Yeah Discord sends Dashie to mobius hint hint he's not evil just helping Dash find love so lets see what happens in this ported edition of a story from this my wattpad account also includes Amy being a big b***t
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LightningDash1010
Joined 3rd Sep, 2018 ·
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...Where's Hamster when you need him..
i'm scared
9221108
idk. I haven't seen him around lately.
I think you might want to get a grammar checker. Those things are helpful.
Try Grammarly.
SonSal all the way!
just looking at the front, i can see this is going to be a... unique read. i try not to hate on stories as people just point out my own stories, but i do make some suggestions. 1. FIX YOUR SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION. I'm writing this on my xbox, but the punctuation is still better. ill make more suggestions when i actually read the story
2. keep the chapter names short and simple. 3. work on your pacing. Also, some of your depictions of characters are off.
i would suggest reading "WHO AM I?" its another story on fimfiction that i think could give you some great examples
...Sigh. This. This right here. This is why. This is why I write what I write. Everything that I despise. This hemorrhoid on the face of fanfiction and everything like it is what I write in defiance of.
I honestly don't understand why people have to shoot down the dreams of a budding, fledgling Hemingway.
9221108
Probably off being a dick to someone else.
9221313
You're lying through your teeth.
9221317
Sure, he can be blunt with his comments but sometimes he can be accurate.
9221305
if done correctly, it could be great.
9221108
dont unleash that asshole on this kid
9221279
i really dont care about sonic pairings. but rainbow seems a great match
9221354
I know. I'm doing it. But a good 90% of it is like this. Why Sonic crossovers have the reputation they do.
9221376 .... ill concede the point. but constructive criticism is better than hating. your just adding to the bad reputation of them.
9221363
I'm sorry.
9221385
for what? its just my opinion.
9221363
Forced pairings is never good, they would be better as competitive friends than forced lovers.
9221413
i agree that forced pairing arent good. and i totally see them as competitors. but under the right circumstances, they could be great.
9221421
Not really, there have been a number of girls Sonic could of married, but he prefers running, never to stay in one place, always going wherever his feet takes him, to be free. He wouldn't like marriage as it would force him to stay in one place.
Oh this is gonna be one of THOSE fics...
Past or present tense. Pick one and stick with it.
How does she know what God is? Also God should be capitalized.
Wut.
This line needs rewritten entirely. You shouldn’t be putting slash marks in a description like that, also this is still the first sentence. You definitely need a period or 3.
First, why is she concerned about clothes at all? She didn’t need them as a pony, and since she has no idea where she is, why does she care? Second, Sally is often nude, so this doesn’t make sense at all. Third, God should be capital.
If you’re going to sensor the word, don’t use it at all. Also, you really should show how she knows that Discord is wreaking havoc.
You sure do have a thing for run on sentences. Here I’ll help you with the dialog.
“Oh sweet Celestia! Discord is really going to get it when I get back! Wait, how am I going to get back?! it's not like he's going to pop up out of nowhere and say this was all some sick joke!” Not the best it could be, but it’s certainly a start to help you out.
I couldn’t get any further. You should consider rereading what you wrote to see if the story flows as well when written as it does in your head. I assume it doesn’t, but it’s nothing a bit of rewriting and an editor won’t fix.
9221425
...i concede the point. never thought of that.
9221445
When it comes to pairing, you have to check both characters, their personality, and their lives. In a AU sort of way, it would work, but that's as far as you would go.
9221313
Usually because the story deserves it. The author may not be doing it on purpose. But the story doesn't show it.
Grammer and punctuation are usually the best bets they need to stop, and do their homework again before doing more.
9221363
Ah, so you never read the comics?
9221465
the sonic comics? i have like 4 of them. ive never read the pony comics
Sonic the hedgehog once upon a time, came in my ass and delivered the goods. There, Rainbow Hedgehog painted my butthole with her essence, because she was delicious semen. Then I became lord farquaad and EEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEE
There Pinkie Pie came outside and turnt down for hwat because I was a naughty boy soy.
"You all know that I know that you know that we all know that I know that YOUR A FUCKING WHORE".
Then Rainbow Slut fuked THAT HOE SONIC.
The End
See I did it too, happy now.
i.imgur.com/tvWyiUU.jpg
9221313
I understood that reference. Bravo.
Why are all these shitty sonic crossovers showing up?
Welp.
9221108
Mourning an embarrassing loss to the browns.
9221317
>a sonic fan
' Nuff said.
Now the fic here...yikes. But this is the sonic fandom, so everyone here shouldn't be surprised.
Ugh, oh boy...
Why is there shitty stories?