Aftermath
It took Dauntless hours to limp back home on the remains of her drives, but Twilight refused the Council fleet’s offer to tow her. In spite of what had happened, she didn’t fully trust them, though she was relieved and glad that they were finally talking to her.
The final casualty list was horrific. Tens of thousands of ponies and other sapient beings had perished in the destruction of the orbital facilities and space habitats, though thankfully the Princesses had managed to maintain the planetary shield at a strength sufficient to protect the inhabitants of the planet. Dauntless had suffered hideous losses; less than a quarter of the crew was active and functional, and several had been trapped, isolated by wreckage and battle damage. The Warden ground troopers had proven invaluable, their power armor giving them the strength and resilience to work through the damaged areas to rescue stranded friends. About half of the crew was still alive, though many were suffering from various degrees of trauma that had come from the extended link they’d been forced to maintain. Of the bridge crew, Chatterbox had died on disconnect, Silver Stars was in a coma, and Night Breeze had suffered some kind of neural damage. The brilliantly intelligent pegasus hadn’t spoken a word since she’d awoken, and Doctor Rosethorn’s prognosis was uncertain. Wingblade was all right, as were the bridge engineer and the navigator, though all were slated to be hospitalized for evaluation upon return to Equestria. Twilight hoped that Night Breeze at least could be saved; the mare was one of the smartest she could remember encountering. Such a brilliant mind deserved better. One way or another, it would likely be days before she knew anything; the neurological hospitals were going to be utterly overwhelmed by all the cases coming off of Dauntless.
Twilight maintained an attitude of suspicious distrust toward the Council fleet, though she did thaw a bit when she learned that several detachments had fanned out through the system to do search and rescue. Astoundingly, they even found a few survivors; a zebra crew in a surveyor ship that had been only crippled rather than destroyed, and a cluster of ponies and one griffon, near-dead from hypoxia, who had managed to seal themselves into the only surviving compartment of one of the out-system research stations. Both groups had been brought back to Equestria as fast as the ships that found them could manage, and in the case of the second group, Council first aid proved to be literally the difference between life and death for almost half of them.
She thawed a bit more when, in an effort to work through that distrust, the Council flagship contacted her shortly after Dauntless returned to her homeworld and began shuttling her crew back to Equestria for evaluation and treatment. In a message addressed to her specifically, another alien introduced itself as Shuur Delsinac, informing her that he was the Council’s appointed representative and diplomat, and that he would like to meet her as soon as possible, in order to explain what had happened and to discuss possible reparations. Feeling tired and not up to dealing with the situation, she put him off, saying that she would decide later, but indicating that she and Fluttershy would be willing to meet with him at some point. She also arranged for her captive, Zziir, to be returned to the Council on an Equestrian shuttle, a gesture the representative had appreciated. Zziir had offered to remain, even after the horrific pounding Dauntless had taken, but Twilight had felt that it would be better to have him back among his own people.
Eklsee’s second rescue attempt manifested a little less than a day after she’d been forced to flee by the combined strength of the Fifth Enforcement Fleet. Tazaft ships, in small detachments, jumped into the system in dozens of different places, clearly intending to draw off any Council ships they could in an effort to spare Equestria. Eklsee herself was once again among them, and she was suspicious when Twilight contacted her to tell her that a tentative truce had been arranged.
“It does me good to see you, Thlaaht Shkarku,” the Tazaft said, at one end of the long communications delay. “I had feared the worst.” Her tone hardened, and her quills bristled. “Tell me true; have you been conquered, my friend? Have our foes taken your world from you? I will shift my campaign focus towards your liberation, if you have. You need but to tell me.”
Twilight shook her head, as she recorded her response. “No, Uhlsie, we haven’t. We’re not entirely sure what’s going to happen at this point; my friends and I have a meeting with a Council ambassador at some later point, to determine exactly what happened and what we’re going to do about it.”
Eklsee’s quills rustled restlessly when she replied. “Shkarku, I wish to believe you, but it is difficult with so many Council warships around your world. I wish to see for myself that you are well, and that your people are well. Is this possible?”
Twilight blinked when she listened to that message, and she immediately contacted the Council flagship. High Admiral Turthak and the representative, Shuur, both answered, and Twilight wished that they’d spent the time to work out a video link. Having to communicate voice-only was strange, especially since both aliens were evidently using a translator keyed to Equestrian. “High Admiral, Representative, my Tazaft friend, Siluth Uhlsie, wants to come see for herself that Equestria is all right. I want to be able to give her my assurances that she won’t be attacked by the fleet you have in-system. Are either of you able to offer those assurances?”
There was a pause. “Director Sparkle, do you mean Seelith Eklsee?” Shuur asked, his voice lacking the flat tone of a translator. It made Twilight wonder if the creature had actually learned Equestrian; he’d managed to pronounce Eklsee’s name properly, which was quite a feat. Perhaps he was good with languages. “The war-commander of the Tazaft Warrior Caste? That Seelith Eklsee?”
“Yes. She’s a friend of mine, and she promised to come back to try to evacuate any ponies that she could.” Twilight’s voice turned sour. “She didn’t expect to find any, since your people clearly intended to exterminate everypony in Equestria.”
Another pause. “How in the world did you… never mind. I believe we can arrange safe passage, so long as we have the Tazaft’s pledge not to fire on our ships, if you so request it. This is your space, and we intend to behave as guests in it. We will abide by your laws and your requests; we’ve wronged you enough already.”
“I concur,” The flat tones of the translator the High Admiral was using stated. “I will issue the appropriate orders.”
Twilight sighed in relief. There was that hurdle out of the way. “Thank you, gentlefolk. I appreciate your willingness to work with me.” She was also a little surprised by it; the Council commanders had been surprisingly accommodating since the arrest of Fifth Fleet. It was heartening. She hoped they were as genuine as they seemed.
“Director Sparkle,” Shuur interjected, “while I have you on the line, would you mind giving me an idea of when I could meet with you in person? Again, there are a great many things I think we need to go over.”
Twilight stifled another sigh, this one not a sigh of relief. “I don’t...” she quickly linked to the terminal in her office, pulling up her schedule. It was quite full, with meetings scheduled with numerous ponies and representatives of the other species, trying to put things back together in the wake of the Council assault. Equestria's infrastructure had been utterly shattered in the battle, decades of work obliterated and thousands of skilled ponies killed. Only those industries entirely located on the homeworld had survived, and there were precious few of those. She didn’t feel too much like bumping any of the reconstruction meetings to meet with the Council representative. “My schedule is very busy, Representative Shuur. I have a number of things I have to deal with, especially since the Princesses are both incapacitated.” Luna and Celestia had both nearly collapsed from fatigue in the wake of the siege, and both were still recovering. A group of accomplished unicorn mages were ensuring the smooth passage of night and day, with the help of the defense systems. Twilight herself had sort of assumed a state of de facto rulership until one of the diarchs recovered.
“I understand,” the alien said sympathetically. “All I ask is a tentative idea of when we could meet. I want to help, Director Sparkle, and I was given to understand that you were eager to talk to me when we first spoke. Please, just let me do that; the Council itself empowered me to speak for them in an emergency session. I have the power to offer you and your people significant recompense, but I need to meet with you first.”
