest of the Pie family and a smidge of Big Mac. The manic-depressive cycle Pinkie gets caught in was important to me to portray, and I'm so glad it came through.
It is incredibly difficult to capture... Well, any of this, really. I struggled to put this story together, both because I needed to stay true to the characters through a depth of grief we haven't even glimpsed in the show, and because, yes, it hurt to revisit these times in my own life. What is most incredible about grief, to me, is how it can transform your relationships. The person that is with you through those times gains a new place in your life. I was worried readers would push back on the romantic pieces of this tale because, if you haven't been through this, these elements may seem at odds. I'm happy to see that it all came together, and that it rings true for those who are familiar with grief (from either perspective). Thank you so much for your comment!!
11266584
It's funny - this story actually sparked a long conversation between myself and a friend regarding truth in fiction. It has been my opinion for a long time that truth in fiction is not the same as truth in facts; fictional truth is not accuracy. It is a reverberation, a feeling of connection with the story, its parts, its author. Greatly exaggerated facts can be truth in fiction.
I wrote this story from experience. Not fighting-a-bear experience, but experience with grief. And I don't think it's dishonest to exaggerate and to embellish and to transform certain events, because it delivers a valuable *emotional* truth to my readers. It is so satisfying, and heartening, to hear that someone read it in exactly this manner.
Thank you so much for your comment. As a certified member of the old guard, your opinion of my work means the world to me. I do hope you stick around! I have seen incredible talent on this site in recent years, and I'd hate to see it go unread
That was a beautiful ending, alongside that feeling you get when life restarts after a huge loss. That... quiet momentum you've somehow picked from talking, from getting support, from letting go and yet holding on. Thanks for the story!
11272914
Thank you so much!! I've honestly been floored by the response this story has gotten.. I though it would vanish into the ether, but lately it's gotten a bit of a bump - all from folks I've looked up to and respected for a years! It's a great feeling. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment
augh, this wraps up the three siblings' relationships to this tragic event so perfectly in just one paragraph. especially love Applejack's self-perception of her honesty here
so wise, something to learn from experience
and augh, it's nice to feel the atmosphere of the setting with all my senses. that little detail with the sheen really sells it
and augh, you just nail perfectly how Pinkie would be in such a serious and heavy situation like this. not herself as we are used to, but exactly herself if there isn't anything to smile about right now
oof, and yeah, Applejack seeing where she was years ago in the Pinkie of now
that is an interesting contrast that Pinkie contains. she comes across as more unserious and immature than them, but had one of the least comfortable childhoods among her friends.
aww, character growth from her younger self!
hehe, so true! just an unexplained Pinkie thing
ahaha, this is just so how ponies react to Maud. augh i love her
aww, yes, they are both farm mares in the end!
augh, this is such a great use of Maud! being both perceptive and cryptic, and imbalancing the newcomer Applejack because of it. so good!
huh, something i haven't considered! Limestone and Applejack do have quite a few things in common with each other now that i think about it!
oof! so much left unsaid
augh, that special understanding between Maud and Pinkie, love it
aww, Applejack is getting a taste for how that feels!
augh i adore this physical metaphor. and it's not just the steps in the family house, but also the ponies in it
aww, i can just about hear this
auaugh their marks are touching...
yeah, that's another commonality the two have, i like how Applejack thinks of it
oof, with a lot more dramatic weight than if her mane just made the change by itself
you always do such an excellent job at making the weight of the heavy moments felt, and this is no exception.
augh, the way that Applejack relates things back to her own experience with her parents to set the stage for each chapter is a really great structure. reminds me of a few of Otter's stories
aww, but she's the same age as Pinkie! and augh, love that comparison
aww, this is so Marble, i love it! just love these little character details in what is just a single moment
hehe, funny that Applejack is walking around naked but thinks of her hatless head as "nude". so pony!
aww, Applejack never read your other stories about how rock farming works, so she would not know
honestly that is such an absurd thing that i really love it and instantly accept it as canon
really love this bonding moment between Applejack and Marble
this does make me think about how Applejack has at least some experience with siblings that don't have very many words to say
love the simile, and dang, that quilt is going to be important to the story, isn't it?
