The Call of Cthulestia and Other Strange Tales

by Sixes_And_Sevens

Going Through a Phase

“Cady?”

“Mm?”

Shining Armor trotted into his bedroom, where his wife was lying on the bed, paging through a novel. She set it down as he entered. “What’s the matter, Shiny? You look perplexed.”

“...You could say that,” Shining admitted. “I decided to go up to the attic --”

“This castle has an attic?”

“The upstairs storage rooms,” Shining amended. “I was looking for the baby toys Mom and Dad sent when Flurry was born, and I came across this one room that was just full of weird shit.”

Cadance frowned. “Merely weird, or really weird?”

“Well, there was a lot of copper,” Shining said. “Old and green copper, studded with blue and green gemstones. Armor -- probably ceremonial, seeing how weird the helmets looked, and there was this statue at the center.”

Cadance cringed. “Oh, don’t tell me -- was it a fish?”

“Maybe?” Shining hedged. “I thought it looked more like a snake, but there were fins, I think. You know what it is?”

Cadance sighed. “...Yeah,” she admitted. “Yeah, that’s… well, you remember how you felt when I came across the remains of your goth phase?”

Shining winced. “I thought we agreed to never mention that again,” he muttered.

“I thought you looked cute with all that mascara,” Cadance said. “But… yes, this is roughly the equivalent.”

“I don’t follow.”

Cadance tapped her hooves together. “Well, see, when you’re a god, sometimes you get… phases. Phases that you aren’t proud of, in hindsight.”

Shining stared at her blankly.

“I… may have started a mystery cult.” Cadance gave a tight grin.

“Oh,” Shining nodded. “I -- Hang on -- you had a fish cult? Why a fish cult? What do fish have to do with love?”

“It’s… complicated,” Cadance said. “And, um, slightly obscenely biological.”

“Well, now you have to tell me,” Shining said, taking a seat on the bed.

Cadance sighed and lay down next to him. “Well, see, there was this seapony, Lucida, and she fell in love with an earth pony prince. So she called to the forces of love to grant her the chance to be with him, and that’s me! That’s me, barely in my fourth century at the time, and I get this great idea to give her legs. And because magic like that needs a bit of equivalent exchange, I took her voice, just until she could get princey-boy’s attention.”

“Ouch. Not the first thing I’d have gone with if you’re trying to set her up for success.”

“Oh? What precisely do you think would have been better? Sight? Hearing? Mane?”

“I… alright, go on.”

“Well, thankfully it did work out in the end, and they got together and founded a new dynasty between the land and sea.”

“Well, that seems fine --”

“And then they had kids.”

“...Oh?”

“They were, how shall I put this, amphibious.”

“...Oh.”

“I mean, it’s all worked out okay in the end, their descendants are alive and thriving today, though the Kingdom of Innsmouth has lost its sovereign status some centuries ago, but I can’t show my face there without being hailed as the progenitor of a new pony subspecies.”

Shining let out a little ‘snrk’ of laughter.

“It’s not funny! They have a choir that they bring out whenever I pass through. Is it flattering? Yes. Is it good? Also yes. But it -- Shining Armor, stop laughing!”

Author's Note:

Finally realized I never actually posted this one here, thought it might tide things over for a bit while I push through a nasty bit of writer's block.

Comments

[Arkonfleight]

What a poor, unfortunate soul.

[Bigd2k]

11300220
That line made the whole reference make sense

[penguincascadia]

Nice to see this back!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Hey, doing stupid stuff that we look back on in shame is what adolescence is for. (Or, in my case, doubling down on it and never looking back. )

Delightful moment for the happy couple. Poor Shining didn’t ask to marry into the local pantheon—at least, I don’t think he did, not knowingly—but he’s handling it quite well. Here’s hoping the writer’s block clears up soon.