Star Swirl the Bearded is freed from over 1,000 years spent in Limbo, but a dark presence is released with him. So he decides to be a complete jerk about the whole thing.
I am looking forward to when this ends because I am staggeringly curious as to what the end result for Star Swirl will be. I’m personally hoping that the CMC or the Sirens will be involved.
Dear god I just want Sunset to bring the Sirens over and let them beat the shit out of Star Swirl with baseball bats while everypony watches and laughs
Yes, soon victory would be at… some sort of fictional appendage that rhymes with ‘land.’
You could use hoof. And I'd hardly call it fictional, minotaurs have hands.
“No…”Sunset hissed out angrily. “What Isaidwas: ‘you changed tenses, and you should stop because we have things to do, soknock it offunless you want to berun throughor turned into a barbeque!”
Creative death threats, the best kind.
Star Swirl’s bushy brows furrowed in frustration. “Wait, what other world-ending problems have beset this world?”
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra weren't really world ending, but dangerous, Tirek, Starlight tried to fuck over time and space, The Storm King, kinda? Does he count?
Pinkie’s face contorted in confusion. “Okay, a cape I can see, but how would somepony get crap on a hat?”
Sunset turned and stared directly at Star Swirl. “You just put it on a big pile of pony-shaped excrement!”
This is great.
“Hey!” Order’s deep muffled voice called out from the table. “Are you all making fun of the horrible old man up there?!” he added as the sound of tiny doggy feet running up tiny stairs was heard as the micro-dog appeared once more atop the table. “Without me?!” he said in a slightly hurt tone.
Sadly, yes.
Sunset raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Wifi?” With a scarlet glow of her horn, Sunset opened up her saddlebags and floated out a rectangular device that she held in front of her face. “Holy crud! I’ve got a signal!And bars!?”Frowning, Sunset raised a forehoof in front of her face. “But no fingers, unfortunately.”
... Huh. The Element of Magic gives wifi. I mean, knowledge is power, the Internet has that and knowledge can be magical so, I can see it.
Pinkie grinned widely. “Wifi, orTwifi!”
“Again, Ah stand by my previous statement.”
HAH! That reminds me, where's Trixie? You'd think she'd love a chance to roast Starswirl, or even meet the guy who probably inspired her outfit.
Rainbow Dash batted her eyelashes at Applejack this time. “Don’t you mean ‘gay’ to the point?”
You can do better,
“Okay, but… He had lots of kids… Ah mean… You could verily easily be related!”
Yeah, albeit the relation is so distant at this point it doesn't matter.
“I’ll say!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “It’s going to be a lot harder to scream ‘give it to me great, great, great, great, great, daddy’ when we’re doing it!”
God fucking dammit, Rainbow...
“Oh, like it matters!” Pinkie shrilled out. “Even if theywererelated, it’s not like it’s close enough to make a difference!”
See?
“I screwed up, alright!” Twilight cried as she threw her forelegs up into the air. “I screwed up and I’ve got to make this right.”
So? Everyone's fucked up.
“But this was abigscrew up, Sunset!” Twilight insisted as she stared at Sunset with a look so serious a heart attack might suggest it tone it down a bit. “All of Equestria might be at stake! I mean… Can you even relate to that?”
Wow.
Sunset threw a forehoof in the air. “He’s also been out of the loop for 1,000 years, can’t seemingly have a conversation with any pony without shouting them down, and thinks Starlight is some sort of menace to Equestria!”
She has a point.
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Get out from under this bed and face our problems like responsible adults?”
Not in this story.
Luna dwelled on this for a moment. “Technically, we’d die of dehydrationlongbefore that was an issue…”
Won't be fun.
Luna shrugged. “Out of the two of us, I thought you would taste the better with all the sweets you consume. Also, you are thelargerof us in pretty much every sense of the word. I am sure I could last for weeks feasting on your sweet, large flanks, alone.”
“…Now,wait just a bucking minute!”
Seeing these two act like this amuses me to NO end.