augh, i mean, there's just so much character in how your characters do and say everything! they really come alive
so many things to pay off later!
and yeah, this does bring up the fact that Pinkie's sisters are also going through the loss of their parents right now, but Pinkie does seem to be reacting to it differently than they are, and i understand her guilt for feeling like a burden on her sisters.
the shading on these characters' interactions and personalities are just so finely drawn, and it is an experience to read. i just wanted to end this chapter saying that.
oof, that is such an awful burden for anyone to carry, much less a child. poor Applejack and Pinkie
ah, can't imagine Limestone being any good at hiding her real feelings
and the Applejack thing to try to make things better by being as helpful as possible is really shining through here
and that is one of the many things that is so wonderful about Pinkie!
oh yeah, i'd imagine the awkwardness here
hehe, classic Maud literalness. and yeah, Applejack wouldn't be feeling secure enough in her connection with the Pie sisters to make jokes
oof, yeah. this is that type of honesty Applejack was talking about earlier
oof! so much going on here in terms of family dynamics. the rock farm and her sad, gray sisters are the ones Pinkie left behind in order to live a more exciting and colorful life with her friends that just pop out of the fabric of the world, and this is what it looks like from the other side
augh this is such a perfect summary of Pinkie Pie! and why the way she is would cause friction with ponies who are not like her. it's something that's been bouncing around in my head for a long time now, but i've never been able to put it into words like this
and Applejack's conclusion is exactly what i think of her! i couldn't be like her myself, but i am glad that she can, and wish there were more Pinkies in the world
hehe nice
augh, this is just so amazing! i never made that connection before but now i cannot unsee it, either. wow, this is really fascinating to think about. dangit, Mush, i thought i loved ApplePie before but that was just based on my feelings about them, and this is really making me feel more like a connaisseuse about it
and oof, so true. her sisters do know Pinkie Pie
augh, and that ties back into the guilt she had about it earlier. it makes more sense why she would blame herself, and more tragic
i can just picture this, so very Applejack. and loved the description of Pinkie here, just so much fine detail that really captures where she is in the story right now
and yeah, i can definitely understand why Pinkie would expect her sisters to act this way, but thanks to this fic i now myself cannot. it's really molding the way i think of the Pie sisters and how they understand each other. and of course, i love the disagreement on Maud here, very true to the Maud/Pinkie relationship
aww, and it warms me, too! it's such a wonderful little thing that i can only imagine Pinkie doing
this Chekov's shotgun keeps coming up again and again! and given the way Applejack described her father's death earlier, i can guess why her first reaction was a scowl
oof, returning back to the start of the chapter, and the recurring theme that there is no magic way to fix things, and how each pony responds to that
so many different ways for these pieces to fit together in the end! and that it's a mystery to unravel alongside the emotional journey of the main characters does remind me of The Architect's Wings, and The Haunting of Carousel Boutique, and Radiowaves. it's like a mushroompone genre!
oof, really feel this, and the sickening fear that must come with it. it blindsided me too as it does Applejack here, as i never considered this fear
such a powerful chapter. i feel like i don't have the words for it, just want to say that i love how deep you dig into these characters and the tragedy of this awfully inevitable part of life
aww, i always get a kick out of seeing your rock-farming worldbuilding. Applejack's disorientation at how absurd it is compared to the more understandable apple farming is a good stand-in for the reader, and a nice reminder that deep down, Pinkie has more in common with her sisters than it seems on the surface
hehe, love this. what else would aluminum seeds be?
these little bits of Applejack noticing the qualities of Pinkie's tail a lot, i do notice them, haha
ah, the detail in this is so good. so much that is communicated in the subtleties of tone that get flattened to variants of "said" ; it takes descriptions like this to really communicate it in prose. def makes me want to up my game
ah, the poetic cadence in going from "crying" to "spitting" in the prose! and oof, that was possibly the worst way Pinkie could have heard the news
augh, this is just heartbreaking. this is digging so, so deep into how the Pie sisters dynamic could hurt PInkie, with each sister trying her best for the others.
