Season 6
118 & 119. The Crystalling
In a flash of purple light, Starlight Glimmer appeared in Twilight's castle, along with her time-traveling companion.
"How is she doing?" Starlight asked Twilight Sparkle, inquiring about her former self, whom she had previously left there with and equal sign on her flank.
"She's... fine," Twilight said of her Starlight. "Fully reformed but... who is that?" Twilight asked, looking at the other pony that Starlight had brought with her.
"Her? Oh, I made a little stop by the Mirror Pool on my way here," Starlight said, motioning to her duplicate.
"What's... what's wrong with her?" former Starlight asked. Starlight's duplicate stood at a crooked angle. Her eyes were crossed and she breathed through her open mouth, with a dribble of saliva hanging from her chin. Starlight looked at Twilight and blushed.
"I... I may have peed in the Mirror Pool. But isn't she cute though? I call her StarDim."
StarDim grunted.
"Anyway, since my former-self has been reformed, I brought a gift," Starlight said, pulling the cutie mark from StarDim.
"Gnah! Dat Urt!" StarDim groaned before she inflated like and over-filled balloon and exploded into smoky purple dust, zipping off through a window to return back to the Mirror Pool. With a flick of her magic, Starlight gave the cutie mark back to her former-self.
"Thanks," she thanked herself.
"By the way, this was in your mail," Starlight gave Twilight a letter from the Crystal Empire.
"Cadance had her baby!" Twilight said, reading the letter.
"I love babies!" Pinkie Pie said as she burst through the front door.
Not through the open front doorway.
Through the door. Like, the Hulk.
"And babies love Pinkie Pie," Starlight said with a smile. Her smile vanished as she looked at Twilight with a grave tone. "Do not EVER take Pinkie Pie away from that baby."
"Why?"
"Trust me on this. The fate of the Empire is at stake. Babies hate Pinkie withdrawal. At least until after Sunburst does the Crystaling."
"Sunburst?" former Starlight asked.
"Yeah. That unemployed pony kinda failed at life too, so don't feel bad about yourself. He needs to be given a purpose. He'll be happy to see you and he'll a be great Crystaller. Got it?"
"... kay."
"Great! Toodles!" And with another flash of light, she was gone.
120. The Gift of the Maud Pie
Starlight popped into reality on the sidewalk just outside a pool of yellow light cast by an overhead streetlamp. She glanced around fruitlessly before giving her eyes a few moments to adjust to the ambient darkness. Soon enough, the unassuming brown-and-grey storefront she was looking for became clear. But as she waited, she listened to the heady sounds of Manehattan by night, absorbing the steady clip-clop-ing of hooves on endless lengths of sidewalk, and the muffled cursing of taxi-drivers voicing their displeasure with themselves, each other, and the world at large.
Within moments, the light in the shop window flicked off. Starlight grinned and moved closer to the door, continuing to wait. She heard the sound of hooves approaching, followed by a jingling of a bell above the door as a grizzled-looking grey-maned stallion pushed through to the sidewalk. He didn’t make it very far, though, because Starlight lit her horn and shoved him back into the shop with her magic, clamping tight bands of force around his legs and muzzle alike. She stalked after him quickly, and pulled the door closed behind them.
All was silence in the dark shop, save for the old stallion’s ragged, panicked breathing. The only light came from Starlight’s horn, and the bands keeping the stallion immobile and quiet.
“I couldn’t help but notice something in your advertisements,” Starlight said eventually, her voice slicing the silence to ribbons. She held a glowing leaflet up in her magic, and pointed at one particular blue pouch depicted on it. Though she still couldn’t see many of the stallion’s details in the relative darkness, she could feel it in her horn as he tensed against his magical bonds. “Oh yes. You wondered if somepony would notice it, or if they’d just think it was a typo?”
Again, she felt it in her magic as he strained his jaw in an attempt to speak. But she responded by clamping her band of force tighter around it.
“Hand-stitched,” Starlight said, letting the words hang in the air after uttering them. The old pony continued to mumble, but Starlight merely shushed him. “There there, it’s not such a big mistake. Ponies at all levels who watch for this sort of thing missed it. I even missed it when I was getting ready for this mission. It was actually my friend Maud who pointed it out to me, and even then it was just as the one word, on the one document, that she didn’t know the meaning of. But you and I do, don’t we? And I’ll wager this was the day that you yourself finally noticed that you’d slipped-up and wrote “hand” instead of “hoof” in your ad. Which brings us to the little trip you’re planning…”
As the stallion began to writhe against the bands, Starlight used her magic to fish a pair of tickets out from his coat pocket. “You know, the midnight train is awfully late for a filly of your grand-niece’s age. But then, you both already know how important it is to get out of town until the heat dies down, don’t you… Garish Glow!”
Starlight flared her horn, and cast a beam of aqua light on the old stallion’s grey coat and red-chess-pawn cutie mark.
“I checked,” Starlight continued. “You’re both wanted criminals on the other side of the mirror. That’s right; your own grand-niece… not even age ten, and already wanted for racketeering, conspiracy, and blackmail. You’re raising a fine young filly, if you don’t mind my saying.”
Garish Glow’s shoulders began to shake with muffled laughter. “Well go on, then,” Starlight said, giving him a toothy sneer as she loosened the band around his muzzle. “Got something to say for yourself?”
He barked a wizened old laugh as he was finally able to get his muzzle open wide. “Cozy Glow’s a survivor, just like me… only younger. Sharper. You think bagging me’ll lead you to her? Stupid mare… you’ve already thrown our timetable off enough tonight to tell her I’ve been compromised. Between that and us finding the typo, she’ll hide herself so deep that you’ll never find her!”
Starlight grinned before wrapping Garish’s mouth shut again with her magic. “You think this is just about her? It isn’t, smart guy. It’s not even about seeing you pay for what you did back on the other side of the mirror, though I’m cool with that, if I can get it. It’s about you… being here... running this stupid little shop. You’re not taking a vacation; you’re not even taking a long lunch. You get your butt back here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next one, until I tell you otherwise. Unless, of course, you’d rather I just knock your pawn-butt off the board now and hire a temp to run it for a while? I mean, I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to build ties with law enforcement on the side of the mirror that you came from.”
A tension at the corners of Garish’ eyes betrayed hints of fear. Starlight gave a cold grin of satisfaction as she watched that fear spread across his whole face.
“Didn’t think so,” she said smugly. Then she headed for the door. She cut out all her magic in an instant as she pushed through it, letting him fall in a tangle of limbs on the floor. “Have fun running your little sack shop,” she called back over her shoulder. “Oh, and stick around; you’ve got a pizza coming in about ten minutes.”
121. On Your Marks
Apple Bloom heaved a heavy sigh and let herself slump atop the CMC Clubhouse’s podium. “Look, I know our cutie marks are amazing, but is that all we're gonna do now? Just spend our days starin' down at our own flanks?”
A sound like space and time having a head-on collision rent the ensuing silence, causing the fillies to shriek and jump. When it was over, they all went wide-eyed at the sight of none other than Starlight Glimmer leaning nonchalantly against a wall.
“Hey girls,” Starlight Glimmer said. “I’m here to help you with your little problem!”
“What problem?” Scootaloo asked.
Starlight took a slow, casual look at one of her forehooves. “Oh, y’know, the one where getting your cutie marks is ruining your life?” She grinned at their small, stunned faces. “I mean, c’mon; I got my start by taking ponies’ cutie marks away from them. How perfect is it that the same spell can be used for good instead?”
The trio stood staring at her, absolutely gobsmacked.
“Alllllrighty then!” Starlight rubbed her forehooves together. Who’s first?”
“But… what about my flank?” Sweetie squeaked.
Starlight shrugged. “You’re bound to get an updated character model eventually.”
“But that won’t replace our marks,” Scootaloo added. “I mean, I’ve got some kind of wing and lightning bolt—”
“Ooo,” Starlight interrupted. “Kid, do ya… do ya want the bad news now? Or would you rather let it happen on its own?”
Scootaloo clamped her muzzle shut, nodded, and looked at the floor.
“Apple Sticks?” Starlight asked.
“It’s Apple Bloom, ma’am. And I… I dunno.” She furrowed her tiny little brows. “I guess y’all might’ve known I reckoned for a long time now that the spirit of bein’ a Crusader lies in the Crusade. Y’know, that by workin’ hard and betterin’ ourselves each day, we learn more about the ponies we are now, and about how we wanna shape both ourselves and the world as we grow up. Because, I mean, knowin’ y’self ain’t ever really done, is it? It’s possible to understand y’self today, but each day y’self is always changin’, y’know?”
Starlight nodded dumbly for a moment. “So was that a ‘yes?’ You kinda overwhelmed my country-mumbo-jumbo filter once you hit that first ‘y’all.’”
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Denial of Service Attackers, YAY!” shouted Scootaloo, who leaped up and punched a hoof into the air. A pair of grins slowly stole over the faces of both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who soon repeated the declaration.