“Honestly, I think I could drop her name threemoretimes and it’d still be accurate!”
She has a point.
Sunset simply took the entire bunch of grapes in her magic and began eating them by the hoofful. Giddy faces turned concerned as Sunset emptied the vine of grapes and casually tossed it behind her. “More,” Sunset said simply.
... Oh I like you.
“What?!” Spike replied in a protesting tone as he turned his palms forward in a small shrug. “You’re a beautiful mare! I’m sure you can find somepony easily enough.”
“UGH!”Starlight shouted as she continued walking down the hallway.
“Maybe if you ask Sunburst nicely, he would—”
“I said, ‘UGH’, good sir!”
Come on Spike. Don't be like that. She's clearly into Trixie.
Frankly, Sunset, at this point BUGGER what Twilight wants, sort it yourself; she's being stupid, irresponsible and idiotic as well as shirking her duties as Princess and Princess of Friendship by allowing Star Swirl free reign. Hell, I would be quite happy to say "no, Twilight. You screwed up, and you're NOT helping fix it this time, either now, with what you're not doing currently, nor in the immediate future whenthe option is being taken out of your hooves. This time YOU get to sit on your arse and watch everyone else fix the problem - STAR SWIRL - you created and your punishment is that you have to live with the fact that this time, you didn't get to redeem yourself by fixing it yourself and someone else had to clean up your mess. Because apparently you need to learn Lesson Zero again in a different flavour."
Yes, I'm starting to get pissy at Twilight, but - like Sunset, the merest word from Star Swirl sets me off[1] and the fact she's letting him abuse her friends particularly is just NOT acceptable. (In fact, it's starting to get a bit not funny.)
[1]You can pat yourself on the back, Justice3442, you have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams there.
8793126 Yes, she should. Heck she has access to a Spike and lots of paper.
8793353 That is the million dollar question isn't it? Hopefully the answer is soon. Or at least let Trixie and Sunset gain up and do their magic at him.
Star Swirl floated a mug of a substance most everypony was all too familiar with to Sunburst. “Here, drink up!” Star Swirl said. “I saved the best slime from my beard and body.
“Perhaps you could stop your monologuing and share with us your brilliant plan!”
Done and fave
Thankfully, Rarity eventually offered to help wash Spike…
Guess we know what took so long
“Christ… could you imagine listening to him drone on and on with three sets of ears? No wonder Cerberus wandered off. He probably remembered the times when Star Swirl was still around, and just kind of meandered randomly in a fugue state of total dread.”
Reminds me of the 'Space Dandy' who wants to die
“I thought I was doing the right thing with releasing Star Swirl, but instead I released a horrible evil on Equestria!”
yes you did now let us find a way to put him back shall we
“Right!” Sunset agreed. “So, let’s just wrap this up with a quick fireball and be done with it!”
“I’m not talking about Star Swirl!” Twilight snapped. “I’m talking about the Pony of Shadows!”
“Yeah…” Spike agreed. A smile slowly slithered across his scaly face. “I still got laid, though…”
“Ugh!”Starlight cried as she turned and began trotting away.
“What?!” Spike replied in a protesting tone as he turned his palms forward in a small shrug. “You’re a beautiful mare! I’m sure you can find somepony easily enough.”
“UGH!”Starlight shouted as she continued walking down the hallway.
“Maybe if you ask Sunburst nicely, he would—”
“I said, ‘UGH’, good sir!”
Why am I suddenly reading Starlight's lines in John Oliver's voice?
Luna shrugged. “Out of the two of us, I thought you would taste the better with all the sweets you consume. Also, you are the larger of us in pretty much every sense of the word. I am sure I could last for weeks feasting on your sweet, large flanks, alone.”
Luna....
Do you know how WRONG this sounds if someone doesn’t get the context of what you and your sister are talking about.
