Season 5
92 & 93. The Cutie Map
Starlight Glimmer turned the page of the Friendship Journal and sighed. She had put this off for as long as she could. She put the book into her bag, donned her cloak, and stepped through the portal.
In a flash of purple light, Starlight appeared next to Twilight Sparkle and her friends.
"You again!?" Twilight asked indignantly. She looked at the rest of her friends. "Is it not enough that we have a magic Cutie Map already telling us where to go?" Starlight frowned and said nothing. "Fine! Who is it that you are going to fix everything for this time?"
"Myself," Starlight said in shame, following them into her old village. She pulled the hood over her head.
As the villagers with equal signs for cutie marks began to great them with stilted welcomes, she pulled the brim of her hood lower. By the time they reached the house at the far end of the town, the entire village had gathered around them.
Starlight Glimmer stepped out of her house. That is, her former self did. Twilight did a double take and looked back at their Starlight. Hooded Starlight just shook her head in response. Her face was completely hidden.
"What brings you to our village?" Cult-Leader Starlight asked. The hooded Starlight responded only by pulling a gun out from under her cloak. She leveled the barrel at her former self.
"I'm sorry it had to be like this," she said to herself.
Starlight pulled the trigger.
The gun fired.
Her aim was true.
The shot landed.
Everypony gasped.
The shot from the Super Soaker washed away the makeup on their leader's flank, revealing her true cutie mark.
"You made us give up our cutie marks but you didn't give up your own!?" one of the villagers asked.
Surrounded by the enclosing angry mob, (including the visiting alicorn still possessing her cutie mark and her magical abilities), former Starlight sent out a panicked blast of magic, sending everypony staggering back before she ran to escape into the maze of tunnels in the mountainside.
"Come on! Let's get our cutie marks back!" The rest of the villagers ran in the opposite direction to a different cave, smashing their marks' prison.
Twilight turned to thank Starlight for her help but, as usual, she had already vanished.
94. Castle Sweet Castle
As soon as the door closed behind Twilight, the ponies turned back toward their pancake breakfast, only to hear both doors reopening and see Starlight Glimmer walking backwards using her hoof to guide someone.
“OK, colts, bring it in!” she said, holding a measuring tape in her magic spread across the doorway. “You’re gonna wanna hang that chandelier in this room and then we’ll move on.”
Two of the burly stallions from the Ponyville Moving Company carried what appeared to be a monstrosity of wood. Twilight’s friends stared, and it was Rarity who first recovered. “Is that—“
“The roots of the Golden Oak, yes. It’ll make a fine chandelier for the throne room. You’d be amazed at how hardy tree roots are, even around dynamite.”
“Dynamite?” asked Fluttershy.
One memory erasure spell later, Starlight continued. “As for the rest of the castle, I’ve hired Daddy Grandeur, the best local interior designer, to put together a plan, Mr. Davenport of Quills and Sofas to furnish the place, and the movers here to do the heavy lifting. Always employ the expert.”
Pinkie Pie said, “But that means—“
“Don’t worry, I’m paying for it all. It might not shock you to know that as a time traveler and mage, I have more money than anypony else, including myself. Not that everypony wasn’t eager to give discounts just for the chance to have their name associated with Equestria’s newest castle.”
“I was going to say—“
“Honestly, girls, this one was a softball. You should have figured it out on your own. I had a good seventeen seconds left over so—”
There weren’t many ponies who could compete with Starlight in any capacity, but Pinkie Pie would not be stopped from getting a word in edgewise. “But now there’s nothing for us to do!”
“Au contraire, as the Prench say,” Starlight said, reaching into her saddlebag and passing out scrolls to the others. “Since I had all that time remaining, I wrote you a song.”
They looked at the sheet music and saw the title “Make This Castle a Home” printed on the top, with “Let Starlight Glimmer” hastily penciled in before it. “Are you serious?” asked Applejack.
Starlight ignored her. “OK, this is an allegro moderato in E-flat major, note the Da Capo and the Coda, and, um, try to keep up.”
[Rainbow Dash]: Let’s not complicate this And maybe use our brain.
[Rarity]: If we try some logic We can be (or at least) we’ll appear,
Like we’re not insane!
[Applejack]: Food and cannons and animals Would make the smell intense.
[Fluttershy]: So we’ll pay the professionals Who have experience.
And we’ll listen to Starlight because Her plan makes more sense!
[Pinkie Pie]: We’ll need lots of bookshelves and guest rooms Because we’ve known Twilight for several years.
[Rainbow Dash]: I’ll do what she’d want Rather than my ego flaunt
Cause if we all did that Twilight would end up in tears.
So we’ll let Starlight do all the work While we go out for beers[Rarity]: Miss Glimmer is always smart and wise
[Rainbow Dash]: Contradict her, only a moron tries
[Pinkie Pie]: So we’ll be sure to do what she’ll advise
[Applejack]: It’s amazing what all her money buys
[Fluttershy]: Planning this would be way beyond our size
[Rarity]: I might do it, but not you other guys
[Rainbow Dash]: And even Miss R
[Pinkie Pie]: Probably would go too far
[Rainbow Dash]: Everything can be fixed by Light Glimmer-comma-Star!
[Applejack]: Let’s not do a darn thing
[Fluttershy]: ‘Cept giving Starlight thanks!
[Rarity]: Princess Twilight Sparkle
Can reside here inside undenied Atop all the ranks
While we five take a dive And sit on our flanks
Til Starlight, next fortnight Returns to fix Tank’s….
“Wait, what?” asked Rainbow Dash, but Starlight had already vanished.
95. Bloom and Gloom
Starlight rubbed her chin as she passed through the wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... Stuff... That was her time travel portal spell. She hoped the landing would go smoothly, so many hadn't, would she end up in somepony's closet next? She hoped not. “Let's see... That song ran a bit longer than expected, I bet I can pick up the pace on this next one if I arrive perfectly.”
A cup of tea levitated up to her mouth, and she took a sip, relaxing in a big, plush red chair while looking over the friendship journal. “Ah ha! Crusader's club house, that should catch it early!” Smugness began to show in her smirk, this next one would be a breeze. Suddenly, the chair and tea disappeared, leaving her back floating in the time travel vortex, where she proceeded to flail her limbs and scream. Time travel was really screwy.
“She can't be a Cutie Mark Crusader if she's already got her cutie mark.” Scootaloo pointed out to the other Crusaders, the letter from Babs Seed having revealed her recent acquisition of a cutie mark.
Applebloom left the small podium at the back of the clubhouse and trotted towards Scootaloo, contemplating. “Oh wow. I guess yer right.” When she sat, a downtrodden look accompanied it, wondering how the only other branch of the CMCs would continue on. Luckily she had her friends, and Sweetie Belle immediately spoke up, brushing aside the thoughts as she listened.
Just outside, Starlight was listening through the wooden door ready to pounce. “I hope I timed this right…” Her horn glowed with magic, a teleportation spell ready to be cast in the blink of an eye, or negative cutie mark ideas.
“I'm glad she's happy, but I sure wouldn't want to be up to my flank in mane hair all day. Can you imagine getting stuck with a cu-” Sweetie Belle was cut off by a sudden flash of brilliant light, and stumbled back with a cry of surprise. The other two crusaders had similar reactions, and when they looked up, a familiar and irritating pony stood before them.
“OH COME ON!” Sweetie Belle cried out, annoyance more than obvious from her tone.
“Now what?!” Scootaloo stomped a hoof, glaring at the pink unicorn. “Can you just stop messing with us already?!”
Starlight rolled her eyes and stuffed a slice of pizza in Sweetie's mouth. “Can it Squeaky Belle.” She turned her head to the others, smiling sweetly. “Oh you girls should thank me, I'm saving you from a ton of stress, so how about you go and try to get your cutie marks. I have another pony I need to talk to.”
There was another bright flash, this one much less surprising for the Crusaders, at least until they saw who it was.
“-stupid foal! I will destroy you, 1v1 me right n-...” Princess Luna sat in the treehouse, a headset on, and a controller hovering in her telekinetic grasp. She stared at the four other ponies, slowly hiding the gaming equipment behind her. “What am I doing here? Who has interrupted my important royal duties?!”
The Crusaders sat with their jaws wide open, unable to fully comprehend that the Lunar Princess had just appeared in their clubhouse. It didn't take any time for Starlight to comprehend it, she was a mare on a mission.
“Bad Princess! Do your job! These three fillies could've been fine if you had done your job!” Starlight was spraying Princess Luna with a water bottle, spritzing her like a cat.
