DarkRyu
Joined 23rd Jan, 2012 ·
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9592024
in which part of this story does sex happen?
9592024
That's not really a princest story then, is it?
9592078
Then it doesn't really "end there" does it?
I made an account just to comment on this story. I've lurked around here for the past few months but I never bothered to sign up. Your story inspired me to finally make an account so I could tell you how much I loved your story! I'm a huge Celestia and Luna fan and I have been happy to see so many new clop fics about them these past few weeks but this one is my favorite so far.
9592157
Then it doesn't really "end there" does it?
9592687
i.imgur.com/Rpi4aoh.jpg
It's a little rushed, but that's really my only critique. The characters strain credulity only if you don't consider that they're immortal princesses who have a very short list of potential mates who they won't outlive. I've always thought it would be stranger if they didn't at some point get involved with each other at some point over their multi-millenia lifespan. The ethical reasons for not being involved with siblings just don't apply to them.
Beyond that concept, the flirting was fun, the sex was hot, and the dialog was well written. Luna's angst at the beginning was particularly on point, and seemed entirely reasonable. If I had a character critique, it's that Celestia came around to the idea of having sex with Luna without really internally dealing with the reasons she thought it was wrong. Again though, this isn't a huge critique.
Great work, and I'd love to see more!
Hey.
Fun story. The flirting scenes in particular really worked for me and were the highlight. The scene at the very end was also fun. The dialogue between the two, as well as their little jabs of wit were enjoyable.
The first third of the fic didn't grip me as much as the rest though.
I felt a little distant from Luna during the garden scene. There were many usages of the phrase 'she felt X'. I may have tried to rework some of these more direct, tell-like passages into something closer and more intimate. Overall, the psychic distance was pulled back a bit far for me in a scene that seemed to beg for a closer and more intimate feel.
The description of the garden itself was vivid and colorful, though. It would make a great backdrop for a princest picture.
Nice entry. Thanks DarkRyu.
"Pedals" should be "petals" in more than one place, unless these are bicycle flowers!
Also, the "isles" are probably "aisles" - "isles" is just another word for "islands".