Twilight rubbed her forehead. “Very well. I have a tentative opening in two days, a little after noon, Canterlot time. Would that be sufficient?”
“Entirely. I would like to bring High Admiral Turthak as well.”
“Fine.” A thought struck her. “Could you bring Admiral Glenmore as well? I’d like to get a chance to meet… her?”
“Him,” Shuur corrected absently. “Certainly. I will see to it that he accompanies us.”
“I’ll inform the admiral immediately.” Turthak cut in.
“Thank you, gentlefolk.” Twilight cut the connection, and set her terminal to record for transmission to Eklsee. “Uhlsie, the Council leaders have promised you safe passage. I can’t enforce it, but they seem sincere to me, and they did prevent their own people from destroying my ship.” She quickly recounted the events leading up to the second Council force’s arrival, finishing up with, “I’m not sure I trust these people yet, but they haven’t betrayed us. I’ll be waiting for your response, and I’d be happy to welcome you to Equestria.”
She ran the message through the translator and sent it flying through the void to the Tazaft flagship, turning to continue the report she was working on. The Dauntless voyage had resulted in a large number of mistakes that needed to be examined, and she intended to learn all she could from all of them. It was what a good scientist did.
Her terminal pinged her, indicating it had received a reply from the Tazaft, and Twilight allowed it to open. “I share your skepticism, Shkarku,” Eklsee said gloomily. “And I cannot afford to risk my fleet on the word of the Council. I do intend to come and see for myself whether your world needs to be rescued, however. I shall come alone, just my flagship, while the rest of my force waits in jump readiness. I doubt they will break their word just for me; it will gain them nothing.” Eklsee’s quills twitched. “I will see you when I arrive, Thlaaht Shkarku. I look forward to our reunion.”
Twilight blinked. That was… incredibly brave. A single Tazaft ship would stand zero chance against the armada stationed throughout the system; even a single Council ship would be able to kill her. “I will meet you when you get here, Uhlsie. I… thank you, for your courage, and for your willingness to stand with us. I will not forget.” She tried to remember if that was close to what Eklsee had said to her before; she suspected that those were powerful words among the Tazaft, and she hoped that the alien realized how sincere she was being.
The reply, when it finally came, was brief. “I will not forget, either, Shkarku. I will see you soon.”
Twilight returned to what she'd been going over, checking the records of the battle and reviewing everything that had happened prior to Dauntless's return. It was hard. She broke down crying several times, notably when reading about the last stand of Equestria's fledgeling navy; the Warden cutters had sacrificed themselves as the Council juggernaut bore down on the shipyard. They'd flung themselves suicidally at the flank of the fleet, trying desperately to decoy the vast force away for just a few moments while the evacuation ships got as many ponies as they could down to the surface, under the shield. It had worked, to an extent; the Council force had actually turned to engage the cutters, buying precious seconds for the evacuation. Twilight estimated that almost three hundred shipyard workers had been saved while the tiny Warden fleet had died in fire. They'd never known whether their sacrifice mattered or not.
It took most of the day before Eklsee’s ship arrived. When it did, Twilight thought it looked terribly lonely, settling into orbit amidst the swirling debris of the shipyard, with Council ships moving in squadrons through the orbital tracks as they carefully gathered up the wreckage, moving it to collection zones at the Lagrange points for later use. They didn’t seem to be taking any of it, and Twilight had made sure that the planetary telescopes were watching like hawks to make sure they didn’t. They were even gathering up the bodies, what few they could find; one of the things Representative Shuur wanted to discuss was what would be done with them. Twilight was planning on asking for their return, so their families could at least hold memorials for their lost kin.
The Tazaft shuttle grounded at the spaceport outside of Canterlot, and Twilight was there waiting. The other five were busy with their own affairs; Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity were working on modifying the planetary defense network, just in case the Council forces changed their minds, and Pinkie Pie was working her tail off trying to cut and edit all of the recordings she’d taken, putting together the story of the Dauntless’s voyage for all of Equestria to see. Fluttershy was busy talking via radio to the Council representative, working out protocols and making sure that he wouldn’t be embarrassed when he met with Twilight, and that he wouldn’t embarrass her.
Eklsee was the first to exit the vehicle, striding out confidently, once more wearing her large, ornate hat that Twilight assumed was a badge of office. She was also wearing a breathing mask again; probably a wise precaution, since there hadn’t been a chance to find out if anything in the Equestrian air might be toxic to the alien.
The Tazaft commander’s quills moved in a pattern Twilight had come to associate with a smile as she saw the unicorn. “Shkarku, your world is beautiful.” Here in Canterlot, Twilight didn’t need portable systems to run her translation daemons; the city’s own network architecture was more than enough.
“I’ve always thought so,” Twilight replied, her translated voice emerging from the air next to her. She looked out across the city; it had grown quite a bit in the last eighty years. The buildings were delicate, soaring things, held together by spellware woven into their structures that made them vastly tougher than they looked. It leant Equestria’s capital an ethereal appearance. She turned back to her alien friend with a smile. “Would you like a tour?”
Eklsee’s quills stirred, and she made a gesture with one hand. “Yes, I would. I need to see for myself that this world still belongs to you.” She stepped closer, pulling a small device out of a pocket. “Shkarku… this is a signal jammer. It is preventing any Council eavesdropping devices from being able to transmit, and generating white noise that will foul any attempt to spy on us with laser microphones or long-range audio systems.” Twilight could believe it; the second Eklsee had pulled the thing out it had started making a tooth-grating buzz. “You can speak to me now without any fear that they will hear you. Are your people in danger?”
Twilight swallowed hard. The concern her friend was showing touched her heart, especially since if the suspicions the alien held were borne out, she had put herself into mortal danger by coming here. The unicorn smiled up at the Tazaft. “No, Uhlsie, I don’t think so. I’m not entirely sure what is going to happen, but they don’t seem like they want to conquer us, and they did actually fire on their own ships, when those ships tried to kill us.”
The Tazaft looked at her searchingly, making Twilight wonder if the alien could read her facial expressions. The reverse wasn’t true; Eklsee had a rigid, mostly-immobile face, with most of her expressions clearly generated by the quills on her head and back, cues which Twilight hadn’t fully deciphered yet. Finally, though, the alien gave a quill-nod. “Very well. If you need us to, we can stage a diversionary attack to pull their forces away, and I have five hundred bulk freighters with enhanced life support systems waiting one jump away. All you have to do is ask, and we will do everything we can to evacuate as many as possible.”
Twilight smiled. “Thank you, Uhlsie. The offer means a lot to me.”
She spent the remainder of the day leading the Tazaft through the streets of Canterlot, showing her the sights and introducing her to the ponies and other creatures they passed. She even called back to her office in the Bureau of Technology, getting them to send a hoverdisc so she could take the Tazaft up to the small pegasus town that managed Canterlot’s weather.
Eklsee seemed fascinated by the tour, exclaiming occasionally about the architecture or the scenery, more than once referring to the city as the most beautiful she’d ever seen. Canterlot’s inhabitants were initially hostile to the alien, assuming that she’d come from the fleet that had assaulted the system, but that attitude quickly changed when Twilight explained what the Tazaft had actually done.
When it was time for her friend to leave, Twilight escorted her back to the landing field.
“Your world is lovely, Thlaaht Shkarku,” Eklsee observed, “and your people as well. It does my soul good to see that you do not lie under a conqueror’s blade.”