Luna meanwhile, was flinching away, squeezing her eyes shut as she was assaulted by a fine mist. “What? What ar- stop! What is the meaning of this?! DID TIA PUT YOU UP TO THIS?”
“I STOP WHEN YOU AGREE!” Starlight answered back with a shout to meet the Princess's.
“I yield! Stop it!” The Princess of the Night begged for it to stop.
Starlight magic'd the bottle away and smiled, a job well done. “Good, well, I'll be off. Goodbye everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy.”
The meddling unicorn was sucked into a portal, disappearing seemingly without a trace, leaving three Crusaders and one Princess sitting in a treehouse.
“So uh, do ya... Do ya wanna play with us Princess?” Applebloom asked cautiously, while her two friends steamed over Starlight’s sudden appearance and equally sudden departure.
Luna just muttered something about K/D ratios and scowled at where her assaulter had been, all that was left was an empty bottle of ‘Arrogant Person Born of Parents Not Married to Each Other Ale’ on it's side and a mix tape labeled ‘Glamorus Glimmer - Crunk Countdown.’
96. Tanks For The Memories
Just before Rainbow Dash was about to make a complete tit out of herself by utterly demolishing the Weather Factory, who should appear right in front of the multi-hued Pegasus but everypony's least favourite equalist, Starlight Glimmer.
"Wait, I know you..." Rainbow snarled, as if ready for a fight. Her memory wasn't always the best, but even she could recall three weeks ago. "You're that 'orrible pony who almost made me and my buddies die of boredom in that village where everything tasted like donkey droppings! Put 'em up, put 'em up!!"
Starlight sighed in annoyance. After all, she had a million and one (well, three-and-a-bit more seasons worth anyway) of episodes to rectify, so she had not the time nor the patience for this buffoonery. "Cool your jets, flygirl! There are a multitude of ways i I could disable or disembowel you now with just a simple wave of my horn, but I'm not here to do that! Believe it or not, things aren't quite so frosty between us in the future. Right now though, I'm here to prevent everything not just being 'frosty', but downright glacial!"
"H-Huh?!" Rainbow put her fists hooves down momentarily in confusion. "B-But my plan is flawless. All I have to do is sneak inside, shut things down, and then all year long me and Tank..."
"Ah yes, your poor exhausted shellbound buddy." Starlight acknowledged the unconcerned reptile by pointed to him, as he blithely grazed at the grass at the time-travelling unicorn's feet. "Can't you see, the poor little green guy wants his shuteye? You can't defy nature by going on this cockeyed quest to prevent the seasons from changing, you know? It's not going to work! All you'll do is create a lot of damage, destruction and discord up high, for which you unbelievably won't have to face any consequences at the end of it all but that's beside the point!"
"W-What?" Rainbow was getting even more confused now, feeling that Starlight was speaking in riddles. "Come again?"
"Why would I want to 'come again'? I'm already here, silly. Besides, I have to leave again soon." Starlight had already had quite enough of chewing the fat with this winged numskull, and got straight down to business. "Do you remember when you first adopted Tank? How he saved your ass by pushing that rock out of the way? After you collided into the wall by not looking where you were going..."
"Shh, not so loud!" Rainbow frantically gestured to Starlight to be quiet, as this wasn't one of her proudest moments flight-wise. "There might be a rogue Wonderbolt on patrol, who might hear you. What you tryin' to do, scupper my chances forever?"
"Well, anyway..." Starlight said with a slight grin, knowing as she did Rainbow Crash Dash's future success at joining the daredevil clique. "Remember who finished in second place? The beautiful birdie who you almost took home, if not for your green guy's loyalty and persistence in the face of so much knuckle-headed ignorance?"
"Y-You couldn't possibly mean... Freddy The Falcon?" Rainbow almost burst into tears, as her feelings of guilt at leaving the poor carnivorous bird all alone threatened to consume her. "I-I felt so bad, telling him to do one. But when an animal comes alone and kinda saves your life, you, do sorta owe it to 'take it under your wing'..."
"Okay, okay. I think I get the point." Starlight wrinkled her nostrils slightly, both at Rainbow's unimaginative name and her weak, weak gag. "Anyway, what would you say if I told you I had 'Freddy' with me right now sitting in a cage over there, waiting for you?"
"I'd say 'shut up'!" A very skeptical Rainbow commented, raising her right eyebrow in the process.
"It's all true though!" Starlight used her magic to lift the cover off a previously unseen cage just out of the range of Rainbow's periphery vision. "He'll keep you company throughout the cold Winter months, and all future ones where Tank has to hibernate, too! All you have to do is give up this insane, hopeless scheme you're about to hatch, and he's all yours... at least temporarily! What do you have to say to that, then?"
"Shut up!" The many-coloured pegasus commented somewhat predictably, as she stared at the sharp-beaked bird of prey in amazement. "I-I mean... how on Equestria did you find him? And, he's okay with this?"
"Details, details!" Starlight had not time nor patience to explain her unfettered brilliance to mere mediocre equines. "And in answer to your second question, yes he is! Just as long as you don't go feeding him any pies, or anything..."
Rainbow was so involved in wandering over to examine the new feathered arrival, she almost missed Starlight's apparently random proviso there. "Pies?!"
"O-Oops, I've said too much. Gotta blast!" Starlight finally realized her time was up, and disappeared from view almost as quickly as she'd appeared, leaving behind two very stunned natural born flyers... and a blithely grass-chewing tortoise.
"That unicorn is weird..." Rainbow made a 'cuckoo' gesture with her hoof, at which Freddy seemed to squawk in agreement. "Still, at least she's probably saved me a trip to weather HQ. So, what say we get the two of you home, and get our new arrival here settled before Tank has his Big Sleep? So, anyway... if not pies, what do falcons eat anyway? Fruit and veg, I assume..."
At this juncture, Tank gave a suddenly sweating Freddy a cryptic glance, as if to say: You know, you still have time to change your mind now...
97. Appleloosa's Most Wanted
Starlight took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes nothing." In her magic, she started a stopwatch, then tucked it away and stepped forward. "Hello, Troubleshoes!"
"Do I know you?"
"No, but you will. What would you say if you knew there was a spell that could remove your cutie mark?"
"Really?" His ears perked up.
She nodded. "Would you like me to cast it on you?"
"Yes!" He turned his flank towards her.
She knew she wasn't really supposed to do this, but with most ponies in her village it had been unwilling. They'd had to be indoctrinated. But Troubleshoes, as she suspected he would, eagerly volunteered. So she cast the spell.
She passed him a jar. "Here. Keep it with you, and if you ever decide you want it back, you can open the jar." Now not only had he volunteered, but he could reverse it again if he chose. "Oh, and by the way, some of the ponies there think you're a criminal who deliberately sabotages rodeos. Just explain what really happened and you'll be fine."
"Wait, wha-"
She teleported away and appeared in front of the Crusaders, who were still lost, galloping through the rain and the dark. "The rodeo is that way," she informed them. "And next time, don't go into a wood where you know there's something dangerous. I thought you outgrew that back during the sleepover with Fluttershy."
"Uh..." Sweetie Belle began, but Starlight was already gone again.
She pulled out the stopwatch and checked the time. Thirty-one seconds. She sighed and teleported back to the Crusaders.
"Okay, who wants pizza?"
98. Make New Friends but Keep Discord
It was a lovely Tuesday at a quaint little cottage near the edge of the Everfree, perfect for tea. Inside sat a pink-maned pegasus and another being that is an unholy amalgamation of a pony and a bunch of other things. As far as the occupants were concerned, nothing was wrong and all was right with the world.
That was until the universe itself rend itself open, and but for a moment, one could hear the colour purple, and through that rift stepped a Unicorn with a pale, light grayish heliotrope coat and purple and green mane.
Before either occupant of the cottage could react to the newest addition to their tea time, the Unicorn's horn began to glow and Discord found himself in a light turquoise aura, unable to move.
Knowing that she likely had about forty seconds before Discord broke out of her stasis spell, Starlight turned to Fluttershy, who was wide-eyed and in shock, most likely from hearing the colour purple, Starlight figured.