“See, doesn’t that sound more interesting than being three under-glorified guidance counselors?” asked Starlight, who knew from experience that being the real thing was, well… Totally Legit™.
122. Gauntlet of Fire
Princess Twilight Sparkle was nerding out again.
"This could be my chance to make a great contribution to the knowledge of Equestria!" She hopped in place until she remembered she was supposed to be the Princess of Friendship. Full-on nerdgasm tended to make her forget, well, everything that was actually important. "And be there for Spike, heh, of course."
"Be very careful," said Princess Celestia. "The Dragon Lands are particularly dangerous for ponies. It would be wise to be discreet."
"Ooooor," said Starlight Glimmer, as she trotted into the Map Room like she owned the place. Which, let's be honest, she kinda did. "I could come here from the future and make it easier!"
Twilight groaned. Rarity scoffed. Spike scratched. Luna was present. And Celestia sipped pointedly from her tea without giving Starlight so much as a glance.
"Starlight Glimmer," she said coolly. "I had thought Twilight's doorstep was looking overly illuminated lately."
Starlight gave her a look that could have frozen a pond over in July. "Mother."
"Oh great!" cried Twilight, throwing her hooves in the air like she didn't care, which, let's be honest, she didn't. "Starlight's here from the freaking future again, ready to short-circuit all of our plans and teach us exactly diddly--"
You could hear the train brakes squeal as Twilight's jaw hit the floor. "WHAT DID JUST YOU STARLIGHT SAY?"
One might have gotten the impression Twilight was a little upset, grammar having failed her and all.
Starlight and Celestia, who had been locked in ocular combat until that moment, both broke out into a fit of giggles, unable to hold their glowers any longer lest Celestia spray tea all over the room.
"Oh, Twilight, the look on your face!" chortled Celestia. She was a princess, and princesses did not guffaw.
Starlight had to hold her barrel, she was laughing so hard. "Oh my… Oh my Celestia, we got you so good, Twilight!"
"Ah, yes!" shouted Luna, overly loud as usual. "'Twas a most excellent joke!" Rivers of sweat ran down her forehead. "One I was in on from the very beginning! Ha! Ha ha ha! Ha!"
Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes. "What is it this time, Starlight?"
Starlight produced something from her saddlebags, a long pole of some kind, wrapped in cloth. "Here you go, Spike."
He paused in scratching at his glowing scales long enough to accept the gift. Had he not been so preoccupied, he might have thought twice about taking anything from a pony who'd recently been busy brainwashing herself a cult in the boonies. But if there was one skill Spike had mastered in his short, stupid life, it is the ability to metabolize concentrated bullshit without any damage to his own well-being. He just had zero fucks left to give. Plus, when he touched the thing, the glowing stopped, so that was a bonus.
"Congratulations!" crowed Starlight. "You're the new Dragon Lord!"
"What?" shouted everyone but Starlight and Celestia.
"My, my," said Celestia, sipping her tea. "All the way from the Flamecano by yourself?"
"You got it, Princess!" Starlight said with a grin. "Now, I know what you're thinking, Twilight, but all that's changed is your need for discretion! You can take Spike to the Dragon Lands with Rarity, exchange culture notes, the whole nine yards, and you won't have to put yourselves in mortal danger.
"Be sure to give that to Princess Ember when you get there." She nodded to the rod, which had been revealed as a bejeweled scepter after the wrapping fell away. "Then you won't need to worry about ruling or any nonsense, and you can all be friends and stuff. Won't that be great?"
Twilight let out a loud, un-princess-like sigh. Rarity shook her head. Luna had fallen asleep, it being the middle of the day and all. Celestia sipped her tea.
"Oh, one more thing." Starlight pulled Spike in close and whispered, "That little stick gives you the power to command your fellow dragon. So before you give it to Ember? Don't forget to make Garble your bitch."
Spike gave her the shit-eating-est grin one creature had ever given another in the history of facial expressions.
"Starlight Glimmer," he said, shaking her hoof, "it's been a pleasure and an honor!"
With a little chuckle, Starlight took a step back and charged her horn. "Okay, see you all in a week! Love you, kisses, byeeee!" And then she was gone.
"Spiiiiike," Twilight said in her most mother-warning tone of voice, "what did Starlight tell you?"
"Heh, don't you worry none, Sparkle." Spike shined his claw and checked out his reflection in the scepter's gem. "Ol' Spike's got himself a dragon kingdom to rule. Come, my subjects away!"
As he toddled out the door, all Twilight could do was follow behind, impotently shouting his name.
123. No Second Prances
Starlight gazed forlornly at her own stupid face in the water.
"What is going on?" she groaned. "This is Ponyville. If I can't make friends here, there's gotta be something wrong with me!" She sighed. "Okay, calm down. Nobody makes friends with a total stress-case."
And then, like a total stress-case, she began stressing the fuck out.
"Stop stressing!" she told herself, in the manner a normal pony does. "Stop--mmph!"
Her impending embarrassing outburst was cut short by a strangely familiar pink hoof.
"Stop stressing," Starlight said to Starlight, a good bit quieter.
Starlight's eyes went wide, then flat. She sighed into the hoof before prying it from her mouth.
"Oh great. Me from the future. Let me guess, you're here to teach me how to make friends?"
Starlight shrugged and grinned. "Nah. I'll leave that part to you. Time's short, let's walk and talk on the way to the spa. Absolutely nopony will notice there's two of us here."
"The spa?" Starlight raised an eyebrow.
"Come on," said Starlight, barely holding back an eye-roll, "can you think of any better place for you to be at the moment?"
"Good point." Starlight nodded, following Starlight as she dug in her saddlebags.
"So, the good news is, today you will make a very, and I mean very, good friend. The bad news? That friendship will take a sharp left down Drama Street for Hysterics-town lickety-split."
Starlight moaned. "This isn't exactly helping my stress levels, you know."
"I know!" Starlight grinned at her and produced something large and heavy in a brown paper bag, levitating it between them. "So trust me when I say this is the best news. All you need to do is apply this, the drama will be completely avoided, and our future will be so much better. You'll know when the moment is right." She gave herself a huge wink.
Starlight took the bag, watching herself trot on ahead. "That's it? Just use..." She peered inside. "A book? For drama-less friendship?"
"Maybe read it at the spa!" Starlight called behind herself. "Use the paper bag it came in, too! Be you later!" And she vanished in a flash of magic.
Pulling the book all the way out of the bag, Starlight read the cover.
"The Ka-Mare Su-Trot?" Her eyebrows went into orbit. "I am now really intrigued by this 'friend' I'm supposed to meet..."
She started leafing through the book as she made for the spa, using the brown bag to hide its cover, as instructed.
"Ooh, it's the new original Ponish translation by Goodpony Bookpuns, too!"
124. Newbie Dash
Rainbow Dash merrily walks on the field of the Wonderbolt's Academy in her newly acquired Wonderbolt's uniform, finally doing what she wanted most since she was just a filly.
Heading towards the other side of the most identifiable feature of the academy, the large runway, without a worry in the world, not paying attention to her surroundings or the first rule while crossing the runway "Always check both ways before crossing the runway", which is basic and simple, who can forget something like that?, she could've seen a pair of Wonderbolts flying at top speed towards the runway making the middle of it a collision point that will ultimately result in a disaster in which poor Rainbow Dash would gain the once forgotten nickname of "Rainbow Crash"...
Or so would be it if it wasn't for a meddling Starlight Glimmer.
A flash of lavender light get's in the peripheral vision of Rainbow Dash and when she turns her head to look at it, the flash happens again, leaving a confused Rainbow Dash and an empty runway to cross.
125. A Hearth's Warming Tail
The ponies of Ponyville prepare to celebrate Hearth's Warming in Twilight's castle, inside, present Starlight Glimmer isn't too keen on celebrating it this year, that is, until a note appeared over her head and landed on it, which she proceeded to check.
"Celebrate it. You'll be spared a lecture and won't lose friendship points from Twilight."
"Sounds reasonable"
She checked the other side and something was written on it.
"If unconvinced consult the book"
"What boo- *Ow*"
A decently sized book titled "A Hearth's Warming Tale" appeared over her head and landed on it with a decently amount of force.
126. The Saddle Row Review
Rarity, though surrounded by friends and committed to her venture, was thrown into a panic due to the state of her new boutique on the day of its opening. “What am I going to do-o-o!” she wailed.
Just then, Starlight Glimmer popped in and said, “Couldn’t help but overhear Rarity. It seems like you have a lot of simple things to deal with before the opening. So, why don’t you just use magic?”
Rainbow Dash was the first to reply, “That’s your answer to everything.”
“That’s because it works,” Glimmer said.
“Hard work ‘works’,” AJ responded. “Magic just messes everything up.”
“Work smarter, not harder,” Glimmer quoted. “Am I right, Twilight?”
“We are using magic, Starlight,” Twilight answered. “The magic of friendship. Together, there’s nothing we can’t do. Maybe a spell could be useful, but working as a team is always the most rewarding.”
“Yes, rah, teamwork, friendship, et cetera,” Rarity cheered with her friends. She then turned to Starlight and asked in a whisper “What are you thinking? For a spell I mean? What do your recommend?”