You know I never met an author whose made me hate Twilight Sparkle so much that I actually want to punch her. And if this keeps going on I might actually hate this Fick because of her and her alone. Kind of reminds me of how the fandom treats Batman and how I want to beat the shit out of everybody who thinks that Batman can beat anybody and is only awesome because he just Batman. That's what you doing here with Twilight but she can't accept the fact that Star Swirl is a total jackass and won't let anybody else kill him. Just like Batman and Joker.
“I know everypony is expecting me to wave my magic problem-correcting newspapers around and fix this mess, but Twilight’s needs to figure out what’s right for herself at this point.”
“Does she~?”Spike and Starlight sang in unison.
I'm with them. Sunset needs to beat some sense into Twi, beat up Starswirl, fix this mess, beat up Starswirl some more, then banish him to the sun for a million years. Btw, the epic newspaper magic duel was my fave part of this story so far.
Once again, it was him through which all evil would withdrew, and goodness once again renew!
Somehow I never hated Star Swirl more in this fic than when he incorrectly used the past tense of "withdraw" for no other reason than to make a rhyme...
Applejack, maybe you should have mentioned one of the friendship letters back in season 1? You know, the one that goes along the lines of "It's not wrong to ask for help?" or something like that?
And then proceed to shout "HYPOCRITE" in Twilight's face just to drive the point home?
9271341 Did Applejack actually read Twilight's letter to Celestia? Because I'd expect her own lesson from that episode is more like "Don't make a bet that gets your brother too hurt to work if you win, and then ask your friends for help winning said bet." Granted, your point stands - Applejack certainly had the same thought process of wanting to fix her own bucking up by herself - but the analogy's still shaky. Maybe if the episode had added Applejack at the start asking for help from her nearest known relative - a bitter, racist aunt or great-aunt who comes to visit. And while she can absolutely applebuck like nopony's business, she does it hard enough to snap off tree branches while haranguing Applejack about why she isn't doing her "sacred Apple fam'ly duty keeping all them filthy pigeons and doll-whorses clear from from the Acres 'cause their magic taints the soil and ruins th' harvest". And maybe there's also something not too important going on in Ponyville Applejack promised to help with but can't get free to do because she's occupied keeping her friends and family away from each other.
...Granted, if that had been part of a very early episode's plot I suspect the series as a whole would have ended up much shorter. I suppose you can push things further, even in canon, once there's more of a foundation. All the same, I don't think Twilight would see a parallel, primarily because Applejack knows how to harvest apples and just can't do enough of it. Twilight doesn't know how to fix this, which means from Twilight's perspective the main issue (since at some level the assurances that Equestria doesn't seem to be in real danger are sinking in) is her failure as a student. And at heart she isn't either a hero or a leader, she's a student. She doesn't see her accomplishments in terms of saving Equestria so much as in terms of learning new things. (She does her job being off in a tower researching magic, and the big, big system saves Equestria. It's just that her tower has been moved because researching turned out to include hanging out with friends.) It's why her magic in earlier seasons is shaky; she doesn't learn spells with the intention of ever using them, just to get a rough grasp of how they work before reaching for something new. And if she saves the day using something she already has down, it's a personal failure and so not her initial response unless pushed past thinking into reacting.
Not saying it's the sanest character trait to have, but it's a consistent one, and unfortunately we've seen that no amount of telling Twilight she's being silly, stupid or hypocritical will help. (Applejack probably would do exactly that if she thought of it, though. Good call.)
“We WENT through this already!” Somnambula cried out angrily. “Just get on with it and tell us, you old coot!” She shook her head in annoyance. “Why does that stupid slime have sobering properties? I’m not drunk enough for any of this.”
“No sophomoric substances until I expose my great genius!”
'Sophomoric' should be 'soporific' (whose primary meanings are "sleep-inducing" and "mind-numbing").
8794728 Yeah she is acting like a bigger idiot than show and I'm on broad the kill starswirl train. At least by this point she listened to her friends about how she didn't get to be princess for nothing but unless starswirl offers a major apology i want the POS more than the wizard.
Sunset, if Twilight isn't gonna write the letter, you should do it yourself.