"You told him about Treehugger yet?" Starlight asked. Fluttershy shook her head to convey the negative. "Great, right on 'time'," Starlight said with a slight chuckle to herself for the in-joke. "Discord, don't worry, the stasis spell will wear off soon enough, but you need to accept the fact that Fluttershy is allowed to have friends other than you, and you need to get a handle on your jealousy." Starlight continued. "Furthermore, here's a change of address form and an application for a post-office box here in Ponyville. The Equestrian Postal Union can't keep sending its mail carriers for PTSD therapy every time you get sent a letter, like the one that is currently lost in the aether trying to deliver your Gala invitation." Starlight explained, slapping two sheets of paper down on the table. "Derpy is expecting these before end of business." She said, before turning back to Fluttershy. "I know that you can't always include your other friends in all of your get-togethers, but where Discord is concerned, you should be forthcoming because, let's face it," Starlight said, getting close enough to whisper to Fluttershy. "When it comes to Friendship, he's not the brightest hammer in the toolbox."
For what it's worth, Fluttershy tried to keep a straight face at that comment, but Starlight did notice the ever so slight curl at the corner of the pink maned pony's mouth.
Looking down at her stopwatch Starlight saw that there were only about ten seconds left, and she made a choice to exceed that thirty seconds rule she set for herself and started to levitate herself in the air so that she was nose to nose with Discord, just as the stasis spell was wearing off far sooner than she had expected. She made this small exception because while she still holds a tiny, itsy-bitsy grudge against Fluttershy for undoing all her plans in Our Town, over the time that she's known her, and from fixing all her other friendship problems, she's grown kinda fond of the shy scaredy-cat, and didn't want to see her get hurt.
"Fluttershy has invited her friend Treehugger to the Gala, who she is going to introduce you to later. Fluttershy is your best friend, and you don't want to hurt her, do you?" Starlight asked in a menacing tone. Discord shook his head no. "So you will keep your jealousy in check to make sure that doesn't happen, or Faust help me, I'll go back in time and make sure those meddlesome Cutie-Mark Disrupters have an argument in front of some other statue, far away from yours, are we clear mister?"
"Crystal." Discord said.
"Excellent." Starlight said with a smile before tearing the Universe a new one, leaving a Pizza Box in her place.
"Ooo... Pineapples... my favourite!" Discord exclaimed.
99. The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone
“Alright, we’re almost to the top. Finally,” grunted Rainbow Dash with some effort. She’d never admit it, but the climb up the Hyperborean Mountains had really taken it out of her. Being weighed down by a heavy pack didn’t help, though the traditional Llamangolian hat was pretty cool. “I don’t know why I couldn’t just fly here.”
“BECAUSE!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “Twilight’s guidebook says that ‘coming around the final pass after a long climb and finally revealing the city in all its splendor is one of the great wonders of Griffonstone’!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don’t care about her book. Let’s just get in, solve this friendship problem, and get home.”
“Aww. Twilight should have come along. Then she could have seen firsthoof that Griffonstone is-” Both ponies stopped and gaped. After a moment of slack-jawed silence, Pinkie finished, “...expecting us?”
Sure enough, across the city’s front gate hung a banner that read “Welcome Elements of Harmony!” Just inside the city, a wide variety of griffons and ponies mingled, sampling baked goods from a snack table.
As the pair entered the city, they couldn’t help but look around, awestruck. Griffonstone wasn’t as magnificent as Twilight had led them to believe. It had more of a recovering boomtown vibe, like a city that had fallen to ruin and was now being rebuilt. Indeed, many buildings were still in various stages of construction, and a sideroad was only half paved. But most baffling was the presence of dozens of ponies.
Dash looked to her friend. “What gives? I thought Twilight said nopony had been here in centuries.”
“I know!” Pinkie gasped. “I love surprise parties, but usually I’M the surprise, not the surprisee.
“SURPRISE DWEEBS!” came a sudden screech from behind them. Rainbow lept a full dozen ponylengths in the air before landing in a battle stance. Before her stood the one griffon she’d been hoping to avoid: Gilda.
“Heyyy, Dash! Good to see ya! Still got those cat-like reflexes I see. You ponies are right on time.”
“Gilda,” Rainbow growled. “What’s going on here?”
The Griffon smirked. “Uhh, what’s it look like? Your welcome party.
“How’d you even know we were going to be here?” Dash demanded.
Gilda squinted at the pegasus. “Uhh ‘cause they told me. I’m, like, an ambassador now.”
“WHO told you!? Who are all these ponies!?”
“The diplomatic team,” Gilda answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You know. The Foreign Aid Ponies? The Eff Ay Pee?”
Pinkie cocked her head. “The Fap?”
Gilda grinned. “Yeah! These FAP’ers came, like, six months ago. Said they were here for a goodwill mission on behalf of the Princess of Friendship. They’ve been helping us rebuild.”
Dash and Pinkie looked at each other. “Princess of Friendship? But Twilight-”
Gilda shook her head. “Oh right. I was supposed to tell them when you-” She interrupted herself, turned, and waved across the square. “Hey, Cracked Corn! They’re here!”
An elderly stallion, coat faded almost complete white looked up from the conversation he was having with a green-plumaged griffon hen wearing a scarf.
He made his way to the group and Gilda nodded at him. “This geezer is Cracked Corn. He’s in charge of the FAP.”
The stallion bowed his head to Rainbow and Pinkie. “Oh, only informally. ‘Cracked Corn’ is a nickname these feisty cats came up with. But please, just call me Corn Cart. It’s an honor to meet the Elements of Harmony.
Pinkie’s eyes rolled upwards and then ticked back and forth as if she were reading something, then looked back to Corn Cart. “Wait… if I remember Granny Pie’s history lessons, weren’t you the 39th governor of Savaneigh?”
Corn nodded and scratched the back of his head. “Yep. And a peanut farmer before that.”
“Wait, if you’re a peanut farmer, why is your name ‘Corn’?” Dash muttered.
“But now I just represent Estates for Equinity,” Corn continued. “We’re a charity that builds homes for those in need in impoverished third world nations.
Gilda’s eyes narrowed, “Did he just call us a- Nevermind. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about how I treated you in Ponyville. I’mma let you ponies talk.” And with that, she wandered off.
The remaining pony trio watch her go a moment before Dash turned to Corn Cart. She took a deep breath. “WhyAreYouAllHereHow’dYouKnowWe’dBeHereWhy’dYouHaveToRebuildThePlaceWhat’sAFap?” She gasped and caught her breath. “What. The hey. Is going on here?”
Corn’s brow furrowed. “Oh my, you seem a mite confused. I’d have thought Princess Celestia would fill you in before you came.”
Pinkie and Dash turned to each other again. “Princess Celestia?”
Corn nodded. “Oh my yes. A little more than six months ago, a lavender unicorn appeared before Princess Celestia. She told her Princess Twilight had learned what a mess Griffonstone had become in the hundred years since the Idol of Boreas was lost and had put together a plan for a good will equitarian mission to our neighbor in need. Then she gave the Princess this letter and disappeared in a beautiful, but mysterious flash of light, leaving nothing behind but a faint scent of lilac."
With that, Corn pulled out a letter and showed it to the pair. Surely enough, it contained detailed instructions and lists for a 15-point recovery plan involving aid in the form of bits and supplies, and an diplomatic team consisting of ambassadors, financial planners, therapists specializing in fields from anger management to couples therapy, and a crack team of spelunkers. And at the bottom, it was signed,
“Hugs and Kiss,
The Second Best Student In Equestrian History,
TwiTwi
P.S. I don’t want credit for this mission, so please don’t discuss it with me ever again. If you do, I’ll pretend to have no knowledge of any of this.”
Dash groaned and dropped her face into her hooves. She should have stayed home and finished her nap.
“Look on the bright side,” Pinkie chirped. “At least we got cool hats.”
100. Slice of Life
“This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked.
A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation.
“Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn.
~
A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile.
~
Clunk.
“WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear.
Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged.
Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again.
Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans.
Amethyst Star watched in the background.
~
“Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“
“Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink.
~
“Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!”
“Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.”
“…What’s this word you keep using, man?”
Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face.
~
“Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“
One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done.
Lotus Blossom simply blinked.
“Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?”
~~~
Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head.
She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company.
“Eh, looks like my job here’s done.”
Rumors tell that the cake at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present.
The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel.
101. Princess Spike
"Oh no! Are those dragon-sneeze trees?" Spike said as he noticed the trees that were being (loudly) cut down
"Uh, these are too top-heavy," said the pegasus gardener "Wouldn't take much to bring these beauties down"
"Can you just wait a few hours?"
"Sorry, it's a public hazard. I've got my orders" replied the gardener
"Well, I've got my orders too, from Princess Twi-"
"Actually, you don't." said a purple pony joining the conversation "And, bless you"
Spike sneezed at that moment. "What are you talking about?" he said
"Your orders are to make sure Twilight doesn't get bothered while sleeping, but this is too far away for Twilight to hear! And trust me, you don't want to wait a few hours for these trees to be taken down"
"Huh, I guess you're ri...ri...AH-CHOO"
"So," said the pegasus gardener "should I stop or..."
