Citrus Recluse
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So what happen now in the next chapter?
8881239
I dunno.
8881322
Ok
So, a perverted Jumanji-style game. Lets see where this goes.
8881322
So when will the next chapter be out?
8881444
When a) the commissioner and I figure what's actually going to be in it, and b) I write it, and c) I have someone look over it after I write it.
We're doing this chapter-by-chapter, so I really just do not know what's going to be in chapter 2, or 3, or 4, or any of the chapters at this point. And that, in turn, makes me unable to know when they'll be finished.
8881551
Right
will big mac be there or will there be other stallions like pinkie cheese sandwitch or rainbow dash soaring?
Dunno how I got here, but this was a fun read :) I hope you keep going with it.
You mean Random Omnipotent *cough*Bastard*cough.
Also: did you mean to put Discord's name in in a few spots? Might wanna ctrl+f and clean those up if you didn't.
EDIT: Oh, and tell the commissioner I look forward to seeing his take on the Perverted Transformation Game idea.
8882394
Probably more likely that the others will have the opportunity to completely turn into them.
I can see Dash choosing to turn into Big Mac, just so she can see for herself what he's packing, without Applejack able to stop her for once.
8910992
Ooh, I may just do that now.
Commissioner here.
First, I am willing to take recommendations for future chapters. In other words, ideas are welcome.
Second, I never intended for anyone beyond the players and game master (GM), but
Discord'Rob' will be needing to keep his identity a secret. So, he may need to bring in outside help so the ladies can see to their new needs.Third, any transformation into another individual will be the result of shape-shifting. So Dashie would need to take a trait that would grant such an ability in order to look like Big Mac. However, unless the ability specifically allows her to assume another's form, she would only turn into her perception of him. Meaning Applejack would have fun poking at each mistake Dashie made. Also, all the Players will be keeping what makes them female. I am not discounting the addition of male parts, but not planning on including such. My idea involved turning them into bisexual sluts, not other ponies. They may change species, or become something more, but they will (mostly) remain themselves in body and mind.
When do we get to read the next stirring chapter of this amazing story??
8942953
If I can focus and not dilly-dally with pointless distractions by Saturday, sometime next week. Maybe.
8942998
Thank you very much for such a quick reply.
I can hardly wait!!
Keep up the awesome work!!
8943001
I intend to pay for Chapter 3 on June 1st. If you have any suggestions, I am willing to listen.
8947361
I wouldn't want to impose, it is your story after all.
As long as it doesn't involve scat or corpses I am willing to keep a open mind.
Just have fun with your story, that is all I want from you.
8947684
No worries there.
8947684
I don't know, vampires can be pretty sexy.
8948139
I meant SEX with corpses. I have no problems with vamponies.
Wasn't it Rarity and Rainbow Dash?
I am loving this story. I eagerly await the next chapter!!
Keep up the amazing work.
I think you left in something that wasn't supposed to be posted.
8957463
Yes, I missed that in review.
Rob is going to hate that when he sees it.
8957523
8957463
8957618
You know, I'm supposed to have people who are supposed to catch this sort of thing, and I may just quit commissions altogether if I keep making that same mistake.
8957644
noooo!!!!!!! don't. i want to see where this goes.
8957644
Come on, don't do that. Everyone makes mistakes. You're as human as the rest of us, mistakes happen. This is a fun story, I want to see where it goes.
8958167
8958008
Thanks for the encouragement. It is a little frustrating when I try to put out good work and discover there's errors in it, some of which are actually entirely my fault (though missing who fought the slime is something that I would hope a proofreader would catch ...). But I'm feeling better now. Besides, I can't quit; this is my only real source of viable income!
8958421
Contrary to what Cell things, perfection isn't possible. I would recommend rereading your chapter once it's done to catch any errors, run it through Word or Google Docs, see if they can catch any spelling mistakes though, that might help.
8958421
8958427
Most of my spell checking is from my browser. And sometimes I skim over details. And some things get missed because what your mind saw was what you expected. That last one is why proofreaders exist.
Nice beginning, but some of it seems a bit forced, and Discord hovering around them all the time is a bit bothersome for my taste. A good "GM" should guide the players not push them, so I hope he will take more of a background role after the six got into the swing of the game.
8958888
Valid point. He should back off as they become closer friends. Won’t stop him from playing favorites though.
great chapter rarity has a dirty mind hahahaa
9023613
Aww, thanks!
Is one of the fetishes femdom?
9023831
I do not plan on including that.
Keep it up.
You know, I just thought this'd be some run of the mill clopfic, but no, this is actually pretty fun. Kudos.
9026500
Surprisingly, my attempts to commission clop tend to result in plot instead.
A fun start, but I noticed some minor errors, the two most noticeable to me are just below. I recommend you go over what you have up already and see if you can spot any errors, it would probably would also be a good idea to have one or more sets of other eyes proofread all future chapters before they get posted, and maybe get a writing aid like Grammarly to help you out as well. None are infallible, they just help mitigate and minimize errors.
While I do enjoy this little story, there just some errors I can’t overlook in good conscience.
like this one
either the “to” leaves that sentence or “making” changes to ‘causing’, either way it fixes the problem.
8957644
hey can you make bad endings for each main encounter only no small monsters please
9029887
I have no issue with you commissioning such “what if” bad endings. I won’t complain about such being added after the story is complete.
9030019
okay thats fine
While I’m enjoying the story thus far, I’m also teetering on my error threshold.
This story has more errors than can be summed up in a concise comment. So here’s a website to help you out a bit, all writers, editors, and proofreaders should also use it to help out
hahahaha take it well that is a joke in its self
Wow, this was a fun chapter!
Lived the dodgeball idea. That's so quirky though, whichever one of you thought of that has quite the imagination!
Also liked twilight's turn, but at the same time I was also hoping she'd choose vibration. :P
9078357
Wish I could take the credit, but that was by and large the commissioner's idea. My only real part was deciding to call it "Dodgeball," since that's basically what it was.