• Published 12th Nov 2017
  • 934 Views, 49 Comments

Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria - CrazedLaughter



Jack Spicer and Wuya are teleported to Equestria after a fight with Omi and his friends. Jack, using his evil genius, plots a magnificent and fool proof plan to take over the new land he finds himself in. Also Wuya is there.

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Chapter 1 - Enter Boy Genius

Author's Note:

the beginning might make it sound 2nd person. but it's just to invest the reader into the story a bit.

It has been a whole week since You have arrived in this strange world
partnered up with you is the wizardly, powerful, and often bossy Wuya. Once again in ghost form for some reason.
You are Jack Spicer, recently having lost a Xialoin Showdown to a cheeseball headed nincompoop, you somehow ended up being thrown across dimensions. Only able to keep your only Shen gong wu you had with you at the time. The Monkey Staff
Sadly, you were without any of your tried and true Jackbots, who were destroyed in the clash.
You've been hiding out in an abandoned castle that seemed to have gone through some renovations. But nobody else has shown up for quite some time.
You've been sustaining yourself on berries and pudding snacks. While trying to find anything you can to reassemble a small militia of Jackbots to scout the area.
your ghostly companion has been on edge lately. She could not sense any kind of Shen gong wu. And you wouldn't leave your perch to do any kind of scouting.
At this very moment, you were trying to use the metal from the armor placed around the castle to at least make one or two bots.
Wuya was floating around you, annoyed with you that you'd rather make more Jackbots than do any scouting yourself.
"Jack, what's taking you so long?! We've been here for one whole week and all you've been doing is playing with your pathetic toys when we should be trying to find out exactly where we are!"

Jack was busy smelting some of the armor together with the few tools he did have in his little helipack. "It takes time Wuya, you can't just rush perfection"

Wuya grumbled "Oh excuse me Jack, you're right, I don't want to rush perfection. Clearly you can make a unbeatable army of robots with the few scraps of metal there is in this place. Please, don't mind me."

Jack smiled, and turned to Wuya "Gee thanks Wuya, that's the nicest thing you've said to me since we got here! it really makes me feel encouraged! I really needed that."

Wuya immediately exploded onto him "IT WAS SARCASM YOU IDIOT!.....ugh, I don't even have a head and I can feel a migraine coming on."

Jack pouted, a tear running down his cheek as he silently turned to continue his work.

Wuya sighed, still annoyed "Are you even sure you're putting them together properly? Last thing we need is to be defeated....again."

Jack sighed "Yes I'm sure. Who do you think I am anyway? I'm Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius! I'll be done before you know it! And then we can find out where the heck we are"

Wuya planted a ghostly tendril onto her face, letting out a sigh of disappointment "Sometimes I try to forget who you are and try to imagine better things. Things like conquering the world, lounging around on the beach, and actually having a competent partner who doesn't wet the bed because of a thunderstorm."

Jack turned and growled at her "Hey! That only happened once! It was j-just...really loud....anyway"

Jack turned back to his work and closed the hatch on the armor he was working on and flicked a switch as it started to spur and sputter
"It's finally finished. Take a gander at..."

The armor started to float upwards, a sword and shield in hand.

Jack smiled proudly as he waved his hands at it "KNIGHTBOT...AND IT'S READY TO GO MEDIEVAL ON SOME SHAOLIN BUTT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Wuya started to float around to inspect the bot "This looks like a dumbed down version of your already useless Jackbots. How do you expect to do any kind of winning with this thing? Furthermore, we still don't know where we are and I havn't been able to sense any shen gong wu since we ended up here. it's unnerving..."

Jack crossed his arms across his chest triumphantly as he looked upon his creation "relax Wuya, I got this.It's probably just this forest being all weird and creepy messing with your senses. It's lucky you got me here to get us out of this situation, huh?"