"No...finish it...as soon as possible..." replied Spike, still sniffing. "Thanks for the advice"
"Oh, and don't worry about the water main", said Starlight
"What water ma-" Spike was interrupted by a vibration in the street...Except he noticed there wasn't any sound, there was just a pony fixing a leak with a jackhammer.
Inside a teal force field.
"Just an old trick I learned", said Starlight, teleporting herself right after that.
"Huh, guess that fixes it" Spike shrugged, and went back to the castle.
~
"Oh no! I need an answer, but Twilight can't even think straight!" Spike said to himself, "Oh gosh, what am I supposed to do!?"
"Cadance"
Spike turned to see the same purple pony as before, sitting in one of the chairs in the room.
"Just send them to Cadance. In fact, send everyone to Princess Cadance"
"But what if they-"
"Send. Them. To. Cadance"
Spike shrugged and walked out of the room to see the two impatient delegates
"Well? What did she say?" one of the delegates asked Spike
"Um...Princess Twilight wants you to...to...go to Princess Cadance?"
There was a small silence.
"Well, if that's what she wants," said the other delegate, and both of them walked down the tower.
Can you believe it?, thought Spike, These ponies would believe anything if they think Princess Twilight says it... Maybe if I...
"Don't even think about it" Starlight said
"Wait, how did you-"
"I know you want to help Twilight, but taking decisions for her is wrong. And you are just going to get carried away and ruin everything if you do that" continued Starlight
"I- what?"
"Just stay here and send everyone to Cadance, okay?" And just like before, Starlight teleported again, just when a bunch of angry ponies were trotting up the stairs of the tower.
"Now!" said Spike, slightly louder to get their attention "By orders of Princess Twilight, any problem you might be having must be redirected to Princess Cadance"
And just like that, the delegates went away, Twilight woke up in time and the rest of the summit went without problems...
Except maybe for that one Public Works pony who was trapped in a powerful force field for the rest of the day.
102. Party Pooped
"The yaks are coming. Let's recreate their culture here," Twilight said. Starlight appeared in a flash of purple light with a rolled-up newspaper and swatted Twilight on the nose.
"No! Bad cultural appropriation!" Starlight yelled before she disappeared.
"Okay," Twilight shrugged. "I guess we can just show the yaks what's great about pony culture instead."
103. Amending Fences
Starlight could hardly contain her excitement when she saw what the next problem she was due to fix was.
“Oh those two will be so cute together, it would be irresponsible of me to not set them up” she squealed as she powered up her horn to use the now familiar time-travel spell.
She reappeared right in front of a purple unicorn who was heading home from a party.
Twilight screamed when Starlight appeared right in front of her.
“Oh come on Twilight, you just saved the world from a deranged alicorn who also happened to be the princess’s sister, and a pony reappearing right in front of you is what gets to you?” Starlight said as she tussled Twilight’s mane.
“Uhh, I’m sorry. Do I know you?” Twilight asked, visibly uncomfortable with Starlight touching her.
Starlight was taken aback at this comment. “Wait seriously? You don’t remember me?”
“No, not really” Twilight responded. “Have we met before?”
Starlight resisted the urge to facehoof. “Do you remember how you got here this morning?”
Twilight’s eyes widened as she suddenly remembered. “Oh yeah, you’re that crazy pony who teleported me here and told me how to beat Nightmare Moon.”
A brief look of anger flashed across Starlight’s muzzle. Crazy? Me? Nonsense! Starlight shook the thoughts from her head. She didn’t have much time, and she was already 0.64 seconds behind schedule. “Yes, and I’ll accept your undying gratitude later. Right now you have a friend to apologize to.”
“Uhh, who do I have to apologize to? I haven’t done anything rude to any of my new friends, or at least if I have I don’t recall it” Twilight said.
“Ah well that’s just it! This isn’t one of your new friends, you need to apologize to your oldest and best friend.” Starlight explained.
“But Spike’s still asleep right now, I wouldn’t want to wake him. You probably don’t know this, but his morning breath-”
“-Smells like a rotten egg that was cooked in a dumpster fire in Tartarus, I know” Starlight shuddered. “But this is a friend you’ve had even longer than Spike.”
“Shining Armor?”
“What? No, I’m talking about Moon Dancer!”
“...who?”
Starlight’s jaw dropped. How could Twilight not remember the pony who had been her best friend for years? “Sheesh you really weren’t exaggerating when you said you sucked at friendship before you moved to Ponyville.” Starlight muttered.
“Hey!”
“Do you remember your lab partner in advanced magical theory?” Starlight asked.
“Uuhhh, was her name Moon Dancer? Why do I have to apologize to her, I haven’t seen her in years.” Twilight asked.
“Twilight, you saw her yesterday” Starlight deadpanned.
“Oh, well I suppose I can send her a card or something, what do I need to apologize for?” Twilight asked.
Starlight chuckled. “A card, really Twilight? No, you're apologizing directly to her.” Starlight powered up her horn to teleport the two mares to Moon Dancer’s house in Canterlot.
As soon as the two arrived on Moon Dancer’s steps Twilight keeled over and vomited all over Moon Dancer’s steps, flowers, and front door. Some even got on Starlight.
“Argh, what the heck?” Starlight recoiled as the vile substance got all over her hooves. “You didn’t vomit last time I teleported you!”
“Last time I hadn’t just come from a party with an ‘all you can eat cake buffet’” Twilight countered in between retches.
Starlight quickly cleaned Twilight and the front of Moon Dancer’s house, though there wasn’t much she could do about the lingering smell. “Just tell her you were off saving the world so you two could spend some quality time together without an evil tyrant taking over or something” she explained as she worked.
Once Twilight’s nausea had cleared up, Starlight knocked on Moon Dancer’s door before summoning a bouquet of roses. “And be sure to give her these!” She said before returning to her own time.
She immediately jumped up from her desk and ran to try to find Twilight, who was in the middle of grading the exams she had given out earlier that day.
“TWILIGHT! How are things with Moon Dancer?” Starlight said while prancing in place with excitement.
Twilight’s nostrils flared. “What? I haven’t talked to that whorse since she cheated on me with that psycho Minuette. How did you even know about her anyways?”
Starlight didn’t even answer, having her OTP crushed right before her eyes. She dejectedly walked from the room.
“I suppose I technically solved the problem, but the cost of my entire friend-fiction collection remaining fictional is just too high” Starlight mumbled to herself before retreating back to her office to go solve the next problem.
104. Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?
Her Royal Highness Luna, Princess of the Moon, took a deep and shuddering breath. The hoofbeats of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony drew close. She spared a sidelong glance at the glittering, undulating cloud of inky-blue starlight at her shoulder.
"Greetings, Tantabus. I am ready. Do your w—"
There was a sharp smack, and Luna awoke, her cheek aching. Perched on her chest was a pinkish, purple-maned unicorn, her hoof raised in the follow-through from a stern backhoof slap.
"Ah!" said Starlight Glimmer, brightly. "You're awake!"
"What—"
"Princess Luna, your pet nocturnal hair-shirt's gone rabid and we gotta take it out behind the shed. The only thing stopping it from leaping over to the dreams of my very best friends right now is that I've temporarily shut down their posterior cerebral cortices."
Luna frowned. "That will blind them!"
"Well, they'll be a little blind, sure. Here's the deal: your private mortification is about to turn the world into a nightmarish heckscape. Stop it."
Luna's eyes went distant. "But the awful deeds of my past..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't punish yourself in private. Make a big deal of it! Whenever something goes even a little wrong, take the opportunity to loudly remind everyone of all the bad things you've ever done, and then get on with your day. Night. Whatever."
"What you say is impossible. Without unending repentance, I risk slipping back into my old ways."
"That's the beauty of it!" exclaimed Starlight, throwing her hooves wide. "Your evil side came out because you felt marginalized by your sister, right? By incessantly whining about your dark past, you'll convince everyone that you're a super-special pony and constantly deserve to be at the center of attention. Nopony will ever ignore you again!"
The Moon Princess frowned. "Is what you say likely to happen?"
Starlight gave her hoof a that-a-girl pump. "Worked for me!" she said.
105. Canterlot Boutique
Celestia’s sun was just beyond the mountains in the early morning twilight, with the moon opposite it setting. Very few were out on the city streets with ponies starting to awaken or the night-timers and party goers returning to their homes to sleep again. There was one pony on the street that wasn’t sluggishly fighting with sleep.
