Button mash learns hypnosis

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Comments ( 7 )

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Typist Gray

Typist Gray #1 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · 6 · ·

As some constructive criticism, I recommend doing another reread or two to catch the abundance of typos in just the opening description. That kind of thing is a turn-off for many. Personally, I'd advise downloading Grammarly for free, or some other grammar-checking software to help you spot the issues and look more professional.

Akataja

Akataja #2 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · 1 · ·

You lost me when you used foal Button for picture but then used 18 years old Button for story.

Comment posted by McBehrer deleted Dec 3rd, 2023

McBehrer

McBehrer #4 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · · 1 ·

11765993
actually grammarly sucks, maybe just get a person to proofread

Elric of Melnipony

Elric of Melnipony #5 · Dec 3rd, 2023 · 9 · ·

go easy on the critsms

I don't think it's your business how anyone here celebrates Christmas.

The Great Derpsby

The Great Derpsby #6 · Dec 4th, 2023 · 2 · ·

Okay, so, my four suggestions would be,
1) you should proofread your work some more. Or get an editor. As 11765993 correctly pointed out, typos and mistakes are running rampant.
2) this is a story, not a PM. You don't need abbreviations, nobody is on the other side waiting for your reply. Take the time to write things out, your readers will take the time to read it after. So, don't use words like "ur" for "you're" or "your". It's not a waste of time, trust me, not in this medium!
3) slow down, Dock! Button finding the rock and getting powers is a literal paragraph, you're moving way too fast there! Let your readers savour the situation a bit before moving on. Give us the time to appreciate your work.
4) don't get discouraged! Take the time to polish your idea a bit, proofread what you have. Don't stop just because the vote rating's not ideal.