• Member Since 15th Jan, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

MorningRose


im 27 and a die hard pegasister to the core and im mainly going to write transmare stories. but i will write others if anypony has a request please let me know. ps i won't charge you for it

Comments ( 183 )

My dearest Rhyme. If you are reading this it means your father and I are dead. I just want you to know we will always love you. Also, everything in this journal is true, there are parts that will seem impossible but it is real. I love you always my lovely Rose. Yes, that's right I know you want to be a girl. Rose is the name I wanted to call you if you were born a girl. Never give up on your dream of being a girl my daughter."

Needs to be in italics and separate paragraph

Goodbye world. Please let my death stop people from believing rumors,

Needs "" and italics.

Otherwise clean and crisp. Can't wait for next chapter.

FYI, having only read the description so far, I'd like to let you know that referring to a transwoman with he/him pronouns is misgendering her. That might rub people the wrong way.

8551795
I understand that better than you think because I myself am a transwoman. but at the point you are in the story he hasn't come out to the world as transgender

I need to say one thing: The sense of scale in this fic is very, very off.

First, the accusations made up about Rhyme are so fantastical, I'm surprised people are taking them seriously, much less act so violently about them. He's a high school student, not a supervillain. A dozen or so rapes and several murders are an awful lot to cram into such a short time he's had. That's not to say the idea can't work, but I think you should tone it down. One or two, maybe even three supposed cases are much more realistic, with the added bonus that Sunset can work out a short backstory for each. It'll become much creepier that way, much more relatable.

Secondly, his injuries. He had a broken rib. That doesn't heal overnight. Most people can't run with something like that either because just breathing tends to hurt. And then Rainbow broke his nose. Broken noses tend to bleed, a lot. They make it more difficult to breath too, yet those injuries seem to have no effect. Again, if you don't want to deal with the full symptons of a fractured nose and broken rib, don't go that far. Getting punched still hurts even if nothing is broken.

Remember, exaggeration is a tool often used in parody. It's easier for most readers to take something seriously that feels fitting instead of over-the-top. A bruise on his chest and a black eye would perfectly suffice.

8551871
thanks for the advice as for the rib and nose if someone is emotionally upset to a certain point the physical pain is even though it is still there is less than the emotional pain of which cause the physical pain to lessen.

as for the part of the rumors, i suppose I did go a little overboard but people have to remember that Sunset was the one who started the rumors.

8551805
Alright, I see. I'm just saying that the way the narrator genders the character counts.

8551927
i understand but soon he will come out as transgender

Comment posted by ChudoJogurt deleted Nov 15th, 2017

8552431
ok what do you mean? im confused as to what your comment is implying

Ok i'm just gonna through this a bit, but some of this stuff

There is more to it than that. You see the first rumor is that you raped ten boys and girls at your old school. The second one is that you killed your family. Everybody is afraid that you will do the same to them. You are very welcome. There is no reason to feel embarrassed. I am the same way.”

What? Ten people, ten boys and girls, what is he super rapist. Also "Everybody is afraid you will do the same to them" what! and then finally "there is no reason to feel embarrased i am the same way"

ELABORATE!!!!

However, for the second rumor, I can’t deny it. I didn’t physically kill them. But I told them something personal. Even though they accepted it a drunk driver came out of nowhere and hit the car. I was the only one to survive. My mother, my father and my brother were all killed on impact.”

THEN THE DRUNK DRIVER KILLED YOUR FAMILY, oh my god.

“ Well, Rhyme. I must say I didn't see that coming. Though I must admit I think you would make a lovely mare or filly. by the way, mare and filly are what we call girls and women in Equestria. though I am sure you already knew that. Also, did you say you were related to Princess Celestia?”

I can't... Im done. This story is just....

This made me cry.
Can I do a rage review fic of this, pretty please?

8552472
I don't think so, I don't think I want to know what I just read.

8552498
It was weird, and not the good kind. The uncomfortable kind.

8552446
It was implying that you consistently make a lot of mistakes regarding which words start with a capital letter and which don’t

Why isn't there a sex and/or a gore tag?

because there isn't any sex its just a rumor false same with the murder

Author's note: from here on Rhyme is referred to as a girl.

This was supposed to be at the bottom in the authors note section.

Twilight and Rose return to the others. Soon as Twilight was close enough she says “ girls I have something to tell you. I'm actually a Pony princess from a magical land called Equestria. The reason I need to win the Fall Formal is that the crown is part of a magical defense and without it, the others don't work. That also explains why Rose is now a female. When she fought Sunset she broke for rib and it punctured a lung. Sunset threw her through the portal. The other three princesses of the land decided to save her. However all the way down to their DNA. Rose after recovering hurried back to us.”

Should've had you write this as Pinkie saying it so it would be more movie accurate.

Otherwise great chapter

8578634
well this is an alternate universe story so that is why i did it that way. as for the AN i put it there so people wont get confuse by rhyme being called rose and referred to as a girl

8578647
I guess that works.

Also ignore Hamster. He likes to harass people he don't like

8578594
Look, I know we haven’t gotten along very well but can you please not criticize this writer? This is my friend’s friend and I really don’t want them to be terribly criticized. Just please don’t give this writer a hard time.

8578672
No problem. Speedy is a friend of mine. A friend of his is mine as well. Just remember that others opinions don’t matter. It’s yours that count. Don’t ever forget it.

8578676
thank you for the advice ill take it to heart

8644480
The idea that your opinions are the only ones that should matter to you.

8644490
true but if the story is somewhat personal to the writer shouldn't the writers opinion be the one they follow

8644502
Elaborate. Personal in what way?

8644504
well first off i am transgender myself and Rhyme Script AKA Morning Rose is me in the story this is an Equestria girls universe story about some of what has happened in my life if you want the details of what actually happened I suggest you read the first chapter of Rose's Broken Soul for a better view of what happened to me. however, this story contains all the loneliness I felt growing up as transgender without my mother accepting it. this story is how I saw it when I was younger

8644507
No, no, no, I'm not referring to that. I'm referring to the idea that no one else's opinions or criticism matter in the comments of the story, regarding the story in general.

8644512
and I get that believe me but the person speedy was talking about was putting it down because it was a transgender story and personal to me but I felt it should e shared for those who feel the same way and to give them the hope they need to know they aren't alone and that others know how they feel

8644524
No, nobody was putting it down because it's a transgender story -- he was just putting it down. Granted, he didn't give a reason why, but that doesn't immediately mean he doesn't like the story because it's a transgender story.

I think the real reason he says it's an awful story can be summed up by reading some of the other comments left on the story, like these:
8551871
8552454
So when Falconwolf1116 replied to Hamster_Master's comment with this:
8578667
He was pretty much saying that opinions regarding the way the story was written should be ignored because all that really matters is your own. Even if that's not what he was trying to say, that is very much so what it looks like from an outsider's perspective.

8644524
8644512

Exactly. People really shouldn't give hate to a story because they don't like the author or the theme. You have to give it a chance before being a jerk

8644536
And how do you know that Hamster_Master didn't give the story a chance? What part of his TWO WORD comment shows that he's only "being a jerk" because he doesn't like the author or theme? Can you answer that?

8644532
i read them and fixed most of them however with my family we have an extremely high pain tolerance and since rose is based on me she has an extremely high tolerance for pain thus why i left it the way it was

8644542
He harassed a fellow author of mine for that reason. And I've also been harassed by another similar before that as well

8644610
so what did you think of the two new parts

8644617
very nice my love. keep up the good woork

8644748
will do my love there are going to be two new parts coming tonight

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