Rarity was over the moon with a wide as Pinkie Pie grin upon her face. Her horn was glowing bright as she put several magical finishing touches to the sign above the doorway to her new shop, Canterlot Carousel.
Her life had been leading up this moment. The years of work, building up her reputation and design portfolio, the last month of cleaning and decorating her shop, and money she had spent to-
“Ahem.”
Rarity jumped with a little yelp. Turning towards the voice, she saw a group of ponies standing before her. 4 young unicorn mares, a pegasus, and an earth pony with a napping foal in her saddle bags. The earth mare was in front of the pack.
“Are you Rarity?” said the earth pony mare in front of the pack.
“Oh uh, yes! I am Rarity, but tuh, the boutique isn’t open for a few days.”
The mare reached into the saddle bag opposite her foal and pulled out a flyer. The pegasus came up next to her and pointed at it. “Is this where the jobs for the retail positions and the sweat shop located?”
Rarity stammered. “S-Sweat shop!? My boutique is not a sweat shop.”
“It is now!”
An eye twitched. ‘That voice...’ She turned towards the sound of the door bell at the front of her shop. Starlight stood in the doorway smirking from underneath a green eye shade visor. In her aura was a ledger, several quills, an ink pot, and an iron industrial-looking adding machine.
Rarity immediately pointed a hoof accusingly at Starlight.
“You!”
“I!” Starlight beamed. “Am Good Starlight.”
“I wonder about that,” Rarity lowered her hoof and stared at her with a frown. “What are you doing here? No. Let me guess...” She motioned a hoof towards the group that was looking at each other. “You sent out those flyers?”
“Correct! And I’m here to make you eventually one of the richest and most well-known ponies in Equestria without hassle.” Starlight’s horn flared as she stepped down from the stoop. Looking at the adding machine and ledger, she was quickly putting in calculations with the buttons tapping, the lever ratcheting, the result printing onto paper tape coming out the top, and writing the result into the ledger. Chik-chik.
“You were about to hoof stitch individual dresses in Canterlot. Single. Hoofedly.” Chik-chik. “Because you wanted all your dresses to be as unique as they were in Ponyville.” Chik-chik. “Due to the time needed to stitch, dart, cord, bind, serge, and trim each individual dress with the tender loving care you expect,” chik-chik, “and making hundreds and hundreds of dresses for the ponies of Canterlot in all their shapes and sizes, you would easily be in the hospital for exhaustion or a debilitating horn-ache.” Chik-chik. “This isn’t Ponyville. Most of the ponies in this city are full of narcissists who jump on bandwagon fads and throw money at anything in order to be popular.”
“Hey!”, one of the unicorns in the group protested. Chik-chik.
Rarity’s vexation was becoming apparent by the second. “But I can’t just.. throw my designs into a factory assembly line! They won’t be unique and the quality will be awful. All my dresses need my attention to detail to make sure they’re of the highest caliber!”
“I can’t say I understand fashion.” Chik-chik. “But I do know that your strategy will limit any potential to ever get your dresses or designs across Equestria by limiting the amount of products you make or to spread your brand.” Chik-chik. “Not unless you inflate the price to ludicrous degrees for your time spent.” Chik-chik. “If you want to survive, you need to mass produce your dresses, price them to maximize profit, hire good employees who can share your labor, know what they’re doing, and can help grow your brand.” She motioned to the group of ponies who were now awkwardly staring at each other and shuffling on their hooves. The foal was awake and suckling a pacifier. Chik-chik. The foal giggled.
Sassy Saddles opened the shop door. “Speak of Discord,” Starlight said.
Clearing her throat, Sassy gave the group of prospective employees a practiced smile. “Alright, everypony. Orientation will begin in a few minutes. We have pizza inside if you’re hungry.”
The little herd immediately trotted in.
“Sassy,” Starlight said. Chik-chik.
The mare in question cursed under her breath and went outside to be with Rarity and Starlight.
“Remember what I said?”
“..Do I have to?”
“Do you want a job?”
Resigning herself, Sassy breathed in, placed a hoof over her heart, and recited, “A good manager always listen their employer. A good manager always obeys their superior and carries out their ideas. I do not own the The Canterlot Carosel. Every dress is a Rarity, and every Rarity dress needs the attention and quality control they deserve. Every dress shall be given the attention they need, and every customer will be given a proper dress.”
Without looking up from the ledger, “That’s a good underling.” Chik-chik.
Sassy huffed and lowered her hoof with a clop.
Starlight smiled triumphantly as she ratcheted the adding machine twice, “I love that sound,” and printed the result onto the ledger. The paper tape from the adding machine was now spilling onto the sidewalk. Turning the ledger towards both mares, she pointed at the resulting number.
“So Sassy, if you give Rarity your expertise, connections, and loyalty, and you Rarity make those gorgeous designs and allow others to make your dresses...”
Both mares looked at the resulting number. Their eyes bugged out. Starlight smirked.
“You can buy Blueblood’s mansion and kick him out by the end of the fiscal year.” Chik-chik.
106. Rarity Investigates
Wind Rider stood quietly in a closet, waiting. The bait was set: cherry cake with custard filling, chocolate frosting with buttercream rosettes. Cinnamon Chai’s pastry masterpiece would be hard for anypony to resist, let alone humble royal guardsponies. A window at the end of the corridor was open, allowing a slight breeze to carry the aroma of the delectable cake. All he had to do was wait.
~
A visitor as important as the captain of the Wonderbolts warranted not two, but three royal guards. And as far as important figures to guard, the three pegasi assigned to guard duty much preferred to protect Captain Spitfire than, say, Prince Blueblood. But that’s not to say guarding the captain of the Wonderbolts was any more exciting. It was still a job of standing and waiting.
The three guards stood silently in the empty corridor outside the castle’s visitors’ suites. They were well-trained and disciplined, and stayed quiet, not moving a muscle, not even a feather. But even with their training, they could not remain absolutely silent.
One guard’s stomach growled. Then another’s followed in turn.
Sergeant Spearhead looked to the two guardsponies under him. “Did you forget to go to the mess hall before your shift?” he asked.
“We did, sir,” one replied.
“But it was hay casserole... again,” the other added.
“Private, I know we’re all sick of hay casserole, but it is our duty as guards to always be fit for battle. And that means proper nutrition, even if it’s in the form of another tasteless square of hay casserole.”
“Yes, sir,” the two privates said.
Another fine example of enforcing discipline, Sergeant Spearhead thought. But then his own stomach betrayed him.
A glare at the two privates told them in no uncertain terms to keep their mouths shut, but Spearhead knew what they were thinking.
And so, the guards stood, guarding the quiet corridor, the only sound the rumbling of their own stomachs. As the night wore on, the growling increased, until the sound in the corridor resembled a chorus of frogs with particularly bad indigestion.
“I smell something,” one of the privates said.
“What is it? Smoke?” Spearhead said.
“No, it’s... cake.”
“I smell it too,” the other said. “It’s cherry. And chocolate.”
Spearhead sniffed the air. Now he, too, smelled the cake. And it smelled delicious.
“Don’t go. It may be a trap,” Spearhead said.
“What kind of trap involves cake?” one of the privates said.
“Maybe it’s a gift. You know, recognition for doing a good job?” the other said.
“That’s ridi...” Spearhead started, before his stomach rumbled again. “You know what? I’m willing to put a gift cake in my mouth.”
But before the guards could leave their post, a flat cardboard box appeared at their hooves. The smell of cake was replaced by a much better aroma.
“Pizza!” the guards shouted.
“Wait. Is this a trap?” one of the privates asked Spearhead.
“This is from Raphayel’s, the best pizzeria in Canterlot. No way anypony would mess with a Raphayel pizza.”
And the guards dug into the pizza, all thoughts of cake abandoned.
~
Halfway through the pizza, the three guards heard the metallic sound of shod hoofsteps approaching. And not just any hoofsteps. That particular ringing could only mean Princess Celestia was approaching!
The three guards stood at attention, but they knew they were caught. They had no way of cleaning the grease off their faces and wings, and there was no place to hide the leftover pizza. They stood and awaited their punishment.
Princess Celestia rounded the corner, and gave the guards a sly smile. “At ease, guards,” she said.
They wondered why she was in such a charitable mood, but then they saw why. The princess was in the same boat as them, eating as she walked. In her aura was a beautiful chocolate cherry cake with custard filling, decorated with buttercream rosettes.
“Princess? What brings you here this evening?” Sergeant Spearhead asked.
“Oh, an admirer sent me a note, saying there was cake waiting for me in some corridor of the castle. It said it was thanks for all the hard work I do.”