“Thank you, Uhlsie,” Twilight replied with a smile.
Eklsee’s quills stirred in small, circular motions. “It is time that I departed, then.”
“I’m sorry, Uhlsie,” Twilight said softly. “You’ve done so much to try to help us, but it looks like we won’t be able to help you as much as I’d wanted to.” Equestria’s space forces were, for all intents and purposes, gone. Dauntless was all that remained, and she was a crippled hulk. Without the shipyard, it would take months, possibly years, before she was fully functional again. And with a truce with the Council likely, based on what she’d heard from Fluttershy, Twilight doubted that Equestria would be able to fight alongside the Tazaft.
Eklsee made that quill-smiling gesture. “I knew that when I returned with you, Thlaaht. At the time, I sought only to preserve you that you might help later. Now, though… I think that someone who is able to speak in peace with both my people and our foes may be more valuable than a battlefield ally. The Tazaft are used to having a mediator in our conflicts, and this one has lacked that. Now it may not. I wish your people had not suffered so… but I am pleased to have gained a friend who can speak to my foes.”
Twilight’s heart warmed. That was a kinder reaction than she had even hoped for. Despite her alien appearance and demeanor, the Tazaft was a good person. She bid her friend a fond farewell, and watched as the shuttle streaked off into the sky, before heading back to her office. She had a meeting with the Council tomorrow, and she needed to be prepared.
Twilight was considerably more tense the next day, as the shuttle carrying the Council delegation descended through the atmosphere to the Canterlot spaceport. Her friends, waiting beside her, were just as tense. This was going to be the first official contact between the Unified World Nation of which Equestria was part and the Baltornic Council, and the pressure she felt to make sure that the war didn’t re-start was immense. Fluttershy had invited the griffons, zebras, and buffalo to send representatives of their own, but all had declined for different reasons, so it was up to Equestria to handle it.
Twilight and her friends were alone on the landing pad, but they weren’t unprotected. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were both armed; the former with a harness-mounted energy gun and the latter with a pair of low-profile light levinguns plugged into her forelegs. There was a full company of armored Warden troops standing by as a response force, too, complete with heavy armored support and technogolems. She didn’t intend to let them ambush her the way the tribe of reptilian creatures had ambushed Fluttershy, and she didn’t want to take any chances on their sincerity. Ponies had been standing by on the planetary defenses since the shield had been lowered, but they were at a high state of alert right now, and the Princesses knew that they might have to raise the shield again. The thought of making them do that chilled Twilight to the bone; the two winged unicorns had had a chance to rest and recover, but they were still badly fatigued, and she feared what might happen to them if the siege began again.
The Canterlot constabulary had cleared the sky for the Council shuttle’s arrival; there were no flying vehicles or pegasi visible anywhere in the sky while the vehicle came smoothly down from space, following the course it was directed on without wavering. Twilight watched it come, evaluating it carefully. The vehicle seemed a little more responsive than the Tazaft shuttles, though it clearly employed a field-based drive rather than the noisy reaction drives her allies used. It still made a lot of noise as it shoved the atmosphere out of the way, and from its maneuvers it didn’t have anywhere near the kind of maneuverability or agility of an Equestrian vehicle. She filed the information away for later; she wasn’t sure how it could be useful, but all information was potentially valuable and deserved to be remembered.
The shuttle settled down on a pair of skids that extended from its belly, and Fluttershy stepped forward. They’d decided to let the soft-voiced pegasus speak for them; it let Twilight stand back and evaluate. It was something she’d realized would probably have worked better in their contact with the Tazaft, when going back over the records.
A ramp lowered from the shuttle’s side, and there was a long pause before anything emerged.
The creature that stepped out was a member of a species Twilight had seen before; one of the stocky, armored creatures that had been on board the cargo ship she and Rainbow Dash had boarded. This one had a different attitude; it carried itself more smoothly, and held its head higher, further from its carapace. Probably because it wasn’t frightened, Twilight mused. It was clad in soft, comfortable-looking robes, rather than the uniform she’d seen the other creatures in. The alien walked toward them across the tarmac, alone, its slightly lumbering gait unhurried and outwardly unconcerned.
“I greet you, gentlebeings,” the alien said in perfect Equestrian, with a slight accent. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you directly, though I do wish the circumstances had been different. I am Representative Shuur Delsinac; Shuur is my given name, Delsinac my clan name. You may call me Representative or Shuur, whichever makes you most comfortable; the clan name is not typically used as an identifier among my people.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Shuur,” Fluttershy said with a soft smile. She introduced herself and her friends, who all had different attitudes. Rarity was looking at the fine, soft cloth of the creature’s attire with a slightly critical eye, though she was smiling welcomingly. Pinkie Pie was beaming widely, though there was a hint of nervousness to the expression. The pink earth pony hadn’t completely gotten over her trauma at the ambush she and Fluttershy had been through, though she was putting on a brave face and she was genuinely happy at meeting new creatures. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were watching both the alien and his vehicle closely, with a strong air of suspicion. Twilight was deliberately holding herself somewhat aloof, watching the alien with what she hoped was a cool, unimpressed look.
She really hoped that’s how she looked, anyway. She’d practiced this expression in the mirror, and it had looked alright, at least to her…
“A pleasure to meet all of you.” The Council representative said warmly.
“Hey, weren’t you bringing two admirals with you?” Rainbow asked suspiciously.
“And how exactly is it that you speak Equestrian?” Applejack added with matching suspicion.
“I did indeed bring both High Admiral Turthak and Admiral Glenmore with me, but I wanted to meet with you alone first.” Hmm. Twilight thought, I wonder if he’s trying to show us that he’s the one in charge? “As for your language,” Shuur heaved a surprisingly Equestrian-sounding sigh. “That’s a long story, and it has to do with everything that’s happened here. Would you mind if I called Turthak and Glenmore out here to join us?”
“Oh, no, not at all,” Fluttershy said gently. “I’m looking forward to meeting them.”
Shuur started to turn, but paused. “Ah. Before I do, there’s something I need to warn you about.” Twilight braced herself, and she saw Fluttershy’s expression turn uncertain. “Admiral Turthak is from a species called the Kao Ur, and most people who speak a gendered language have a little difficulty dealing with them. Gender is a very private subject with them, and you must be very, very careful not to refer to the High Admiral by any gendered pronoun. The High Admiral will not react violently, or any such thing, but it would be deeply offended, and I would prefer to avoid that if possible.”
Fluttershy blinked. “So… what should we call… the High Admiral? Using the title every time would get awkward, wouldn’t it?”
Shuur made a wheezing sound that Twilight couldn’t identify. “Very. Just use ‘it.’ I know it sounds disrespectful, but in your language that pronoun is far more palatable in the Kao Ur’s eyes than ‘he’ or ‘she’ would be.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Oh, okay, I think we can do that.” She looked around at her friends. “Right, girls?” She received nods from all five other ponies. The pegasus turned back to the diplomat, something else occurring to her. “Representative Shuur? Will the High Admiral be offended if we refer to each other as ‘he’ or ‘she’?”
