coolcatnate
Joined 18th Feb, 2018 ·
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I see what you were going for, but this certainly needs to be rewritten.
Changiles. You misspelled it more than once too.
So... he wasn’t a stallion. He’s a tod.
What? What sword ISN’T made to quickly kill people?
So he has a bloodlust. Okay. What does he look like? Is he just a fox with 9 tails?
Did you read this before posting? You really need to edit it. As it sits it’s a mess. Your summary doesn’t explain ANYTHING either.
Much like the blood of the English language paints this story.
Get an editor. You need one.
so would you considered downloading Grammarly it free!
9084830 Looks like you’re in dire need of it yourself.
9084833
Oh snap.
9084790
Thanks for pointing all of that out. I know it's pretty bad. And if you want to I do need editor for this story if you're interested that is.
9084833
well yeah, of course, I got it certainly helps out it not perfect but might help out a writer if there editor bails on them or their proofreader not around just thought it is a useful tool to recommend.
9084842
I won’t be able to help you, as I hate Naruto and the whole nine tailed fox thing means this is obviously a crossover. That said, I feel like there would be extreme improvements if you just went back and read it yourself. Not skim, read. You’ll find plenty of mistakes that way.
9084930
I wasn't using Naruto in the story as I too dislike it. I was using grimoire of zero with the hole beast fallen thing.
9085647
Still weeb shit. I'm good man.
Wow, i like the story from the first chapter, thats something new
Welp i hope you continue it
He need a katana and a trenchcoat.
Chicks dig the katana and trenchcoat combo.
shining is in deep shit
Well conner should have the main six plus the two princesses
I think the first two to be in Conners herd is celestia and Luna.
9103348
He got a katana here's what his weapons look's like.
lh5.googleusercontent.com/UVqO9NN82LLbR4rgYLYVhvh6PnMCpuDkwoyX6G1QjpdImCH7Al2gFGh14v2FpBBeQnZz6y-gkIrlUfkYqmcpSj39xkkc_SeCa-gmkIpkuveI2ib-6IfvYnRJBiHAomJMttzqHlQw
lh4.googleusercontent.com/OlCbs4zcOb9nhistEmNZYJ9tM-fQ5SWqwPOjectIBaNWxyEqERWOU22kXrr40tdD_E1l23sOzJLEv2izaPo1eFkyNFClNLE4eWZB4wTnUwfO9-GMK97mTEFentuYx3-XIwgZQkJz
And both have a wonderful surprise.
Next please
The story seems a bit fast pace in the pony seem to be overly friendly might be but if you flush it out more of the characters be more developed maybe For a guy who I just killed a lot of individuals they seem to brush past it except his mental instability
9105185
Yeah sorry whenever I actually get a chance its steering my break.
And it's more instinctual for The Killing he really can't control it.
Hmm fluttershy in a relationship with the guy seems to come to mind everytime I read something like this when the person is beastial for some reason
9146453
I take it your voting for Fluttershy then?
9146490
Yes and either rainbow or Luna sound like a good idea but idk what his full personality is like
Can't wait
This looks fun.
Shining is going to die.
9150750
On a scale of one to ten how bad did he fuck up?
9150767
YES
9150767
I mean, how often is it ever a good idea to piss off creatures from other worlds or planes of existence? Especially when said creature is able to shut off all magic excluding his own which Equestria is heavily reliant on and said creature is strong enough to breeze right through an army of shapeshifters, walk up to Chrysalis who was strong enough to beat Celestia and CHOSE to spare her life. Insulting one's lover who was killed just for loving someone is already bad enough, add in the widower's God like power and mental instability and you got a recipe for a few dead armies and another Badlands.
Beat the shit out of shining armor make him pay for his sins and fuck him I want to read more please
He is very lucky that Connor did not kill him. By the way did you got that name "Connor" from Detroit become human
9179281
Maybe
9179398
so I us names I know.
What I'm horrible at names.
Ok I get it
Is it hard to work with multiple story's at the same time?
9197143
You have no idea
That bad huh
9197585
Not really it's just really trying to remember what happens in which story ideas have a tendency to get jumbled up in my head, it's probably different for everybody else though.
Man this story is fast paste
Wow that was fast
9273790
9273654
Yeah I didn't have a lot time because of work. So on my break I used text to speech to write it.
I just want to make sure this is a crossover with the grimore of zero right
9369794
Yes
9369945
Good anime
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
LIKE THEY CAN KILL THE NINE TAIL FOX WHEN NONE OF THE WORLD'S STRONGEST NINJA COULD KILL HIM (OR her if you go with the Naruto AU timeline that made everyone that read it despise Naruto's father)
yeah can you do the next one please
Out of curiosity will this story be updated?