“Is that safe?”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” she replied. “This is a Cinnamon Chai cake. And nopony would mess with a Cinnamon Chai cake.”
The guards nodded.
“Oh, and guards? You might want to do something about the stallion hiding in the broom closet down the hall."
107. Made in Manehattan
"I did it! I solved a friendship problem!" Rarity watched the purple Manehattenite go with an almost crazed gleam in her eye. "And You Know Who didn't show up! Oh, that feels so GOOD!"
"Ah don't think-"
"Maybe we can finally do things on our own, Applejack! Maybe's she's gone for good! Oh! Maybe she can't interfere with the map! Maybe she....'s standing right behind me, isn't she?"
Rarity wheeled on the meddling unicorn, who raised an eyebrow. "Well I don't even care! You're too late! I already SOLVED this friendship problem, thank you very much! So you can just... go home! Or whatever it is you do!" She paused for a few wheezing breaths, and if anything, Starlight's eyebrow only raised higher.
Applejack took a step forward. "Not the real problem?"
"Uh, nope."
"You've already solved it?"
"Well, yeah."
"Lead the way." With a sigh and a firm tug, Applejack pulled the slack-jawed Rarity along with her.
~ * ~
"...so you see, the important part is that the community knows that they don't need to do much to really make a difference! Sure, I could just magic up the fix, but I don't know if the map would take that as a real solution, and we can't have you stuck here forever, now can we? So I... improvised."
"Starlight... what is all this?" Applejack gestured with a hoof to the collection of ponies standing in the overgrown park. Most were staring blankly straight ahead, but a few were listlessly trying to walk through trees or other ponies, with little success.
"They're here to help! With all of them together, you should have this all fixed up for the Theatre Revival in no time, and none of them will even have to do much!"
This was enough to finally spur words out of Rarity, who had been in a depressed funk the whole way over. "Starlight! You undo whatever you did to these innocent ponies right this instant! This is... this is horrible!"
"Don't worry about it! They'll barely know it happened, and it'll wear off as soon as the map thinks you're done. It'll be fine! Anyway, I gotta go, I've already been here long enough-"
"Now wait just a goshdarn minute-"
"Sorry, can't! Oh! They'll listen to whatever you say, forgot to mention that. See you soon!"
"STARLIGHT-"
With a fizzle and a flash of light, she was gone.
108. Brotherhooves Social
Yet another flash and mighty report later, our heroine, Starlight Glimmer, she who travels time and fixes problems before they can happen (without heed to the inherent consequences of time travel, obviously) appears in front of a rather confused Big Mac. He opens his mouth to question the deus ex whatever, but is quickly interrupted as the heliotrope unicorn looks up from her book, which to this point she has been studying with an exceptionally quaint expression.
"Okay, covering the root problem to begin with, Applebloom DEFINITELY still loves you and looks up to you. She may be pretty horrible at showing it, but it's true." She scrunches her face as she rereads a bit of the book, which Big Mac realizes looks AWFUL familiar, even if he can't put his hoof on it. "Second... seriously, cross dressing?! If you're into that, then good for you. Otherwise, you DO realize that the judges 'extremely loose definition of sister' is so loose to include a brother, right? Seriously, just ask Granny Smith."
Starlight pulls out a stopwatch, then puts it away with a grimace.
"Darn, just a couple seconds over..." She pulls out a box of pizza and hoofs it Big Mac. "Enjoy the pizza; courtesy of this one taking more than 30 seconds. Celestia knows Applebloom loves this stuff."
Relighting her horn, she then disappears in a similar fashion to her sudden appearance. It takes a moment, but eventually the slackjawed stallion is able to form a coherent thought.
"What in the hay?!"
109. Crusaders of the Lost Mark
“And the winner of the Student Pony President election is… Diamond Tiara!” said Cheerilee with a way-too-intense grin.
“Hooray! Diamond Tiara forever!” chanted the entire school in unison.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked on in abject horror.
“Oh, cheer up girls,” said Starlight Glimmer. “It’s for the best this way.”
“How is this for the best!?” shouted Applebloom. “Do you have any idea how insufferable she’s going to be?”
“I’m actually more worried about what you did to everypony,” said Sweetie Belle, nervously waving a hoof in front of Twist’s face.
“I saved everypony a lot of grief. Did you know that if I just let you go ahead and ruin poor Diamond Tiara’s life not only would you have destroyed her relationship with her best friend, condemning her to a life of loneliness and isolation with only her unnatural power to command the minds and hearts of the ponies around her as a comfort, sending her spiraling down a twisted path that leads to her becoming the heartless dictator of a distant village where all finally discover equality in servitude…”
“That’s what happens to Diamond Tiara in the future!?” exclaimed Applebloom.
“She goes crazy!?” said Scootaloo.
“Not crazy. No. Not crazy,” said Starlight Glimmer. “What - crazy? I mean, anypony would react like that. Let’s not throw words like crazy around. It’s an entirely logical chain of - anyway! Not only would you condemn her to that you would also ruin her relationship with her mother. She’d snap at her mother and boss her around and get her to think that she’s growing up too fast, so the best thing for her mother to do would be to try to capture the last fleeting moments of her child’s youth, which inevitably would lead to her idolizing and painstakingly preserving every aspect of her foalhood and maintaining her room as a shrine for decades afterwards as she seeks to preserve the innocence she doesn’t know her daughter lost in a mad bid to destroy time itself on a quest for vengeance.”
“Spoiled Rich does that?” said Sweetie Belle. “Are you sure?”
“Of course she does, probably,” said Starlight Glimmer. “All parents are like that. Just ask Rainbow Dash.”
“Rainbow Dash has parents?” asked Scootaloo, eyes widening.
“The point is you were going to ruin Diamond Tiara’s life, waste a perfectly good statue, and not even get cutie marks in campaign management,” said Starlight Glimmer. “Anyway, your special talent is helping other ponies, obviously.”
“Oh, that makes sense,” said Applebloom.
There was a flash of bright light.
Starlight Glimmer was gone.
Their flanks now proudly wore three matching cutie marks.
Diamond Tiara’s campaign speech had descended into maniacal laughter as the hollow-eyed crowd blankly cheered her name.
The playground never got fixed.
110. The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows
EqIC Site 9, S.M.I.L.E. Headquarters
37 km ESE of Carrossierburg, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 0300
A soundproof phone booth in the office of the Director emits a noise not unlike dragging a key along piano strings, and then opens to emit a purple mare, or who would be purple if not for the absurd amount of stealth spells going on. She then walks over to the desk, and rifles through it until she finds two stamps and ink pad. She then teleports out, which sets off all the alarms.
EqDoD Site 18-B, Sugarcube Corner
Approx. 50 km SW of Canterlot, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 1230
Mrs. Cake sets down her pen after copying down the recipe for the cake called for. After crumpling up the original letter and tossing it in the fire, she wonders aloud:
"So the 'For Your Eyes Only' stamp I get, seeing as it is top secret and all, but why the 'Burn After Reading' one?"
She ponders this for a few seconds before dismissing it.
"Doesn't matter. That cake won't bake itself!"
Out of the window, binoculars vanish into a bush, which disappears (with a certain sound a certain government agency is currently scrambling to decipher), and Pinkie Pie gets a strong sense of Déjà vu.
111. Hearthbreakers
Pinkie Pie held her hoof to her lips and let out a sharp whistle, nevermind that it was impossible to do with hooves. She sat perched on Holder's Boulder, gathering her family around it, still practically vibrating with excitement from being able to spend Hearth's Warming with both her immediate family and the Apples! “Attention!”
The Pies gathered around the large rock, Limestone Pie running up with a scowl to yell at her younger sister. “What'd I say about the boulder!” Her hoof pointed accusingly at the pink party pony, something Pinkie wasn't exactly a stranger to.
“I'll just be a se-”
“Woooaaahhh!” Pinkie wasn't given a chance to finish, a brilliant flash cut her off, and a familiar unicorn tumbled out of a swirling hole just above the boulder. Starlight Glimmer landed next to Pinkie, eyes spinning in her head. “Kites!” She shook her head to clear the stars from her vision and unceremoniously shoved Pinkie off the side of the boulder. “Whew, rough landing, oh, and sorry about that Pinkie.”
Limestone's left eye twitched, some random pony was touching the boulder, she grit her teeth. “NO MESSING WITH HOLDER'S BOULDER!” She shouted at the top of her lungs, causing the Apples to cringe and fold their ears back, while the Pies remained unperturbed.
