• Member Since 18th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

coolcatnate


Comments ( 33 )

I'm I the only one concerned by the fact that the description of this fic is staring off by telling us how much of a mary sue protagonist is going to be?

Also, add what crossover you are using to the description. Not all of us know what the cover art is from.

8869589
I didn't know the armor was from something a friend gave it to me.

And who is Mary Sue?

I was just trying to be as transparent as possible.

8869715
IDK what the cover art is of. I assumed it was of your crossover as your description doesn't say.

Being transparent is find, but your description doesn't really tell me what this story is going to be about. I haven't read this story, so I'm only going off what you have on the front, and all I know about this story is: It's a crossover, someone named Matt ends up in a forest, he is a soldier, can teleport, and possibly can use void magic. Right off the bat it give me the impression that Matt was going to be a Mary Sue. (What a Mary Sue is differs, but generally speaking, it's a character who ends up a perfect god. They are the strongest, the smartest, best at magic, everyone loves them, They never lose, and every pony looks to them to stop the big bad guy). Noting can kill a story faster than a Mary Sue.

Your description needs to tell briefly what is going to happen after Matt lands in a forest, at least vaguely. You also need to add what crossover you are using, just a few lines at the end would help people decide if they want to read it or not. You can still describe Matt and not have him come off as sueish, perhaps say, "Matt, a Void Knight, find himself in the middle of a forest. [insert brief description about adventure in Equestria]" (I don't know if Matt is a knight or not, but you get my point I hope).

One last thing, if Matt is human you will need the tag for that.

8869823
Thank you for pointing that out and I've never actually really been good at summarizing in with the whole marysue thing it worked in don't get cocky. But trust me he's nowhere near perfect nearly got himself killed several times. And isn't the strongest people.

8870942
That's adventure quest worlds armor isn't it? I know that style.

8881367
I don't really know a friend gave the picture to me

8881407
Believe me, it is. I know that style, I just don't know what armor it is.

This is an, honest to god, piece of written garbage. There are so many errors that can only be written by a someone out of country or a 10 year old. The wording is all messes up, the phrasing is the same, I cant tell where or what the mc is doing at one time, and what his powers are. Have you ever played warframe in the first place? The only thing this story has to do with warframe is the name of the armor that doesn't function like a warframe at all! If you don't want to fix and correct this story that's fine, just at least run this through an online grammar check.

Omg this is good I love it just clean up the grammar and misspellings and it woukd be easier to understand. Love the way pinkie breaks everything metaphysical

Did anyone find the references in this chapter?

This chapter really needs to be worked on, it doesn't flow well, the grammar doesn't make sense, what the characters say and do is poor, and the details of how the story is told is minimal, if not nonexistent.

You really need some kind of help or editor with making this story, because I see that you really need it.

I stood up and asked “witch way is your house?”

WHICH NOT WITCH

9090010
I give you the two out of this chapter.

Hellsing abridged and sword art online.

ALL!!! SHALL FEAR THE PINK ONE!!!

9090030
I FOUND THEM XD
and it got a good chuckle out of me XD



and you 9090010 need to watch more abridged series

9093296
But did you find the rest of them?

9093409
NOPE! i only spotted the more known tfs hellsing ultimate abridged and SAO abridged references XD

9093574
A hint if I may, don't just look for the anime but games and movies to.

9093582
ok!


also



*SPEAKS IN A NAZI VOICE*

HAIL LUNA!! *SALUTES LIKE A NAZI*

9093584
:facehoof: you sound like my friends.

9093655
lololololololololololololol XD

8881410
Gilded Fallen Angel or something, I have the wings, they drop from the open my treasure chest from Valencia/Twilly

it was a bit confusing
please put perspectives down as who they are.

At least you are trying and I think you did well

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*speaks in German*


"Gegrüßet seist du Luna!!"


.....update please...um... if thats ok with you...

VOID , I UNDESTAND THE CONCEPT OF VOID . But not read more this yet

“That would be my niece cadence she's the pink one next her husband.”

Wrong Anser , BEEP .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Aq_Uck8HTI

incorrect sound effect

CANDANCE DID SHOT Matt LITERALLY as a treat .
So indeed candance did that but still deserve the buzzer

LUNA GOT Matt in the hearh with love .

ok now what . and what about just everyone to be given chance

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