The Reeducation of Equestrian Society

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Comments ( 7 )

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The Great Derpsby

The Great Derpsby #1 · Apr 14th, 2019 · 6 · 1 ·

Ordering underlings to kiss is wrong, but physical violence towards them is a-okay in Luna's book.

Glad I'm not one of her subjects.

WhitewolfStormrunner

WhitewolfStormrunner #2 · Apr 15th, 2019 · · ·

Well, that was... interesting.

Fallowsthorn

Fallowsthorn #3 · Apr 15th, 2019 · 1 · ·

9565940
Did I mention this isn't any good? It isn't any good.

clipclopurpornisaflop

clipclopurpornisaflop #4 · Apr 15th, 2019 · · ·

Nice.

SilverHoof

SilverHoof #5 · Apr 19th, 2019 · · ·

gotta say, I was a bit worried based on the opening that it was gonna turn into some diatribe about the real world, but you pulled it off. I hope there's some more to come.

xRei

xRei #6 · Apr 28th, 2019 · 1 · ·

I'm one of the contest judges just coming in to leave some of my notes about your story.

Grammar and Spelling were good.
Good flow. Easy to read.
Thoughtful use of action beats.
Good characterization, particularly for Luna.
The smut was well paced and didn't overstay its welcome. Aside from some of the cruder word choices, the prose flirted with purple without ever being purple.

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I liked the starting part with the guard, but otoh he's virtually unneeded for the story as a whole so having a part of the fic from his PoV seemed unneeded as well. And in fact, the entire first scene could probably have been omitted and perhaps may have worked better in subtext and/or through dialogue between Tia and Luna. In the context of this story as-is, it feels superfluous, but in a larger fic it may have been perfectly suited as it introduces characters/situations which may have played a larger role in a longer fic.

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The usage of words like 'cunt' felt a little jarring considering the softer and more elegant word choices through the rest of the fic.
Considering the two seemed to have a history of their incest, I was a bit disappointed it wasn't elaborated on more. Not through exposition as such, but with hints about how this kind of relationship affects their status as royalty or how the taboo is treated. Also a missed opportunity considering the emphasis on comparing Luna's understanding of the old world vs the new one: how is this kind of incest viewed then vs now?

Overall I liked it.

Fallowsthorn

Fallowsthorn #7 · Apr 29th, 2019 · · ·

9592815
Thank you for your thoughts! I agree with you that this fic could be a lot better -- when I had the original idea it was going to continue, but then I started writing it and unfortunately it turned out I just... wasn't into it. Which is a shame, but oh well, them's the breaks. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though!

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