Starlight just rolled her eyes, completely unfazed other than her now voice-volume frazzled mane, which was fixed in the blink of an eye with a spell. “Relax Limestone, I'll just be a second.”
“No! No more, git outta here Starlight, ya keep messing with things and we're sick of it! We're fine on our own!” Applejack shook an angry hoof at her future friend, tired of dealing with the unicorn popping into their lives at random.
Tape appeared around the farm mare's muzzle, shutting her up before she could continue. “Relax AJ, I'm just fixing up a little misunderstanding before you make a complete fool of yourself. Listen up everypony, this is important!”
Starlight glaced quickly at the Friendship Journal, making sure she got the lesson right. “Your two families might be related, but surprise surprise, they have DIFFERENT Hearth's Warming traditions, after who knows how many, if any, generations apart. Traditions change, so this year, you two are gonna mix your own respective traditions together to make some new ones, got it?”
She wasn't finished however, and before anypony could speak up, including Pinkie, who was still peeling her face from the ground after her faceplant. “I mean, seriously Applejack, why did you even bring decorations with you? That's just weird.” Starlight's magic manifested around one of Applejack's bags, and popped it open, the bag spilling way more decorations out than it should have been able to hold. The mess quickly disappeared however, incinerated into ash which Starlight courteously packed back into the bag.
“There, that should fix that, and Pinkie, not everypony eats rocks, you should know that after working in a bakery! Do you want the Apples to lose their teeth?” Starlight gestured wildly with her hooves, unable to comprehend the level of obviousness.
Granny Smith just looked at her dentures.
The raving unicorn on the rock took a deep breath, disappearing from the top of the boulder and reappearing in front of Big Mac and Marble Pie, who were sitting fairly close to one another. “And for the love of Celestia you two, you might be related! Are you serious?” She marched up to the wary Big Mac and grabbed him by the chest, pulling him muzzle to muzzle with unnatural strength. “Keep it in your metaphorical pants loverboy.”
Mac blushed, not that it was visible to anypony else against his red fur.
Starlight teleported yet again, practically scaring Marble out of her skin. The shy mare was now muzzle to muzzle with the random unicorn, and she was terrified. “No sleeping with cousins, got it?” She jabbed a hoof into Marble's chest
“... M-Mhm…”
A smile appeared on Starlight, her demeanor having completely changed. “Good, I think that covers everything.” She trotted casually to the still emotion devoid Maud, and smiled more as she hugged the grey mare. “Hey Maud, good to see you! You don't know me yet, but you will! Oh, and look into getting a kite, I'd love for you to have a headstart with them for when we meet. Bye!”
“Bye.”
Starlight was gone, leaving behind an open pizza box, filled with a pile of sweetrolls.
112. Scare Master
"Oh, I'm so scared of nightmare night!" said Fluttershy, just then, Starlight popped in with a purple flash.
She then cast a Want it need it spell on all the bowls of candy on nightmare night, then siphoned all the lust for candy to Fluttershy, then made a vampire fruit bat appear and bite her turning her into Flutterbat, and then disappeared in a blink.
"Thank you, Ssstarlight." Flutterbat hissed, she then flew out her window and got all the towns candy, no pumpkin bag was left behind.
113. What About Discord
*Poof* Starlight touched down amongst a pile of books.
"Gah!" shouted Twilight. "Celestia on a bike! Would you stop just dropping in like this? Can't you at least, like, use the front door?"
"No can do, silly filly," replied Starlight. "I'm on a schedule here and I'm sticking to it! Speaking of, did you know your friends are hanging out this weekend? You should go join them."
Twilight looked torn. "But... I've been planning this book sorting for... for weeks!"
"Well then," Starlight replied as she slowly trotted around the castle Library, "it sounds like you have a decision to make. But I will say this: If you decide to stay in and organize books all weekend; you aren't allowed to be jealous when your friends have fun without you."
"Me? I'm never jealous!"
"And I'm never manipulative. Welp, I gotta go now. Toodles!"
And Twilight was left alone, at least until Spike wandered back in. "Hey Twi, were you talking to somepony?"
"Oh, you know, the usual suspect."
114. The Hooffields and McColts
A long time ago, two best friends, Grub Hooffield and Piles McColt found the valley between the Smoky Mountains. They knew it was something special. That is, until they found that it was haunted by a purple unicorn witch and they decided to settle elsewhere where there was enough room for both a farm and an animal shelter.
115. The Mane Attraction
“—and I won’t hesitate to pull her from the festival if these demands aren’t met!”
Pinkie Pie shrunk low to the ground, teeth gritted in the plaintive hope that the off-white stallion before her would stop shouting. She wanted so badly to call him a mean meanie-head and walk away. This certainly wasn’t how her friends talked to her! Or townsponies! Not even Limestone got so bad, unless she’d touched Holder’s Boulder, in which case she knew she deserved it!
But crouching there, with Svengallop looming over her… Pinkie couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Her throat felt dry, her would-be comebacks turned to ashes, and—
Suddenly there was a loud *SCREECH* from all the festival’s huge amps and loudspeakers all at once. Svengallop jerked back and raised his eyes toward a spot above and behind Pinkie. She turned in time to see a huge burst of pyrotechnics light up the top of a particularly massive stack of amplifiers that stretched well above the top of the adjoining stage.
In the center of the flames was the silhouette of a pony.
The fire didn’t abate. But it shifted, tapering in front and flaring even higher in the back, bringing the pony’s corpse-painted visage and studded black hoofbands into sharp relief. It glared straight down at Pinkie—no, at Svengallop—then hefted a long-necked guitar with an appearance like six strings trying to escape from the skull of a deadly beast.
“Foolish mortal,” the pony’s voice boomed—and Pinkie noticed it had a glowing horn, which might’ve been the source of its amplification. “You would terrorize the mortal realm to keep your prissy little pop-princess from discovering true power?”
“I…” Svengallop swallowed. “I don’t know what you—”
“SILENCE!”
Thunder cracked, and lightning speared down from the sky, as the pony adjusted a dial on its guitar. Pinkie’s muzzle crinkled as a pungent and distinct odor came wafting on the breeze from where Svengallop stood trembling.
“Countess Coloratura, I know you can hear me. My time in this realm grows short. But behold: the power of Tartarus unchained. Behold: true power. Behold… then claim it as your own, if you dare!”
Then the pony strummed, and Pinkie and Svengallop alike were blown off their hooves by a sound-wave of incomprehensible power. They were sent tumbling end-over-end across the festival grounds as the single chord was followed by others in rapid succession…
~
Trixie relaxed into the chair next to Starlight’s bed in the Castle of Friendship, then squeezed her eyes shut and allowed herself a moment to simply soak up its plush softness. Trixie really must ask if there’s a spare one of these around, she thought to herself. One deep breath led to another, and then another, as a smile crept across her face. How many times has Trixie visited her Great and Powerful best friend, yet never thought to rest her weary hooves from the road in this most magnificent of chairs?
A gentle tone from a clock on the wall disrupted Trixie’s reverie. She huffed and pouted at it. Perhaps Trixie should work in some more teacup practice while she’s waiting? After a moment of considering the thought, Trixie furrowed her brow. I wonder what Starlight’s up to in there, anyway? Didn’t she tell Trixie that she just needed a minute, and then she’d have something ‘fun’ to share?
Slowly, reluctantly, Trixie pushed herself up and out of the chair. Her hooves were a bit weary from the road, truth be told; but she felt torn between concern for her friend, and irritation at being made to wait. She crossed to the door of Starlight’s dressing room—Must be nice to have one of those!—and knocked.
“Starlight? Starlight! Trixie is quite ready to see this ‘fun’ you promised!”
She jumped at the loud *BOOM!* that sounded behind her. Then she turned, and blinked several times as she struggled to get her brain around the juxtaposition of Starlight having suddenly appeared amid a hodgepodge layer of dime-store, teenage-rebel nonsense.
“Hey Trixie!” Starlight said, smiling widely and breathing as if she was winded. “Whoo… sorry, I forgot how good that felt. I completely lost track of time!” A grimace worked its way across her corpse-painted, heavily-mascara’d features. “Which… is gonna cost me, big time. I ended up having to put an entire festival’s worth of pizza on my Amareican Express card. Thank Celestia they didn’t decline the charge!”
“What…?”
“Oh, the getup!” Starlight stepped back, raising her forehooves, gesturing at herself with one while hefting a really weird-looking guitar with the other. “Yeah, it turns out I don’t fit the jacket anymore. But the rest of it is how I went around in high school! I was the terror of Sire’s Hollow. Oh, and I still remember how to play a couple songs. Wanna hear?”