“I think you’ll like this one.” For the next 10 seconds, Rarity, under the effects of Exelero, completed absolutely everything that needed to be done in the store.
Twilight gave Starlight an incredulous glare, but Applejack looked apologetic, hat in hoof. “Wow, that was, uh… do you think I could, uh, maybe ask for that spell next cider season?”
“I’ll think about it.” She called out as she left, “Have a good opening, Rarity!”
“I can’t thank you enough, Darling!” she called back with a song.
“Can you two please stop encouraging her?” Twilight scolded.
“Do you think if she used that spell on me I could hit light speed?” Rainbow asked.
“Rainbow Dash, I swear to Celestia-”
127. Applejack's Day Off
It was a warm, fine day at Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack leaped off the top of her barn with a smile. She soared out over the pig-yard below, gritting her teeth in anticipation of the rope around her midsection pulling tight, leaving her to dangle back and forth from the ungainly apparatus that she'd rigged for the purpose of performing just one of the myriad arcane steps in the ritual of pig-feeding.
But before it could pull tight, she heard the loud pop of time travel spell resolving nearby. She cursed under her breath that she even knew what that sounded like, then cursed again as she saw Starlight Glimmer waving at her from the path that led to the barn. Her horn was lit--a sure sign of trouble.
In fact, Applejack was so distracted by Starlight's sudden appearance that she missed the moment when she would've expected the rope to catch her. It wasn't until just before she landed hooves-first on the squishy--but still not entirely yielding--ground below, that she began to realize something was amiss.
*SPLOOSH*
In time--which may well have been just a hoof-full of seconds--Applejack brought her muzzle up and out of the mud and muck of the pig pen. Rattled as she was, it took another few moments for her to realize that Starlight was standing just on the other side of the pig fence.
“First of all, I'm sorry,” Starlight said. “I slowed your fall down a lot with my magic, but you're heavier than you look, y'know?”
“Wut,” Applejack burbled.
“You're just so stubborn,” Starlight said. “Thinking you don't need a break every once in a while. Thinking everything has to be done ‘just so,’ otherwise it's crap! Well guess what, your rope could've broken without magical intervention, and then where would you be? Assuming you even survived the fall, you would've had to hire help for a while so you could rest. And they wouldn't know all your crazy ‘just so’ ways of doing things.” She took a long breath. “You know, that's the whole point of hiring professionals: they'll do it right the first time, and it'll all work out for the better in the long run.”
Starlight then levitated out a stack of coupons, and a book. “Here's some ‘light reading’ about operational efficiency and process improvement. Go to the freakin’ spa a few times and read it.”
With that, there was a loud POP, and Starlight was gone.
A pig walked over and nuzzled at Applejack’s side. She rolled over with a groan, picked herself up off the ground, and patted a mud-slick hoof on the pig’s back.
“Maybe she's right, ol’ girl,” Applejack said. “Maybe it's time we just refocus Sweet Apple Acres on producing Apple- and Zap-Apple-based products, and quit trying to prime the pump for a Ponyville bacon market.”
The pig grunted at her.
“Naw, don't worry, ol’ girl; we'll make sure y’ go to a good new home.”
And that's how Griffonstone began its new tradition of an annual Baconfest.
128. Flutter Brutter
"Actually," said Fluttershy's father, failing to hide his chagrin, "it's funny you bring Zephyr up..."
Fluttershy's face fell. "Oh no! Not again!"
"It's just for a little while, dear," said her mother, failing to console. "'Til he gets back on his--"
The door burst inward.
"Mom! Dad!"
Haggard, dirt-stained and near mane-less, Zephyr Breeze swept into the house like a hurricane, collecting his parents in a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you both!"
With a gasp, he dropped them and rushed to his sister, catching her up and squeezing her tight.
"Fluttershy! Big sis, I'm so glad you're here!"
Fluttershy was stunned. Was he... crying into her mane?
"Zephyr?"
He separated from her, looking into her eyes with a thousand-yard stare. "Oh, Fluttershy, I'm just... I'm so overwhelmed..." His breath caught in his throat.
"Um," said Rainbow Dash, "am I missing something?"
"Is that Rainbow Dash?" Zephyr smiled, releasing Fluttershy and moving over to Dash, extending his hoof. "Rainbow, I am so, so sorry for the way I've treated you. As long as we've known each other, I've been nothing but a... a jerk to you. I hope you'll give me a second chance to show that I've become a changed pony. I want us to be friends."
Dash shook his hoof limply, unable to pick her jaw up off the ground enough to do anything else.
"I agree with Rainbow Dash," said Mrs. Shy. "Goodness gracious, Zephyr, you're an absolute mess, are you all right?"
Her husband put a wing around her. "And you've gotten so strong. Did something happen, son?"
Zephyr looked one by one at the ponies in the room with him, smiling at each in turn. "I've got quite a story to tell, but I don't know if you'll believe me..."
~
Earlier...
"Talent-less hack?" Zephyr stomped the unyielding sidewalk. "Wouldn't know a mane if it bit me in the flank?" He kicked a nearby trash can and only hurt his hoof. "I'll show those ungrateful... Cloudsdale Mane Therapy School? Hah! More like Cloudsdale Mane Therapy... Fools!"
As he congratulated himself on a rhyme well done, a whiff of ozone, a flash and a pop in front of him caught his attention. A pink unicorn mare wearing black, spiky armor materialized in front of him, coughing on her own smoke.
"What in the wide, wide world of Equestria?"
The mare gagged once, then turned a broad smile to him. "Hi there! Zephyr Breeze?"
It took a moment for Zephyr to pull himself out of his confused stupor, but a moment was all he needed to slick back his mane and turn on the ol' Zeph charm.
"My reputation precedes me," he said in what he thought was a sultry tone of voice. "But I'm afraid you have me at an advantage, miss?"
"Not important. Tell me, do you like antiques?" She indicated her armor. "This is a really classic piece, don't you think?"
'Confused' did not do justice to the emotions Zephyr was feeling at that moment.
"Antiques? What?"
The mare trotted up to him and lay a hoof on his shoulder. "Wanna see where I got it from? Great, let's go!"
In a poof, they both disappeared. When the smoke cleared, Zephyr found himself staring up at a tall spire of black crystal surmounted by purple flames. Atop it, a black unicorn howled and laughed maniacally. Below, a chain gang of ponies who sparkled dully in the firelight slumped past, heads low.
"Hey!" shouted the mare next to him. "I've got a straggler here!"
One of the guards, wearing black armor identical to the mare's, perked up and trotted over their way. Zeph got the feeling he didn't want to be there, but before he could turn tail, she gave him a little push from behind, and he stumbled into the guard. An iron collar was immediately slapped around his neck.
"Pretty sure he's the one who's been stealing armor, too," the mare said, putting a helmet on. "Make sure he's taken care of."
The guard saluted. "You're a tall one," he said. "You'll make a fine addition to His Majesty's work force." He hauled Zeph toward the line of slave ponies.
"Wait!" Zephyr shouted. "You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am?"
"A severe pain in the flank," said the mare coldly. She trotted over as the line was stopped so Zeph could be added to it. "But don't worry," she whispered, "I'll be back in thirty seconds."
As Zephyr howled in fear and anguish, the mare disappeared in a flash.
~
True to her word, Starlight re-materialized an instant later, if a few years into the future. It was a minor effort for her to infiltrate the ranks of King Sombra's military, running willy-nilly as they were while a pair of alicorns assaulted the Crystal Keep. She wove her way through the halls, down, down into the crystal mines below. The chaos of the surface was perhaps even more pronounced here, as slaves broke their chains and fought back against their captors with pickaxes, shovels and chunks of mined crystal.
There, in the center, stood a lanky green pegasus, wielding his broken chains like flails. His mane had been shorn, and he was both bulkier and thinner than when she'd last seen him, but a pony that tall couldn't go unnoticed. She removed her helmet and armor, dodging around the skirmishers, until she came up next to him.
"Go, my brothers and sisters!" he shouted. "To free--You?"
She grinned at him. "How's it going?"
"Oh, it's been amazing!" he cried. "Sure, the work was killer, but I've been helping organize the slave rebellion from within. Our freedom is at hoof!"
"That's great," said Starlight, patting him on the shoulder. "Ready to go back home?"
To her surprise, he hesitated. "What about my comrades in arms?"
"Don't worry," she said, chuckling. "You can see them again in a thousand years."
And she lit her horn.
129. Spice Up Your Life
Starlight huddled low beneath one of the fragrant restaurant’s back tables, clutching a long-barreled weapon close to her chest. She perked her ears up and grinned as her cue finally approached.
“If Zesty Gourmand is coming here tonight, there is quite a bit of work that needs to get done,” Rarity declared from out of sight.
“Like what?” Pinkie chirped.