I am looking forward to when this ends because I am staggeringly curious as to what the end result for Star Swirl will be. I’m personally hoping that the CMC or the Sirens will be involved.
Dear god I just want Sunset to bring the Sirens over and let them beat the shit out of Star Swirl with baseball bats while everypony watches and laughs
You could use hoof. And I'd hardly call it fictional, minotaurs have hands.
Creative death threats, the best kind.
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra weren't really world ending, but dangerous, Tirek, Starlight tried to fuck over time and space, The Storm King, kinda? Does he count?
This is great.
Sadly, yes.
... Huh. The Element of Magic gives wifi. I mean, knowledge is power, the Internet has that and knowledge can be magical so, I can see it.
HAH! That reminds me, where's Trixie? You'd think she'd love a chance to roast Starswirl, or even meet the guy who probably inspired her outfit.
You can do better,
Yeah, albeit the relation is so distant at this point it doesn't matter.
God fucking dammit, Rainbow...
See?
So? Everyone's fucked up.
Wow.
She has a point.
Not in this story.
Won't be fun.
Seeing these two act like this amuses me to NO end.
She has a point.
... Oh I like you.
Come on Spike. Don't be like that. She's clearly into Trixie.
Frankly, Sunset, at this point BUGGER what Twilight wants, sort it yourself; she's being stupid, irresponsible and idiotic as well as shirking her duties as Princess and Princess of Friendship by allowing Star Swirl free reign. Hell, I would be quite happy to say "no, Twilight. You screwed up, and you're NOT helping fix it this time, either now, with what you're not doing currently, nor in the immediate future whenthe option is being taken out of your hooves. This time YOU get to sit on your arse and watch everyone else fix the problem - STAR SWIRL - you created and your punishment is that you have to live with the fact that this time, you didn't get to redeem yourself by fixing it yourself and someone else had to clean up your mess. Because apparently you need to learn Lesson Zero again in a different flavour."
Yes, I'm starting to get pissy at Twilight, but - like Sunset, the merest word from Star Swirl sets me off[1] and the fact she's letting him abuse her friends particularly is just NOT acceptable. (In fact, it's starting to get a bit not funny.)
[1]You can pat yourself on the back, Justice3442, you have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams there.
Soo how long till twilight shapes and murders starswirl
8793126
Yes, she should. Heck she has access to a Spike and lots of paper.
8793353
That is the million dollar question isn't it? Hopefully the answer is soon. Or at least let Trixie and Sunset gain up and do their magic at him.
Wait. What about Cadence? What are she and Shining doing?
8793450
Well judging by the way this story is going either fucking, watching flurry heart or hidding
Star Swirl floated a mug of a substance most everypony was all too familiar with to Sunburst. “Here, drink up!” Star Swirl said. “I saved the best slime from my beard and body.
Insert gagging noises here
I didn't think that I was possible to dislike someone this much.
Sunset is best pony. I love this story. Never fails to get a laugh outta me.
8793496![:pinkiecrazy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiecrazy.png)
Late addition! TOM didn't like the "So does a library" line, so It got expanded.
Aww, poor Starlight.
This story is still hilarious, but... I dunno, I kinda want to see the plot move forward soon.
Done and fave
Guess we know what took so long
Reminds me of the 'Space Dandy' who wants to die
yes you did now let us find a way to put him back shall we
Can it be both?
8793156
...now there's a fun idea.
This story just keeps getting more and more insane....it's GREAT! >=)
8793550
That was for the premature throat-jaculation and baa-kakke quips, wasn't it?
8793914
If this is his way of turning it around on both of us,
we only have ourselves to blame.
Breaking news: Little Dick Came With Big Plans, Angers Woman With Better Expectations
The minute she got wifi I was expecting Sunset to transmogrify some hands. Just the hands though.
Why am I suddenly reading Starlight's lines in John Oliver's voice?
Angry Sunset is best Sunset, Cannibilistic Luna is best Luna, and Starlight...Well she is funny at the last sentence.
