Citrus Recluse
Joined 4th Jun, 2014 ·
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Sequels1
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Citrus Recluse · 16k words · 66 28 · 2.3k views
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That's three of my fetishes. You have my attention.
8939550
I’m hooked too
Mmm, decent. Seven out of ten.
8939693
Humor me; what could I have done to make it ten outta ten?
8940527
Not him, but perhaps spend a bit more time on the hypnotic inductions and the mental changes they went through while in the stomach. It would have been lovely detailing their corruption in more detail.
8941207
Mm, yes. Sometimes my ability to write lots of words very fast gets in the way of sometimes giving these things the slow attention to detail they deserve.
8940527
The writing itself is a little rough overall. The prose is a bit flat at times and the rhythm is off in a few sentences. It's nothing to be ashamed about, mind. Just means you need to keep writing.
And the vore scene went by a little quick. But that's more of a personal taste thing.
8941614
And I just realized I didn't properly answer the question.
The easiest way to up the score would be to take another run or two at the story in editing. With another author if possible. Jazz up the prose a bit and take your time with the sexy bits.
sequel? please and thank you
8942448
This was a commission, and I am A Very Important Person with Very Important Things To Do*. So normally, you'd be out of luck here. But you are in luck, as the commissioner had indeed a commissioned a sequel!
*At least, that's what I tell myself when I cry into my pillow at night.
8942716
Yaaaaayyyyy! Lamia-takeover of Equestria! I do so hope Luna becomes one.
To be fair though, unbirth would be going back in through the vagina. Technically, this is rebirth. So that tag isn't QUITE accurate.
Well then... this was an experience.
On one hand, this is very well written and very well executed...
On the other... I feel ill.
Edit 9/17/2018:
OH MY GOSH, GUYS, I THINK SHE'S GONNA TURN INTO A SNAKE!
Granted the title and synopsis basically give it away, I wish you'd taken the time and effort to be just a bit more subtle.
wow this was good.
Don't you mean Fluttershy and Pinkie?
9934953
Yes.
Thank you.
Fixed.
"Well, I sure was inside you, arlight,"
"arlight" to "alright"
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"Come on! There's nothing fear but fear itself." to "Come on! There's nothing to fear but fear itself."