“Like not one motherbuckin’ thing!” Starlight roared, overturning the table with her magic and slinging her weapon up onto the stool that she’d been hiding behind. Pinkie, Rarity, and the two ponies they’d come to help—Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin—all gasped at the sudden outburst. Then three horns came alight as the realization crossed their faces that they were staring down the barrel of a—
*BANG!*
Rarity dropped like a stone. Pinkie shrieked and fell to her haunches next to her fellow Element Bearer. Saffron and Corinader both gasped, rolled their eyes in panic, and bolted for the door.
But Starlight reacted quicker, lighting her horn and locking the door tight with her magic. The two ponies tugged fruitlessly on it before whinnying with dismay and running in opposite directions.
“Wait a minute!” Pinkie shouted, holding up a hoof… and holding something in it.
Starlight smiled at the sight of the feathered dart Pinkie had plucked from Rarity’s barrel.
“A tranquilizer dart?!” Pinkie bellowed, the expression on her muzzle turning toward rage. “Starlight Glimmer, you mean meanie-pants! You nearly scared the poopies out of us with that little stunt!”
From somewhere nearby, Coriander cleared his throat. “Not… nearly,” he said, his voice as small as he could make it.
“It was necessary,” Starlight said, slinging the tranquilizer gun back over her shoulder. “Rarity meant well… all of you do, really… but the next thing that was gonna come out of her mouth would’ve doomed all of you to a truckload of unnecessary drama.”
Saffron stalked out from cover, frowning at Starlight. “And how does shooting a patron in the middle of lunch qualify as any less ‘necessary drama’ than what our nice Amareican friend here would’ve inflicted on us?!”
“Clearly you’ve never met Rarity before,” Starlight deadpanned. “No, look: your food’s pretty good. Me and Trixie love stopping by anytime we’re in town—”
“If I ever see you again I will do worse than just spitting in your food,” Coriander muttered as he worked a push broom.
Starlight cleared her throat. “Try it and I’ll bring the health department down on your flank so hard, you’ll think it’s actual literary analysis being brought to bear on an actual literal plot.” She stared Coriander down until he broke eye contact and went back to cleaning. “But what I was getting at is that Zesty Gourmand is all well and good, but you just need to get some plots in seats here. Pinkie, you can spread the word about how great this place is, right?”
“Abso-tute-ly!”
With a nod to Pinkie, Starlight turned to meet Saffron’s quizzical expression. “And you can handle the blow back that’s gonna happen when you have an uppity food critic get their feathers ruffled by a house full of otherwise happy customers, right?”
“I… of course,” Saffron answered.
“Well then, that’s a wrap.” Starlight flared her horn and disappeared in the cascading energy of her time-travel spell.
For a long moment after she disappeared, silence reigned. But eventually Coriander cleared his throat and turned to Pinkie. “So, miss Pie. This Starlight friend of yours… is she single?”
Saffron looked aghast. “Father! What could possibly motivate you to chase the youthful tail of this arrogant, time-traveling, gun-slinging she-devil?!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Coriander said, fighting down a blush. “No reason?”
130. Stranger Than Fanfiction
Starlight popped into existence on a balcony overlooking the Daring Do Convention, scanning the crowds and the plethora of booths for a familiar rainbow maned mare. The colors were overwhelming, but eventually she spotted Rainbow Dash sitting across from what looked to be a bar of some type. “Bingo.”
“Cause they're horrible! I mean, there isn't a single thing after Ring of Destiny that is ev-” Quibble was cut off with duct tape wrapping around his muzzle, stopping his analytical spew before it could trigger Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow whipped her head around, searching for the source, and found Starlight sitting to her right. She resigned herself to accepting Starlight's 'assistance,’ and groaned quietly. “Celestia dammit... I go away for a little while and you still show up, what is it Starlight?” The pegasus chugged the rest of her cider.
Quibble flailed his limbs, both scared and angry that he was suddenly silenced, he needed to talk, that was his thing! “Mmm!”
Starlight just ignored him and calmly spoke to Dash. “Listen Dash, this guy has a different opinion of the books than you, big deal, everyone has opinions, so just relax and have a civil conversation like a big filly. I mean, he likes your holes, so maybe try and get along instead of lunging for his throat?”
“My... Holes?” Rainbow's cheeks gained a few shades of red as she avoid both pony's gazes.
“Yeah, you know, the arrow holes in your hat.” Starlight turned to Quibble, who had settled on an angry scowl. “Now, you, you need to shut up, nobody likes an analyst! Enjoy the convention, and maybe analyze the cover of the The Ring of Destiny, you know who is on the cover? Rainbow Dash, she was there pal, it's real.” Starlight ripped the tape off and balled it up, throwing it away blindly, where it stuck to the very grouchy bar-mare's head.
All three ponies disappeared in a flash, reappearing in Rainbow Dash's hotel room, with Quibble rubbing his muzzle in pain. “So, now that we've cleared the air to keep you two from arguing over what is canon, you can get to what you both actually want.” Starlight picked them up in her magical aura and placed them on the bed. Together. And left a ring shaped object in a small square wrapper. “Bye!”
The two looked at each other, blushing furiously when Starlight reappeared, snatching up the Super Duper Daring Do Deluxe Bondage Body Pillow that Dash had purchased earlier. “I'm confiscating this for... Reasons... Bye again!” She was gone again.
"Who was that?!"
"Shut up Quibble."
~
In Daring Do's room, the adventurer spun around at the sound of a magic pop, finding The Seven-Sided Chest of Chicomoztoc on the room's table, with a small note next to it. Both were on top of a pizza box, nice and neatly presented to the her. She cautiously approached the box and peeked at the note, not sure if this was a trap or something completely inexplicable. ‘Daring Do - You're welcome, enjoy the pizza. (And put Dash and her boyfriend in the next book.) - Starlight Glimmer’
“Huh.”
She decided it was something completely inexplicable.
131. The Cart before the Ponies
Starlight once again stepped out from the portal as she’s done a hundred times or so. Blinking a few times in the morning sun, she spied three ponies upon a hill. “Oh, apples, quit complaining! In my day, we were up even earlier!” Applejack said with a grin, the unicorn and the pegasus beside her nodded.
“Hey, I'd get up in the middle of the night if it means my cart crosses that finish line first and wins fastest!” Rainbow Dash took to the air, emphasizing her words with her forelegs.
Just as Rarity opened her muzzle was when Starlight, stepped in. “Alright, enough is enough.” The three mares, and three fillies all looked towards the sound of the voice as Starlight crested the hill.
“Well, I never!” Rarity snorted a bit, her eyes narrowing as the purple unicorn came closer.
“Oh hush! Like you need to try and tell me I have bad manners. Look at what you three are doing!” The mare waved her hoof in the direction of the fillies. “This race is for them. Not for you big old losers to try and relive your foal-hoods!”
“Hey!” Came a cry from above.
She narrowed her eyes again at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t make me come up there. Now, have you ever considered what they wanted?” Applejack opened her mouth to retort, but quickly shut it with a frown.
“She’s right ya’ll… We never did ask the youngins what they wanted…” Rarity and Rainbow Dash looked at each other for a moment, before both of them looked down in shame.
“There. Now my work here is done.” Starlight turned to leave before stopping in her track. “Oh wait! One last thing.” With a sly grin, she teleported behind Rainbow Dash and cuffed her upside the head. “That’s for next time.” She said quickly.
Before the pegasus could even respond, Starlight disappeared in a flash of light, leaving two confused mares and an angry pegasus. “Hey?! Grrr! Why do we keep letting her get away?!” With a shrug from the other two, Rarity and Applejack approached their respective sisters.
“Look, sorry we got carried away. We just had so much fun with it before, we wanted to make sure you all got the same experience!”
“Right, but we should really take your ideas into consideration. As this is YOUR race after all.” The two foals hugged their sisters, while Rainbow huffed in annoyance.
“I TOTALLY would have the fastest cart.” Rainbow grumbled, a pout on her face and her forehooves crossed.
“Whatever you say Rainbow Dash. Can we go build our carts now?” Scootaloo stifled a giggle, nuzzling the older, blue Pegasus.
“Fine~....” The group shared a small laugh that Rainbow quickly joined in on. The echoes of laughter, carried itself on the wind and into the trees. Up above, a small twinkle, shone in the morning sky.
132. 28 Pranks Later
The smell of ozone drifted into Rainbow Dash's cloud home and caught her attention. There were only a couple possible sources of the ozone smell, and after recent events, she was pretty sure she knew the origin. “Starlight...” Her voice held a hint of frustration in it, she wouldn't let the time-traveling unicorn interfere anymore, not again. The encounter at the Daring Do Convention had been embarrassing enough already.
“Where are you Glimmer?! I know you're here!” The pegasus called out the meddling unicorn, flying through her large home, searching each room as quickly as possible. Halfway through her search, she made her way into the foyer, landing in the center of the cloud tower, her eyes wide in shock. “What the hay…”
Starlight stood on the balcony, watching Rainbow Dash chug a keg of cider, one of many, many barrels now filling the foyer. In her magical aura, she held a box of prank supplies she had found in a closet, and incinerated it. “And done.”