"The only way I'd be lucky is if someone took my ability to hear. You spent the first three days here crying like a little baby. "I want my mommy!, Omi's a cheater! I wish I had my dollies with me!" it was enough to kill me if I already wasn't a ghost!" Wuya sneered

Jack raised his fingers, feeling a little hurt by those remarks. "Ok one! I didn't whine that much! and two, I said action figures, not dollies! Dolls can't fight off nightmares and boogiemen."

Wuya sighed "......whatever you say Jack, can we just get on with it already?"

Jack nodded, and started to exit the castle through the front. His robot and ghostly companion close behind.
Upon exiting the castle, he looked around the forest. Took a big breath, and then started coughing "Ack!...too much good air...*cough*"

Wuya was losing her patience "STOP TAKING IN THE NATURE AND GET ON WITH IT!"

Jack cowardly shielded his face...until he realized Wuya actually couldn't touch him. "oh..hehe...right...ahrm"

He cleared his throat and pointed forward "Knightbot, clear a path forward that way!"

The robot silently obeyed as it started moving forward, chopping through any brush or thickets in it's path. Some of the debris hitting Jack's face as he whined and moaned, repeatedly telling his robot to be more careful. Sadly, it continues it's normal routine, with just more debris in jack's face.

The knightbot continued it's forward movement and constant chopping, Jack close behind. when not wiping his face of debris. He was proud of being able to make a robot with the little resources he had

Wuya however, was getting more unnerved as they continued through the forest "Jack, havn't you noticed anything...odd?"

Jack shrugged "nope"

"This forest...it seems out of place. As if it was completely foreign to any forest on earth, Surely a "genius" like you has noticed that, right?" Wuya continued

"nope, maybe you just got gas or something. If you do, try to keep it away from my direction. I couldn't even imagine what century old poot from you would smell like" again Jack shrugged

Wuya went from purple to red as she rushed right up into his face "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE WORM! IF YOU EVEN IMPLY THAT I'M SOME OLD HAG AGAIN THEN I'LL!..."

Jack suddenly got up into her face with a smug face "You'll what? You can't do anything to me. Besides, you need me remember?"

Jack started to cackle as he walked to the side to pick up a stick "And besides, what are you gonna do anyway? hit me or something? here, let me get you a stick so you can beat me with it..HAHAHA"

he bent to pick the stick up, but it wouldn't budge "HAHA...huh? hey what gives!"

Jack put both his hands on it to pick it up, but it wouldn't budge..well..not in his direction. It suddenly went behind some bushes, nearly pulling him along with it is he hadn't let go. "What in the?! IF YOU THINK A STICK IS GOING TO GET THE BEST OF JACK SPICER! YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!"

Jack moved the bushes to grab the stick to finish his insult towards Wuya, but what he came across was some kind of wolf like creature.....made of sticks and wood. With glowing green eyes. He just stared at it, confused. "uhh...Hey Wuya, have you ever heard of stick wolf monsters?"

Wuya was still annoyed with his sudden arrogance. So she scowled at him, not paying attention to what he was actually looking at "no, why? Did you come up with some hair brained little scheme to make a robot out of sticks? Jack, I think you might need some professional help at this point. You're losing it."

Jack wondered if Wuya was right. He'd never been in this kind of situation before. But he still wanted to finish his awesomely evil insult. So he went to grab a stick from the body of the wolf, but then it suddenly swatted his hand away.
he tries again, but it swats his hand away
he starts to think it's real

he goes for one last try, but then it growls at him. loud enough for Wuya to hear. Drawing her attention
"What now Jack? Are you too delusional and hungry to even finish your pathetic insul...." she notices it finally "Is that a stick wolf monster?"

Jack suddenly begins to sweat at those words, as he continues to stare at the wolf "Wait.....you can see it?"

"Well of course I can see it you lout, I'm not blind. Though, I guess I can admit you aren't actually losing it. Oh well, maybe watching you get torn limb from limb might be amusing. Just try not to get killed Jack" she chuckled "Remember what you said, I need you"

Jack gulped, taking in her words as the reality hit him. He smiled at the strange wolf nervously "ummm...Nice doggy?"