Shuur made that wheezing sound again. “No, not at all. Some Kao Ur do have problems with that kind of thing, but Turthak has been working with other species for most of its life. As long as it’s not directly addressed in such a matter, it won’t take offense. You won’t face any similar problems with me or Admiral Glenmore; both my species and his are difficult to offend by accident.” He turned around, tapping at his ear and speaking a short phrase or command in what Twilight assumed was his own language. A moment later, the first figure emerged.
It was large, was the first thing Twilight noticed. Quadrupedal and taller than most ponies, it was also incredibly heavyset, with a wide build and a thick body. It didn’t seem to have a distinct head, instead having a small mouth set directly into what looked like its chest, while two eyes waved on short, thick stalks, and four stumpy tentacles drooped from the front of its body. It was a mottled dark brown in color, and was really shockingly ugly to look at, especially with the odd appearance of its uniform, which was clearly the same type of garment they’d seen on the Council crew of the ship they’d boarded. There was a metallic mass on its back that Twilight couldn’t identify.
“That’s Turthak,” Shuur said in an undertone, as the creature began making its way carefully toward them. “Don’t let the slow movement fool you; it isn’t particularly slow by nature, it just comes from a heavy-gravity world, and thus has a habit of moving carefully.”
The second figure made Twilight’s jaw drop. Taller than a pony, slender, standing on two legs with two arms hanging down from its shoulders, the creature looked very familiar.
“No way…” Rainbow whispered, noting the resemblance. It looked very much like Duran in build. It was shorter, considerably so, and its skin was a bit darker than his had been, but it… he... was clearly the same species.
“And that’s Admiral Glenmore,” Shuur said turning back and pausing at the ponies’ expressions. “I’m sorry, does he bother you?”
“No,” Twilight interjected, speaking over Fluttershy, “No, not at all. His species… are they called ‘humans’?”
“I… yes, they are. Humans, or Terrans.” Shuur said slowly. “Have you encountered them before?”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash’s voice was dry and quiet. “We met one. A long time ago, almost ninety years now. He was from something called the Tethinar Imperium.”
“The what?” Shuur sounded confused. “I’ve never heard of that. Ninety years, you say? Equestrian years, I assume?” Rainbow nodded wordlessly, still looking at the human approaching them. “Council scouts found you a little over a hundred years ago, but they weren’t human-crewed, and as far as I know, humanity has never visited this world. I’ll check, but…”
“No need,” Twilight whispered. “Rainbow, he wasn’t from this reality,” she said to her friend, quietly. “We know that. Crazy as it sounds, this species must have evolved in both places.”
“Three places,” the pegasus corrected quietly. “The guys who made that base were human, too.”
“True.” Twilight frowned. "I wonder why we could understand them, and not these humans?"
“Can we talk about this later?” Fluttershy whispered emphatically.
“Yes, of course.” Twilight cleared her throat. There were more important things to discuss.
Shuur was looking at them oddly. “If he bothers you, I can send Admiral Glenmore back to the fleet, but humans are a fairly prominent species in our government…”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, no, he doesn’t bother us. You don’t have to do that.” She looked up at the two approaching aliens. “Welcome, um, gentlebeings, I think was the word?”
“Thank you.” Turthak’s voice bubbled in its own language, translated by part of the metal equipment on its back. Its mouth didn’t move when it spoke, the sounds instead emerging from either its back or side, it was difficult to tell.
“I am honored,” Glenmore added, also through a translator he wore. “And may I again express my deep gratitude to you for trusting me. After what happened, I’m not sure I would have done so in your place.”
“Speaking of what happened…” Fluttershy prompted.
“Yes.” Shuur’s voice was sad. “I wanted the Admirals to be here, so they could contribute the Enforcement perspective.” He sighed again, and Twilight wondered if the expression was natural or if it was one that the diplomat had learned along with the Equestrian language. “This is a bit of a long story. I told you that the Council found you a bit over a hundred years ago. The Infiltrator Service at the time appears to have undertaken an operation on its own authority, aided by one of the probationary members of the Council, to… well, to slow or prevent development of non-spaceflight-capable species.”
Fluttershy frowned. “Why would they do that?”
“To preserve their own power.” Shuur made a gesture with both hands that Twilight couldn’t interpret. “The probationary members of the council get one vote that they all share. They vote among themselves, then the outcome of that vote is considered one vote in the Senior Council. Does that make sense?” Fluttershy and Twilight both nodded. “At a certain point, probationary members are accepted as full members, typically after consultation with the full Council. The problem with this system is, well, probationary members don’t like seeing other probationary members admitted, because it dilutes their vote.” Shuur’s eyes closed for a moment. “Believe me, there have been major scandals over this, and endless debates over how to fix it, but no one has decided anything. Maybe they will now. Regardless, your world was the target of a long-term operation designed to effectively destroy your civilization by causing a massive, global war.”
Twilight blinked in shock. “What? How in the world were they going to do that?”
“By increasing tensions between your nation, Equestria, and the zebra nation, hopefully causing you both to go to war,” Shuur said grimly. “You were the two most advanced civilizations on your world. An annihilating conflict would cripple both of you, and hold you back considerably.” He snorted. “Instead, you seem to have rocketed ahead, and the infiltrator service lost touch with its agents.”
“What kinda agents would these’ve been?” Applejack asked.
“Surgically altered or rebuilt operatives, modified to resemble your people,” The High Admiral answered before the representative could. “It is a disgusting practice that nearly always irreparably damages the agent. It is a mystery why the Council allows the infiltrator service to continue it.”
Applejack gave Twilight a significant look. “Betcha a thousand bits that those ‘changelings’ we caught way back when weren’t changelings at all.” The orange mare’s voice was grim.
Twilight shook her head, remembering the captured changelings who had somehow suicided and destroyed their bodies. “No bet.”
“Regardless,” Shuur continued, shooting a look of his own at Turthak, “The gambit failed. The infiltrator service went through a reorganization around that time, and it appears they forgot about you. They rediscovered those records about a year ago, and decided to re-implement their plan, with a different probationary member assisting them this time.”
The Interloper, Twilight realized. The ship whose attack had galvanized the construction of Dauntless.
“You encountered the ship they sent to drop off their agents,” Shuur continued, confirming Twilight’s suspicion, “showing them in the process that you’d advanced much faster than most species do. You should still be starting out your space program, maybe colonizing one of the more benign worlds in your own system if you were going particularly quickly. Instead,” the alien gestured around him, at the soaring buildings of Canterlot. “You have managed to surpass our level. That touched off a huge debate in the Council over how to properly contact you, especially once the news about the infiltrators’ prior contact with you came to light. I got involved early on, and I was given the records already gathered on your culture and language. I’ve been studying your people for over a year, learning your language, your mannerisms… I was supposed to be the one to lead the first-contact mission, once the Council had decided on the tone it would take, and how we would approach. Unfortunately for us, the debate and the fact that their operations had been made public knowledge sent the infiltrator service and their sponsors into a panic. They reached out to a frontier admiral in the Enforcement branch, and made sure he was transferred to this region. That was Admiral Peters.”
“That bastard!” Glenmore suddenly spat, his face twisting in fury. Twilight blinked at the human’s vehemence, and Shuur turned to give him a quelling look.
“Are you all right?” Twilight asked, recognizing the human’s anger and remembering the way he’d spoken when his fleet had moved to shield her ship.
“Yes, ma’am.” Glenmore took a deep breath. “I apologize. I know Admiral Peters personally, and I detest him. Even more so now, after he’s managed to make my entire species look bad.”