~
“I think Rainbow Dash really took our intervention seriously, she hasn't pranked anypony in 3 days now.” Twilight smiled proudly, her and her friends, had stopped the Rainbow menace before it spun out of control. However she was wondering what Dash was up to after having not seen her the past few days. She didn't see the daredevil every day, but usually she would spot a rainbow streak in the sky at the very least.
Fluttershy nervously pawed at the cloud. “She's never been this quiet before…”
When Twilight pushed the front door open, both stumbled backwards, the smell of cider was so strong Twilight was sure she was feeling buzzed just from inhaling. Shaking her head did no good, the smell was to strong, masking the faint scent of... Pizza.
In the center of the foyer, Rainbow Dash, surrounded by empty cider kegs, and pizza boxes, gave a wobbly wave. “Hiya Twiggy n’ Butterball... Heh, lookie what Shtarwright gave me.”
A glass of chocolate milk spilled in Twilight's imagination, her eye twitched, and a single mane hair curled up.
“Dear Twilight, you should know Rainbow Dash well enough to know she needs extra explaining to get things through it her. I mean, really? You gave up trying to explain things to her and decided to let it play out. When she recovers from the worst hangover in history, maybe tie her down and actually have a talk with her about pranking having a code of conduct.
PS - I charged this to your royal credit card.”
Fluttershy finished reading the note she had found, and turned to Twilight, who was still standing in the doorway. “Uhm. Are you okay Twilight?”
Rainbow Dash hiccuped.
133. The Times They Are a Changeling
The cave was cold. It was also deeper than Starlight Glimmer had thought as when she popped into existence she instantly started plummeting into the ravine. Luckily, she was caught very quickly. Plot conveniently quickly some might say. The changeling was holding her by the mane in his mouth. “Ahh, Steve, there you are.” Starlight said as her horn lit and the two of them vanished.
“That’s why we posted the extra guards. And…” Shining Armour said but had his sister finished his sandwich.
“Checking every pony’s identity.”
*pop*
“Argh! There it is!” Spike yelled “Starlight, get away from it!”
“I’m over here Spike.” Starlight replied.
“Argh! It’s copying Starlight!” Spike yelled again.
“Guard! Form ranks! Defend Flurry Heart!” Shining Armour ordered as he moved towards the two changelings. As the stallions formed a wall in front of Cadence, Flurry Heart and Sunburst, Shining Armour advance while pulling a spear from seemingly nowhere. He throw the spear. It bounced off of a shield around the two of them. “Guards, attack!”
They all pulled spears out of nowhere and through them. They also bounced off of the shield generated by Future Starlight Glimmer, or 'Glim Glam' as she liked to be called. “This is Ste-” Glim Glam began but was cut off by Shining Armour ordering another attack.
Twelve more spears came flying at them. All of them bouncing off of the shield “It’s not working Sir!”
“Well keep trying!” Shining commanded, followed by a third volley of spears.
Glim Glam grabbed all the spears in mid air and snapped them. “As I was saying... this is Ste-”
“We’re out of spears Sir.”
“Well get more!” he yelled as he faced the horrible creature before him.
Spike stepped up beside Twilight and asked “Wait… if Glim Glam over there is that good with magic, what if that Starlight is the changeling?!”
Shining immediately did an about-face towards Starlight. “What? No. I’m not a changel-”
“Wha-Shining stooooaaaarrrgghh!!!...” Cadence yelled. Shining Armour was out of spears and the changeling was so close, he had to resort to his next best weapon. He picked up Cadence and moon-balled her at the changeling. “Oouuuggghh……” both she and Starlight groaned as their now lay piled on top of each other.
“Sir, we have more spears!” some guard announced.
“Fire!” Shining proclaimed as a hail of spears shot towards the changeling… and his wife. Just before the spears hit, the two of them disappeared in a *pop* and appeared in front of Glim Glam.
“Now. As I was saying.” Glim Glam stated with obvious annoyance in her voice. “This. Is Ste-” she was interrupted once more as Twilight was flung into her shield. “Seriously…?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at Shining who was in turn eyeing his daughter and last alicorn projectile he had, weighing the risks in his head.
“I surrender.” Shining declared and raised his hooves into the air.
“Oh for the love of Faust…” Glim Glam muttered while raising a hoof her her forehead and pinching the bridge of her nose. “For the last time. This is Steve. He’s a changeling. Say ‘Hi’ Steve.”
“Uh… actually. My name is Thorax.” Steve replied.
“Good.” Glim Glam continued. “Now that you’ve surrendered to me, say ‘Hi’ King Sombra.”
“Uh… actually my name’s Shining Armor. Prince Shining Armor. Not King Sombra.”
“Really? I thought the ruler of the Crystal Empire was King Sombra. You know, tyrant, slaver, conqueror. You seem to fit the bill.”
“I am nothing like him!”
“And there you have it…” Glim Glam said as she pushed Steve forwards. “Why don’t you two discuss how you’re nothing like those in the same position as you and the characterizing trait of having your own names, lives and being individuals that shouldn’t be treating based on what they are but rather by the...” she paused and looked at how he’d thrown two ponies, two princesses no less, at her “...merits of what they’ve done.”
134. Dungeons and Discords
“Oh, this game is insufferable!” Discord exclaims, holding Big Macintosh in a magic bubble as his own anger only rises to new heights. Humiliated, frustrated, bored, and angry the Lord of Chaos lands on the court room’s floor with a look of utter disdain. Before he can make his next move, however, a bright blue light flashes, blinding all three of the room’s current inhabitants, and quickly dissipates.
Like a messenger sent from the council of Starlight’s, there stood the one and only Starlight Glimmer. Her coat dirty and mane frazzled. Her breath labored and giving a clear sign of exhaustion. She glared at Discord, while Big Macintosh looked at Starlight and blushed a bit. He had to look away with an awkward smile.
With another flash of her magic, Starlight conjures a massive fly swatter and starts repeatedly slapping Discord to the ground! While Discord isn’t particularly injured by this, or even in pain, he certainly makes the appearance that he is, albeit while appearing as different shapes, duplicates of himself, or odd combinations of sets or objects between each downward slam of the giant fly swatter.
After what seemed like minutes, but was really a few agonizingly long seconds, Starlight stops her assault on Discord, giving a pleased smile.
“What was that for?!” Discord questions, now confused and upset.
“Don’t be an elitist and hurt your friends just because you can’t learn to enjoy things. They were nice enough to invite you to something they usually keep between themselves. You were stupid enough to make it about yourself and your own interests, without even considering them. Stop it.” Starlight is very concise about her words. With another flash of magic Starlight is out of there.
Discord stares in confusion and is taken aback. He snaps his fingers, making a timeline script appear for him to examine. He puts on very large reading glasses and reads the fine lines, seeing an addendum. It clearly states this was supposed to happen.
“I just love loopholes,” Discord gripes, upset that one was used at his expense. “Though, I suppose she’s right…”
135. Buckball Season
“If you buck them, they will come,” advised Starlight, as she hopped straight out of a portal and into the seat beside Rainbow. A whistle jangled around her neck as she sat back, enjoying a moment of resting her weary legs. Fixing everything was hard on the hooves!
“What the-!” gasped the blue pegasus, blinking nervously at the mare, who wrapped a very friendly leg around the pony’s shoulders. “This is supposed to be a family game. Applejack, you said this was a family game!”
“I- It is! I ain’t- Starlight, what to corn do you mean? My cousin’s in that team!”
“Wow, you took it to that level?” smirked the purple mare thoughtfully, “the sport’s called Buckball! You got dark skeletons in that closet, you two.” The pair of sporting ponies whinnied awkwardly, looking to each other, then anywhere but as they tried to resolve them matter by not thinking about it.
“What in consternation are y’doin’ here, Glimmy?” asked the farm mare to the ceiling of the rocking coach. “This is just a game of … this is just a match between Ponyville and Appleloosa, t’ain’t a friendship lesson?”
“Oh, I beg to differ,” Starlight murmured as she gestured to the tentative forms of their fellow salmon and buttercup athletes, approaching with heavy hearts. This was not the zone of relaxation and concentration their team captains had requested them to be in, and thus Rainbow flew off the hoof and moved like a Buckball flying into an own goal.
“Hey, you two are supposed to be in the zone!”
“Okay, this is what I was talking about,” Starlight went on to explain, still hugging Rainbow’s tight shoulders with her foreleg and mentally reminding herself to offer the mare a spa trip when she returned to her own time, “you’ve bucked them a little too much and now they’ve come to-”
“There's no way that we can get in the zone, because the zone sounds like a horrible place since we are terrible at buckball and we are going to-” Fluttershy’s bitter and frantic screams were cut off by the sound of a shrill squeal, emanating from the whistle between Starlight’s lips. Once it had silenced every argument, and the hooves had hit every ear, the silver metal noise maker dropped from her lips and bounced on it’s chain.
“What’s the first rule of Friendship club, Flutter-Pie?” she demanded, pointing a hoof directly at them. The pair blinked at her dumbly with their hooves still hugging their ears until the sugared lilac mare gestured them to physically un-mute their surroundings. The question was repeated.