augh, just everything about this! this is so beautifully ApplePie that it hurts. but it can only be unearthed through this kind of pain, not just good times
and yeah, Applejack really is in a unique position to understand Pinkie here
this just lays out so clearly the other side of that edge, of being so full of love and understanding for others, augh
aww, Applejack not thinking twice of this is so her
augh, that common ground of honesty again. and yeah, Pinkie didn't seem like she would be suicidal from where she was, but given Applejack's experiences it's very understandable that that is what she would fear.
i just really love this. it brings together so many things for Pinkie, and makes so much sense as what she would want in this moment, informed by the entire history of her character
i mean, do i have to tell you how beautiful this is? Pinkie's relationship with her family is played in the show for laughs, with the joke being the contrast between her and the rest of them, but in a way she only fully works as the character she is with this background running through her, and argh, i feel inadequate to even comment on this!
i couldn't let this pass without commenting on how great it is. i'm sure it is everyone's favorite stage of grief after this
oof, a lot to think about in this sentence. and it's a nice touch that this is the first chapter that Applejack cannot relate to a memory of her own experience of grief
augh, love this bit of cultural worldbuilding that also takes an aspect of the show that is a result of its rating seriously. brilliant stuff
augh, so fitting to the place we are in the story! love it
augh, beautiful
herbivorous ponies having to deal with what their omnivorous/carnivorous pets do is an interesting thing to think about
oof, so close to another tragedy piled on top
absolute chills here, augh
it's interesting how the bear is described in terms that would be reserved for some sort of otherworldly monster or cryptid in human stories. this feels like tapping into the ponies' instinctual fear of predators as prey animals, and i love it
and augh, that this moment keeps happening again and again in the story between the two of them, always meaning the same thing despite the different stages each is in each time
can't add anything to this. just love the way you pile on the emotional meanings onto these climactic moments
i am collecting so many ways to describe this process, like paintbrush strokes that come together to suggest an image that can never be fully captured
there is something here, with Pinkie having last lived (rather than visited) in this place ending with a party in her fillyhood. and now, marking what is really a life stage of its own, as awful as it is
augh, this feels like a moment. Applejack learning Pinkie more
ah, love how this captures that social liminal space that is awkward to describe being in
aww, and yeah, of the rest of the five, Rarity definitely gets along with Maud the best.
ah, again, taking what is normally a gag in the show about Pinkie and giving it this wonderful depth! ah, to see Pinkie through Applejack's eyes, how lovely
love this sentence
love this, too
auauaugh
there is just an incredible amount to digest here, and i feel like i need to be better at words myself to express my thoughts about this amazing story, but i'll try my best. and of course, this is more me speaking about what i got out of the story than anything else, and i may be being too much or something, just a warning!
this rings so true to the innocent misunderstanding of these concepts at this age. and this links up to Pinkie's sisters' characterization of how Pinkie relates to others: her lack of distinction in closeness and trust with strangers and friends and family alike is a sign of immaturity to grow past, making her not act like one would expect an adult to. and of course, their view of it is that adult realities must be kept from her, whether it be the death of her parents or that the "adult" thing to do is to be discerning with how you love and trust and commit emotional energy to others. (the comment on how friends of friends must feel at a wake is another example of this! the adult thing to do is grapple with the awkward contradiction and just get through it.)
and this! that mutual understanding of something so easily misunderstood. of course what the family-minded mares would be looking for, consciously or not, would be ponies who are "like" family but not literally so.
and spoilers because this is just me rambling:
this contrasts with ponies like Rarity, who does not have any trace of this tendency at all in her. what she is seeking is an archetype to match her own search for meaning in the abstract space of ideas that her aesthetic mind arranges so well. Twilight i imagine the same way, though less emphasized. (much more room in the canon for her being aromantic, even, though i don't take her in this direction myself.)
but Pinkie and Applejack don't have or need such ambitions. Applejack's only goal is to reproduce her own family, since nothing would make her happier than the Apple Family being secured through another generational cycle through her own life. in her ideal, whoever she settles down with will be woven into the fabric of the Apple Family itself, and what better way to do that than for said pony to be made up of the threads of the Apple family reärranged, as expressed beautifully in the previous chapter. (and if not, it will always be a site of tension and compromise.)