Shuur turned to lay a hand on Glenmore’s arm. “I assure you, Admiral, the rest of the Council will not blame humanity for Admiral Peters’ crime. We could scarcely throw one of the founding members out, after all. He and all his co-conspirators have been arrested, and the trial will show everyone who the guilty parties are.” Interestingly, the alien continued to speak in Equestrian.
“Every tree has its bad apples, sugarcube,” Applejack added in a reassuring tone. “Just ‘cause one went bad don’t mean they all did.”
The admiral offered the Warden a tentative smile. “Thank you.” He turned to Shuur. “And thank you, sir. I apologize, I won’t make any further outbursts.”
“See that you don’t.” Turthak burbled.
“Admiral Peters,” Shuur sighed, turning back to the ponies. “After the infiltrator service realized the state you were in, and that you had possibly uncovered its operatives in a previous attempt, they seem to have pressured him to cover up what they had done. We aren’t sure exactly how; it scarcely matters. What matters is what he did.”
“Which is to nearly destroy us.” Twilight interrupted.
Shuur’s eyes lowered. “Yes. Murder on an unprecedented scale, and attempted murder on an even larger one. Nothing like this has ever happened in our history. To attempt to kill an entire sapient species… several, with your world’s unique biosphere…”
“Monstrous,” whispered Glenmore.
“Thoroughly,” Shuur replied. “When the Council received the courier from Peters’ chief of staff, we almost didn’t believe it. But she’d included a huge amount of information, and after an initial debate, we decided we couldn’t afford to ignore it, especially since it would take several days for a fleet to reach this system.”
“We put together a fleet as fast as we could,” Turthak interjected in its deep, bubbling voice. “I grabbed every ship that was available. Ships in refit, squadrons in transit. I sent couriers to the nearest worlds, but we didn’t have time to muster their full defense fleets. I took the first responders, and every ship that could be made ready, and came here as fast as I possibly could once I judged that I had a large enough force. We received the courier from Ta Ahii just before we left; it was what convinced me not to wait any longer, and to take what I had and go right away.” There was a pause. “I should not have waited for the defense fleets. That was a severe mistake, and it cost me several hours. You have my abject apology for my failure, and if you wish for me to atone, I will.”
Fluttershy frowned. “What kind of atonement are you offering?” She asked warily.
“The sacrifice of all my wealth and my position. Should you ask it of me, I will donate everything I own, resign my commission, and should you wish it, move to this world and work to rebuild what was destroyed by my failure. I have significant organizational skills developed by my work in the fleet; I could be quite useful.”
Fluttershy looked to Twilight, and the unicorn responded for her. “You don’t have to do that, Turthak,” she said quietly. She was starting to believe that maybe this really had been some huge, awful crime. It was hard to accept, hard to imagine that this could have been essentially one person’s fault, but Turthak’s offer broke through a wall in her heart. “I can understand not wanting to believe that this could happen.”
The alien’s tentacles twitched in what looked like agitation. “Even now, it is difficult for me to comprehend. It is against every ethical code, every moral imperative. I should have believed it, but it was so difficult…”
“It was hard for all of us to accept,” Shuur interjected. He met Twilight’s eyes. “The Council owes you a debt for the harm we have done, Twilight Sparkle of Equestria. I have been directed to offer you nearly anything you could ask for. The Council will aid in reconstruction of your destroyed industry, we will compensate you in resources and time for each of your slain citizens. Whatever you need. There is already a convoy on the way, carrying doctors, rescue personnel, and food that should be compatible with your biology, though since the planet itself wasn’t harmed, you may not need any of it. Whatever we can do to make up for the harm we have done you, please, just ask.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “What if I ask you to stop your war against the Tazaft?”
Shuur paused. “That… is a complicated request. We would not be willing to let them simply kill our citizens, or destroy our property. Indeed, we have been looking for a way to end that conflict for some time now. I…” he hesitated, then continued. “If… this may be an imposition to ask, but you actually have friendly relations with the Tazaft. If you would be willing to mediate negotiations, then we may be able to do as you ask.”
Twlight glanced at Fluttershy, and got a subdued but emphatic nod. She didn’t even pause to think about how the pegasus had managed to combine the two. “I would be quite willing to serve as a mediator in that issue.” It was, after all, exactly what she had promised Eklsee.
“What else?” Shuur asked. “This is something I’d planned to ask you for anyway, later. It is hardly fair to offer it as restitution.”
Something else occurred to her. “May I speak to my friends in private?”
Shuur nodded. “Of course.” He gestured to Turthak and Glenmore, who followed him as he stepped away to give the six ponies space.
“What are you thinking, darling?” Rarity asked the moment she judged that the aliens were out of earshot.
Twilight bit her lip. “I’m tempted to ask for membership in the Council,” she whispered. “I mean, if we had a say in their government, we might be able to change it so something like this never happens again.”
“I think that sounds like a very good idea,” Fluttershy said firmly. “Very good. Turn this into something good, instead of just letting it end in blood and hate.”
“I agree,” Rarity said softly.
“Oh, me, too,” Pinkie murmured, feelingly. “Oh, I really, really do. More friends is always a good thing.”
They turned to look at the two Wardens, who shared a glance. Rainbow looked back, and nodded firmly. “I’m with ya, too.” The pegasus’s voice was as hard as her expression. “I mean, if nothing else, we can find out exactly who did this to us. They’ve been kinda cagey about that.”
That had occurred to Twilight, too. “So it’s settled, then?” Her friends all nodded and made noises of agreement. “All right.” The huddle broke up, and Twilight called Representative Shuur back over to her.
“You have something, then?” The alien asked.
Twilight nodded. “We want to ask for membership in your Council. This happened once, and we want to be in a position to make sure it never happens again.”
There was a long pause, before Shuur lowered his head and let out a long sigh. “I had hoped you would ask that, but I had feared we had wounded you too badly for you to consider it.” He raised his head again, looking Twilight in the eyes. “I pushed for exactly that in the Senior Council. While Turthak was gathering the fleet, I was arguing in the chamber, and I told them that we should offer this. They agreed just before we left.” The alien straightened his clothing. “In the name of the Council of Baltor, the Meeting World, I hereby offer the Unified Nations full membership, with all the rights and duties entailed therein. You would be immediately given the position of full voting member; the pain we have caused you entitles you to that, at the least.”
Twilight nodded, smiling. “That… that sounds good,” she said. “What exactly are these duties and rights?”
“I can explain them to you fully,” Shuur offered. “Might we step inside? The weather out here is nice, but my people prefer shade.”
“Of course.” Twilight and her friends led the three aliens into a nearby terminal building, one that she knew firsthoof had a very comfortable lounge. The diverse group of beings kept their pace to a comfortable walk as they crossed the open field, the words they exchanged seemingly inconsequential, but tremendous in importance. They were the words that would build the future, that would lead from the blood-drenched nightmare of the previous days into a new day, one that had hope.
But that's... another story.
END
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Yes. Yes that was a good ending. Definitely. I know you were a little worried about falling flat but you didn't. It was good. Solid. Sort of an Applejack of endings.
... it would be nice to see more of this 'verse some day.
hard to believe that it was all one big fuckup though
Thank you thank you thank you!