Trixie kept her gaze even, and smacked her lips. “Yeeeaaahhhh, Trixie’s gonna go with ‘no’ on that.”
“You… don’t like metal?”
With a slow shake of her head, Trixie walked back over to the chair and sat down. “It’s not just that, of course; you look ridiculous! Though Trixie is indeed more a fan of music that doesn’t threaten her eardrums, and that has things like melody, and recognizable words… not ones about horrid things like disembowelment, either.”
A grimace of fiery condemnation—totally accentuated by the makeup—settled over Starlight’s face.
“Now if we’re done with this… highly questionable ‘fun,’ I believe that Trixie was promised a selection of one or more fine pizzas?”
Starlight raised the guitar. Her horn flared. And she strummed—
116 & 117. The Cutie Re-Mark
Starlight Glimmer snuck into the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot Archives. She sifted through the books and scrolls until she finally found what she was looking for. The infamous time travel spell. She unrolled the scroll and began to read it, working out how to modify it to go back and stop the Sonic Rainboom.
"Working on changing Starswirl's spell?" Starlight asked. Starlight jumped, looking up at Starlight. Starlight fired a spell at Starlight but Starlight blocked Starlight's spell.
"Woah, easy girl! I'm excited to see you too," she said. "And before you ask, no, I'm not a changeling. I'm you from the future."
"You're from the future!?" she asked. She nodded.
"Yup. And I'm gonna save you a bunch of time with that," she said, taking the scroll and incinerating it.
"Hey!"
"Don't worry. I've got a quicker way. I'mma just need to borrow that..." Before Starlight could react, her future-self pulled the cutie mark from her flank. She yowled in pain as an equal-sign took its place.
"That hurt like hell!" she yelled.
"And you did it to an entire village. Think about that for a second until I get back." In a flash of light, future Starlight vanished.
~
Sire's Hollow: many years earlier.
A colt and filly were stacking books into a tower. Suddenly it was about to fall onto the filly, but the colt caught it with his magic and saved her. He got his cutie mark and ran outside to show everyone. The filly just watched from the window and pouted, resenting him for getting his cutie mark while she still didn't.
In a flash of purple light, her older-self appeared.
"No worries, kid. I gotcha covered!" Starlight said to her younger self, passing the hovering cutie mark to her and it stuck itself onto her flank.
"Thank you Cutie Mark Fairy!" filly Starlight squealed as she ran out into the town square to celebrate with her friends and family.
~
Starlight reappeared in the Canterlot archives barely an instant after she left. She grabbed her former self in her magic. The other was helpless to stop her with the equal sign on her flank.
The two of them teleported to Twilight's castle. Starlight dumped her captive on the floor at Twilight's hooves.
"Here you go," Starlight said. "One Former-Me, awaiting to be reformed." Future Starlight vanished as Twilight and her friends gathered around the former Starlight in a small circle. Grins spread across their faces.
"Time for friendship..."
Stats
Page generated in 0.046 seconds
Total duration
1,046 users online
2,513,352 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
i.pinimg.com/originals/a6/d1/94/a6d194c4525655c7d74a086017971b32.jpg
Y'know, I can't help but think she may be missing the point...
9174480 That is the point.
THAT’S alotta zeros!
9174556
You should join the Group, and post your version of the episode!
#savetree
9174368
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/018/816/its-magic-i-aint-gotta-explain-shit2.jpg
9174601
I'd be glad to, but the thing is I'm not a horrible writer. I'm not a writer at all. So, if you don't want to experience how the death tastes like through my exemplary keymanship then I better not write any stories there. I'll join nevertheless, though.
9173145
Yes, I'm sure.
I would know. I've done something similar.
I love these.
Deliver
Pizza tasting of pizza? Say it ain't so.
Unicorn, though unicron somehow fits too :)
9174792 Fixed. Thank you.
>Arrogant Person Born of Parents Not Married to Each Other Ale
is this a d-dubs tribute?
9174792
The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
9174911
products3.imgix.drizly.com/ci-stone-arrogant-bastard-ale-e725f85a7142afa7.png
Starlight's completely in the right here. It's even more preposterous then saying that nuclear explosion is noisy.
9174918
And recursion tastes like recursion!
9174923
I got that, but my question still stands. D-dubs (dwk, spaghetti king) drinks that and is full of crunk, that was my first association
9174925
Indeed, nuclear explosion is completely silent. At least within first 2-4 km from a hypocenter. Mostly because you can't keep whatever you use to hear in operable state there, though. After all does the duck quack if no one have ears?
9174985
This gives me life.
9174980
And Glimmy is completely non-crazy. That's the point.
I don't remember seeing Hooffields and McColts before, but that is hilarious. :D
9175192 I got tired of waiting for that one to be written so I just added that in before I published this season.
9174503 Wild guess: the story is ultimately going to end with Starlight fixing everything by stopping herself from fixing everything?
Three days later...
Twilight sat alone in her library, wondering how it had gone so wrong, and dreading the answer. She had been warned, and now her friends and Discord of all creatures were closer than ever... And she'd missed it! Never jealous, indeed. Stupid, stupid past Twilight.
"30 seconds or less or the pizza is free!"
Starlight's bank must be so weirded out when they check her charge history to notice it have more pizza charges than what should be ponily possible.
That and Rhonaldo's pizza just got a massive boost to their business. Let's hope those new princess stipends is enough to cover all those pizzas. "Sorry Twilight, the pizza place was closed. I hope a quasedia is alright instead. K thanks bye."
Also wouldn't some of these universes through the power of the butterfly effect cause friendship problems that Starlight would not be there to fix?
Also what happened to the timeline in which AJ and Rarity became a couple in Read it and Sleep?
9176507
9174472
derpicdn.net/img/2016/2/25/1096198/large.png
9174472
I'd like a direct link to the original source of that comic please.
I kind of want someone to sing "Let Starlight Glimmer" now.
I also prefer this version of the events of Lost Treasure of Griffonstone.
I'm curious as to how the discrepancies between this version of Crusaders of the Lost Mark will pan out in terms of some of the later episodes. (Probably not that much, but that's my favorite episode of the show, so that's the one that I have the biggest question about)
And, the biggest question of all now:
How will the interactions between the past versions of reformed Starlight and the present version of reformed Starlight go?
9179048
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/404620347756872357/?lp=true
The only question of all.
Why does this not suprise me? But then again, unlike all of the other rulers, if she deosn't like you, she can simply undoe you. And that's before regular alicorn magic. Mark me officially loyal!
Damn I didn't see that ending coming!
I really don't know if it's that big an issue once you get into crazy degrees of separation like Applejack's Aunt being the Fourth Cousin twice removed of some member of the Pie family (Probably not even Pinkie, but one of her ancestors).
But then, Starlight Glimmer's not renowned for displaying good judgement in this fic... or canon.
So, incoming causality wave will result in a timeline where Starlight and Sunburst have become a couple world renowned for their studies in magic...and Diamond Tiara begins her career in politics that will eventually result in the overthrowing of the Princesses when she secretly sells out to the Storm King, whose irresponsible use of the magics that control the Sun and Moon results in this becoming the wasteland timeline.
9149637
Where is tjis mention of Cherenkov radiation coming from? Is this my fault somehow?
On the one hand, Starlight “fixing” everything is showing that she’s possibly making things worse. On the other hand, she herself wasn’t deluded enough to confuse her own motivation of tampering with the time spell was because of her own childhood.
Oh crap, I was just reading, and realized I used “your” instead of “you’re” once. Darn.
9188061
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/You+monster+_bac470f00e5c720d144f66f7e80ffcf1.gif
Fixed that for you.
9174911
Indeed, our Lord and Savior DWK
9174985
That was beautiful. Exhibit A for why it's always a good idea to read the comments, I would have missed this gem.
I liked all of them exept for crusaders of the lost mark, they tried to fix something that wasn't broken...
I'm afraid to ask but....... did anyone keep count on how many free pizza's are spent until now XD ?
Can we ask Hasbro if this could be gen4.5?
FiM: Starlight fixes everything! in 30s or less!
Every episode (including Intro) would be around 60 seconds long lol.
Fixes EVERYTHING! ... i want my bits back XD False advertisement!
HOW DID I MISS THIS?!
9298073 More importantly; how did I miss it?
Fixed.
Never has friendship sounded so malevolent
9302431
I was imagining something like this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/12/29/1054816.jpeg
So... does Starlight end up permanently without her cutie mark?
9315732 Find out in SEASON 6!