A story request by twidashdiaperlover. It's a story of how Zephyr Breeze cones to figure out why he is uncomfortable with his body and what happens next
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- Member Since 15th Jan, 2017
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
MorningRose
im 27 and a die hard pegasister to the core and im mainly going to write transmare stories. but i will write others if anypony has a request please let me know. ps i won't charge you for it
MorningRose
Joined 15th Jan, 2017 ·
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While it’s sweet, I think the pacing of the story makes it seem a bit insulting and thrown-together.
Rarity called them as “Diamond”. Okay, yeah, sure. Seems a bit out of character for her, though, given how she usually just refers to those around her as “darling”, regardless of their gender.
The plot point of “Diamond” realising immediately and then telling anyone who’s anyone is where the insulting bits start. Not only is there some “mystical presence” to the dress that just so happens to be stallion sized complete BS (regardless of the canon magic of destinies in the show, which—in the terms of paraphernalia, not cutie marks and biological whatevers), but how the reaction was immediate with no dysphoria or mention of it bubbling under the surface also makes it seem ingenuine and almost intolerant/satire. Also the use of he/him at the beginning and during the “realisation”.
I mean, I’m all for trans Zephyr (ftm or mtf alike) as well as the inclusion of trans characters going through dysphoria, dealing with transphobia, or even just being present as a character just as well rounded as what a cis character would be written as because trans people are still people too, but if one plans on writing one (or both) of the first two, they need to know how to deal with it for it to come across well-meant and genuine (perhaps even immersive, as most good pieces are).
I’m also aware that this was probably meant to be a nice little piece of fiction for readers to enjoy, but there was some instances of it being a bit painful to read. I’m not usually one for criticism like this (especially on this site), but I feel like this piece needs some serious reevaluation and some fleshing out.
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Thanks for your comments. Just a heads up that was a first draft I'm eventually (can't guarantee when) going to do a rewrite on it. I know what you mean on your comments. I myself am transgender as well. But I wanted to try to do a short one shot story. Normally I make about 12 or more chapters to really flush it out. If you want an example of my normal work check out roses broken soul, finding destiny or broken heart. Rose's broken soul is a semi true story at the beginning.
11321880
It can be a one shot without being >12 chapters.
I mean, a one shot can be up to 8k words (check out some of my works for an example, if you want, like Celestial Ascent, Details Create the Big Mac Picture or This Is What It’s Like) if not more. You can flesh it out without multiple chapters.