Excellent, very enjoyable!
The tension of the fight for Equestria was excellent. And it was nice to have alien aliens, rather than everyone being human (though it's interesting that humans apparently crop up in almost every universe). I'm so glad things ended ok, and that the mane six survived.
...Dang, it truly was all just one big Fuck Up on the part of a greedy civilization that wanted to boot the Equestrians out. Man, that is the wrong way to do things...
Well you're three for three now on stories that are excellent from start to finish. I eagerly await whatever you end up doing next.
So there are humans in this universe. Neat.
Great story dude.
Holy craaaaaaaap. This was everything I'd hoped for.
A very satisfying ending, Karazor. You have my sincerest admiration.
Goodness, a lot to respond to!
1512534
Thanks; I was trying to break my habit of writing wretchedly bad endings.
1512539
Yeah. My very favorite first-contact story is the Conquerors trilogy by Zahn; not because of the writing or the characters, or anything like that, but because of the ideas.
1512549
Poor bastard. That world basically ruined him.
1512565
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it; I was trying to make it just keep getting worse and worse, until it suddenly didn't. And I do try really hard to have very alien aliens; some of the fiction I've been reading recently has given me a strong taste for it.
1512705
It was part one civilization that didn't want to share its power, and part another organization that had fucked up badly and was trying to hide it. There was an element of fear, too; Equestria's industry hadn't really gotten off the ground, but once it did...
1512826
Telegraphed too much, eh? *Sigh* I was trying not to do that; I'm sorry.
1512861
I'm delighted you enjoyed it. There'll probably be a break before the next one; I tend to go months in between stories.
Thank you!
1512887
Thank you.
1512981
Thanks! I tell you, I was sweating blood over trying to make this ending not suck. I'm really bad about making good endings first-time-around; I've wound up having to add an epilogue to one and completely rework the end of the other. (And even in the re-work, the epilogue of Dread Chitin was bloody awful)
1513098
Well, you succeeded this time. Clearly, you're on a roll, so get to work on your next story so you can get another ending down right the first time.
I did enjoy how you presented exploration of the first Equestrian star-ship. Despite their good intentions they made a lot of mistakes, which makes since because this the first journey. It was a really rough first time thanks to trigger happy jerks.
That single human left quite the legacy that really leaves Rainbow with mixed feelings. Not really sure why RD never told Twilight all those years. Seemed like an unnecessary burden to carry by herself. Will make her interactions with the current humans interesting.
As silly as it would have been they should have come across a pod of space whales. Just cause.
Spectacular work, Karazor. I found the combat well described enough to be entertaining, but not so overpowering as to dominate the story. The Mane-6 were all in-character, based upon your previous entries in this universe, and the OCs all behaved in an intelligent and plausible manner. The revelation of the Infiltrator Service's misdeeds reminds me heavily of Solarian League's Frontier Fleets in David Weber's Honorverse, and reminding me of Weber's works is almost never a bad thing.
Basically, you hit this one out of the park. And the ending most emphatically did not suck or depress me.
Words fail me.
Utterly.
Just... Damn. This is incredible.
More? Please?
I really love your writing style, you're good at writing emotions. Anyway, that's three stories now you've written that I've enjoyed immensely. I'm very much looking forward to your next work, regardless whether or not it's in this 'verse! Although, I really do love this universe you've put together.
Also, I love these bulk updates. A month's wait for a 30k+ word update is totally worth it in my opinion.
I made a mistake read this late at night so my response was a little short of sense (though I stick by the Applejack bit. It's a nice solid ending, like I said).
So, you're sure not afraid to sacrifice characters to make the plot are you? I'm a little pissed really, I liked em and blammo, dead. Just like that. It's made for an absolutely riveting read though. I liked the little details, like the sisters being capable of tearing ships apart with their minds if only they got close enough, and the fact that the ships were sensible enough to stay away and the internal politics of the Council. The problems that Twi and co kept running across were very well considered and just the sort of thing you'd expect from a brand new ship relying on so much new technology.
The ending definitely did not fall flat. It was a great bounce and leaves me wanting more, but satisfied at the same time.
Sequel! Sequel!
NO, IT IS OVER! I haven't read all the new chapters yet.
I've just finished reading the last of the chapters. Excellent job, this story is very really well written, and I enjoyed the ride the whole way through. The buildup was interesting, the climax was exciting, and the denouement was very nicely crafted.
However, if I had one criticism to make, it would be that the last paragraph could use a little bit more sentiment. Right now, it feels like a smooth walking motion being stopped because the walker notices a wall a few seconds too late to properly slow down his pace (wow, I suck at metaphors).
To make a smooth ending paragraph, start with something specific, then slowly expand, each sentence getting more abstract and general until the final one, which is the most abstract of all... or something like that. I've only officially written highschool-bordering-on-college level essays, so take that advice with a grain of salt, heh.
Keep writing, man. You're really good at it.
1513210
Thanks. I'll need to wait for another idea, though. Don't have any solid ones at the moment.
1513223
Yeah, my intent was to show them working out what they were supposed to do, and they made a lot of mistakes along the way. Rainbow kept Duran's secret partially because she didn't want Twilight to hurt the way she was hurting, and partially because she genuinely cared about Duran and didn't want to destroy his memory.
1513314
Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it!
1513853
Hope you like it!
1513865
I'm a very slow writer, even when I have an idea percolating, which I don't at the moment. I only do about two stories a year, so far.
Thank you!
1514305
Thanks! I found this setting to be fun, though I have no idea whether my next effort is going to be in this one or another. As for bulk updates, the previous two weren't uploaded until they were done, and I posted both of them in a big chunk. I hate leaving cliffhangers.
1514554
I'd been consciously avoiding making the Council fleet stupid; I tried to come up with how a hero character would overcome the situations they were in, rather than just painting them as villains. This basically meant that there was no way to win an actual war with them, though!
I love killing characters. I don't know why. It's a sickness.
1514698
Everything ends; I don't like to stretch out my stories.
1514712
That's a fair metaphor; I'll look at that last paragraph and see if I can't make it a smoother ending. Thanks!
Yeah, I actually had a denouement this time, instead of just stopping the story like a high-speed car wreck!
Awesomeness. Awesomeness on a grand and epic scale.
I only regret that I have but one favourite and like button to press.
1513098
No-no, don't berate yourself. For one, I had no clue that the Baltornic Council may be not composed out of bad guys entirely up until Chapter 9 (although at the time I hadn't read the little "addition" to "Surprise"). The climax of the story also turned out somewhat darker than I expected; had the Council been less concerned about the fate of other alien species, things could get really ugly.
One curious thing I noticed about the "Aftermath" is that it lacked the usual 'OMFG you're using MAGIC' moment that tends to come up in the stories whenever any non-Equestrian sees a unicorn for the first time. Could it be that they're not the only magic-using species in this Universe? On the other hand, the Infiltrator ship in the Prologue sure seemed unprepared to and unprotected against that kind of attack.
This. Was. Amazing!
Right out of the gate I knew this was going to be your best yet, and you did not dissapoint.
And note: When I say this is your best story that is saying something. As all of your stories are already the best. (I guess that makes this "the best of the best")
Anyway, thank you for another great time.
With regards to a sequel.
You have an amazing universe that you've created, along with the best Rainbow Dash I've ever read (thanks in part to The Dread Chitin).