Luna....![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
Do you know how WRONG this sounds if someone doesn’t get the context of what you and your sister are talking about.![:pinkiesick:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesick.png)
You know I never met an author whose made me hate Twilight Sparkle so much that I actually want to punch her. And if this keeps going on I might actually hate this Fick because of her and her alone. Kind of reminds me of how the fandom treats Batman and how I want to beat the shit out of everybody who thinks that Batman can beat anybody and is only awesome because he just Batman. That's what you doing here with Twilight but she can't accept the fact that Star Swirl is a total jackass and won't let anybody else kill him. Just like Batman and Joker.
I'm with them. Sunset needs to beat some sense into Twi, beat up Starswirl, fix this mess, beat up Starswirl some more, then banish him to the sun for a million years. Btw, the epic newspaper magic duel was my fave part of this story so far.
cue
ha
As much as I love this story, I really hate Starswirl character. Great job!![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
Awesome line
8793156
OH BY CELESTIA’S SACHARINE STASH OF SWEETS PLEASE MAKE IT SO!
At this point, they really need to just ignore Twilight and take Starswirl out of the picture. For good.
Somehow I never hated Star Swirl more in this fic than when he incorrectly used the past tense of "withdraw" for no other reason than to make a rhyme...
Applejack, maybe you should have mentioned one of the friendship letters back in season 1? You know, the one that goes along the lines of "It's not wrong to ask for help?" or something like that?
And then proceed to shout "HYPOCRITE" in Twilight's face just to drive the point home?
9271341
Did Applejack actually read Twilight's letter to Celestia? Because I'd expect her own lesson from that episode is more like "Don't make a bet that gets your brother too hurt to work if you win, and then ask your friends for help winning said bet." Granted, your point stands - Applejack certainly had the same thought process of wanting to fix her own bucking up by herself - but the analogy's still shaky. Maybe if the episode had added Applejack at the start asking for help from her nearest known relative - a bitter, racist aunt or great-aunt who comes to visit. And while she can absolutely applebuck like nopony's business, she does it hard enough to snap off tree branches while haranguing Applejack about why she isn't doing her "sacred Apple fam'ly duty keeping all them filthy pigeons and doll-whorses clear from from the Acres 'cause their magic taints the soil and ruins th' harvest". And maybe there's also something not too important going on in Ponyville Applejack promised to help with but can't get free to do because she's occupied keeping her friends and family away from each other.
...Granted, if that had been part of a very early episode's plot I suspect the series as a whole would have ended up much shorter. I suppose you can push things further, even in canon, once there's more of a foundation. All the same, I don't think Twilight would see a parallel, primarily because Applejack knows how to harvest apples and just can't do enough of it. Twilight doesn't know how to fix this, which means from Twilight's perspective the main issue (since at some level the assurances that Equestria doesn't seem to be in real danger are sinking in) is her failure as a student. And at heart she isn't either a hero or a leader, she's a student. She doesn't see her accomplishments in terms of saving Equestria so much as in terms of learning new things. (She does her job being off in a tower researching magic, and the big, big system saves Equestria. It's just that her tower has been moved because researching turned out to include hanging out with friends.) It's why her magic in earlier seasons is shaky; she doesn't learn spells with the intention of ever using them, just to get a rough grasp of how they work before reaching for something new. And if she saves the day using something she already has down, it's a personal failure and so not her initial response unless pushed past thinking into reacting.
Not saying it's the sanest character trait to have, but it's a consistent one, and unfortunately we've seen that no amount of telling Twilight she's being silly, stupid or hypocritical will help. (Applejack probably would do exactly that if she thought of it, though. Good call.)
'Sophomoric' should be 'soporific' (whose primary meanings are "sleep-inducing" and "mind-numbing").
9852566
Sophomoric also means any substance that makes you act immature which I'd say alcohol can definitely be counted as.
8794728
Yeah she is acting like a bigger idiot than show and I'm on broad the kill starswirl train. At least by this point she listened to her friends about how she didn't get to be princess for nothing but unless starswirl offers a major apology i want the POS more than the wizard.