“No smoking,” answered Pinkie confidently, and with some thought, the clock watcher realized the party-maker was not wrong.
“I meant the first rule of section fourteen, paragraph B of the Friendship club code.” she recited it easily from memory, “‘no pony talks about the zone!’” she turned and gave Rainbow ‘The Look’. She reserved that look for tell-tales, twerps asking for her counselling who come with incomprehensible problems, and ponies who talk in the theater. It successfully put Rainbow in her place.
“The second rule in the same paragraph is, ‘We do not think everypony is like us,’”
“Um, no it isn’t!” Pinkie scrambled her hoof into her tail and tugged out a copy of the tome she kept for important occasions like this, “the second rule is, “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE ZONE!” but in ALL CAPS RAGE!” she advised Starlight with the appropriate rage an all capitals quote should be read in. The unicorn rearranged her face from the Ponylo Picasso work of art it had been messed up into, and cleared her throat.
“I meant the third rule?” she inquired hopefully, and Pinkie nodded astutely, returning her copy of the rules to its rightful place. “The point I’m raising is - in this lifetime you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody except yourselves. Instead of running from this pain - step into it! You’ll make it. All you want to do is go have fun, so go have fun! Don’t worry about winning! Help these two, to help you. If you do that, you’re going to eat lightning and buck buckballs like there’s no tomorrow!” Starlight finished her speech and looked to the other two. “Am I right?”
“Err, yeah! I mean, we wanna win but t’ain’t nothin’ if y’all don’t enjoy it,” agreed a dubious Applejack. Their teammates looked to one another, before giving small, cautious nickers to the others.
“So we aren’t letting Ponyville down if we lose?” Fluttershy queried circumspectly.
“Nope,” grinned Snails, popping his head up from his chair, just do what I do and not think about it. Seriously. I don't think about anything. Ever.”
“Oooooh!” The revelation lit Pinkie Pie up like a Hearth Warming candle, “That works for me!” She looked to Fluttershy, who gave a relieved nod, and together the pair turned and walked back towards their carriage with more ease in their once-troubled minds.
“Well, looks like that’s another job well done,” grinned Starlight, putting a big green tick in her copy of the Friendship Journal and firing up a new portal home.
“What in the apple are you talkin’ about?” Applejack grunted with a deep frown, “Snails saved the day this time, all y’all did was plagiarize a bunch’a different speeches!” Starlight squeaked in horror and her jaw wobbled uncouthly at the claim, but it could not be disputed further. She pouted furiously and as she popped out of existence, a square box with a mustached stereotype in chef overalls on the cover appeared in Applejack’s lap.
The two ponies gasped hungrily and eagerly opened the box, only to reveal that the pizza was - ugh! Healthy! There was spinach, broccoli, even celery as a topping! Applejack grumbled in frustrated gluttony and slammed the box, pushing it away to Snails. He ate the whole thing, for he did not think about it.
“Starlight’s a real sore loser, huh?”
“Eeyup.”
136. The Fault In Our Cutie Marks
The cutie mark crusaders eagerly looked up at Twilight, having just asked her if it were possible for Gabby the griffon to somehow receive a cutie mark artificially through the use of powerful magic.
“...ummm I’m not sure if any of you remember, but using magic to get a cutie mark never really works out all that well.” The lavender alicorn looked down at the three small fillies with a smug, knowing look.
You could see the hearts of the three crusaders deflate simultaneously as they realized that they would need to crush their new griffon friend’s dream.
*SNAP*
A bright green flash filled the library of Twilight’s library, and Starlight Glimmer, time traveler-cum-fixer extraordinaire, stepped through.
“Oh not you again, Starlight.” Twilight sighed, raising a hoof to massage her temple..
“Actually, Twilight, girls…” Starlight grinned, ignoring Twilight’s negative reaction to her arrival. “I think that we can give this griffon a cutie mark with the help of magic… though maybe not quite in the way you’re thinking!”
Twilight groaned aloud. “I wash my hooves of this.” Shaking her head in an attempt to ward off her impending headache, she quickly exited the library before hearing any more of her protege’s scheme.
Starlight looked over at Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, her grin growing wide, “Soooo…. This griffon, Gabby… she wants a cutie mark more than anything right?”
The girls nodded.
“She’d give up everything she had just to get any sort of symbol on her flank, right?”
At this, Sweetie Belle spoke up, somewhat suspiciously. “W-well, I mean… I don’t think she’d be OK with just any mark. She’d probably reject it if we brought out a red-hot brand or a tattoo needle.”
Both Applebloom and Scootaloo couldn’t help but look at their friend with incredulity and disbelief.
“What!? You can’t tell me you guys never considered those methods!”
Applebloom and Scootaloo shook their heads in disapproval, making Sweetie sink slightly, before a reassuring hoof patted her on her cream-colored mane.
“That’s actually… pretty devious. Good thinking Sweetie Belle.” Starlight Glimmer encouraged with a chuckle, “...but, if your griffon friend is that committed to getting a mark, I think I have a plan that won’t require such chicanery.”
…
The Cutie Mark Crusader’s tree-house was a scene of great happiness and excitement.
Kind of.
“Wow. This. Is. So. Amazing.” Gabby deadpanned, looking back at her own flank. “It’s everything. I ever dreamed. That it would be.”
A skeptical Applebloom tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow in query to the griffon’s reaction. “Yew shure about that Gabby? Ya don’t seem tah be that excited?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. They’d both seen more enthusiasm from Maud Pie at a paint-drying exhibition.
“No. Really.” Gabby mono-toned, weakly pumping her fist in the air. “This is great. What does it mean?”
“It, uh… kinda looks like an equals sign?” Scootaloo offered, poking the griffon’s flank. “Why does it seem like Gabby is more… gray? Well… I mean... more gray than usual?”
Starlight shrugged. “Eh, it’s just a side effect of the spell. Sometimes ponies also get really smiley sometimes… buuuut that might have been more because of the will of a tyrannical (but very cute) communist despot.” Starlight shook her head and waved her hoof when she saw that she was only getting strange looks from the fillies near her. “Anyway! She got a ‘cutie mark’, so my job here is done… I’ll be heading out now.” Starlight’s horn ignited for the second time in as many minutes, as she opened a time portal to head out to her next ‘fixing’ mission.
“Wait! W-what do we do with this?” Sweetie Belle asked, pointing at the small glass jar which held a shining spark of magical energy, recently extracted from Gabby.
“Meh, whatever you want. I kept mine in a cool-looking display unit… gotta go, later… or sooner… whatever!” Starlight stepped through her time portal, winking out of existence.
“Huh. Well. H-how do you feel Gabby?” Scootaloo asked. “Want to help us help other ponies around town, or help other ponies try to find their cutie marks?”
“Eh. I actually feel. Kinda tired.” Gabby shrugged. “I think I’ll just. Go home and. Do nothing. Bye girls.” Gabby flapped off, the high-energy helpfulness that had made her who she was gone.
“Well… b-bye Gabby.” Sweetie Belle waved, unsure of herself. The girls all looked at one another, not quite confident that they’d done the right thing.
“C-cutie Mark Crusaders, mission success? Yay?” The girls semi-cheered without enthusiasm.
137. Viva Las Pegasus
It was a warm night when Starlight Glimmer blew in to Las Pegasus. Various ponies hustling and bustling about, with money being fuel for the fire of entertainment, and regrets. If she wasn’t so busy currently, she’d consider going her for a little vacation and doing a little card counting. She was a mare on a mission, however, and she had already been doing some scouting out of Gladmane’s resort.
She had her disguise on so Fluttershy and Applejack wouldn’t recognize her. With both of them currently taking a tour around the resort, she knew her plan was now to be put into action. She hurried off to an unpopulated area of the resort’s ground floor and tossed her bag of supplies down into the corner of a broom closet. Four gas masks, nitrous-oxide, sedatives, and a full access key she got off of maintenance. Before any of that, however, she casts duplexis on herself, quickly making three identical copies. She would need them to make this work.
“Alright, you, go to the twin performers with the prairie dogs and tell them about Gladmane.” She instructed one of her clones before pausing. “Wait, wait, you guys are me. I don’t need to tell you. Silly me!” She remembered that these three were just her sharing the same mind, just different actions. It took a lot of her focus, but a job’s never easy.
With that, she sent off her clones to go to all three of the feuding pairs while she moved in for the big fish. She put on her mask, grabbed the nitrous and sedatives, and made for Gladmane’s personal penthouse suite. With the key, she was able to get through any standard door in the resort, and Gladmane’s suit was no exception. She closed the door behind her, carefully, and got to work at Gladmane’s juice bar, slipping the sedatives in his one and only drink, a cold bottle of carrot juice and caramel flavoring. Not her idea of a good drink, but that didn’t matter.
She slipped the sedatives into his bottle and slipped out of the room before anypony could stop to notice her and get suspicious. When she came back to the broom closet her three clones were already there, having told the pairs about Gladmane’s involvement in their affairs to keep them at the resort. The remaining three Starlight’s put on their gas masks and made way to a ventilation shaft down the hall that connected to the entire resort.