If you find the inspiration to write more in this universe (Equestria's adventures as the newest council member or something?) then I will be very, very happy.
However, as long as you write anything I'll be very, very happy!
Keep on writing, I'll keep on reading.
1515398
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
1515713
Fluttershy has a lot of strength of character; she and Rainbow have essentially just been stuck in a pattern in the backstory of this. I think she's more than capable of accepting and admitting her mistake, and I didn't want to make her either a designated good guy or an author's punching bag. I'm glad I managed to find a balance.
1515752
The Council is just people, like civilizations everywhere; I was actually trying to play up the expectation that the bad guys in space opera are one-dimensional. It's why I was so giddy when people were thinking they were evil!
As for the magic thing: the Council, at this point, doesn't realize that Equestria is using outright magic. They think it's Clarke-tech at this point!
1516355
I'll certainly try; there's no major ideas right now, but I never know when one will bubble to the surface. I'm glad you liked it!
1516490
Missiles can maneuver and track a dodging ship, where beams can't. With unguided weapons, (and lightspeed weapons count) you have to aim for where a ship will be, rather than where you see it, and you're limited by how quickly a random dodge will move a ship its own length or width in order to avoid a beam's targeting. The AI isn't real AI; it's sort of a magic construct that mimics limited consciousness, and generally needs at least some guidance from an actual brain. Working independently, the "software" daemons are vastly less capable than when they're directed. Their arcane tech isn't like conventional electronic tech; it's more flexible in some ways, but more limited in others, and it's very manpower-heavy.
There's no maximum range for missiles so long as the target can't dodge. If they can, then the limit is the missile's endurance and target-acquisition capability. The Council was exploiting the no-max-range against a nonmaneuvering target in the next-to-last chapter; firing from extremely long range with high base speed to send their rounds in relativistic against the planet, so the Princesses didn't have time to see and stop them before they hit the shield.
As for engagement range; I was leaving that rather nebulous, though I was thinking that effective beam range was fractional-light-second, and powered missile range was in the twenty-to-forty light-second range. The ships presented here were moving extremely fast and have very high acceleration.
Well... let me preface by saying I really liked this, the future-main-6 were very well written and I liked how they were both the same ponies we know and love and yet had definitely grown and changed over the years. Equestrian tech, too, is really neat - I love the fusion of magic and technology and how it's not something that the other spacefaring races have come up with, explaining how our heroes are able to have a super-ship that is able to handle being hassled by whole warfleets. And the secret of how their human friend from Dread Chitin had turned into a crazed murderer was a great dark twist to throw in there.
But, there's an unfortunate but. The last couple chapters, though gripping and well written like the rest of the story, really came out of nowhere and took the story in an unexpected direction IMO ("unexpected" as in "this didn't make sense" rather than "what a twist!", alas). The setup of the story had firmly established that the enemies of Equestria within the Council operated via skullduggery and that their plan was to kill the "paladins" of Equestria (our heroes) while they were away from Equestria and therefore vulnerable, preventing Equestria from making contact with the rest of the Council. This was a great setup - the story was about an interstellar cat-and-mouse hide-and-go-seek game where our heroes would win if they could get to the Council proper and open dialog. When they managed to kidnap that fine feline fellow I figured they'd finally find friends.
Then BLAMMO! Giant genocidal invasion fleet trying to bomb Equestria flat! Where did *that* come from? They barely managed to start talking with their captive and he was rendered entirely moot. After agonizing over every individual crewpony killed or in danger to this point in the story, suddenly three quarters of the crew is wiped out offscreen (though not any of the main or supporting characters). Our heroes' allies come in and try to save the day, which was nice continuity and fits the Friendship is Magic theme, but then in the end the only thing that really saves them is a *second* giant fleet out of nowhere that our heroes didn't even know about. It felt like the story had completely jumped tracks.
I'm still thumbing this story up, mind you. And if you've got further ideas for stuff to do in the Chitinverse by all means I'd love to read further sequels. But I wanted to give a fair critique and that includes this.
Amazing, as always! You kept me enthralled for hours today :).
So the Infiltrators were trying to instigate Fallout: Equestria? Those jerks!
Dang. I just read through all of this in a day.
This story is unfinished. Please continue it.
1516581
Huh - they're in for a big surprise once they take a closer look at how Equestria works, aren't they.
By the way, AFAIR in The Dread Chitin Duran used to be a minor mage himself. A rather weak and narrow-specialized one (though, to be fair, it's never been thoroughly explained what exactly his abilities and limitations were), but still - if the ponies manage to make their arcane knowldege available to other species, then the Council will gain a lot more from estabilishing peaceful conatct with Equestria than they could ever hope for. Or maybe not the whole Council, but at least some of its races, including one called Terrans?
1516602
Yeah.... I've got to agree with you on the fact that the core idea of the story somehow changed during the last few chapters. In the prologue, here:
It is strongly suggested that Equestria's foes, whoever they are, aren't strong enough for a head-on assault, and they have to try and engage the Element Bearers with their ship when it isn't under protection of its home system defences, and then maybe they will have better chances at storming Equestria itself. It may not be in fact true, but that's their own assesment of the situation. And then, what do they do when their trap fails and the Dauntless escapes - they have a change of plans, like, screw this cruiser, screw the Elements, let's go attack the planet.
In fact, if I'm following the timeline correctly, the assault on Equestria probably had begun before it was clear what's to become of the exploration vessel and its crew. Which is not only a deviation from their initial stated plan, but also is rather risky - because if Twilight&Co hand't turned back, but instead moved deper into the Council territory, and accidentally stumbled upon some of its Senior members, and manged to make peaceful contact, and then it came up that Equestria had been destroyed... hoo boy. When planning a crime on a galactic scale, you'd better cover up all the traces with thorougness of galactic proportions.
1516602
That's a good point, and I may have been misleading with the early tone. It's not something I think I can fix at this point, but it is something to keep in mind for the next one. Thank you for sharing that! The original plan was formed before the infiltrator service realized that the Dauntless's drive was completely untraceable; they were still hoping to get things swept under the rug without having to use a huge fleet at the time.
1517277
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
1517406
Pretty much.
1517407
They didn't expect to need that kind of resupply; they had what was basically a lite version of the Schlock Mercenary teraport drive. They could pop back home whenever they wanted.
1517614
...One of the PM's I got gave me the genesis of an idea. There may be a sequel percolating.
1517832
Duran was a fairly weak transmuter, yes. His talent wasn't strong, but it was enough for him to be able to build and modify thaumatech devices, and he was scarily intelligent.
As far as Equestria's foes; the ones who were saying that were too weak for a direct assault. It was the infiltrator service, before they realized how bloody tough Dauntless was going to be; they needed a bigger hammer. They didn't want to pull Admiral Peters in at first, because the bigger the operation was, the less chance they'd get away with it, even with Peters as the fall-guy. Then it all fell apart, because they didn't look closely enough at his chief of staff and thought she'd just go along with it.
Oh my goodness, can you imagine the fallout of having a single ship of survivors from a xenocided species show up in a core world, pleading for someone to listen to them? There would have been lynch mobs after the people responsible. Not even joking. The public on the Council worlds would be furious.