Pinkie is more complicated! she doesn't want to exactly recreate the family she grew up in. she was different and misunderstood enough that she was better off living apart from them as a child. (augh, what a contrast! Applejack leaves home but finds out that she is better off where she started. Pinkie leaves home and never looks back.)
but the antithesis of her family doesn't feel right for her in light of this story (imagining, say, a Skystar-type). there will be romance and a relationship there, but what will distinguish it from being an intense friendship, in the end? a hardship like this to show the mettle inside, and augh, i'm sure there is a wonderful story to be told there. but here, Applejack feels perfect: a synthesis between the world she left and the world she sought. in the world she sought, she is a fixed quantity, everything about her defined by making others happy in a way that did not discriminate between strangers, acquaintances, and longtime friends.
but her bond with her sisters here is an odd specificity. they would have nothing to do with a pony like her were it not for them being family. so of course they are who she turns to when she's tried doing everything her own way and hasn't gotten anywhere. they can feed her back something that is not a reflection of the very specific type of relationship she cultivates with basically all creatures. (and augh, that is what "A Friend in Deed" was about, wasn't it? that Pinkie has a need to control her relationships with even newcomers to town to a degree that can be awful for all involved!) so, yeah, it must hurt Pinkie all the more that her sisters in this story are just feeding her own reflection back to her. understandable for them to do so, but not what she needed.
she needed Applejack, who combines the earthy qualities of her sisters with being "normal", which is seeing a reflection of herself and her experiences in Pinkie rather than a filly who never grew up.
and augh, i hope that was coherent in some way! it just feels like this story has deepened my understanding of these characters to the point that i cannot think of the relationships between Pinkie and her sisters, or Pinkie and how she understands herself, or how Applejack approaches grief, in any other way. and i know i started a whole ApplePie contest, but wow, it feels like i didn't truly understand what it meant to ship them until i read this fic.
and as a final personal note, i feel like i can see myself on the same journey as Pinkie when the time comes for me. that there is this bit of growing up that i have not faced yet but will face, after which i will never quite be the same again. and i will have to read this story again after then, to see it with a new level of understanding that goes deeper than my head. i just hope that i am blessed enough to have the love and support Pinkie found when i do. but in any case, thank you so much for this story, and for all the important and true things it says
I was following this story before I made an account: there were no comments then and only a handful of views, so can I say first? Pwease?
This is a beautiful story. It handles the subject of grief beautifully, and I'll admit that the onion ninjas got me
This is going straight into my favorites. Congrats on first place! You deserved it.
11277383
No bc your rambling is exactly right!! Family seems like an easily-defined word, but it's so so so different to different people! Applejack ascribes to the common definition (anyone related to me, however distant, is my family), Rarity might have a more narrow view (Sweetie Belle, but not her parents), but Pinkie absolutely just collects family wherever she goes. I think it's because she feels like she needs it, honestly.
But fr. As usual you just get it. It's so rewarding to write something about concepts this abstract and then have you just pin it down exactly
Amazing and emotional story - I loved your portrayal of AJ and Pinkie
11245207
First story I truly sat down and read since I've came back. Finished it in one go at... 2 AM. This piece reminds me of another one that had a similar impact: Anonpencil's Broken Love Series, primarily When You Least Expect It. That story really punches you with the idea of death being more intrinsic to the character, and how that embodies them throughout the remaining of their life, while this one goes further with the concept of death. This story really punches you, especially towards the end, but the punches are well-written and they really encapsulates what it means to go through these stages of grief through these characters. I felt them change, properly, almost like a perfect mold that you crafted here for each one. While we never really see the death of her parents, I never have to question it because Pinkie questions it for me. Applejack follows suit, and it's just a clusterfuck in all the right ways.
Thanks for writing this, and glad I came back and finished this fic. Just wish I didn't stay up at 2 AM reading it.
11738262
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you came back to this fic - it's one that is very personal and dear to me, and it always gives me a good feeling to see it connecting with others. Though I am sorry it had you up late, I have to admit... that's quite a compliment in and of itself ;)
All of your stories make me cry. I loved it