With Gladmane surely knocked out by now, it was only a matter of time before somepony went to check on him. This meant that they had to move quickly. Luckily, with the problem already solved, the next part was what tied this whole thing together. Nopony asked what the four identical mares were doing, assuming it was an act of some sort, so getting to the ventilation shaft was easier than expected. The real Starlight hooked up the nitrous and the group snuck to the security room just as the resort started to fall under a deep sleep.
From there, she cut off the security cameras and had one of her clones move to lock the front door before anypony else arrived and saw all these sleeping ponies in one resort. Wouldn’t want anypony getting suspicious.
With security now out of commission, the group moved to the vault deeper into the resort. With no security and a full team with her, they managed to tumble the locks until getting the door open to reveal a trove of riches! Bits everywhere, various jewels, and even a pair of golden, jewel-encrusted dentures. What were these all about?
Regardless, the group packed everything they could into bags and threw those out the back of the resort, off the clouds and down to the prairie below. With the vault cleaned out, she quietly shut and locked it before dismissing her clones and diving off the clouds, catching herself in her magic before hitting the ground.
In the coming hours, the ponies would wake up and Gladmane would have some explaining to do. His acts now knew what the real problem was, he was penniless, and his patrons would sue for mass sedation under his establishment. Starlight was just glad she didn’t need to use the thermal drill.
138. Every Little Thing She Does
Starlight popped into existence just a few hoofsteps away from five of the mane six, mere moments after her past-self had disappeared into the library to calm down. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when she noticed she was holding a chalice that said ‘Gold Digga’ on it. Now that she paid a little more attention, she realized she was also looking through a purple filter. Somehow in her travels a pair of glasses colored like her mane stripe with purple lenses had appeared on her muzzle, along with the chalice and… a hat? A sideways baseball cap adorned her head, adding to the already strange collection of items, making her muzzle scrunch up into an expression of complete confusion.
Starlight looked down and found a massive gold chain with a big gold plaque attached hanging from her neck. “Glamorous Glimmer?” She read the plaque, completely baffled, and chalked it up to time travel being time travel, before shaking off the offending items in front of her speechless past friends. “Never mind that, listen up girls! I need your help, because I suck at friendship right now. I promise I'll get better, but for now I need a little push in the right direction.”
“Uhm... Didn't you just go into the library?” Rainbow Dash raised and eyebrow, pointing a hoof in the direction of the massive room.
“And what was that horrible outfit you were wearing?!” Gasped Rarity, unable to keep her mouth shut about what Starlight had reappeared in.
Starlight groaned quietly. “Not important! You're missing the point, I need you five to reassure me and work with me on this, okay? When I come back in here, I'll need you to remind me this is about spending time with you girls. What we do isn't important, as long as we do it together, right? Right. So even if I'm a terrible baker, I'm a terrible baker getting to know and spending time with my friend! Okay? Great! Have fun!”
Just as she had arrived, Starlight was gone in a flash of light, leaving five confused friends behind. She hadn't gone very far though…
~
“No! Bad me! Don't cast spells on your friends!” Starlight swatted her past-self with a newspaper, scolding her after interrupting her spell search.
Past-Starlight held a hoof up, conceding to her future-self. “Okay, okay! Stop hitting me! I won't!”
The newspaper dropped, and past-Starlight looked up, finding that her future-self had disappeared. “That wasn't very nice…” she mumbled, and quickly trotted back to her friends while rubbing where she had been hit, finding them still waiting for her under their own free will. Just as she stepped in front of them to speak, a pizza appeared out of thin air, right at her hooves, a small sticky note attached to the box. She bent down to read the message, a message written in her writing. ‘No spells! Have fun! P.S. I left you a 40 in the fridge, get crunk.’
Applejack was the first to speak up. “That wasn't you jus’ now, was it?”
“Uhm... No… No it wasn't.”
The five ponies who weren't the present Starlight Glimmer looked at one another with varying expressions of annoyance. “STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”
139. Pony Point of View
The magic of the time portal fades from around Starlight Glimmer as she wraps herself in her magical aura to keep in the air. She glances around, once again, her aim has been perfect. She grimaces a bit, this was an utterly stupid friendship lesson. Eeyup, they are having a minor argument. She concentrates and winks out.
Only to wink back in on the deck of the ship as the cucumber sandwiches make it into the water. “Hold on!!” She shouts.
Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie all look at her, dumbfounded. She sighs and wraps them in her magic as well as the ship is crushed by the enthusiastic three horned bunyip as it devours the floating sandwiches. Again concentrating, all three mares wink out with her, to wink back into existence on the dock a hundred meters away.
“Seriously? You three are going to fight over that? Be adults!” Starlight screams before the magic of the time portal takes her on her next adventure. “I hope their next adventure is more fun.” She growls as the magic disappears from their time stream.
Pinkie looks at Rarity, then at Applejack. “What just happened?”
140. Where the Apple Lies
Pear Butter cooed as Bright Macintosh quietly slid the door to their room shut. She could just make out his silhouette in the moonlight as he tiptoed to the bed, giggling softly.
"Little Mac's finally down for the night," he whispered. At the creak of the mattress under his weight, the two of them stood stock still, barely daring to breathe.
After a long moment, Pear Butter laughed softly and patted the mattress next to her. "Guess bein' a parent's a lot more stressful than our own folks ever let on."
Bright Mac snorted as quietly as was possible. "If'n they had, nopony'd ever have foals again."
The pair shared a soft laugh, then a kiss, then a few more kisses and caresses as Pear Butter climbed atop him, beneath the sheets.
"What d'you say we have a few more?" she murmured, eyes alight with deviltry.
"Can't say as I don't savor the challenge," he said, his own eyes reflecting her sparkle.
There was a flash, a bang, and a wha-PISH! as a pink hoof smacked Pear Butter in the face. She sailed right off her husband, through the glass second-story window, and out over the darkened countryside, a Wilhelm scream trailing behind her.
"What in tarnation?" Bright Mac was on his hooves, atop the mattress, in an instant.
The pink unicorn mare who had just given his wife the bitch-slap of the century blew on her hoof. It was literally glowing red in the moonlight.
"Oh, just teaching your soon-to-be-conceived daughter a lesson in honesty." She gave him a knowing smile and a wink. "Don't worry, she'll feel that soon enough."
With another flash-bang combo, the unicorn mare was gone, leaving Bright Mac standing agape on his bed.
He began second-guessing his previous commitment to challenge as, in the other room, Little Macintosh began to cry.
~ Years Later ~
("Oh-ho, sugarcube," laughed Granny Smith. "Your big sister lied so much when she was a filly, the whole family ended up in the hospital!
Apple Bloom gaped in incredulity. "What?"
"Eeyup!" eeyuped Big Mac.
Groaning, Applejack said, "You might as well tell her the whole story. Might even do her some--"
Applejack's form sputtered and fizzed, like static on a television. She changed shape and size more than once, horns and wings appearing now and then in the few seconds the effect lasted. When it had passed, she remained as she always had been.
"--hot sauce on the corn cob!"
The gathered ponies blinked at her, none of them having really noticed the strange alteration take place.
"Uhh," said Granny Smith, giving her the stink eye. "Who're you and what're you doin' in mah barn?")
141. Top Bolt
"You think you've got what it takes to be an elite flyer?"
"Yes, ma'am!" shouted the recruits, and also some guy who was definitely not into the whole 'team player' biz.
"Well, lemme tell you," said Spitfire, tellingly, "you don't!"
HRGH-PLRPP, said the universe, as Starlight Glimmer appeared next to her.
"Can I borrow this?"
Spitfire took just long enough to pick her jaw up off the floor that Starlight had no trouble taking the whistle from around her neck. "Thanks, won't be more than thirty seconds!
"All right, listen up!" Starlight blew the whistle and, to their credit as cadets, the assembled pegasus hopefuls all snapped to attention. "Trail and Stinger, front and center!"
The two ponies in question didn't hesitate, but stepped forward. Seriously, these kids were major Wonderbolt material.
"She helps you fly," Starlight continued, indicating Vapor Trail. "Like, in every way possible."
"What?" shouted Sky Stinger at the same time Vapor Trail said, "How did you know?" They turned to look at each other, exchanged an angry glare for a sheepish look, and turned away.
"You're actually a mediocre flyer at best," Starlight said, lifting Sky's chin with her magic. "All your skill this time has been due to her covert assistance.
"But!" she smiled. "I am the Glimmer of good news. Specifically..." She used her magic to drag them closer to each other and turn their heads to look at one another. "She's at least as into you as you are into her."
The anger and concern turned quickly into fierce blushing. Starlight released them.
"So, once you two have made up, it'll be up to both of you to help each other through the Academy, the normal way. Until then..." She blew the whistle and bellowed, "Drop and give me twenty! By which I mean twenty smoochies! Now, cadets!"
Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger hesitated only a moment, possibly because there were so many ponies watching.
