• Member Since 10th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

WorkNLurk


"I'm significant!" screamed the dust speck slowly spinning on the bigger dust speck which was floating solemnly inside an even larger dust speck.

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Mayor Mare works hard. Every day. Nonstop. But after a rancid stench in her office causes her to evacuate city hall, she's forced to have a day to herself. How will she fare in a such a non-bureaucratic atmosphere?

This will be a short chapter series about Mayor Mare trying not to work for a whole day. Hope you enjoy!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

Poor Mayor Mare, she is the opposite dilemma of most politicians, she's too good at her job. And the things she doesn't solve, Twilight and her friends usually sort out for her. :eeyup:

I have to wonder if she's at all familiar with Applejack and what happened when she tried to take a day off? :trixieshiftright:

9506272
That's the backward nature of Ponyville to me. :rainbowlaugh:

Hey! This gave me an idea of how to bring the US together, but I'm gonna have to throw up a lot.

9506535
I don't think even the collective vomit from the entire US would bring the country together. :rainbowlaugh:
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to forget that mental image I just gave myself...

So far an amusing story with sufficient descriptions and a reasonable pace. Just try not to put certain sound effects between the asterisks (*). That may be acceptable in comics, but you as a writer should be able to convey that someone coughed or burped by words. The same applies to the ellipses (...) taking up a single paragraph.

Still, Mayor Mare is a pretty underappreciated character, so it’s nice to see a story about her. Looking forward to the next chapters!

9538687
I have implemented your suggestions and the story flows so much better now. I don't know why I've done that ellipses thing a lot in my other stories; it just makes the story disjointed. Thank you for your input!
I appreciate constructive criticism when I get it. I am by no means perfect, after all. :raritywink:

Cancelled? Aw, this fic had so much potential! :ajsleepy:

10080563
Yeah, I had some ideas on how to end this story, but I got completely derailed writing that sequel to my only other one-off. It's still around somewhere, so I might come back to this. All efforts are focused on the final part of the trilogy right now lol but honestly, I liked the premise of this. Very interesting.

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