Incidentally, that's what would have happened if they'd headed for one of those populated systems instead of the frontier military outposts. They had no way of knowing that, but it would actually have been the best choice for them. It would have required knowledge they didn't have to realize it, though.
1517406 This is the second story I've seen wherein Fallout: Equestria is subtly "averted" and as much as I like FOE I'm always tickled pink when I come across that sort of thing (the other story where this happens is "Lacuna"). It's like finding reassuring evidence that a nightmare didn't "really" happen. :)
1517992
Hmm, I'll have to check that story out.
1517988 You might be able to fix it without changing the underlying story by inserting more clues along the way as to how things are developing for the Infiltrators and how their plans are being affected by the Dauntless' activities. I didn't even realize that the Equestrian FTL drive and the Council's drive were based on different principles until pretty late in the story, and never knew that Council drives were traceable until you mentioned it right now (being able to trace them would have made our heroes' quest a lot easier). Perhaps the problem was that these things seemed more obvious to you because it was all happening in your head, whereas I can't quite see everything that's going on in there. :)
That cat guy captive could be a good place to put more of a pre-invasion infodump, perhaps. It would also serve double duty by making him feel more significant to the story. And also give Fluttershy's diplomacy more prominence too. As the story currently stands it seems like all she and her team did was operate some universal translators and then be damsels in distress for Rainbow Dash to rescue. I know there's more to her than that.
1518078
Hm... not bad notions. I'll look back over it, see if I can find some places to do things differently. I'm still going to try to leave things mysterious; I don't want the audience knowing too much more than Twilight does!
Oh, and Dauntless wasn't tracking Council FTL because they couldn't, and they didn't even realize it could be done. You didn't know about it because the viewpoint character didn't know about it, and you and Twilight probably realized they used different systems at about the same itme.
1518108 True, the mystery is part of the "hide and seek" aspect of the story that I was greatly enjoying. But as it stands both the reader and Twilight just stumbled around in the dark until an ending was reached without knowing how we got there. :) Would it be helpful if I reread the story and make some more detailed notes from my blindfolded perspective, maybe give some ideas about where it'd be good to let the reader have a tiny peek?
1518216
Actually, yes, that would be extremely helpful, though I feel a bit guilty asking you to do it. Any observations you have, would you mind PM'ing me? I'm probably too close to the story to see from an outside perspective, and the kind of notes you're talking about would be very, very helpful.
1518550 Certainly! And it's no trouble, I'm honored to help. I was actually more concerned that my offer would seem like I was trying to be too intrusive. :)
Amazing what subtleties you miss the first time.
For example: Representative Shuur speaks Equestrian even when addressing non-Equestrians. Going by the addition to ‘Surprise’ speaking a specie’s language is a mark of respect.
A little odd that no mention is made of Equestria’s* tiny defence fleet, pretty much everything else in the system is remarked upon. They would have tried to stand against the Council fleet, however hopelessly outmatched, and deserve at least a token acknowledgment in the narrative.
Just out of curiosity, how many officers and crewmen were relieved of duty when the Fifth Fleet was ordered to bombard the planet? Even if they considered their orders to be lawful and had been fed a bunch of propaganda there must have been quite a few refusing to fire on a habited planet.
* did we ever get a name for the planet?
Writhes in ecstasy.
Oh god, a tear came to my eye! This was an excellent story, and I hope to see more work done by you in whatever genre you plan to do!
A question does pop up though, do you plan on submitting this to EQD?
1518866
He did mention the "defence fleet".
Now, this isn't meant to you(I missed the mention of the cutters the first time I read that too) or anyone in particular, but am I the only one that thinks, when reading the comments that say "The author didn't mention this or that", that the author didn't explicitly mention those things, but clearly hinted at them?
1520680
...Fair enough, I amend my statement:
Equestria’s* tiny defence fleet received virtually no mention, merely being part of the system-wide footnote. I stand by my opinion that they deserve better.
1518566
Thank you, I sincerely appreciate the assistance!
1518866
Yup. Shuur is genuinely on their side, and is trying to show every ounce of respect he can. Turthak was doing something similar, by making sure its broadcasts included Equestrian; it was trying to establish them as peers of the Council races.
There would have been some. Probably even some ship captains. They would have been the exceptions, though; as far as they knew everything they were doing was sanctioned by the Council and fully justified; Peters had sent out a fleetwide message prior to departure, emphasizing that while this was horrible, it had to be done to protect the Council and the homeworlds. "If I had any other choice..." yada yada.
There's a reason Glenmore hates him so much.
1520558
Maybe eventually. I want to do some revisions first.
1520725
I'll probably have their last stand mentioned in "Aftermath," once I revise it.
Well, that was certainly an entertaining read! One of the better non-crossover scfi pony fics I've read, to be sure. the princess powered planetary defense shields was a really neat use of arcanotech, though I was kinda disappointed we didn't get to see Celestia as a planetary defense cannon. I guess Luna swinging the moon around like a mace was still pretty good.
I would have really liked to see Flutters and Dash interrogate the cat thing too.
1525130
And now I'm picturing Twilight and Picard having an uncomfortable argument over who gets Q.
1525470
That last part; you're going to. That's part of the revisions I have planned; I'll be putting at least part of that scene in.
1517992 Link please
Karazor I enjoyed Dread Critien and I enjoyed this I hope that you make it a trilogy
1529699 Lacuna. It's a pretty good story, though I have to admit to losing the thread a little and not quite being sure what happened in the end. Perhaps because I read it as the parts were posted, though, so there were lots of pauses where I could forget things.
Actually, something else I'd like to see? Something as a sort of bonus chapter. Clearly, one of the first questions the ponies will receive upon their introduction to the Council will be how they jumped ahead in tech so amazingly quickly. When the ponies answer that they got assistance from a whole nother universe, that would lead to a pretty awesome discussion between the ponies and the other Council members on the multiverse, and why humans seem to exist in no less than 3 different instances.
Now that's a discussion I would love to see!
1531542 That sort of question is sufficiently big that I'd rather see Karazor hang on to it for potential sequels rather than cram it into a mere chapter. On the offchance that he writes one someday. :)
1529512 How did I not notice that
1521039
Now that I think of it, the deal with language is kinda complicated) In the Dread Chitin, as I recall, the ponies and Duran had no problems with the language barrier.
So [Tethinar//Equestrian//whatever the guys from the Battletech universe were suppose to be speaking] are the same, but in Equestria's own universe ponies and humans - as anticipated - speak different languages.
1529512 That came to mind for me as well. Hah... oh man does that bring back memories. Al-time favourite moment in that game was the moment your allies gate in to save your butt in the last mission. And my second all-time favourite moment was when I went on a suicide mission with my mothership in a multiplayer game and won.
Good times, good times...
Hey Karazor, have you updated with your new bits yet? I wanna read it again.
Not that I'm demanding anything... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia2.png
1529512
Yeah, the earlier similarity to Homeworld was unintentional, but this one was a deliberate homage. I hope it wasn't too clumsy; that was a beautiful scene in the game.
1529699
...Kinda leaning that way. And thanks!
1531542
Gonna leave that for another story, I think.
1531971
1533549
Or possibly there's something funky going on with interdimensional travel that doesn't happen with intradimensional.
1534486
I've done some small edits, yeah, but the big one's still ongoing.
1544687
fixed oops
Meme generator
have fun