It growled at him again, and bared it's fangs.

Jack let out a high pitched scream as he quickly turned the other direction and jumped on his Knightbot "AHHHIIEEEEE, KNIGHTBOT! PROTECT MEEEE!"

Wuya just started having a laugh at Jack's fear as the Knightbot hacked the Wolf to pieces.

Jack jumped down from his knightbot and stuck his tongue out at the remains of the wolf "HA! That's what you get for messing with me! Take this, and that! haha!"
Jack began to stomp at the remains as he chortled. Until suddenly...

two more monsters jump out of the brushes, again causing him to scream and jump on his knightbot. He again ordered it to destroy the wolves. But this time it started to have trouble now that there were two. The Knightbot wasn't a very skilled fighter. But it was managing, defeating yet another one of them

"COME ON YOU TIN CAN! YOU CAN FIGHT BETTER THAN THAT! COME ON, REALLY LET THEM HAVE IT!" Jack started to make fighting gestures as he rode kept his legs locked, hanging on the robot.

Just as things were going his way, suddenly. a third wolf appeared. Seemingly from nowhere, and jumped at the helmet of the bot.Surprising Jack, Knocking him down. "OMPH"

Jack shook his head and raised himself up "Hey! where did he come..." suddenly, he noticed the remains of the wolf the bot defeated were missing. And the bot itself began to fizzle and spurt from now losing it's advantage, getting clobbered left and right.

then...his pupils shrank as the remains of the second defeated wolf came back together and dove at his robot. Finally defeating it. "......mommy..."

Wuya just flew up beside him and chuckled "So tell me Jack....are you going to run away from a bunch of "sticks"?"

Jack gulped, and stood there silently...then, all of a sudden. He immediately made a dash in a random direction while screaming out "YESSSSS! AAHHHHH MOMMY MOMMY HELP!"

Wuya sighed, facepalming a tendril to herself "I hope this is a dream, I really hope this isn't real. It doesn't get any more embarrassing than this."

As the wolves began to rip at what was left of the robot. Wuya just turned around and began to follow the fleeing evil boy genius.

Jack just ran and ran, not caring about anything else but his own survival.
Wuya just followed silently along, questioning her own existence.

Suddenly, Wuya notices more light as they continue down the path "Jack look! I think that's a way out of the forest!"

Jack simply replied "RVEHFPVGJRNJRFLOGSJFELGJFD:VDFLBGDFJBLDF"

Wuya just let out melancholy sigh "Why do I even bother?"

as they approach the exit. Jack, in his horrified state, trips over a rock and flies head first into a decline, rolling out of the forest and into a stream.

He started splashing about yelling for Wuya's help.

Wuya floated up towards him to stretch out one of her tendrils. "Grab ahold Jack"

Jack flops up to grab on, but his hand goes right through her as his face hits a large stone jutting out of the stream. making him fall backwards as he groans, holding his face as Wuya laughs maliciously.

Jack comes to the realization within his pain that the stream isn't very deep, in fact. even lieing on his back, his face was still above water. He narrowed his eyes towards Wuya "....why did you do that?"

"don't get upset at me Jack, I was only trying to save you from a watery grave....NOW GET UP AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL!" Wuya snapped at him

Jack, rubbing his face, Slowly got up and looked at his evil black jacket. "gah, it's all wet and cold. mngh...it was my favorite one too."

"FOCUS JACK!" Wuya barked at him

Jack let out an annoyed huff "geez, I don't know how a bug crawled up your non existent butt...but it did....now..let's see"

Jack started to take in his surroundings. behind him was the forest. Around him was a vast meadow with a Cottage situated up on a hill. Further beyond seemed to be a village of some sort. "aha! look Wuya. civilization! Let's go take that town over and make it our new base."

Wuya smiled at Jack "Good Job Jack, of course. Let's go take over that village with the army of Jackbots you don't have! Oh I know, Let's go get whats left of your knightbot and toss the scraps at the people. I'm sure that will go just dandy."

