The 25 Days Of Hearth's Warming

by Sparkle Productions

Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming

The 25 Days Of Hearth's Warming
Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming
Sparkle Productions

The Main Six - plus Soarin - had fallen asleep at Twilight's castle. It had been a fun night, in fact it had been a fun 25 days. Nopony wanted it to end but all of them very well knew all good things eventually came to an end.

Pinkie was the first one to get up, "Happy Hearth's Warming!" She woke everypony up. Rainbow and Soarin - who were cuddled together - were the first to rise. Then Twilight before everypony else rose as well. They all smiled in happiness.

What a happy Hearth's Warming it was indeed. And only more happy times were destined to come in the not so distant future.

The end.

Author's Note:

Special thanks to Qibli2 who edited my story. Thank you again.

To everypony who stuck around, thank you for viewing my story and I hope you enjoyed!!

Comments

[Dashie04]

Editing here again because I’m not sure if you’d check the Docs again

The Main Six -- plus Soarin -- had fallen asleep at Twilight's castle. It had been a fun night, it in fact had been a fun 25 days. Nopony wanted it to end, but all of them very well knew all good things eventually came to an end.

Pinkie was the first one to get up, "Happy Hearth's Warming!" She said, waking everypony up. Rainbow and Soarin -- who were cuddled together -- were the first to rise. Then Twilight before everypony else rose as well. They all smiled in happiness.

What a happy Hearth's Warming it was indeed, and only more happy times were destined to come in the not so distant future.

[Dashie04]

I tend to rate stories, to help you improve, so I’ll do that.

This story is OK, it had a great concept, but the execution could’ve been better. While you do need an editor (no offense), you fixed a lot of your grammatical mistakes halfway through the story. The romance was developed a bit quickly, though I do like the ship. I’ll cite Lost Muse (OC x OC) as an example of what I think romance done right is. (Note, just my opinion, you might think differently, I respect that.)

Some parts were genuinely funny, humor is always welcome. Also, there was some confusion there, like what was Discord doing in one chapter? Although I do like Discord, he usually comes when his presence is requested or needed, not on his own merit. (Save for his tea parties with Fluttershy.)

Overall, I give this a 2.8/5
Pros:
-Cute
-Funny in certain parts
-Characters are not OOC

Cons:
-Ship developed too quickly
-Minor grammatical errors, mainly before I started editing, because I didn’t edit the first few chapters.
-Slightly confusing at certain parts.

Hope this helps
-Qibli2

[LightningChaser04]

I thought this had building a rocket or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel tower. Discovering something that doesn’t exist or giving a monkey a shower. Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots or Locating frankenstein’s brain. Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent or driving your Spitfire insane “Rainbow!” (Curse you, countless number of p and f memes)

[LightningChaser04]

10740134
Because it says 25 days, and the phineas and ferb theme starts with there’s a 104 days of summer vacation But I hope you add the insanity, brother busting and secret agent perry the platypuses/platypi/platypeople. But a secret agent Tank will do!