"Is it true?" asked Sky.
"It is, Sky," whispered Vapor. "All of it."
She tackled him, and they got right to smooching. The other cadets cheered, and Starlight tossed Spitfire her whistle back.
"Thanks. Turns out, yelling and blowing that thing is really fun!"
"I know, right?"
Spitfire and Starlight shared a moment of laughter and awkward camaraderie before Starlight time-traveled the hecksies outta there.
"Gosh," murmured Rainbow Dash to herself, because she kinda wanted Starlight to blow her whistle, if you get my drift. That was gonna be real awkward the next time she visited Twilight's castle.
142&143. To Where and Back Again
In the Crystal Empire, Spike had just finished singing his sweet ballad about how a changeling can change in defense of his new changeling friend, Thorax.
"Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax," Shining Armor said. "I'm sorry we didn't take the time to get to know you, but maybe we can change that now."
"That'd be so amazing!" Thorax said. "I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the changeling kingdom. If my kind learn how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn't have to take it from others!"
"Do you want gay deer?" Starlight Glimmer said, appearing with a flash of purple light. "Because that's how you get gay deer."
The assembled crowd looked back and forth between the two Starlight's in the room.
"Another changeling?" Shining asked.
"No. She's just me from the future," the other Starlight groaned. "What is it now?"
"Oh, it's not now. It's later," Starlight said, grabbing Thorax. "I just need to borrow him for a minute." They both vanished.
They reappeared a couple months later, (an instant later to them), just outside the wasteland surrounding the changeling hive, along with Discord and Trixie.
"So why are we here?" Trixie asked.
"The changelings are about to invade Equestria. We're going to prevent that," Starlight explained.
"And why would I want to prevent what sounds like a delightfully chaotic event?" Discord asked.
"Because it involves them kidnapping Fluttershy," Starlight said. Discord's eyes flared with anger like burning red coals.
"Consider that hive destroyed!" he growled as he flung a magic projectile at the hive. It fizzled against the protective magical barrier.
"Nothing other than changeling magic works here," Thorax explained. "Chrysalis's throne is carved from an ancient, dark stone that soaks up outside magic the same way changelings soak up love. It's how she keeps the hive safe."
"So I can't destroy it with my magic projectiles?" Discord asked.
"Nope," Thorax said.
"Well if the throne only absorbs magic, what about regular projectiles?" Starlight asked, with a knowing smirk. "Perhaps if some draconequus could fling a mountain at the hive from here?" Discord rolled his eyes.
"Really Starlight, that's just overkill," Discord said. "Everyone knows that shot placement is more effective than stopping power. Where exactly is the throne?"
"In that top spire," Thorax said. Discord pulled a decent-sized boulder from the ground and threw it with all his might. The rock briefly came aflame as it streaked through the atmosphere at hyper-sonic speed like a meteor. It easily pierced the hive and struck the throne, shattering the dark stone with awesome force, sending Queen Chrysalis hurtling into the sky, vanishing on the horizon. Discord snapped his fingers and the four of them instantly appeared in the wreckage of the throne room.
"What just happened!" one of the changeling yelled. "Is that Thorax!? Thorax just overthrew the queen!"
"Actually, I-"
"All hail the new king, Thorax!" the changelings began to chant.
"What is your bidding, Your Majesty?"
"Uh, maybe if we shared love with each other, we wouldn't have to take it from others," he said.
"What, like some kind of infinitely renewable resource? That sounds broken." Despite their doubt, they tried it and all turned into technicolor deer.
"Ugh, that is so hard to look at," Starlight groaned. "I guess it couldn't be prevented." Discord snapped his fingers and vanished. Thorax busied himself with his new role. Starlight and Trixie left.
"So I get why you brought Thorax and Discord, but why did you bring me? Just for eye candy?" Trixie asked.
Starlight didn't say no.
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9213306
That is exactly correct.
Man, once she catches up with her timeline, Starlight is going to be sitting right next to Cozy Glow.
Oh boy, did I write a lot of these. c.c; No wonder I haven't felt the need to write anything else lately.
I can't believe you kept the omake ending for Where the Apple Lies. XD I feel proud.
Also, loving that finale. "That's how you get gay deer" indeed.
Ok most of these have been a riot but taking away Gabby's enthusiasm and making AJ retroactively never born are not cool.
9214178
Starlight got proper villain outfit at last?
You know, I really should have expected all those Totally Legit references...
I find it so funny that past Starlight is getting frustrated with future Starlight, just like her mentor Twilight.
Reformed? It had been just a few days.
Also can Starlight clone all the powerful ponies cutie marks that way and get unlimited power?
Well, Starlight may take an apprentice right there.
I don't know what kind of consequences Twilight did of one of the best episodes of Spike, glaunted fire. I mean, she took the scepter before the competition starts, Spike could be treated as enemy when he gets there, or he would decided to be the Dragon Lord fair and square but he would rule all the Dragon Land by himself ignoring all his friends and almost becoming crazy with power... almost.
That was great, well, all the parts I didn't write, I can't wait for season 7!
9214406
Probably not. Remember that story Ember Jr. told? The Dragon Lord took that one dragon in, she stole his Dragon sceptre, and all the other Dragon's were ok with it aND her ruling.
I'm going to predict the Perfect Pear. Either Starlight goes back and prevents what ever causes their deaths and leaves it at that.
Orrrrr she stops them from dying and brings them to the present (so history isn't interfered) then and reunites the Apple clan there. Starlight becomes a permanent honorary member of the Apple family.
9214178
Yeah those two were really meh. Please update and improve them. ^^
9214725
Or maybe you should join the group and do it better yourself.
9214758
Eh I don't write any more. I don't really have the same spark or passion for it these days. =/
Spike with the dragon stick thingy = Read 'Dragon Lord Spike' ;D
ASDF Glimmy should be the name of this fic.
9217614
I look forward to seeing more of the plot with Cozy Glow when the time (heh) comes for it.
I hope Starlight's way of "fixing" The Washouts is making Scoots able to fly on her own.
The No Second Prances and Stranger Than Fanfiction ones might be among my personal least favorites, but that's mostly because I hardcore ship StarBurst and SoarinDash, respectively.
I also can't help but be a bit disappointed at the change made for Newbie Dash, but I understand it's one of the more polarizing episodes overall.
The Newbie Dash one was... interesting.
The Buckball Season one just felt random, and not in the fun way most of these are.
The Where the Apple Lies one will have INTERESTING consequences, if it's followed up on.
So...Zephyr isn't at all upset to see Starlight again since she sold him into slavery?
NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope SO MUCH NOPE
Welp, Starlight is heading to season 7, where the real interesting stuff is at.
9214205
...so, my theory from the previous chapter has some merit to it now. The story is gonna end with Starlight preventing herself from altering the past.
9214178
9214725
Taking Gabby's enthusiasm is a side effect of getting hit with the equality spell.
Sorry if my contribution sucked
I'll refrain from further attempts.
9241417
what? nuuu!
derpicdn.net/img/2012/11/24/161439/full.gif
9241468
Ok ok. I'll *sniff* try again.
9241417
Don't be like that. One bad entry doesn't mean I want you to stop.
9241417
You don't need to stop contributing, just try again. Everyone's capable of improving.
Here is something that would be ironic and a paradox.
Starlight brings the parents to the present because she thinks she's stopping whatever happened to them. Buttttt what happened to them WAS Starlight taking them to the future. Kind of a chicken and the egg thing. What came first.
They weren't there because Starlight took them to the future but Starlight only did it because she heard they weren't there while the Apple kids were growing up.
9245647
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/creepypasta/images/b/ba/Mind-Blown.jpg
This idea is too good to not use.
Soooo....... what happened in Where the Apple Lies?
9247428
I think Starlight slapped Pear Butter so hard that Applejack felt it in the future.
This is so confusing I love it. Well done Present Perfect
All hail Queen Communist
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/user/8sdg-1528704851-181864-64
Stalin Glimmer
I just realized, Shakespearicles, how did you do this without it being clop?
9266818
<~~ The World's Strongest Writer.™
9266950
I have questions as to which interpretation of that I should go with. . .
9288583
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhht....
Hasbro: "No one ever really dies" .... (not sure if Sombra and StormKing agree doh) :p
Race
9288910
fixed
“Do you think if she used that spell on me I could hit light speed?” Rainbow asked.
There was a young mare oh so bright
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
(with apologies to Punch magazine and the poem, "Relativity")
9302665
78.media.tumblr.com/93e6e3610bef2cf6d23209143dca2711/tumblr_mq9e80Dqaa1r5b59so2_400.gif
Dear Trixie & Starlight: YES HOMO!! <3
9302904
This has been somewhat interesting overall, but the total lack of editing or proofreading on some is jarring. #133 reads like someone letting auto correct write their story for them. Is no one looking over these things? As it stands, just turning the story into a pastebin collection of greentext on /mlp/ would be a step up in quality.
9303562
You should join the group and show us how it's done!
F. A. S. C. I. S. T.
then twilight exploded... twice