"Boy Wuya, you sure have been extra snippy lately" Jack said

"Being stuck with you for a week, I'm surprised I haven't joined those Shaolin morons over some silly notion that being good would at least bring me some peace of mind that I wouldn't be stuck with an idiot like you for the next human lifetime."

Jack started to walk towards the cottage cautiously, trying not too get too close. keeping close to some trees to not get caught by any possible villagers. "Harsh...well, whatever, I'm just going to have to show you what a real evil boy genius can do!..hehehe"

"That's what I'm afraid of" Wuya said tiredly as she began to hide with jack. matching her movements with his as he got closer to the cottage.

"Let's see...someone has to be living there. If they got a phone. I can call my house. I got it set that if my phone rings a certain way, my Jackbots will come to my location to pick me up" he got up to the side of the cottage, taking quick looks through the window "what a dump"

Wuya was actually surprised. That kind of system was a pretty good idea.However, she had to make sure of one thing "You..do remember your phone number right?"

Jack nodded "of course, it's five five five, six six six, one three three seven. The most evil numbers ever!"

"Good Jack, good. Now we are actually making progress....but still...it's odd. A whole week and not a single inkling of Shen Gong Wu." Wuya was feeling troubled by this

Jack pulled out his monkey staff and smirked "Don't worry about it for now Wuya, we're probably in a place with bad reception...or maybe...There's some kind of barrier around this place hiding a REALLY good Shen gong wu somewhere. I wouldn't put it past anybody these days."

Wuya pondered that, it could be true. Why else would her abilities suddenly not work? It might actually be worth investigating this.

"MONKEY STAFF!" Jack called out, using the Shen Gong Wu he actually still had in his possession. His form suddenly became more monkeyish, with a tail and everything.

He silently opened the window and creeped inside, using his newfound agility to silently search high and low for a phone or perhaps any kind of device he could use to make a machine out of.
unfortunately, he couldn't find anything worthwhile. The place was very low tech. "come on...not even a phone? really? who doesn't have a phone in their house? eek eek."

he went upstairs to look into the next room, sniffing his finger along the way. And as he slowly opened the door. He spied upon......a yellow horse? pony? thing...it was talking? and feeding and talking to a rabbit. Jack...was heavily confused.

He slowly stepped back, carefully as to not alert her. Wuya floated to his side and asked him what was going on. "What's taking you so long?"

"shhh! Wuya, something is super creepy about this place." Jack said

Wuya just looked around "this place? if anything, it's too cheery. Needs more bats and spiders."

"no..I mean...theres a talking pony in there. Talking to a little white rabbit." Jack pointed at the slightly ajar door

Wuya chuckled "Jack...are you serious? Horses can't talk. And you don't even have the tongue of Saiping to understand one. Stop messing around and do your phone thing already!"

suddenly, a soft voice can be heard through the door "hello? is anypony there?"

"WE'VE BEEN FOUND OUT! ABANDON PLAN! EEK EEK! I'M NOT ABOUT TO BE TORN APART BY A HORSE DEMON" Jack jumped down and swung out through the window he came through.


Wuya was stunned by the absurdity of it all. "....I swear....of ALL the things that do exist. Demon horses are not one of them...I'll just see for myself what Jack is whimpering about."

Wuya hovered towards the door, but before she could float through it. It opened. Revealing a yellow pony with a long pinkish mane and soft blueish eyes. "Well, I owe the little moron an apology...it really is a demon horse. Say, you wouldn't want to help me collect shen gong wu, defeat a bunch of putrid do gooders, and conquer the world would you? I will give you EVERYTHING you could ask for."

The yellow horse just stared at her ghostly form "G-G-G-G-GHOOOOSST!!!!" and then suddenly fainted

Wuya sighed with disappointment "....I'm...just going to take that as a no...ugh...now where did that flea brained moron get to? JACK! JAAAACKKK!" She flew out through the wall to find Jack.

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